Days of Plenty
by Lastchildofkrypton
Summary: When Daniel and Sheila Mitchell die in an accident Beca and Chloe are thrown into parenthood when Beca's half-sister is left an orphan. (Established Bechloe)
1. Shock

"Beca," Chloe hits her girlfriend, with a floppy hand, "Bec, your phone."

Beca groans and rolls over in the bed. She grabs blindly for her cell phone; desperately wanting the sound to stop. She's been working nearly round the clock in the studio with Theo and tonight is her first full night in her own bed. She finally feels the smooth, glassy finish of the screen on her fingertips.

"Hello?" Her voice is raspy, she's ready to kill whoever is on the other end of the line.

"Hello, is this Beca Mitchell?"

She sits up at the formal tone and the unfamiliar voice. She was expecting Amy, drunk off her ass calling from Australia, or Stacie calling because she's up feeding Bella, or even Emily having a mental breakdown over her psych class, not whatever this is.

"Yes, who is this?"

"My name is Officer Fields with the Atlanta Police Department. I'm so sorry to have to deliver this news, especially over the phone, but there's been an accident."

Every muscle in her body tightens. Her breath hitches and she can feel Chloe's hand on her back; also now wide awake, looking at her with widened eyes.

"What kind of accident?"

"Your father and his wife, were in a car accident."

"Are they okay?"

When there's an extended pause she knows they aren't. She knows exactly what kind of call this is.

"Your father was killed on impact and your step-mother was brought to the hospital but I'm sorry to say she didn't make it."

Beca's mind is spinning, she feels like she's going to throw up. Maybe if she blinks, or pinches herself hard enough, she'll wake up. She'll wake up and find it's just a nightmare. But the longer the conversation goes on, the more awake she becomes, she realizes this is actually happening.

"We have your sister here with us. She's going to be staying with a neighbor until you can arrive."

 _Arrive? Right, she needs to get to Atlanta, now._

"Um, right, yeah. I, uh, I'm sorry. I'm just a little-"

"It's a lot of information. But I think it best that you get the first flight you can."

"Can I talk to Lucy?"

There's a shuffle on the line. She hears muffled talking and then a small, broken voice.

"Beca?"

"Hey, are you okay? Were you in the car?"

"No. I wasn't with them."

Her words fall into sobs. Beca wishes she was there to wrap her in her arms. She lets a couple of her own tears fall and she knows Chloe is probably going out of her mind trying to figure out what's going on; but to her credit, she doesn't interrupt. She waits patiently in her usual Chloe way, fading into the background until Beca needs her.

"I'm going to be there as soon as I can, alright? Tomorrow. Morning."

"Please hurry." She sounds completely different than she did two days ago when Beca talked to her, "Please."

"I'm coming. I love you."

"Love you too."

Beca hops off of the bed and starts gathering anything she can find.

"Ms. Mitchell," Officer Fields is back on the phone, "I will send you the information for your father's neighbor. Lucy will be with her until you get here. Let me know when you're in Atlanta."

"I will. Thank you."

Beca hangs up the phone and tosses it across the room, already tearing around in circles.

"Beca?"

 _Chloe. Thank God for Chloe, because if she wasn't here, saying her name, grounding her, she would surely lose it._

"Beca, what's going on?"

"I, uh, I have to go to Atlanta."

"There was an accident? Your dad?"

Beca is half folding, half balling up clothes, and tossing them into a duffel bag. She throws a pair of mismatched shoes and a curling iron, that definitely isn't hers, in too. Chloe gets up and grabs Beca's hands to stop her.

"Baby, talk to me. What's going on?"

Beca looks into her eyes and that's it. She falls into her arms and sobs.

"They're dead."

Chloe sits them both down on the bed. She pushes the hair that's fallen into Beca's face back; some of the pieces stick to the tear tracks. She can feel her shaking, her hands are suddenly cold but clammy.

"My dad and Sheila, they're dead. There was an accident. I don't know. I need to get to Atlanta. I need to go."

"Okay, we'll be on the first flight out. But first you need to take a breath."

Chloe pulls her into a hug and lets her cry. She feels like she's vibrating. Chloe does her best to keep Beca calm, but it's no use. There's nothing anyone can do, or say, to make this better. She packs for the both of them while Beca checks every site possible for a flight that will get them there before tomorrow morning. She has a hard time typing, she can't get her hands to stop shaking and she can barely see through the tears in her eyes. The only sound in the room is her sniffling and the clinking of clothes hangers.

"I got 'em." Beca says, closing her laptop more aggressively than she ever normally would, "You don't need to come with me. I know you've been crazy busy with school and work and-"

"Beca, you're not going through this alone. I'm coming, everyone at work will understand."

Beca nods. Their flight leaves in four hours so she forces herself into the shower and into normal clothes before they leave for the airport.

Beca is agitated. That much is clear. Since she started working with DJ Khaled, a couple of months ago, the paparazzi have been following her every move. Of course, a spontaneous trip to the airport in the middle of the night caught their attention, and this time, she doesn't have sunglasses to hide behind. She grips the handle of her suitcase and Chloe's hand tighter, keeping her head down to walk through the small group of people trying to get her attention. She's in a trance, her only mission is getting to her sister.

Through the whole security process and while they are waiting to board, her knee is bouncing. She's biting her nails, which she hasn't done in months, and fiddling with her hair tie on her wrist. Chloe doesn't say anything, she doesn't know what to say. Beca's eyes are flitting around the terminal, at every sound, every voice, every single person. She's sent several texts to her sister, all have gone unanswered. She looks like she's about to explode.

"Bec?"

"Hm?"

"You okay?"

She nods, but Chloe hasn't heard her say anything since they booked the flight. Neither of them have slept and Chloe is hoping she's able to convince Beca to take a nap on the plane; but knowing the stress she's under, the devastating grief she must be feeling, and hasn't had time to process, not to mention how much she hates flying, that isn't going to happen.

As soon as they touch down in Atlanta, they get their rental car. Chloe drives toward Barden, a route that is as embedded into her memory as her subway ride home from work. It's quiet; Beca doesn't turn the radio on like she normally would, to groan about the current top 40. There's no GPS repeating directions incessantly; just the whoosh of the cars passing them on the highway and the clicking of the directional. Beca tries to call Lucy but she doesn't answer. She taps her fingers on her knee, feeling the thinning denim under her fingers.

Chloe turns the car into the Mitchells' driveway but Beca walks directly to the neighbor's house. When Officer Fields sent the information over, it was a name she vaguely recognized as the elderly woman next door. She answers the door and Beca knows the face. It's kind and worn, her eyes sparkle against the early morning southern sun.

"Beca."

"Hi Mrs. Reed."

"Come in, dear, please." She stands aside so Beca and Chloe can walk inside the small home, "Lucy, sweetheart, your sister is here."

She calls up the stairs and a few seconds later a small body is launching itself down the stairs into Beca's arms.

"Hi Lou."

She can already feel Lucy's tears dampening her thin t-shirt. She just pulls her in tighter and kisses her temple. They stand, wrapped up in each other, for a few minutes. Mrs. Reed has disappeared to get them water. Chloe is standing off to the side to give them all the time they need. They haven't seen each other in person in close to a year, since before the USO tour.

"Why don't you girls come and sit. I'll give Officer Fields a call." Mrs. Reed says, clearly apprehensive about disrupting the moment, but they do.

Lucy stops and gives Chloe a hug. Chloe pulls her close and whispers into her ear.

"I'm so sorry."

Lucy nods so she knows she heard her, but she doesn't think she could speak right now, even if she wanted to.

When Officer Fields arrives, he is nothing like Beca expected based on the sound of his voice. He's short and very young. He has scruff on his face and his eyes are sad. It looks genuine but Beca can never be sure, she was never good at reading people.

"Ms. Mitchell, I'm so sorry for your loss."

She nods in acknowledgment. He turns to look at Lucy.

"How are you doing this morning?"

She just shrugs. Chloe grabs Beca's hand when they all sit down together.

"So, Ms. Mitchell-"

"Just Beca is fine."

"Okay, Beca, the first order of business is probably the most gruesome. We need you to come to the morgue and identify the bodies."

"What?"

Her eyes widen and she looks between the officer and her girlfriend.

"It's standard procedure. We need someone to claim them."

 _Claim them. It sounds like they're a piece of luggage that got left at the airport._

He goes through the details of the night, what they suspect happened, what they found at the scene, everything. Lucy is curled up in the armchair, her eyes are closed tightly, trying to pretend like she's anywhere else. The skin around her fingernails is picked off and her thumb and middle fingers are bleeding.

"We should have you identify them as soon as possible, that way we can get them transported and you can start on funeral arrangements."

His words feel like a kick in the gut. Of course she has to plan the funeral, but she has no idea how to do that. It seems like such a grown up thing to have to do. The look on her face must give her away because he says,

"I'm sorry if that seems harsh. I'm just doing my job."

"No, I know. I get it. Can we go now?"

He nods and follows them out of the house. He gets into his car while Beca and Chloe walk toward their own. Lucy is right behind them. Beca turns and looks into her eyes.

"You're not coming."

"What?"

"You shouldn't have to see this."

Lucy seems ruffled by this. She crosses her arms and stiffens her jaw.

"I already know they're dead, Beca. I was the one that was here last night, remember?"

She kicks a rock with her sneaker and it patters across the pavement.

"My mom died in front of me but I couldn't claim her because I'm not eighteen."

"What? You were there?"

This time when Lucy looks up into her sister's face, she looks the way she remembers her, young and vulnerable.

"Lucy, I'm so sorry."

"Whatever." She swerves around Beca and gets into the backseat of the car.

The whole process takes much longer than they thought it would. There is paperwork and more interviewing, before the dreaded moment comes. Officer Fields leads Beca and Chloe to a window. There's a woman in a lab coat looking at a computer. He knocks twice to make her look up. Her facial expression isn't overly burdened; it's clear she does this all the time. She moves over to one of the tables. Beca hadn't noticed the body shaped lumps underneath the stark white sheets until her hands falls on the edge of one.

"Are you ready?"

The officer's voice startles her for some reason, even though she knew it would come. She can't speak so she just nods. She doesn't take her eyes off of the sheet. It's smaller than the other so she knows that when it's lifted it will be Sheila's face. She takes a sharp inhale but it all still seems to dissipate when her lifeless form is exposed. Tears drip down her cheeks, her hands are shaking, she feels like she's about to pass out.

"Ms. Mitchell, is that Sheila Mitchell?"

"Y-yes, that's her."

She feels Chloe's hand against her back; steady and warm. She wishes, more than anything, that she wasn't the one that had to do this. He nods again and the sheet is placed gently back over her face. Chloe and Beca both notice how strange it is to know there is someone beneath it and it doesn't move with breath or an itch or a chill.

The medical examiner moves to the table beside it and they follow the same procedure. This time, it's a much longer pause. Beca can't move. She doesn't want to see him, not like this. She would prefer to never see his face again than have to look at it covered in death. But she nods. When the sheet is lifted she affirms that it's her father as quickly as possible. She doesn't want her gaze to linger. She doesn't want this image of her dad to be the one she's left with. The sheet is pulled back over his head.

"Thank you, Ms. Mitch- Beca. You did exceptionally well."

Officer Fields leads them back into the waiting area where Lucy is waiting, curled up into herself on one of the rickety chairs in the corner. She barely looks up when they come into the room. Beca doesn't stop, she rushes out the main doors, in barely enough time to get sick into the bushes. She pushes her hand against the brick wall, the coolness is welcomed against her blazing skin. She takes in deep breaths but it doesn't seem to be enough.

"Beca, are you okay?"

She closes her eyes and tries to push the harshness from her voice, but it's no use.

"No, I'm not okay. How the hell could I be okay after that?"

This time when Chloe tries to touch her, she pushes her away. She hates herself for it later, but in the moment it's the only thing she can think to do.

"Baby, you will be."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do." Chloe says, much more reassuring this time, "You're the strongest person I've ever met. You just need some time."

"I'm never going to be able to unsee that."

"I know. This whole situation is horrible but it will get easier to stomach in time."

Beca lets the words sink in before speaking. It's something she learned from Chloe, the patience. If this had been a few years ago she would be verbally abusing anyone who dared cross her path, but now she knows that everyone is just trying to help her; no matter how futile it is.

"Where's Lou?"

"She's still inside. I figured you could use a minute. I'll go get her."

When she walks back inside, Lucy and Officer Fields are seated in the corner where Lucy had been waiting. He isn't a big man by any means but in comparison to Lucy he towers over her. He has his elbows on his knees and he is speaking quietly to her. Chloe walks up slowly to hear what he's saying. Lucy catches her eyes for a second before turning her attention back to Officer Fields.

"I know this isn't easy, but you've handled this all very well."

Lucy nods but she doesn't look fully convinced.

"So you're just done with us now?"

"I'll check in from time to time."

Something about him makes Chloe believe it.

"I'll be at the funeral. You're going to be just fine, Lucy. Someday."

Lucy bites her lip, she's trying not to cry. Beca does the same thing. She doesn't say anything else, she just walks out of the room. Officer Fields stands from his chair and looks to Chloe.

"I don't know what it is about that kid, but she got to me."

He shrugs. The same sadness comes across his face as earlier in the day.

"The Mitchell girls have a tendency to do that."

"Tell them again how sorry I am."

He starts to walk away but Chloe stops him gently with a hand on his arm.

"Did you know Daniel and Sheila?" She asks.

"I'm sad to say I didn't."

"It's just you seem very invested in this case."

"This is my first solo case," He admits, "and my first case with a kid. It gets to you in a way nothing else can."

Chloe realizes, the look on his face is the same look Lucy has on her own; vulnerable.

"Well, you've done right by all of us. So thank you."

"Of course, let me know if there's anything else I can do."

When they get back to Mrs. Reed's house, Lucy goes to gather her stuff. The older woman offers them water, tea, coffee, food, anything she can think of to fill the silence. Beca declines everything and Chloe offers her a sympathetic smile.

"I'm ready." Lucy says, a backpack slung over her shoulder. She turns to Mrs. Reed, "Thank you for letting me stay here. It was probably better than some DCFS placement."

"I'll take that as a compliment, dear."

She gives a kind smile and places her hand gently on Lucy's cheek. Beca isn't sure how well Lucy actually knows this woman. she grew up next door to her and everything, but she had never heard much mention of her; by the way she leans into her touch, ever so slightly, she can assume they have spent some time together.

"Let me know if you need help with anything regarding the services. After my Walter died I had to arrange it all. It can get overwhelming."

"Thank you." Chloe says.

They walk out the door and over to Daniel and Sheila's house. Once inside, there's a silence that can't be described by anything other than disturbing. The home that once seemed cozy and welcoming is a reminder of everything they've suddenly lost. All of the lights are off, there's no aroma of food cooking in the kitchen, or classical music playing over the speakers in the living room. It's cold and the echoes tell them they are in fact alone in the house. Lucy disappears to her bedroom, Beca and Chloe take a seat at the kitchen table.

"I didn't even think about the funeral."

"Don't worry about that right now."

"I don't know how to do all that. Chlo, am I expected to like handle all of this now?"

Chloe takes her hand and kisses her knuckles.

"I know you don't have any other family, and I know your mom and dad didn't end things very amicably, but do you think she might-"

"You've met my mom. She isn't willing to do anything for anybody, especially my dad. She probably won't even come, let alone help plan it."

"I can call my mom, she planned my grandfather's funeral. She can help us figure out our next steps, alright?"

Chloe is starting to miss the way she looks into her eyes. Her gaze has barely lifted above the ground since last night.

"Beca, look at me, baby."

She waits until she is sure Beca is actually listening to her.

"You are not doing this alone. We'll get through this, all of us."


	2. Blowin' in the Wind

Beca isn't able to sleep. After googling how to plan a funeral, looking up local florists and funeral homes, answering work emails, and trying to work on a new mix, she pulls her headphones out. She can hear something, an unfamiliar sound, down the hallway. She checks to make sure that Chloe is still asleep. She is passed out, after being awake for nearly twenty four hours.

Beca tiptoes down the hall, eyes squinted to make sure she doesn't trip. She peeks into Lucy's room, the next one over, but the bed is empty; it hasn't been slept in at all. Beca's heart beats a little faster. Then she hears a muffled, "No." She looks into Daniel and Sheila's bedroom.

"Lou?"

Her sister is asleep, tossing and turning, in the middle of the bed. Beca moves to the edge of the mattress. when she tries to put her hand on Lucy's shoulder she almost catches a hand to the face.

"Lou, wake up. It's a nightmare."

She shakes her until her eyes blink open. It takes her a minute to realize where she is and that it's Beca sitting with her, not her mom.

"It was just a nightmare. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

She pushes herself off of the bed and walks out of the room. Beca watches her go then looks around the room; it doesn't feel right being in here anymore. She can't say that she ever spent any time in this room before, but it definitely doesn't feel right now. She fixes the bed and turns off the lamp before leaving the room, making sure to close the door behind her.

Lucy's bedroom door is now shut, a gentle glow from her light coming out from underneath it. Beca thinks about going in. She thinks about trying to comfort her, but there's no use. They're stuck in this weird in-between and there's nothing to do except wait.

At some point during the night Beca is able to sleep, because the next thing she knows, she's waking up to the smell of bacon. She can hear music from the top of the stairs, but there's no singing accompanying it like there normally would be. Chloe is standing over the stove, still in her pajamas.

"Morning."

"Hi baby, you got some sleep."

Beca nods, pours herself some coffee and sits at the island.

"Lou come down yet?"

"Haven't seen her."

"Are we sure she's still in her room?" Beca asks, half joking.

"You don't think she would have snuck out do you?"

Beca wants to smirk but can't seem to get her muscles to work.

"No. But I'm not sure we'll see her unless I go up there and drag her out."

"Are you going to?"

"Why should I?"

Chloe puts food on plates and places them on the table. She leans over and kisses Beca's head.

"Because she probably shouldn't be alone right now, and she needs to eat."

There's a long pause before Beca speaks through teary eyes.

"I don't know what to say to her."

"There isn't much to say, but no one should be alone at a time like this. And today is going to be a busy day, there's a lot to figure out."

Beca knows she's right. She just wishes she wasn't the one left behind to deal with it.

She climbs the stairs and knocks gently on Lucy's bedroom door. She doesn't get a reply so she pushes the door open. Lucy is sound asleep in the middle of her bed. Beca takes a minute to actually look at her for the first time in almost half a year.

She's changed a lot since the last time she saw her. She's twelve now, and getting tall, well tall for a Mitchell. She has beautiful honey brown hair, lightened by the sun. Her skin is perfectly tanned, and her freckles are more prominent on her cheeks and arms than they will be come wintertime. Her and Beca look almost nothing alike, she takes after her mom. Beca has seen photos from when her stepmother was young and they are nearly identical.

She's wearing one of their dad's Barden t-shirts and shorts, revealing bruises and scrapes on her legs. She was always adventurous and more daring than Beca ever had been. She's an athlete. She prefers outdoor activities, something Beca never understood.

She moves to the edge of the bed and rests her hand on Lucy's hip. She speaks quietly, she doesn't want to startle her awake.

"Lou, wake up, kid."

Lucy's features scrunch up but she doesn't make any other moves.

"Come on, wake up." Beca says with a gentle tap.

Lucy rolls onto her back and groans. She rubs her eyes and lets out a cough.

"Good morning."

She's met with Lucy's vacant stare.

"Chloe has breakfast downstairs and we have a lot to do today, so you should get moving, okay?"

"I'm not hungry."

"I know what you mean. You still need to eat."

Lucy nods and rolls out of the bed. Beca gives her privacy, going back downstairs to try to force down something to eat. When Lucy appears in the kitchen she is wearing what looks like workout clothes with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. Beca's stomach churns at how little she is. The bags under her eyes and the redness on her cheeks, rubbed raw from wiping tears away, are the unnecessary reminders of how terrified she must have been, how scared she must still be.

"Good morning, Lucy." Chloe greets her.

Chloe and Lucy have spent a good amount of time together. When Beca and Chloe started dating they used to go to dinner at Daniel and Sheila's once a week. They would take Lucy out for dinner, or to a movie, or mini golfing. Beca was always a good big sister but Chloe made sure that she treated her sister with patience and understanding. The fifteen years between them leaves a lot of room for distance. Not to mention, Beca's mom's hatred for Sheila; and in turn Lucy. It always made Beca staying in Georgia for holidays a nightmare.

"Morning."

Lucy sits in the chair across from Chloe and takes a piece of toast, dry, with some water. It's all her stomach can handle right now. She feels like at any moment she could vomit. She sips the water and rips the piece of toast up to make it look like she's eaten at least some of it.

"We'll be meeting with the funeral director today. We need to figure out the arrangements for the wake and the funeral, as well as a reception or something after." Chloe starts.

Beca gives a pointed look to Lucy, who once again has her eyes shut tightly. She is picking at the skin around her fingernails until Beca takes her hand in her own and rubs her thumb over the knuckles.

"Lucy, do you want me to see if you can stay with Mrs. Reed today?" Chloe asks.

"No, I wanna go with you guys."

Beca looks like she's about to protest but thinks better of it. She knows that Lucy is already waist deep in the situation. She's dealt with more of it than Beca has at this point. So she decides that letting her tag along to the meetings and listen in on the phone calls couldn't do more damage than what's already been done.

"Your parents have decided to be cremated."

Greg is the funeral director at the funeral home down the street from Barden. Beca had attended a funeral there a few years ago, one of the professors from the school. She hadn't had him as a teacher but Chloe did. They went out of respect for him and his family; Chloe's idea of course. Beca doesn't remember it feeling so menacing. It smells musty and the maroon carpet feels thick under her sneakers. She is sitting across from him in his office. Chloe has her hand tightly grasped in both of hers. Lucy is sitting slightly behind them. Beca can't see her face but she can picture perfectly the confused expression on her face when she meekly asks,

"What does that mean?"

Greg looks taken aback, he looks to the girls, hoping they don't leave him to answer the question. Beca thinks about it but Chloe jumps in before the silence can go on for too long.

"Cremated means they don't want their bodies buried." Chloe says.

"So what do they do with them?"

"They burn them, Lou."

Beca turns and the look of devastation on her sister's face is a kick to the gut.

"We'll get their ashes. It says they want them spread on Walker's Ledge, wherever that is."

"We used to go hiking there. That's where Dad proposed."

Beca nods and turns back around. They talk about the arrangements, pick times for the wake and funeral. Daniel had almost everything in order, pre-arranged so it makes it easier on the girls, but Beca still feels exhausted by the end of the day. When they return home there are flower arrangements, cards, and meals left scattered across the porch.

"We won't have to worry about what we'll eat for a while."

Chloe tries to fill the silence. She pushes a casserole into the oven before pouring two glasses of wine and joining Beca on the window seat in the corner.

"Should I go check on her?" Beca asks, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Give her a little time. I'm sure she's fine."

"You're the one who said she shouldn't be alone." Beca snaps.

"I meant like all the time. She may need a little while to process everything that happened today."

"We all do."

Chloe runs her fingers through Beca's hair, she gently scratches at her scalp. Beca rests her forehead against Chloe's shoulder and takes a few deep breaths. She feels like a rubber band about to snap. She's being pulled in all of these new directions and she feels completely and utterly lost.

"I got a call from my dad's lawyer today." She says, muffled into Chloe's shirt, "He said we have to discuss the estate and their wills. I'm meeting with him Thursday morning."

"The day after the funeral, that soon?"

"He said the sooner the better. Besides, we're going to have to get back to New York."

"Baby, don't rush yourself. Theo said to take all the time you need."

"I know, but I don't really want to spend any more time here than I need to. Being in this house, surrounded by their things, it makes me feel," She shakes her head, "I don't know. It makes me feel itchy."

Chloe opens her mouth to speak but before she can say anything the doorbell rings. Chloe hops up to open it. On the other side, Emily is standing, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Em, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, I know I should have called first, but I heard about Dr. Mitchell and I-"

She's cut off by Chloe pulling her into a hug.

"I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for coming."

"Of course, how's Beca? And Lucy, how is she?"

Chloe pulls her gently inside. She closes the door and before she can turn around she hears Beca's sobs. Emily pulls her into a hug and they stay, wrapped up together, for a long while. The rest of the house is silent except for Beca's desperate inhales and sniffles.

"I'm sorry, Beca. I'm so so sorry."

"Thank you."

They finally pull apart.

"How's Lucy doing?"

"Honestly, I don't really know. I think she's alright."

Emily nods and accepts the glass of wine from Chloe when they go back into the kitchen. She sips it politely but honestly she feels like she could be sick. The entire time that she's known Beca she has always been the composed one. A little awkward at times maybe, but always too cool to show any semblance of emotion. She feels like she's intruding but when Beca grips her hand in her own she knows that she did the right thing by showing up. She sits with them for a while, idle chatter filling the air but it feels forced.

The oven beeps, Chloe pulls out the casserole.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" She asks, standing on her tiptoes to reach the plates from the cabinet.

"I can't, I have class, but thanks." She looks at her watch, "I should probably get going actually."

She gives Beca one more hug and leaves.

Chloe goes up the stairs to find Lucy. She has her door closed, the same light as before pouring out from the bottom. There's a sound that Chloe can't quite make out until she gets closer. It's Daniel's voice. He's talking excitedly about the works of Mark Twain. Chloe knocks on the door and hears a quiet, 'Come in' before she pushes it open.

Lucy is laying, curled up in a ball, with her laptop open. She has one of Daniel's lectures playing. She quickly pauses it when she realizes that it's Chloe, not Beca.

"Sorry."

Chloe swears there's a slight blush on her cheeks. She waves a hand before she sits on the edge of the mattress.

"Don't ever apologize for remembering them, any way you can."

"I had to break into his account to access these, since I'm not a student."

Chloe smirks. This is the kind of behavior she's always associated with Lucy; sly and intelligent. Normally it would be accompanied by her beaming smile, but tonight she has a look Chloe can definitively say she's never seen on her face; a look she knows she's going to be seeing a lot of.

"Lucy, I can't even imagine what you're going through. But there is someone who can. You're not alone in this."

"I know. I just don't really wanna talk about it. Not right now."

Chloe notices her picking at her fingers again. The cuts are moving further down her fingers, leaving her skin an angry red color.

"Well, you don't need to talk right now, but you do need to eat something."

She reluctantly follows Chloe downstairs. She sits next to Beca at the table and pushes the food around on her plate. She scrunches up her face but when Chloe or Beca look at her she hides it. She doesn't want them to force her to eat it.

The rest of the night is quiet. Beca and Chloe sit in the living room. The television is on but neither of them are paying any attention to it. Beca is zoning off, into her thoughts. Chloe doesn't take her eyes off of her. She's afraid that if she does, she'll disappear altogether.

Lucy has gone back up to her bedroom. She tries to fall asleep but every time she closes her eyes she sees her parents' faces. Every time it gets too quiet she hears their voices. It's enough to drive her crazy so she puts her headphones in and turns the music up until it hurts. She curls up under her blanket and evens her breathing.

Beca wakes up to Lucy having another nightmare. This time she's screaming, sobbing, she's thrashing around in her bed. Beca sits on the edge of the mattress and grips her hands so she doesn't hurt herself.

"Lucy, wake up. Lou, wake up."

She doesn't calm down, she doesn't wake up, so Beca does the next thing she can think of. She climbs into the bed, under the blankets and pulls her tightly into her chest. She settles eventually and falls back into a fitful sleep. Beca looks to Chloe who has been standing, stuck in the doorway, unaware of what she should be doing. Beca nods and Chloe walks out of the room. Once she hears the door down the hall close she allows her own tears to fall. She isn't doing this alone, she knows that, but it is still going to be the hardest thing she's ever done.


	3. Friends in Low Places

For the next two nights Beca sleeps in Lucy's bed with her. She does it in hopes that it will stave off their nightmares. No such luck. Lucy's mind is stuck in an endless loop. When she's asleep all she sees is her mom in the hospital bed, fighting for her life; battered, bruised, and bloody. Her golden hair tinted red with dried blood. Her bright blue eyes surrounded by expanding black and blue, creating shadows around them. While tears sneak out from the closed lids. She hears the beeping from the heart monitor and the gasp of the ventilator. It's rhythmic, consistent. It echoes along with the beat of her own heart.

Beca's nightmares aren't much different. Every time she closes her eyes she sees Daniel and Sheila on those metal tables. Their lifeless bodies covered by a the thin white sheet. She wills them to get up; just stand up and go home with them. Her own pulse seems to stop when she looks at them, her breathing gets ragged before it stops altogether. Her chest is too heavy. She wakes up to Lucy sound asleep on top of her.

She's been getting increasingly tired over the past few days. Whether its due to the stress, or lack of quality sleep, or both she isn't sure. She's grateful that she's able to fall asleep for a while longer.

Chloe wakes up around the same time; all alone in the guest bedroom. She rolls over onto her side and sighs. She checks her phone, it's only seven in the morning. She gets out of bed and dresses in leggings, a tank top, and her running shoes. She's barely had time to think, let alone get a workout in. When she was going to school here she quickly learned the morning was the best time to go for a run. There aren't too many people around and the day hasn't had enough time to really heat up.

She peeks into Lucy's room; both she and Beca are still sound asleep. She knows this is just. the beginning. They have a long road ahead of them, with a lot of uncertainty. It makes her stomach hurt and her head ache, just thinking that they've barely scratched the surface. But she also knows that Beca is the toughest person there is. She's been through a lot. She's built walls and constructed elaborate barriers to protect herself. The only time Chloe has ever seen them come down is when they're alone or when she's with Lucy.

She starts her run from the house and goes through town. Not much has changed since the first time she stepped foot in Barden, almost twelve years ago. There's a small bank, the ice cream shop, three different pizza places, the liquor store, and the little boutique that never seems to have customers but somehow stays in business.

She's debating heading back to the house when her phone vibrates with a text message. It's Emily asking to meet at the café near campus. She hasn't heard from Beca so she assumes she's still asleep. It only takes about ten minutes for her to get there. Emily is sitting at one of the tables outside across from a blonde. Someone Chloe would know anywhere, even if she can't see her face.

"Aubrey?"

She turns with a gentle smile.

"Hey Chlo."

She stands and gives her a hug. It lasts longer than normal but Aubrey can tell she needs this. She's been so busy taking care of Beca and Lucy, making sure the arrangements for the memorial service are all squared away, that she isn't taking care of herself; and there hasn't been anyone else around to take care of her.

"God, it's so good to see you."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," She waves her off, "I'm just worried about Beca."

"How is she holding up? I can't even imagine."

"She's being, well, she's being Beca. She's pushing everything down, trying to stay focused."

Emily disappears inside. Aubrey gives Chloe the look she always used to, when she was lying or being difficult. Chloe feels like she could fall apart right at the table. Instead, she forces her gaze down into her lap and takes a deep breath.

"I don't know how to help."

"Well, if I know you, which after twelve years I'd like to think that I do, you're doing everything just right. You just being here, that's all she needs. That's all she's ever needed."

"I'm not so sure about that. They're both just so heartbroken."

Aubrey looks confused for a second before her eyes widen.

"Oh my God, Lucy. I forgot about her."

To be fair, Aubrey and Beca didn't get off on the right foot. They weren't exactly chummy. She graduated and wasn't around much when Beca and Chloe first started dating. She was off running the retreat. Lucy barely knows who Aubrey is, other than the stories Beca and Chloe have told her, and the few times she's seen her perform.

"She hasn't said much, but she's been having these nightmares," She shivers, this next thought is one she isn't sure she'll ever get over, "she was there that night."

Emily returns with a big coffee for Chloe, made just the way she likes it, because Emily always seemed to remember the little things like that. Chloe nods her thanks but she feels the all too familiar lump in her throat. She doesn't know if she can speak anymore.

"I was going to stop by again today," Emily starts, "to see Lou, if that's okay."

"Of course, I'm sure she'll be really happy to see you."

Emily, being the only Bella left in Georgia, is like another big sister to Lucy. Emily is an only child and likes the idea that she can offer some guidance to the little girl. Beca also made a point to ask Emily to keep an eye on her when she and Chloe moved to New York. They go out for dinner or go to the movies or sometimes Lucy goes to sit in on Emily's lectures.

"I've tried calling a few times but all I've gotten is a couple short texts back."

"I'm not surprised. They've both just shut themselves off. Hopefully all of the Bellas being around will help lighten things up a bit."

"Yeah, hopefully."

There's a knock on the door so Beca forces herself off of the couch where she has cocooned herself in a pile of blankets. She pulls it open and takes a deep breath of fresh air before she can register who is standing in front of her.

"Hey Cap."

Stacie. Chloe had told her last night sometime during the nightly news that she was coming today. She didn't think seeing her would be this hard, but one look at her face and she feels like she could break into a million pieces.

After the USO tour all of the Bellas went their separate ways; Beca, Chloe, and Stacie went back to New York, they've stayed incredibly close. As for the other girls, Aubrey started her doula training in Portland. Jess, Ashley, and Cynthia Rose all moved to Los Angeles. Amy went back to Australia after the realization that she now has more money than she would ever know what to do with, and Lilly, or Esther? Well, no one's sure where she lives, but she pops in on them from time to time.

"Oh hey, Stace."

She hugs her and steps aside to let her in. She leads her to the kitchen. Looking around, nothing looks out of place. The house is immaculate despite the fact that none of them have had the energy to clean.

"Can I get you something to drink, or are you hungry?"

"I could use a drink, rough flight. I'm sure you could too."

She can hear Beca scoff into the refrigerator. She grabs two beers before she takes a seat.

"Where's Chloe?"

"She was gone when I woke up. She left a note, I guess she went for a run."

Stacie nods and takes a sip of her own beer; neither of them mention the fact that its only nine in the morning. They just sit in silence for a while. Stacie observes Beca; her exhaustion is all too clear. She has bags under her eyes and she isn't wearing any of the makeup that she usually applies right when she wakes up. She's wearing an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. Her hair is an unwashed mess piled into a bun on top of her head.

"Bec-"

"Don't. Please don't. I know that tone. All I've heard for days is how sorry everyone is. It may be true but it isn't going to change anything."

This silences Stacie for a few minutes. She's right, this is one thing that can't be fixed, no matter how hard any of them tried. They sit across from each other, the occasional slosh of beer or tapping against the wood are the only sounds in the room until Stacie clears her throat and speaks again.

"The rest of the Bellas are all coming in at some point today."

"Yeah, Chlo mentioned that." Something hits Beca that she hadn't thought of before, "Where's Bella?"

"She's with my parents. Getting spoiled rotten, no doubt."

Beca smiles, just a little. She loves that baby. Stacie has come to depend heavily on Beca and Chloe. They've been a huge part of why she's been able to continue to work while also being the sole parent for her daughter.

"And Lucy?"

Beca shrugs, "She's upstairs. She isn't really talking. She isn't eating. I don't know what to do."

"I wish I knew what to tell you, Bec."

"Yeah, me too. I wish someone did."

Stacie grips Beca's hand and gives it a squeeze.

"Can I go see her?"

"Yeah, of course."

Stacie stands and presses a kiss to Beca's temple before she walks up the stairs. The whole house is under the same eerie silence. The door to Lucy's bedroom, she remembers is the second one on the left, is slightly open. If she didn't know better she would assume no one was here at all. She knocks on the doorframe.

"Yeah?"

When she pushes the door open all the way, Lucy is lying sideways on her bed, facing away from the door. Stacie hasn't seen her in person in a while, about a year. She always loved her, she was bright and smart and funny. She gave all of the girls a run for their money. Now, she isn't sure what she's going to be met with.

"Hey stranger."

She rolls over with a confused expression; to a voice she recognizes right away, but wasn't expecting to hear today. The whole process of the memorial service has overwhelmed her so she's stopped asking questions and Beca is more than happy to keep it away from her so she doesn't bring it up either. She is completely unaware just how many people are traveling to Georgia for it.

"Can I come in?"

Lucy nods and sits up, legs criss-crossed, arms wrapped around her torso. Stacie sits in front of her on the bed and pushes a piece of hair out of her face.

"It's good to see you."

Lucy bites her lip and nods.

"I wish it were for something happy."

She pulls Lucy into a hug and she feels her whole body tense up before falling limp into her arms. They sit like that for a while. Stacie rubs her back and waits, hoping she'll say something, anything. When it's clear she isn't going to, she pulls back. A pile of clothes on the floor catches her attention.

"What's all this?"

"I don't know what to wear tomorrow."

Her voice is hoarse, like she's sick, but Stacie decides she's probably just utterly exhausted.

"Ah, I see." She looks through the pile, but there doesn't seem to be anything appropriate, "You know, I think I could help you out with that. Why don't you get ready and we'll go get you something."

She looks unsure but Stacie moves over and bends down in front of her.

"It might do you and your sister some good to get out of the house."

"Um, okay."

"That's my girl."

When Chloe gets back to the house she isn't at all surprised to find it in complete silence. She closes the door behind her and kicks off her sneakers. She goes to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water before climbing the stairs. She peeks into Lucy's room again. It's nearly noon, she's sure they can't still be sleeping. Her hunch is right when the bed is completely empty.

She continues down the hall and into the guest room; also empty. She grabs clean clothes and a towel, she tosses them into the bathroom but doesn't start the shower. She walks around the house but is met with nothing but empty rooms and the same silence that she is starting to build a firm disdain for.

"Bec? Beca?"

When she's met with more silence she pulls out her phone and calls her girlfriend.

"Hey Chlo."

"Hi baby, where are you? Is Lou with you?"

"Oh yeah, Stacie and I took her to get something to wear tomorrow."

Chloe hadn't even thought about that. Amongst the million other things on her mind, what to wear was the least of her worries.

"Oh okay, any luck?"

Beca sighs, "Not really. Getting that kid into a dress is like getting, well, it's like getting me in a dress."

"She doesn't need to wear a dress. You're not."

"Yeah, we'll figure something out."

"I'll see you when you get back. I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too."

By the time Beca, Stacie, and Lucy get back to the house Chloe has enlisted the help of all of the Bellas that have arrived in Georgia. Aubrey and Emily are cleaning, CR and Ashley are moving furniture around to accommodate the number of people who are sure to come after the memorial service. Chloe and Jessica are cooking enough food for an army.

Beca pushes the door open and stops, dead in her tracks, at the unexpected commotion. All of the girls turn, almost like they weren't expecting her to be there.

"Oh hey, everyone."

She feels Lucy move against her side and wrap her arms around her waist. She puts a firm hand on her back. She tries to put a smile on her face but her efforts are useless. Jessica, always warm and cheery, is the first one to give Beca a hug, followed closely by the rest of the girls. Beca holds on to Aubrey tighter and longer than the others. Even though they got off to a rocky start they have gotten close; mostly at Chloe's insistence, at least at first. But they quickly discovered they actually have a lot more in common than either of them ever would have thought.

"They were good people, Beca. I'm so sorry."

Beca knows everyone means well but she really wishes they would stop saying that.

"Thank you."

Throughout the shuffle of hugs and hello's and I'm so sorry's, Lucy manages to sneak out of the room. She doesn't want to see people, she doesn't want to talk, or sleep, or eat. She just wants to sit in the quiet.

In the very back of the house is a sunroom. There isn't much in it, but it's always been one of her favorite rooms in the house. It's where the baby grand piano, the one left to Daniel by his mother, sits. Always kept polished and tuned for anyone who might want to play it. It's the piano Daniel learned to play on, then years later Beca and Lucy both learned on.

She sits on the bench and plays a few notes but with each key she feels her stomach muscles clench. She flips the cover down and leans her elbows against it, almost like she's trying to keep it closed against some invisible force. She puts her head in her hands and sighs.

"Hey Scout."

It's a nickname almost everyone uses for her. But her dad is the one who started it, and hearing it for the first time since the accident makes her whole world spin.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm swell." She bites back.

Emily shakes her head, "Don't do that. Don't push me away. We don't do that to each other, remember?"

Emily sits on the bench next to her and bumps Lucy's leg with her own. Emily towers over her, but she's never felt small next to her, not until this moment; not until everything in the world seems so much bigger than ever before.

"Just too many people."

"Yeah, I get that. The Bellas can be overwhelming."

"You don't need to sit in here with me. I'm okay."

"I don't believe that for a second."

Emily, although still a little quirky and bumbling, has grown much more graceful and self-assured with age. She's almost twenty-five and she has learned how to interact with people. She's studied the human psyche, behavior, she's learned what makes people tick; one person in particular. Lucy Mitchell, much like her sister, would like to believe she's an outsider. She prides herself on individuality and independence. But Emily knows she's also a twelve year old girl. She needs guidance, but more importantly, right now, she needs love and affection.

"You couldn't possibly be okay."

"Well, I want to be."

"And you will be, eventually, you will. But this isn't something you can rush."

"Why not?"

Emily's heart skips a beat when Lucy's eyes meet her own, they're nearly unrecognizable.

"Because doing that would be a disservice to you and to your parents."

Lucy's tense shoulders slump forward and her mouth falls into a deep frown, her muscles straining to stop herself from crying.

"I just don't want it to hurt anymore."

"I know, sweetheart."

Lucy leans into her side and closes her eyes. Emily's perfume always reminds her of the warm days they've spent outside doing homework on campus. Every time a strong wind blew she would catch that scent. She takes a deep inhale and it calms her down.

"Em?"

"Yeah?"

"What's gonna happen to me now? Like, where am I gonna live?"

"Um, I don't really know."

"I don't want to leave Georgia."

Emily would assume that Beca and Chloe will take her but that thought hadn't crossed her mind. The Mitchell's don't have many family members, and out of the few they do have, they actually talk to a very small percentage of them.

"Look at me," Emily says, she shifts herself so they are facing each other, "no matter what happens to you, no matter where you go from here, I will always look out for you. All of those crazies in there," She points toward the doorway where loud voices can be heard somewhere at the other end of the house, "they've got your back too. You're a Bella, Lou. That means that no matter where we go, how far apart we are, we will always be with you."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Emily stands, "You ready to go back out there?"

"I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"Are you sure? It's only five o'clock."

"Yeah, can you tell Beca?"

Lucy doesn't wait for her answer before walking out of the room and up the back staircase.

Later, after all of the Bellas have left, Chloe is sitting in the bed in the guest room. She's changed and ready for sleep because she knows tomorrow is going to be a very long, exhausting day. Beca walks in and falls onto the mattress.

"She's sound asleep."

"That's good."

"Yeah, I guess, I just…"

Chloe pushes herself to sit up further.

"What is it?"

"I'm just really worried about tomorrow," She sighs, "and everything after. I don't want this to break her."

"It won't."

"You can't say that. You don't know."

Beca's tone is harsher than she intended but she meant it.

"No one knows. That's what is so fucking scary about this whole thing. It's like, life was going so good. We were getting everything we wanted and then the universe, what? The universe just decides to smack us back down because we got too happy?"

"Beca, this isn't a punishment. You didn't do anything to cause this."

"That might be worse," Beca pushes herself off of the bed and stands with her arms crossed over her chest, "this is just what life is now?"

The conversation falls flat. This is what life is now. This is where they are and they are going to have to fight tooth and nail for a long time to get back to the same level of happiness they had less than a week ago. Beca pulls her phone out of her pocket when it rings loudly, breaking their tense silence.

"Mom, what's going on?"

"I got your message," Her mother's voice is cross, it always is, but tonight it sounds more robotic, "I thought I should call to let you know that I am not coming tomorrow."

"But Mom-"

"Rebecca, this isn't up for debate. I allowed you to see your father and that woman as much as you wanted. I never restricted that, as much as I may have wanted to. But I don't find myself needing to be put in the company of the people who took his side."

"Took his side? What are you fifteen? He's dead, Mom. I think that warrants a little respect, don't you?"

"Respect? Do you think he respected me when he cheated on me with that woman and left across the country to start a new family? I don't think so. Quite honestly, I never understood how you could forgive him for that."

Beca runs her hand over her face. She can feel Chloe's gaze on her but she doesn't look at her.

"Because he's my dad and he loves- loved me. Nobody's perfect, but he spent a long time trying to prove how sorry he was."

"Well, either way, the funeral will have to go on without me."

Beca pauses. When she speaks again her voice sounds like gravel.

"You're really not coming? Seriously, I know you're selfish, but this is a whole new low, even for you."

"Your father was a horrible man. I don't feel the need to memorialize him or talk about him and his mistress as if they weren't responsible for ruining my life."

"You've told me for fifteen years that dad ruined your life, and I always felt kind of sorry for you. But this just proves that you're just as horrible as you think he is. I wouldn't want you here anyway."

Beca ends the call and whips her phone across the room. It puts a small indent in the wall. She walks over and picks it up.

"Shit."

The screen is shattered. Her hands are shaking. She feels steady, warm hands on her bicep and she shudders.

"I broke it."

"It's okay, we'll get you a new one." Chloe says, taking the phone from her hands.

"She really isn't coming, Chlo."

"I'm so sorry."

"I know she hates my dad. I just thought she might show up for me. Just this once."

Chloe pulls her down to sit on the bed. She kisses her head and holds her for as long as she needs.

"Thank you, for being here, for being so wonderful."

"Of course, honey."

"I love you."

"I love you too, always."


	4. Funeral Part One

**Sorry this took so long to get up. Funeral scenes are hard as hell to write. I decided to split the funeral into two chapters, so here is part one.**

The morning of the funeral feels exactly like Beca thought it would, but also like nothing she could describe, and definitely nothing she wanted to experience ever again. When she rolls over in bed Chloe is already awake, just staring at her.

"Hey weirdo, how long have you been doing that?"

"Not long."

"Chlo, I'm okay. I promise."

"How could you possibly be okay on a day like today?"

Beca feels like she's cried herself out. Her and her father weren't close by any means, but the idea that she'll never struggle over what to get him for Christmas, or fight with him over her career choices, that he'll never hear her first album, or meet his grandchildren, is all too much to think about. So she doesn't. She's been pushing it all back. She has too much to do to allow her emotions to get in the way.

"It's okay not to be. You know that, right?"

Beca leans over and kisses her. She rolls off the bed and gathers her clothes and a towel.

"I'm gonna shower."

Chloe lets her go. She knows anything else she says will be lost. She pushes herself out of bed. She also knows that today will require a lot of caffeine. For the most part the three of them have been living inside a bubble. Today they're going to be forced to socialize and entertain. The whole situation is going to be thrown in their faces over and over.

When she walks by Lucy's bedroom she peeks her head in to check on her. Her and Beca have been doing this constantly for the past few days. Lucy's barely spoken a word and they're afraid of what she might do if left alone for too long. When the door opens, Lucy is sitting on her bed, she's already in the clothes her and Chloe picked out; black dress pants and a short sleeved button up shirt, her mother's favorite shade of gray. Her hair is still wet from the shower. Chloe isn't sure how she didn't hear the water running but she pushes her thoughts aside. Lucy doesn't even look up at the squeak of the door or the presence of someone in the doorway. She looks a million miles away and like she doesn't exist all at once.

"Hey you."

Nothing.

"Lucy, are you alright?"

This time she does look up at her. Part of Chloe wishes she hadn't because her expression is enough to break her heart. She isn't crying but she looks like she could any second. She's holding something in her fist; she wouldn't have noticed it but whatever it is catches the light and forces Chloe's eyes to her hands. She sits down next to her and examines the cuts on her fingers. She keeps picking at them and making them worse, despite Beca's many warnings.

Chloe decides now, today, isn't the time to bring it up.

"Whatcha got there?"

"It was my grandma's; my mom got it when she died. She always said it would be mine when she…"

"It's beautiful."

She hands it to Chloe. It's a simple silver chain with a small diamond. Lucy lifts her hair so Chloe can fasten it around her neck.

"What's gonna happen today?"

Chloe looks at her, a little confused at first, then she realizes what she's actually asking.

"You've never been to a funeral before?"

She shakes her head. Chloe didn't think there was any way to make today worse, but this does.

"Well, we're going to go to the funeral home and the Chaplin from the church in town has agreed to say a few words and a couple prayers. Then they'll open it up to anyone who wants to say anything about Daniel and She- your parents. Since they're not being buried, that'll pretty much be it. Then people will come back here for food and stuff."

"Do I have to say anything?"

"Not if you don't want to."

"Is Beca going to?"

Chloe nods, "She is, but that doesn't mean you need to."

It's quiet for a minute before Lucy moves to dig through a drawer in her desk. She pulls out a piece of paper.

"I wrote them a letter. Do you think I could read it?"

"I think that's a great idea."

The look on her face reminds Chloe just how young she is. At twelve years old she has already lost way more than Chloe has. She has to live with a gaping hole in her life, knowing exactly what's missing but never being able to replace it.

"Can I ask you one more favor?"

"Of course, anything."

Lucy shifts from one foot to the other. It's something Beca does too; when she's nervous or thinking too much.

"Could you curl my hair?" Chloe smiles, "The way you do to yours. My mom did it once for me and she loved it, so I thought-"

"Of course I can."

Such a simple request but she might as well have been asking for a million dollars the way she was acting. Another way she and Beca are alike; independent, sometimes to a fault.

"First let me make some coffee before Beca turns into a literal monster. We'll finish getting ready a little later. We don't need to leave for a while."

Lucy follows Chloe downstairs and around the kitchen like a puppy. Chloe makes up a plate of scrambled eggs and fruit. She knows full well that Lucy isn't going to eat any of it, but she's not going to stop trying. Beca walks downstairs in her black pants and black button up. She's still barefoot, avoiding putting her heels on until the last possible second. If it were any other occasion Chloe would comment on how beautiful she looks, but it doesn't feel right. She walks right over to the coffeemaker and pours herself a very full cup. She takes a big sip while eyeing Lucy and her plate.

"Eat, Lou. I'm serious."

She tries her best for a strict tone, but today of all days doesn't seem like the time to buckle down on Lucy's avoidance of food. Beca doesn't feel much like eating either but she's decided to lead by example. She forces down almost half of the food on her plate before she needs to give up.

Chloe disappears to shower. The other two sit in silence. The clock on the wall ticks, grating on Beca's very thin patience. She scrapes her nail along the smooth side of her mug. She's trying to think of something, anything, to break the quiet. She leans across the table and takes Lucy's hand in her own to stop her from picking at her nails. She's tempted to duct tape oven mitts on her hands like her mom had threatened to do to her when she had chicken pox.

"You know there's going to be a lot going on today; a lot of people."

"Yeah, I know," Her voice sounds foreign, Beca hasn't heard much of it for the past few days. "Chloe told me what's gonna happen."

Beca, not for the first time in the past few days, silently thanks God for Chloe Beale. She's handled this whole situation with way more grace than Beca could have ever imagined.

"I went to my first funeral when I was around your age. It was for my mom's mom."

"Were you scared?"

"A little bit I guess. It was weird seeing all of the people I love so sad."

"I don't like seeing you sad."

Beca smiles, an awkward half-smile.

"I hate seeing you sad, too. Are you scared about today?"

"A little, I guess. It's just," She shrugs, "this doesn't end it. It's not like the funeral is gonna happen and everything is gonna be okay. It's just the first thing in a long line where I have no idea what's gonna happen."

"I know exactly what you mean." Beca agrees.

Lucy eyes her suspiciously, like she's simply placating her.

"So, I guess we just need to promise each other something."

"What?"

"That we'll take it one step at a time, together. We'll help each other as much as we can along the way."

"Bec, do you think we're gonna be okay?"

Beca sighs. This is the same question she's been asking herself all week.

"I think so. Someday. I hope."

"Hey Lou," Chloe interrupts, "are you ready to do your hair?"

Beca follows them up into the guest bedroom where they've been staying. Lucy sits on the carpet in front of the floor length mirror. Chloe moves around her, curling her light brown hair into perfect spiral curls. She pulls the sides back into a half-up hairstyle. She presses her hands gently to her head, and kisses her hair.

"All set, sweetheart."

Beca has always been grateful for the way Chloe took to Lucy. The first time they met, Lucy was only three. It was Beca's freshman year at Barden. Daniel and Sheila had taken Lucy to one of the Bellas' performances and all of the girls fell in love with her instantly. She became a sort of mascot for them; cheering them on at every event, wearing a tiny Bellas' t-shirt, and, most importantly, softening Beca. Chloe had become infatuated with the little girl. She loved how much she acted like Beca. Although since then, they've grown more and more different; their similarities only fleeting in small moments.

When Beca and Chloe moved to New York Lucy was seven. They've spent much more time apart than they have together. But when they did get to see each other, on holidays and other special occasions, Lucy was adamant that Chloe come too, which she did gladly.

Beca watches the way she does everything with care. Echoing her physical gentleness with her soft voice and softer eyes.

"You look beautiful."

Lucy stands in front of the funeral home. It's more menacing than she remembers it being a few days ago. Beca puts her hand on her back.

"We can do it."

Lucy takes a deep breath and nods.

When they get inside Lucy stays close to Beca's side. Greg is there, looking solemn in his gray suit. He shakes Beca and Chloe's hands and gives a gentle nod to Lucy. She dips her head lower and puts her gaze on the same maroon carpet that lines the floor in his office. She shifts her weight from foot to foot.

"It looks great in here. Thank you." Beca says.

On a table at the front of the room, there are two glassy black boxes; they look like music boxes. One with Daniel's name, the other with Sheila's on small silver plaques. Lucy fights the gurgling in her stomach when she realizes her parents are inside them. They are surrounded by flower arrangements, some with sashes, some with cards. On either end of the table are Daniel and Sheila's high school portraits. In the middle of the boxes, their wedding photo is placed on a metal stand. Underneath it, there is a photo of Sheila, Daniel, Beca, and Lucy from Beca's college graduation. It's one of the few they could find of the four of them.

"That's a nice photo." Stacie says, walking up behind them.

Beca hadn't realized she was there. Stacie wasn't at the house this morning when they woke up but she just assumed she went for a morning run or something. She turns to look her in the eyes. She gives a tight lipped smile and lets herself get pulled into a hug.

"It's all too hard to believe."

"I can't even imagine, Bec."

There are tall candles lit all around and the atmosphere, even for a funeral home, is dismal. It's dark and cold, considering it's Georgia in the summertime; a mood fit for the day.

"Hey short stack."

"Hi Stacie."

"How are you doing?"

Lucy shrugs and lets herself get pulled into a hug. She knows she's going to be doing a lot of that today so she mentally prepares herself. She notices Emily walk through the door and wastes no time rushing over to her. Emily wraps her tightly in her arms and kisses her temple. Lucy wants to cry, she wants to scream, she wants to do something but instead she just leans into Emily's warmth.

More familiar voices start to fill the room. Men in gray and black suits, women in black and gray dresses. Dressed nicely, as if Daniel and Sheila could see them, like they would care what they're wearing. She walks back over to Beca and Chloe and watches the trail of people file through, shaking hands and offering apologies as if it could fix what's been broken.

"Beca, Lucy, how are you holding up, dears?" Mrs. Reed asks, she's one of the few people in the room that sound genuine in asking.

She has that same cracked smile, the same warm eyes that Beca is starting to recognize as her usual appearance. It gives her a comforted feeling that Lucy has grown up next door to someone so kind.

"We're doing as well as expected."

"I'm sure you are."

She rests her shaky hand on Beca's cheek before holding Lucy's hand and giving it a quick squeeze. She moves on, not wanting to hold up the line, but both girls wish she didn't have to go.

The receiving line before the funeral feel like they drag on forever. Beca wishes it would end but when Greg tells them it's time to start the service she wishes that they didn't have to. She takes her seat in the front row of chairs between Chloe and Lucy. Chloe grips her hand tightly in her own and Lucy leans against Beca's side.

Greg welcomes everyone and thanks them for coming before introducing the Chaplin. He's an older man with gentle features. Beca can only assume he's done this a million times based on his neutral expression and lack of nervousness in his appearance. He speaks about Daniel and Sheila with kind words but Beca knows it's all for show. They didn't know him, he didn't know them, but still, it's nice.

"Now I would like to ask Beca, Daniel and Sheila's eldest daughter, to come up and say a few words."

Beca looks to Chloe who offers a reassuring nod and a small smile before letting go of her hand. Beca walks up to the small podium and takes a deep breath. She can't stop herself from shaking but she assumes no one would blame her. She places her piece of paper on the podium and smooths it out a few times before speaking.

"My dad and I, we uh, we didn't agree on much. We never really understood each other. The one thing we always seemed to have in common though was books. He taught me from a really young age to love reading, to learn as much as I could from books; something I know he's taught Lucy too. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of friends except the ones I found in the books he gave me. When he met Sheila, one of the first things she and I talked about was books. Literature was their whole lives. Well that, me, and Lucy."

She risks a quick look at her sister. She is leaning into Chloe's side, looking down into her lap. A tear falls onto her bare knee but she doesn't move to wipe it away.

"There's a quote from one of the last books he gave me, it goes, 'Sometimes we get sad about things and we don't like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes, we are sad but we really don't know why we are sad, so we say we aren't sad but we really are.' But today, we're all sad about the same thing. There's no hiding it. No pretending. My dad and Sheila were good people. And it seems, lately, that the world is losing a lot of those. Thank you all for coming. I know it would mean a lot to them, and it means a lot to me."

She walks back over and takes the seat on the other side of Lucy. She moves back into Beca's side. Chloe squeezes Beca's arm and gives her a tightlipped smile when she looks up at her.

"Would anyone else like to say a few words?"

Lucy grabs at her pants. She reaches into the pocket but she doesn't feel the crinkle of paper she's expecting. Chloe and Beca both look over to her.

"What's wrong?" Beca asks.

"I don't have my letter. I lost it." Lucy says, suddenly finding it very difficult to stay quiet.

"Are you sure you didn't just leave it at home?"

"No, I put it in my pocket before we left the house and now it isn't there."

Tears leak out of her eyes and Chloe puts her hand on her knee.

"It's okay, we'll find it."

"I won't get to read it."

Beca leans in closer, kisses her temple, and whispers.

"They know, Lou. They know all of it. It's okay."

Lucy falls into sobs. Chloe gestures for the Chaplin to keep going. They wrap up the service and he announces that there will be a small reception back at the Mitchell house. Chloe helps them get the urns to the car along with the flowers. Beca sits with Lucy, still crying almost completely in her lap now.

"Chlo, you should go, people are going to be at the house-"

"It's okay," Chloe sits down down next to them and rubs Lucy's back, "Stacie and Aubrey are there, they said no rush."

It takes a while for Lucy to calm down. When they get her into the car, she slumps over in the back seat and leans her forehead against the window. Chloe drives slowly, she knows being in the car makes Lucy nervous now, understandably so. Beca keeps looking back at her but she knows they aren't going to get another word out of her.

When they get to the house, Lucy rushes past both of them into the back of the house. She sits at the piano and sighs. She smacks the wooden key cover and lets a few more tears drip out of her eyes. She stops when she notices a figure standing in the doorway.

"Hi Lucy." Officer Fields says, he gives an awkward wave.

"Oh, uh, hi."

He gestures toward the chair near the bookshelf in the corner and she nods. He moves over and sits down, perched on the edge as if he is planning a quick getaway.

"I think this belongs to you."

He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his breast pocket. It has a pink heart drawn on it.

"How did you-"

"It was on the ground in the driveway. Don't worry, I didn't read it. Just enough to know it's yours."

She takes it from him and unfolds it.

"It would be okay if you did. I wrote it for my parents the night after they died. I was gonna read it today but then I guess I dropped it."

"It's not too late."

"Yes it is. The funeral's over."

"So?"

He shrugs and runs his hand over his hair. She realizes now that this is the first time she's seeing him out of uniform. He seems much more human out of the brown and khaki button up.

"People will say stuff like, I never got to say goodbye, or they'll never know how I feel, but that's all crap."

She looks up at him wide eyed. There's a knowingness in his voice that sends shivers up her spine.

"It's never too late to let the people you love know you love them. But I can tell that they know you love them."

"Knew."

"Know," He says firmly, "they're a part of you, for as long as you live they'll be around."

He stands with a little huff.

"I have to get to work but I just wanted to come and check in. You and your sister are going to be just fine."

"How can you tell?"

"Well, for starters, I met some girls out there, the Bellas?"

Lucy scoffs and nods.

"You have a lot of people out there, still very much alive, that love you and Beca very much. You'll be just fine."

"Thank you, Officer."

"Tucker. You have my number if you need me for anything."

He gives her a quick wink and walks out of the room. She watches him go. She's not sure what to think of the man. She isn't sure that she'll ever see him again but she's thankful for him nonetheless.


	5. Funeral Part Two

"Beca?"

She turns to the familiar voice. She's taken into a hug before she can even realize what is happening. The scent and the arms around her waist tell her exactly who it is.

"Hey Jesse."

"I'm so sorry I'm late. I tried to get here for the service but-"

"It doesn't matter, you're here now. Thank you so much for coming."

"Of course, are you kidding?"

They pull apart and he gives Chloe a hug. She's been busy making sure there is enough food and drinks set out. She's also making sure that Beca is alright, because despite how many times she's said it, Chloe knows she's not okay.

"Where's Benji?"

"He couldn't make it. He really wanted to be here but something came up at the studio and-"

"No, it's okay. I get it. How's everything going at work?"

"It's alright," He shrugs, "crazy busy but you know how that is."

"Yeah. Not so much right now."

Benji and Jesse started an independent film company and have since built their own little empire. In another life, Beca couldn't help but think they could have been a great couple, but her heart knew what it wanted, and that is and always will be Chloe Beale.

"When do you need to be back in the city?"

"Theo said for me to take as much time as I need. But all I really want to do is go back and make music again. There's just a lot I need to figure out here first."

Jesse doesn't know what else to say. He has no idea what he would do if one day both of his parents were just gone. He puts a hand on her arm and gives it a squeeze.

"Hey Em."

Beca catches her arm when she walks by with several empty glasses.

"Have you seen Lucy? She kind of disappeared after we got back."

"I haven't. I'll take a look around."

"Okay, thanks."

Some of the other Bellas come over and start talking to Jesse about work and his new girlfriend. Beca pretends to be listening but her eyes are floating around the room, looking for her sister. Looking around, she realizes how many people she doesn't know. Her lack of a relationship with her father for so long isolated her from a support system she could have had. She tries not to think about it too much.

Instead she starts to make her rounds. She thanks everyone for coming and makes small talk with a few of them; she's well versed in idle chatter after several years in the music industry. A few years ago she wouldn't be caught dead in a conversation she didn't want to have. But now, as an adult, as _the_ adult in this situation, she knows she's going to be doing a lot of things she doesn't want to do.

"Beca?"

She turns her attention to a woman, around her parents' age. She is blonde and tall, really beautiful.

"Hi, I know you don't know me, my name is Rachel Pierce."

"Pierce? As in, Sheila Pierce?" Beca asks, shaking her hand.

"Sheila was my cousin."

"Oh, I'm," She pauses, not really sure what to say in this situation, "sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. I can't imagine what you're going through, and poor Lucy."

"Yeah, it's been harder than I could have ever imagined."

They stand in silence for a minute. Beca wants to walk away but the conversation, for one reason or another, doesn't seem like it's over. She's proven right when Rachel starts talking again; much quieter this time.

"So, what's going to happen to Lucy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is she going to move in with you? I can't imagine a kid would fit into your lifestyle."

Beca quirks an eyebrow, "What does that mean?"

"Oh, nothing," She puts her hands up, "just that having a child changes everything. I have three of my own."

Beca looks over Rachel's shoulder for Chloe but she's nowhere in sight.

"I'm not sure what Daniel and Sheila specified in their will, but I would be more than happy to take Lucy in. She could get to know her cousins. We live in Tennessee so there wouldn't be too much of a culture shock. She could homeschool with my kids, we have tons of land and animals. I think she would fit in nicely."

"You want to take my sister?"

"Take her? Of course not, she's not a dog. I just think she would be happier with us."

Beca fixes her shirt and puts a fake smile back on her face.

"I'm not so sure about that, but thanks, I guess."

She walks away and takes a deep breath. She hadn't thought too far ahead about where Lucy would be and how she would affect her and Chloe's life in New York, but now that it's being threatened she knows she needs to do something about it fast.

Lucy can't bring herself to move from her spot at the piano. She feels frozen, stuck.

"You play?"

She turns to see Jesse; one of her sister's best friends outside of the Bellas. He gestures to the piano.

"My dad taught me."

"Your dad?" He asks, a little shocked.

"Beca had to get all that musical talent somewhere, right?" She asks, with a shrug.

"I guess I never thought about it."

"He was an intellectual. Piano was a part of that I guess; along with the incessant talking about books and art and world news. It was exhausting."

He smirks when he sees the ghost of a smile on her own lips.

"That's where you get all your smarts from?"

She quirks an eyebrow. He takes a seat next to her on the piano bench and plunks a couple keys.

"Beca says you're some kind of genius."

"She embellishes."

"I don't know. You're twelve and using words like embellish. I think she could be on to something. Your mom was smart too, huh?"

"The smartest."

"I wish I had known her."

Jesse, idly, starts to play the piano. He has a hard time being in front of an instrument and not playing it. It's a beautiful melody, something vaguely familiar but she can't place it. She watches his hands effortlessly move up and down the keys creating something so gorgeous with ease.

"Your sister was looking for you, by the way."

"Yeah, I figured. I just don't really want to go out there."

"I get that. Funeral's are nobody's favorite thing. What do you say we hang out in here until people start to leave?"

"Yes please."

He gestures toward the keys and she starts to play. He recognizes it immediately; it's one of Beca's songs. He joins in and they play a few more just to pass the time.

It takes a while for everyone to clear out. Everyone except the Bellas, that is. The girls help to clean up; the dishes are cleared, the food is put into Tupperware containers for the rest of the week, and all of the furniture is put back where it belongs.

They end up in the back yard around the fire pit. The day ended up to be sunny but cool for the time of year. It is now evening, the fire pit in the backyard has been lit and all of the Bellas are sitting around it.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Beca says, from her place in Chloe's arms. They are wrapped up in a blanket in one of the large canvas camping chairs.

"What?" Chloe asks.

"That stupid retreat you made us go on."

All of the girls laugh and Chloe nudges Beca so that she almost falls out of the chair.

"That was fun."

"For who?" Stacie asks.

"Well, I had fun."

"I got stuck in a tree." Beca says.

The tone feels lighter, Beca actually laughs for the first time in a week and she feels her chest loosen; even if it's just for tonight. She has her family with her and she knows that when it comes down to it they will always be there for her.

"Hey Lou, where you been?" Beca asks when she sees her sister come out of the house.

"She's been showing me her piano skills." Jesse says brightly, grabbing a beer from the cooler and taking a seat next to Stacie.

"Yeah, she's good, right?" Beca says.

Lucy takes a seat on the stump next to Beca and Chloe's chair, Emily on her other side, and sighs. She's finally changed out of her funeral clothes into leggings and an oversized sweatshirt; one Beca recognizes as Sheila's. Chloe runs her hand through her long curls and gives her a gentle smile. There's a long pause, not an uncomfortable silence, maybe even a welcomed one. The crackling of the fire, the few birds that are still chirping, and the traffic from the street in the distance are the only sounds.

"It was a nice service, Bec." Jessica says.

"Thanks. I thought so too."

"So, Lucy, you're in, what, sixth grade?" Aubrey asks.

"Seventh." She says, meekly.

"She skipped a grade." Beca says, always ready to brag about her little sister.

"What's your favorite subject?"

"Science or English. I like to read."

Beca watches her almost curl into herself. She was always so confident, she could talk the paint off a wall. It hurts her to see this happening to her and she hopes, more than anything, that one day she will come out of this. She leans over and whispers to Beca.

"Can I go to bed?"

"Already?" Chloe asks, this time more concerned, she's been sleeping a lot, "It's early."

"Yeah, I'm tired."

"Today was a long day," Beca says with a nod, "go ahead. I'll come check on you in a bit."

Lucy nods, "Okay. Good night."

"Good night. I love you." Beca kisses her temple.

She's met with a chorus of 'good nights' and 'sleep tights' as she hurries into the house and upstairs.

"Poor kid." Jesse says.

"She'll be okay." Beca says, but her tone is completely unconvincing.

"Of course she will." Chloe says, looking at the other girls to join in, which of course they do.

The rest of the night gives Beca the distraction she needs because tomorrow she meets with her parents' lawyer. She sleeps in Lucy's bed again when she wakes up with nightmares.

When she wakes up, she is met with Lucy, already awake, laying on her side, staring at her.

"Hi, I'm thinking I should start getting used to waking up like this."

"What?"

"Nevermind," Beca pushes herself up, "are you alright?"

"I want to go to the meeting with you today."

"Oh Lou, I don't think-"

"Come on, really?"

Beca climbs out of the bed and Lucy follows, right on her heels. Beca and Chloe had talked about this, they both decided that she should stay home.

"You're going to stay here with Stacie and Emily."

"Why?"

"Because I guarantee you will have a better time here than you would there. We aren't going to decide anything without you, you know that right?"

Lucy shrugs.

"He's just going to tell me what is in the will and a few other details and I will tell you anything you want to know after that. I promise."

"Fine."

Beca knocks on the big, heavy wooden door. She hears a muffled, 'come in' so she pushes it open. The whole room is filled with dark wood and leather furniture. The entire back wall is filled with thick, impressive looking books. The man at the desk is Jack Grayson. He's around her father's age, someone he's known for a long time. Beca has met him a few times at her father's house.

"Beca, please come in." He stands and shakes her hand, "Make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you, this is my girlfriend, Chloe."

He takes her hand and gestures toward the other seat.

"Nice to meet you."

Once they're all seated, he speaks, professionally, but there is still a hint of sadness to his tone.

"So, you're father and step-mother had everything pretty well set in place which is a good thing. That means there's less work for you."

"What kinds of things?" Beca asks, she really has no idea.

"Well, for starters, the house was left in your name, so that means you can do what you want with it. You can stay here and live in it or sell it, that's one hundred percent up to you. As for their financials, they also left you in charge of that."

"Great." She grumbles, trying her best to mask the bubbling anxiety in her stomach.

"As you know, your parents were well off. You already have access to your trust fund, of course, but your sister's is set aside until she turns twenty-one. They've created a sort of allowance system, for Lucy's expenses: school, clothes, food, anything else she may need."

"Okay."

Chloe looks at the expression on Beca's face. She's focused, trying her best to follow along and not get too overwhelmed. Chloe holds out her hand and Beca grips it in both of hers, as if trying to anchor herself down.

"Then of course, most importantly is the issue of custody in regards to Lucy. In both of their wills you are named the guardian in this case."

Beca lets out a puff of air. She knew, somewhere in the back of her mind, that this was the logical move. She figured that her parents would give Lucy to her in the case that anything happened to them but they had never said that to her, in true Daniel and Sheila fashion, they never asked her.

"That does not mean you need to take her. It may be difficult but there are people out there that are willing and able to take care of her if you can't. No judgement."

Beca's eyes don't raise above the floor. She blinks a few times and everything seems to slow down. She feels Chloe's fingers move in her grip and she lifts her head up to look into her eyes.

"Baby?" Chloe sounds like she's underwater.

"Um, right, yeah. Uh, do I have to let you know right now?"

"Of course not. Take the day and give me a call. I want you to be absolutely sure about this. As soon as you are, one way or the other, I will draw up the paperwork and we can work it all out."

"Okay."

He gives her all the paperwork that she will need to keep track of the rest of her sudden responsibilities. She shakes his hand again and follows Chloe out the door, to the car. Neither of them say anything throughout the car ride. Chloe knows that Beca needs to think on it, she needs a few minutes to wrap her mind around this. She just focuses on the road. She tightens and loosens her grip on the steering wheel until they pull into the driveway. The radio stops and the engine cuts off and they are left in nearly complete silence.

"I can't take care of her." Beca says, suddenly.

"You take care of her all the time."

"Yeah, like I take her bowling and feed her too much pizza and then I send her home. I can't raise a kid. I can barely take care of myself."

"She's twelve, Bec. She's basically raised."

"I don't know. I can't ask you to-"

"You're not asking me to do anything."

Beca wants to fight. The way she does with everything else but she's just too tired. She unbuckles her seatbelt and sighs. Chloe's voice is quieter but still determined.

"Besides, I don't see any other choice. She's your sister, she needs you."

Beca nods, slowly, letting each word sink in.

"And if you don't take her in she'll get sent into the system and then you have no say in what happens to her."

"Maybe not."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't tell you this because I didn't want to freak you out, but something happened at the funeral."

"What?"

"Uh," She runs her hand over the back of her neck, "Sheila's cousin asked me if I was going to take Lucy."

"What did you say?'

"I didn't know what to say. But she basically offered to adopt her."

"And you told her to shove it, right?"

Beca hesitates. She should have. She wanted to, kind of. But there was another side of her that was almost grateful for this woman.

"I'm scared."

"I know, but you aren't doing it alone." Chloe grabs her hand and brings it to her mouth to kiss her knuckles, "We'll figure it out."

"I know that, but there's still this gnawing feeling, like, if I mess this up then it all falls on me."

"She's your sister and you love her. That's all that matters."

"It isn't though. It's so much more than that."

There's a long silence. Beca picks at the back of her sneaker that is now propped up on the seat.

"I guess I have a lot to think about before I give Jack an answer."

When they walk into the house Emily and Stacie have Lucy in the kitchen playing cards at the table. She looks like she just got out of the shower.

"Hey guys, how'd it go?" Emily asks.

Lucy looks down at her cards, still listening but trying to feign a look of disinterest.

"Good. A lot of stuff I knew already but it was just weird hearing it out loud."

Beca grabs two beers from the fridge and puts one in front of Chloe while popping open the other one. She takes a big swig before taking the space next to Lucy in her chair. She leans into Beca and sighs. Beca points to a card and Lucy nods before placing it down.

"Is Lucy kicking your ass?" Beca asks with a smirk.

"Yeah, but to be fair, we have no idea the rules to this game." Stacie says.

"That's cause we made it up when Lou was like four and the rules haven't changed."

Lucy went through a phase where all she would play were games that she would make up herself. Some of them stuck, like this card game, creatively called 'cards', while others fell by the wayside. Lucy grabs the stack of cards in the middle and hands them to Emily who puts them back in her hand.

"That's my girl." Beca scoffs and kisses Lucy's head, "Deal me in, I'm just going to change."

Chloe follows her upstairs and they both change into more comfortable clothes.

"We need to talk to her, Bec."

"I know, but it can wait until tonight. I'm going to bring Stacie to the airport and grab dinner with Luce. I'll talk to her then."

"Do you want me to go?"

Beca shakes her head, "No, that's okay. Why don't you go out with Aubrey and Emily, or something? Try to have a little fun."

"It doesn't seem right to be having fun right now."

"We have to start eventually, right?" Beca asks, pulling Chloe into her arms and kissing her shoulder, "Why not now?"

"Okay, if you're sure."

"One hundred percent. Now let's get downstairs so I can school you in cards."

"In your dreams, Mitchell."


	6. Let It Be Me

"I have to admit, I was a little surprised when you asked us to come out tonight." Aubrey says, taking a sip of her martini.

"Beca pretty much forced my hand." Chloe smiles, "She said it's time we start trying to be happy again."

Her heart isn't in being out. She wants to be with Beca and Lucy, but she also knows Beca is right. They have to start taking steps toward normalcy at some point and the longer they wait the worse it will be.

"How is she doing?"

"She's a ball of stress, not that I can blame her."

"You met with the lawyer today, right?"

Chloe nods, "He said Beca has been left in charge of their financials and has been granted custody of Lucy, if she chooses to take it."

"Which she's going to." Aubrey says, sounding very sure of herself.

When Chloe doesn't answer she lifts an eyebrow and puts her drink down.

"Why don't you look sure about that?"

"She isn't reacting the way I thought. I figured that it wouldn't even be a question, you know? Lucy is her blood, I just thought she would come back to the city with us and we would figure out the rest of it."

"She doesn't want to take her."

"I think she's just scared. You know Beca, she needs to be told over and over again how amazing and capable she is before she believes it."

"Is that really the way you want to go into raising a child?"

"I don't see any other way."

Their conversation is broken by Emily walking into the bar and sitting down on the other side of Chloe, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey Em."

"Hey, sorry my lecture ran long."

"No problem, we ordered you a drink, we figured you could use it." Chloe slides her glass over to her.

"I definitely can. What are we talking about?"

Aubrey opens her mouth to say something but Chloe speaks first.

"Nothing important. What was your lecture about?"

Beca tries not to notice how Lucy checks her seatbelt three times or how tightly she grips the handle on the door when the car starts and stops. She understands why cars are not Lucy's favorite place to be but if she thinks about it too much she will make herself a nervous wreck. She doesn't drive often anymore, not since she moved to the city, and after all of this she's thankful for it.

"Chloe didn't want to come for my big send off?" Stacie asks, breaking the silence in the car.

"I told her to go do something fun."

"With Aubrey? Yeah good luck with that."

They share a light laugh and Beca flips on her directional to turn onto the highway. It's about an hour to the airport from Barden. Lucy looks out the window, her forehead against the cool glass while she watches the passing buckeye trees.

"When do you go back to work?" Beca asks.

"Tomorrow night. I'm on call all week in the ER on top of my regular office hours so it should be interesting."

"What about Bella?"

"She'll be with my parents. Don't worry about us, Bec. You have enough to think about right now."

Lucy's eyes flicker to the front seat to see Beca's reaction. She doesn't look back at her but her shoulders tense and she can see her knuckles whiten against the steering wheel.

"Yeah, we should be back in the city soon enough."

Lucy's cheeks get hot and her heart beats a little faster. She isn't sure if that 'we' includes her or not and she's too afraid to ask.

A majority of the car ride is in silence. The radio is on quietly but the whooshing of the passing cars almost completely drowns it out. Rain starts to lightly patter against the windshield.

"Alright, this is my gate."

Stacie hops out of the car and walks over to Lucy's rolled down window. She leans down and speaks softly to her.

"I'll see you soon, stranger."

"Yeah." She says, not actually sure if she's right.

"Watch out for your sister, alright?"

"I will."

Stacie leans in and kisses her cheek. She gives her a smile before she takes her bag that Beca has gotten out of the trunk. They hold each other tight for a couple minutes. Beca wants to cry, she wants to never let her go because having the Bellas with her has given her some fake sense of security. She feels it too suddenly being torn away from her and she holds onto Stacie tighter.

"I'll see you soon, Bec. I love you."

"I love you too."

"You're amazing, don't forget that."

"I won't." Beca smirks, "See you soon, Dr. Conrad."

Stacie walks into the airport and Beca watches her go. She leans down to speak to Lucy through the window.

"You wanna move up into the passenger's seat, Miss Daisy?"

"I'm good here."

Beca doesn't push. She climbs back into the driver's seat and puts the car in drive. She maneuvers through the frustratingly confusing streets of the airport and starts toward home.

"Where do you wanna stop for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry."

Beca gives her a look in the rearview mirror.

"Well, I'm starving, so if you don't care, I'll pick."

Lucy shrugs and Beca keeps driving until she sees a sign for a small diner right off the highway. She pulls into the dirt parking lot and waits until she hears Lucy's seatbelt unfasten before she gets out of the car.

Beca slides into the booth and watches Lucy slide in across from her. She watches the waitress pour coffee for the guy sitting at the counter. Despite having lived in the south for four years, she always suffers a bit of culture shock when she comes back. It's a truck stop diner typical of any mid-budget indie film but it has its charm she supposes. The waitress comes over, she has a pen stuck through her high bun, her apron is askew but she has a kind smile and a gentle voice; not at all what Beca was expecting.

"What can I get for you ladies?" She gives a quick look to Lucy but her question is directed to Beca.

"How's your coffee?"

"It's sludge, but it'll keep you awake."

"Perfect, I'll take the biggest cup you have," She opens her menu, "and a cheeseburger."

"And for you darlin'?"

"A water please."

"And to eat?"

"She'll have a turkey club." Beca interjects.

The waitress smiles, collects the menus and walks away.

"Chloe's gonna kill you for ordering that."

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

Lucy shrugs and slides further down in her seat. The waitress comes back with their drinks.

"Food'll be out in a bit."

Beca smiles at her and she continues on her way to the guy at the counter.

"So are you ever gonna tell me what Jack said?"

"That's why we're here."

"I thought you were starving."

"Nah," Beca takes a sip of her coffee, "oh, she wasn't kidding, that's disgusting."

Lucy looks at her in disbelief. Her sister can be frustratingly elusive.

"Beca."

"Okay, okay, sorry. I guess I'm still processing."

"That bad, huh?" Lucy says, spinning her straw around in her cup.

"No, I just, I'm not built for this, you know?"

"No one is. So the question is are you gonna buck up and deal with it or not?"

Beca is taken by surprise by her sister's brashness.

"I don't want to go live with Rachel."

"She said something to you?"

That same fire from the night before bubbles up in her stomach and she clenches her fists on top of the table.

"Someone had to, Beca, you weren't."

"I know, that isn't fair to you. But when Jack said that Dad and Sheila put me in the will to take you, my mind just kind of exploded."

"You don't have to, you know? You have an out. Rachel, foster care, there are options."

Beca sighs. She rubs her hands over her face and kicks the metal pole that holds the table, creating a loud clatter from the silverware.

"I want you to have the best life you can. I've always wanted that and a majority of that depended on Sheila and Dad being around. Am I really the next best thing?"

"I don't know. But you're the only thing left." She picks apart her napkin, "Unless you don't wanna be."

They stare at each other until their food comes. They eat in silence.

The rest of Chloe's night goes on as any other night out would. They drink, they get food, they talk and laugh and for a little while everything feels normal. Chloe drinks a little more than she maybe should so Aubrey drives her home. Chloe pauses before undoing her seatbelt.

"Beca's not back yet."

"Chlo, I know that you want to make sure that Beca and Lucy are taken care of."

"If you're going to say what I think you are then don't." Chloe's voice is harsh. She's had this conversation with Aubrey time and time again.

"Just hear me out for a minute. I know that you love her, that you love both of them, but you need to make sure that whatever decision you guys come to, that it isn't just for their sake. You need to make sure that it's something you can live with too, that it's something that makes you happy."

"Beca makes me happy."

When Chloe looks into Aubrey's eyes she knows she means it. She always does. She's seen the way that Chloe's whole demeanor has changed, has brightened, has strengthened, since Beca came into her life. She also knows that means she would do anything to make sure Beca never left.

"Okay, I'll support you, no matter what. I love you."

"I love you too." Chloe says with a gentle smile, "Have a safe flight tomorrow."

They pull each other into a tight embrace and hold on for a while. When Chloe finally gets out of the car she waits until Aubrey pulls out of the driveway before she goes back into the house. She changes out of her clothes and goes to sit on the porch to wait for Beca and Lucy.

The car ride is just as quiet. Lucy sits in the back seat with her head tilted back on the headrest. Beca can't tell if she's fallen asleep or not. Beca's mind switches between her conversation with Lucy and the one she had with Jack earlier that morning. When they get back home, Chloe is sitting on the porch with a cup of tea. Lucy unbuckles quickly and walks inside and up to her room before anyone has time to say something to her. Beca falls down onto the swing next to Chloe. She rubs her hands over her face and feels Chloe's gentle fingertips running up and down on her arms.

"The talk went well I take it."

Beca groans, "I feel like my stomach is eating itself."

"I'm sorry, baby."

Chloe kisses her head and gently pushes the swing back and forth with her foot. It takes a while for her to realize Beca's crying.

"She told me to put her in foster care."

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure that she thinks I don't want her. But that's not it."

"What is it then?"

Beca picks at her nails. She contemplates how to say what she wants to say. She hasn't been able to put the thought together in her own head, let alone out loud to another person.

"She deserves a life with parents."

"She does." Chloe speaks and her voice calms everything down, it washes over Beca and she can feel her own heartbeat slow, "But that isn't an option anymore. Not with the parents she deserves."

"That isn't fair."

"Very few things are."

"Thanks, that's helpful." Beca snaps. She checks her tone before she continues, "She deserves better than me."

"There's no one better than you. The thing she needs right now, more than anything, is someone who understands what she's going through."

"I'm gonna ask you one more time. Do you honestly believe we can do this?"

Chloe pauses, but it isn't telling. Everything stays the same; her breathing, the gentle rocking, the slackness in her muscles. Beca adjusts herself so she is staring into Chloe's piercing blue eyes. She wants to see her when she gets the answer. She isn't sure what answer she's hoping for, but she waits with bated breath.

"I do."

"Okay then, we're doing this. We're raising a kid."

Chloe leans in and pulls Beca into her, kissing her forehead then her lips.

"The last thing I want is for her to think I don't need her in my life."

"Then you need to tell her that, and keep telling her; everyday if you have to."

Chloe rests her cheek against the top of Beca's head. A strong breeze makes its way through the front yard. It rustles the leaves and turns Beca's attention to the stars in the sky. The night sky was always one of her favorite things about living in the south. There was so much of it to see and it never ceased to amaze her. Every once in a while in the city she'll catch a glimpse of the constellations she's grown to know but it's never the same.

"Did I ever tell you about when she was born?"

"No, I don't think so."

"I was fifteen, so I was a total monster. My mom had sent me here to spend half the summer with my dad because she just couldn't deal with me anymore, not that anyone was probably surprised by that."

Chloe knows how much turbulence there is between Beca and her mother but she can't imagine how much worse it must have been when she was a teenager.

"It was the day before I was leaving to go back to Seattle when Sheila went into labor. My dad always said that she was born on that day just so she could meet me before I left." She smirks at her next thought. "I got to pick her middle name."

"What is it again?"

"Jane." Beca smiles, "After Jane Austen. My dad had sent me a collection of her books and we were reading Pride and Prejudice."

"That's pretty special, Bec. You've been a part of her since she was born. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything." Chloe answers, without a second thought.

"Can you keep reminding me of that?"

Chloe smirks, thinking back to the conversation she had earlier with Aubrey.

"Of course, sweetheart."

Beca and Chloe walk up to Lucy's closed bedroom door. Daniel's voice drifts through the small crack underneath, along with the gentle glow of her bedside lamp. Beca knocks, not too loud so she doesn't scare her.

"Come in."

Daniel's voice stops. When they walk in, Lucy is curled up in her bed with her laptop open beside her. She pushes herself up to sit criss-cross and give them space to sit in front of her.

"Hey, can we talk to you for a second?"

"Sure."

"So, Chloe and I were talking just now and we came to a decision."

Beca pauses. Up until this point it seemed like it was all her decision. She hadn't thought about the fact that Lucy may not want to live with them. She may not want to leave Georgia, to leave her friends and her school, leave behind everything familiar. Beca takes in a shaky breath but she gains back a little bit of bravery when Chloe's hand finds her lower back.

"We would, I mean, if you want to, um, we decided to,"

She flounders and looks to Chloe for help. Thankfully, her girlfriend is much more eloquent than her in these types of situations. She sits down on the other side of Beca and takes Lucy's hand in her own.

"Would you like to come live with us? Because we would love it if you did. I know that a lot of things are really scary and undecided right now, but I think if we were at least together then maybe it wouldn't feel as overwhelming. What do you think?"

The minute or two that she takes to think it over feels like an eternity to Beca. Her heart beats faster with every second and her hands are starting to sweat. She bites her lower lip, runs her tongue over it, then bites it again. She can't read Lucy's expression and it makes her stomach muscles clench.

"Yeah, I think so too."

Beca heaves a sigh of relief and lets her shoulders slump down.

"Are we going to have to sell this house?"

"I'm not sure yet." Beca says, once again finding her voice, "We'll talk about it. This is your home and we aren't going to make any decisions without talking to you first. You're just as much a part of this as we are, okay?"

Lucy nods. She doesn't say anything else and they assume she wants to be alone so they get up to leave.

"Beca?"

"Yeah?"

When Beca turns back around the look on Lucy's face is one of utter relief. She knows her sister loves her but she wasn't sure if she was ready to take her on full time. She lifts her chin up and it's clear she's trying to look tough; something her father had tried to teach her. It doesn't work and tears begin to fall before she can stop them. Beca walks back over and wraps her arms around her. She kisses her temple.

"I love you, kid."

"I love you too. What do we do now?"

Beca pulls back, "You know, I have no idea. I'm flying by the seat of my pants here."

The expression makes Lucy laugh, a light little scoff.

"But where I go, you go, and vice versa, and wherever that is, we'll figure it out together. Deal?"

"Deal."


	7. The Perfect Space

Beca isn't sure what wakes her; if it's the sun coming through the window, the breeze pushing its way past the curtains or the empty space on the bed next to her, occupied only by a note. She blinks her eyes until the bleariness of sleep is gone completely.

morning baby,

went to run some errands and to the hardware store to get boxes. See you when I get back.

love you xx

The closer it gets to moving day, the antsier she gets. She knows the adjustment won't be easy. She knows that Lucy must be dreading it, but she can't fight the little bit of selfishness in knowing she'll be back in her own bed, and back at work, in the next couple of days.

She walks downstairs and the second she enters the kitchen she can sense the anger radiating off of her sister. Lucy is sitting at the kitchen island, staring at the gray and white pattern of the backsplash above the stove. Beca purposefully makes noise when she walks into the room so she doesn't scare her but Lucy still doesn't move.

"Hey, you been up long?"

Beca doesn't get an answer. She's exhausted. The turbulence in the house is enough to make anyone motion sick. They're all hurting but Lucy hasn't settled on one mood long enough for them to have a regular conversation in days. Beca doesn't say anything else, she just starts brewing her coffee and making a breakfast that she knows Lucy won't eat.

Chloe has checklists all over the kitchen; some are sitting on the counter, some are clipped up on the refrigerator, but Beca tries to avoid looking at them just now. It's overwhelming, the amount of stuff she needs to do, for Lucy, for the house, and it all needs to be done before they leave Georgia. Beca places a plate of eggs and toast in front of Lucy and she pushes it away.

"I'm not eating this."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

One look at Lucy and Beca feels all of the breath leave her body. She looks exactly like their father when he would argue. The way one eyebrow lifts, only slightly, the way her lips form a perfectly straight line and the vein in her forehead pokes out a little bit. She's firm and steadfast, despite her tiny frame. But Beca knows this is a battle she finally needs to choose.

"We will sit here until you eat. I've got all day."

"I know for a fact that you don't," Lucy starts, "and I'm not a little kid."

"Then stop acting like one and eat your damn food."

Beca pulls the plate closer to Lucy but she pushes it, forcefully, off of the counter and it shatters against the tile.

"What the hell?"

"Stop, Beca. Just stop. You're not my mother." Lucy yells, standing from her stool and taking a few steps toward the doorway.

"I know that." Beca says, still stunned.

"Because my mom is dead."

She turns on her heel and looks into Beca's eyes. The fire has engulfed, not only her eyes, but her entire body; it's somehow terrifying and intoxicating at the same time.

"I watched her take her last breath. Do you have any idea what that's like? I already knew dad was dead. She was all I had left and then, all of a sudden, she was gone too."

"No, I can't imagine." Beca admits.

"It was the worst sound I've ever heard. I can still hear it when it's really quiet. It was like a wheeze and a click and then complete silence."

Beca can see her hands shaking, she can hear the same tremble in her voice.

"Then they took her away and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. They said I wouldn't have to. They told me they were going to help her. They promised me."

Beca feels the familiar anger, the anger that's been simmering underneath her gut and in her heart for days. It's bubbling up again and she isn't sure how much longer she can contain it.

"They shouldn't have said that to you."

Lucy lets the facade of strength fall and she drops down back down onto her stool.

"Why did they lie?"

"I don't know, that wasn't fair."

"None of this is fair."

"No, it's not."

Chloe walks into the room. The air is heavy and thick with the admissions. She pauses until she gets a gentle nod from Beca. She drops the empty boxes on the floor and curses her horrible timing.

The very idea of leaving the only home she's ever known is weighing heavier on Lucy than either of them could ever imagine. She's already lost so much, adding home to that list almost seems impossible.

"Everything okay in here?"

Chloe looks between them both but neither of them say anything. She notices the smattering of eggs and ceramic on the floor near the oven.

"I'll go get the broom." She says, leaving the room to allow them time to finish their conversation.

"Luce, listen to me for a second."

Lucy turns to look at Beca and she can tell that she's already embarrassed about her outburst.

"I know I'm not your mom and I will never try to be. Sheila was a great woman and she was an amazing mom to you, I know that. But, I'm always gonna try to be a good big sister, it's kind of my job now. Which means looking out for your health and your happiness, okay?"

"Mhm."

"We just need to find out what this new arrangement means for all of us. I've never done this before either."

"I'm sorry."

Lucy's voice is quiet, it's tired, and scared, and sad. It's everything Beca has come to know it as within the past couple weeks. Lucy's a new kid now and she needs to relearn her. She needs to realize that she went through something she can't ever forget. She will do the best she can to help her through this but she needs to remember that Lucy is her own person. Even in the face of the same disaster, everyone's worlds shatter in differently shaped shards.

"Don't be sorry. But can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why aren't you eating?"

Lucy sighs, "I just kind of feel sick all the time. The thought of putting food into my mouth makes me want to throw up."

"Do you think that's because of everything that's going on, or do we need to go to a doctor?"

Lucy shrugs. She honestly has no idea.

"Okay, if you don't start eating in the next couple of days, we're going to the doctor. Deal?"

"Deal."

Chloe decides, after listening at the door, that it's safe to go back in. She hands the broom to Lucy when she extends her hands and she sweeps up the mess.

"Will you guys help me pack up my room?"

"Of course, sweetheart." Chloe answers, already working on assembling the boxes.

They work for most of the day, folding clothes, sorting them into piles; what needs to be donated and what Lucy is keeping. They put her trophies and certificates in a box for storage, all of her sports equipment and books are put into various boxes to ship to New York.

"The movers are coming the day after tomorrow so we'll start to bring the boxes downstairs for them. But first we have something important to do." Beca says.

Lucy grabs the piece of paper from her nightstand and follows Beca and Chloe outside to their car.

Chloe parks the car and there are almost no other cars around. Beca pops the trunk and pulls out the small black urns.

"Lead the way, Lou."

Lucy starts toward the trail that she usually walks with her parents. It's a place she knows like the back of her hand. Her and her parents would picnic at Walker's Ledge on weekends or sometimes they would just go for walks on nice summer evenings. It's where she learned to ride a bike and where she got her first bee sting. It's not much to speak of, just a walking path with little plaques here and there describing wildlife and historical landmarks; which are mostly just big rocks. Except for one spot, the waterfall.

She leads them to the Red Falls. It's where Daniel proposed to Sheila, a little over fourteen years ago.

"So this is it, huh?" Beca asks, mostly because she doesn't know what else to say.

"This is it." Lucy confirms.

Beca and Chloe place the urns down on a rock and take a step back. The splashing of the water is loud but not overwhelmingly so, so they decide this is as good a spot as any.

"So, what do we do?" Lucy asks.

"Um, I don't really know. Do you have anything you want to say?I kind of did all of my talking at the funeral."

Lucy reaches into her shorts pocket and sighs in relief when she feels the crumple of the small piece of paper. She pulls it out and holds it up for the others to see.

"I could read my letter, if that's okay."

"Of course it is, Lou. That's a great idea." Beca says.

Lucy unfolds it and takes a few deep breaths. She looks up quickly to her sister and Chloe. She's met with expectant looks and a gentle smile from Chloe so she starts to read.

"Dear Mom and Dad, You won't ever read this. I know that. But I was thinking today about Mom telling me when her grandma died that she wrote a letter and attached it to a balloon to send it to heaven. I've been thinking about a lot of things actually. I was thinking about your favorite songs and your favorites foods and what you smell like and what your laughs sound like. I was thinking that maybe I should write it all down before I forget it. There's no one left in the world that knows our family like we do. There's no one left that knows the feeling of watching tv on the couch on a Thursday, just the three of us; how Dad would fall asleep and pretend like he wasn't when we would call him out on it. Or the feeling of riding in the car, when mom's favorite song would come on and she would turn it up, just a little, like we wouldn't notice if she didn't bring attention to it. There are a lot of things that I've been thinking about, and a lot of things that I don't ever want to think about ever again.

Like the way you looked in the hospital bed, your face bruised and cut up. The fact that there is so much you're going to miss out on; my high school graduation, my college graduation, Beca's wedding, your grandchildren, everything else that happens to me for the rest of my life. I know you won't ever read this, but I guess just writing it down makes me feel a little better. I don't know why. I miss you. I'll never stop missing you and I know Beca won't either. I'll try to make you proud, I promise. I love you both. I hope you've found a library up there; find your favorites and write notes in the margins; I'll be there to read them someday."

Lucy folds the paper back up and sticks it back in her pocket. Chloe is furiously wiping tears from her cheeks and Beca is clenching her jaw as tightly as she can to stop herself from crying.

"That was a nice letter, Lou." Beca says, she holds her hand out for Lucy to take it, which she does.

"Now what?"

"We let them go."

Beca hands Sheila's urn to Lucy and she takes Daniel's. They open them and neither of them think too long about the fact that this pile of ashes is the only earthly thing left of their parents. They wait for a strong breeze before they pour them out and watch them swirl and disperse amongst nature.

"You know my Mom believed in reincarnation." Lucy says.

"What do you think she'll come back as?" Chloe asks.

"Something beautiful."

"And Dad?"

Lucy thinks for a moment, "Something sturdy."

And that is the most accurate thing Beca could ever think of describe Daniel. She pulls Lucy into her side and she feels Chloe place her hand on the small of her back. They stand there until it starts to get buggy.

"Alright, Lou, I think it's time to go kid."

"One more thing."

Lucy nods and bends down to the ground. She grabs a sharp rock and walks over to a tree. She carves a squiggly 'DM, SM, 2018' into its bark.

"They didn't get tombstones, so."

"It's perfect." Chloe says.

"Bye Mom, bye Dad."


	8. I and Love and You

The morning of the move comes quickly. Beca and Chloe are both up early but they wait as long as they can to wake Lucy. They have no idea what mood she'll be in and they want to get as much done as they can, just in case she decides to be difficult.

Beca isn't all that surprised to find Lucy awake in her bed when she peeks her head in. She walks over and lays next to her. Lucy moves in closer to her and rests her head on Beca's chest. Her heartbeat is steady, its comforting. She grips her shirt in her fist and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly while she thinks.

"How did you sleep?"

"Fine. You?"

"Alright. Chloe kept kicking me in the shin. She's such a bed hog."

Lucy scoffs. Beca holds the silence. She wishes she could pack it up and take it with them. She knows as soon as they get to New York they'll never find this silence again. Everything is too busy and too loud and too big there. She isn't sure how Lucy will deal with moving somewhere so different but she hopes that it'll help. She hopes it will offer enough of a contrast to help her move on.

"Is everything packed up?"

"Mhm."

"Good, you should probably get up. The movers will be here in an hour."

"What time do we leave for the airport?"

Beca stands. One look at Lucy and she can tell she's nervous. She's had the same habit since she was little; something their dad taught them.

' _When you're nervous pick a spot on the wall behind the person you're talking too and stare. Don't look away from it, stay stoic. Don't let it show.'_

"two."

"Oh."

Beca's pretty sure there's something she wants to say, but before she can ask her about it they are interrupted by a loud knock at the door. It's pushed open. Emily walks into the room with a big smile on her face.

"Hey Em." Beca greets her.

"Hey, can I steal our girl for a bit?"

"Sure."

Beca places a gentle hand on Emily's shoulder before she walks out of the room. They spoke last night, she knows exactly what's going on. Emily bends down next to the bed and pushes a piece of hair behind Lucy's ear.

"Where are we going?"

"I have a surprise for you. Hurry up and get dressed."

And as quickly as she entered the room, she's gone. Lucy dresses in comfy clothes, not wanting to bother with anything restricting on the plane later.

She doesn't normally do well with surprises. And to be truthful, she thought she had enough surprises in the past couple weeks to last her a lifetime, but she trusts Emily. She knows that it won't be anything bad so she walks downstairs and into the kitchen. Emily is helping move some boxes to the front hall.

"Ready to go?"

"I would be more ready if you told me where you're taking me."

"That would take all the fun out of it, come on."

She sends a quick look to Chloe but she is simply met with a reassuring smile. She follows Emily out the door to her car. They drive for a few minutes, toward Barden. It's a route she knows better than anything else in the world. Emily parks in the staff parking lot and waits patiently while Lucy gets out of the backseat.

She wasn't sure that she wanted to come back here before she left but it seems now she isn't being given an option. She follows Emily into the building where Daniel taught most of his classes. She used to sit in on lectures from time to time. This building is where she learned about Twain and Bronte, Dickinson and Kafka, Shakespeare and Miller and WIlliams. She took it for granted at the time; she thought she would have years of listening to her father pass down his wisdom to his students, to her.

"Okay, so it isn't finished but I wanted you to see it in person before you left."

"What?"

Emily pushes the door open to the main hall. To the left, near the lounge area, up on the wall is a half finished portrait. It's the beginnings of Daniel's likeness. She stops where she is, too afraid to move forward. Emily puts her hand on her back and urges her ahead. The closer she gets the more detail she can make out.

In the background of the painting there are small letters, an excerpt from his favorite novel.

' _We can experience nothing but the present moment, live in no other second of time, and to understand this is as close as we can get to eternal life.'_

"How?"

"Your dad left a lot of money to the school in his will. The board thought this would be a good way to honor him."

"Thank you for showing this to me."

Emily pulls her into her side and kisses her hair.

"No one here is going to forget your dad. Least of all me. I owe a lot to him and to your mom. He was the whole reason I decided I wanted to teach."

"You never told me that before."

Lucy pulls away from her and looks up with curious eyes.

"I've never really said it out loud before."

"You're going to be a great teacher, Em. You've already taught me a ton of stuff." She lowers her voice, "Probably stuff I'll never actually need to know but hey."

"Excuse me, when you win Who Wants to Be a Millionaire because you know how many stages are in an ordinary sleep cycle, I expect some of that money."

"Or I could keep the money and sleep peacefully through all four of them."

Emily nudges her.

"I'm gonna miss you so damn much."

Lucy nods, "Maybe once you graduate you could come live in New York with us."

"Yeah, maybe."

She can tell by the tone in her voice and the way she looks down when she says it, that she isn't even considering it.

"Okay, enough being sad, but there's one more thing."

Emily pulls her down the hallway. They stop in front of two heavy wooden doors. On the side there's a plaque that reads: Daniel A. and Sheila R. Mitchell Lecture Hall.

"This is the first hall your dad ever taught a class in."

"This is so amazing. He would love all of this."

"He would pretend not to though."

"Totally."

Lucy lets her fingertips run over the engraved letters, careful not to leave any fingerprints on the pristine metal.

"I should probably get you back to your sister."

"Yeah, probably."

When they get back to the house Lucy gets out of the car but doesn't move toward the door. She gestures to the much smaller house next door.

"I'll be in in a minute. There's just something I have to do first."

Emily nods and walks into the house. Lucy walks through the yard and up the front steps of the house. She knocks and waits. She can hear shuffling before the click of the lock. She is met with the same gentle, worn features she's known through her whole life.

"Hi, Mrs. Reed."

"Lucy, dear, come in."

"I can't stay long."

"Let's sit then." She shuffles over to the porch swing and Lucy sits next to her.

"I just wanted to come say goodbye."

"Chloe mentioned you were leaving today."

Lucy switches her weight from foot to foot. The breeze pushes her hair into her face and she doesn't move it away; instead letting the air push it wherever it wants.

"Thank you for everything you've done for us, and for everything you've done for like, my whole life."

"It's been my pleasure, sweetheart," She places a hand on Lucy's knee, "you are going to be just fine."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I am. Do you know why?"

Lucy shakes her head.

"Because you have people all around you that love you. After Walter died I thought that I would never be able to move on. I thought I would die of a broken heart, but something incredible happened, only a few days later, that saved me from the sadness."

"What was it?"

"The young couple next door had a baby girl."

Lucy had never heard this story. The way Mrs. Reed talked about Walter, it always seemed like he had been dead forever. Mrs. Reed had been a part of her life since she could remember so it all makes sense, and yet it's still a surprise.

"Your parents let me take care of you and be a part of your life. Miss Lucy, you have been a gift since you were born and you will continue to be just that for your sister and for Chloe, and for me."

"But I'm leaving."

"Yes, but we can talk on the telephone and you can come visit. I can go on knowing that you are going to do remarkable things."

Lucy lets tears fall down her cheeks. It's in this moment that realizes that someone can make such a deep impact without realizing it.

"Can we make it a weekly thing?"

"Every Sunday after church." Mrs. Reed agrees.

"You can tell me all the gossip with Meredith and Charles."

Mrs. Reed laughs, her same gentle chuckle she's always had and Lucy has to push away the fact that it's the last time she'll hear it in person, at least for a while. She wraps Mrs. Reed tightly in a hug and doesn't want to let go.

"I have one more thing for you."

Mrs. Reed gets up from the swing, with a little help form Lucy and disappears into the house. She returns a minute or two later with a powder blue box. It has a metal hook keeping it closed. It's decorated with colorful birds and wooden bird houses. She places it in Lucy's hands, but keeps her own on top of them.

"These are all of my recipes."

"I couldn't take them." Lucy says, shaking her head.

"I want you to have them. I don't have anyone else to pass them along to. Besides, some of my favorite memories in this house have been in that kitchen with you. You used to tie one of my aprons around your waist, it was so big it would sweep the floor, and you would dance around to Ella Fitzgerald and sing your little heart out. This is to remind you to keep smiling and keep creating things that make you happy."

Lucy looks down at the box, at Mrs. Reeds wrinkled hands. She closes her eyes for just a minute.

"I'll never forget anything you've done for me. You're one of my favorite people in the world."

"And you, mine."

Mrs. Reed kisses Lucy's cheek and gestures next door.

"You should get going. Your sister will be looking for you soon, I'm sure."

"Yeah, okay. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, my dear."

Walking back into the house from the breeziness of the early afternoon makes Lucy choke. It's hot and noisy and chaotic inside. She immediately puts the box into her backpack that is sitting near the front door.

Beca and Chloe are moving the last few boxes to the living room while the movers walk back and forth with the furniture from Lucy's bedroom and some of the other bigger things they've decided to take with them.

"Hey, you okay?" Beca asks, setting down the box, labeled books, with a huff.

"Yeah, I just went to say goodbye to Mrs. Reed."

"I'm sorry, kid. I know this isn't easy."

"No, it's not, but it's getting a little easier."

Chloe walks into the room, having come to a realization the night before. Since arriving in Georgia, she hadn't heard Lucy talk about a single friend from school. No one had come around looking for her or to check on her. There were no kids at the funeral, nothing. She asked Beca about it but she didn't seem to have any insight.

"Hey Luce?" Lucy looks up at her, "What about your friends from school? Isn't there anyone you want to say goodbye to?"

Lucy shrugs, "Not really."

"No one? What about a best friend or your teammates from the softball team?"

"Emily's my best friend."

Emily smiles at the compliment but she also knows that Lucy has never had an easy time making friends; she's too smart and too mature and the other kids could never quite get a handle on that.

"I don't know, I never felt like those kids were worth getting to know."

"Lone wolf." Beca says in support, but even she knows that it isn't healthy for Lucy not to have anyone her own age to talk to.

"Exactly. I have all the friends I need."

Chloe doesn't press it any further. She knows that today, of all days, is not the day to delve into that situation. She hopes in New York that Lucy will be able to meet some kids her own age; she definitely will be introduced to a little more diversity there and that could be a good thing for her.

The rest of the moving process goes by quickly. The movers are left to finish up, under the supervision of Emily. A tearful goodbye with Emily, with a promise of a visit as soon as possible and updates from everyone, and then they're off to the airport.

They arrive back in the city a few hours later. Beca pushes the door open to the apartment. It's the one she and Chloe bought soon after she got her record deal. It's close to the studio and to Chloe's school and it fit them perfectly, although now they may need to look into getting a bigger place, yet again.

"So this will be your room, once we clear it out."

Beca flips on the light and it's clearly her office. It has a computer, several musical instruments, and some mixing equipment set up on one side with a small couch on the other.

"But until then you'll be on the pullout in the living room. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's cool. I'm actually really tired. Can I go to sleep?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I'll go set it up." Chloe says.

Lucy changes into her pajamas and she isn't surprised to find both Chloe and Beca laying on the pullout waiting for her. Beca slaps the empty space on the mattress next to her. Lucy climbs in and covers herself up with the quilt.

"I'm so proud of you, Lou. Today was a big deal and you got through it."

"One day at a time." Chloe says.

"Mhm."

Lucy lets the exhaustion from every emotion that's been running through her, and the traveling and the packing, and everything else that's been building for the past few days, take over her body. Her limbs feel heavy and her eyelids feel even heavier. Chloe's fingers tangle in her hair and Beca's fingertips move up and down her arm until she is sound asleep.

They both climb off of the flimsy mattress as carefully as possible to go get ready for bed themselves. Today was a good day. It was progress and they both feel a little more confident that they will be able to get through this. One day at a time. One seemingly impossible day at a time.


	9. Changing Landscapes

Lucy wakes up in the middle of the night from another nightmare. But if anyone asked it was because of the sounds from the endless traffic. She jumps slightly when an ambulance lets out a loud whoop on the street below. She climbs out of the bed and walks down the hall.

"Beca?" She tries to keep her voice quiet but it still feels too loud through the dark.

Beca's eyes blink open as she looks to the doorway where Lucy is standing anxiously.

"Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah," She has tears on her cheeks and her voice is shaky, like she's trying to hold back sobs, "I just, um, you know what, it's stupid; sorry. I'm sorry."

Beca sits up quickly and turns on the lamp.

"Hey, it's okay. Come here."

Lucy hesitates before she shuffles into the room and sits on the edge of the bed. She didn't come into the room when they first got to the apartment. It felt like an invasion of Beca and Chloe's privacy. Beca licks her lips and pulls her hair up into a messy bun on top of her head. Chloe is still sound asleep with her face buried in the pillow next to her.

"I've been having the same dream about dad since I got the phone call." Beca says, "Do you remember the Christmas, you were probably eight, when your mom was working and dad tried to cook us dinner, but he ended up burning like everything. So he took us out to dinner at that Chinese food place."

Lucy scoffs and nods.

"Then he said something, probably something so small, and I went off on him. I told him he ruined my life and I wish we had never mended our relationship. I said a lot of really horrible stuff."

There's a long silence. The cars and the people outside try to fill it but their situation seems to drown them in it, in every long breath and heavy pause. It weighs them down; keeping them from moving.

Lucy had never asked Beca about why they didn't speak or get along when she was really little, she never felt it was her place. She can see it though, the guilt; it's in her eyes and her heavy shoulders, it looks the same as it did on their father.

"I can't take any of that back."

"I keep dreaming about the night it happened. Before they left I told them that I didn't want to see their faces. I actually said that, and now I can't ever see them again."

"They know you didn't mean it. They know you love them."

Lucy bites her lower lip, "Maybe, but I still wish I could take it back."

Beca puts her hand on her knee and gives it a quick squeeze.

"I guess the only thing left to do is forgive ourselves."

"I don't know how to do that."

"Yeah," Beca sighs, "me either."

Chloe stirs and groans. Beca places a steady hand on her back and waits to make sure she doesn't wake up. She signals toward the door and Lucy gets up to go back to the living room. Beca shuts off the lamp and follows her to the pullout couch. She covers them both up with the light blanket. The fall air hasn't quite hit the city yet, since it's just now the early hours of September first. She rubs Lucy's back until she falls asleep.

Beca doesn't get much sleep herself because her mind won't shut off. She runs through the list of things she needs to do as soon as she gets to work in the morning. She also makes a mental grocery list, tries to remember if she packed everything Lucy could possibly need from the house in Georgia. She does all this and before she knows it, she can hear her alarm in her bedroom. Chloe shuffles out and hands the phone over.

Beca takes it and shuts off the alarm before it wakes Lucy up. She stands and kisses Chloe. She smiles, the same sleepy smile that greets her every morning and Beca lets herself feel how good it is to be back home with her girl.

"Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?"

"My guess is better than you did." Chloe says, pointing to Lucy, still snoring slightly, "You look exhausted."

"Well, gee, don't make me blush."

Beca smiles and pulls Chloe into the kitchen so she can make coffee.

"You're sure that you're okay to stay with her today? Because I can call the guys and-"

"No way. I know how excited you are to go back to work. This has kept you away for long enough."

"Yeah."

"Besides, I think it will be good for both of you."

"What do you mean?"

Beca pours two mugs of coffee and puts sugar in both. She's surprised they still have either. She grabs a piece of paper and sits at the table to start writing down the grocery list she has in her head from last night.

"You need to make music again. I've seen what it does for you when you're going through a hard time. I know how much you need it."

"But what about Lou?"

"I think some separation will be good for her. You're her crutch, Bec."

"Isn't that what she needs right now?"

"What she needs right now is to find out who she is in this new world."

Beca sighs and rubs her hands over her face. Every conversation now feels too heavy. It's barely six in the morning and she feels like she's already lived the whole day. She takes a big sip of her coffee and pushes her body out of the chair. It almost feels foreign to her, getting ready in her own bedroom and bathroom. While she's curling her hair, Lucy walks in and sits on the edge of the bed behind her.

"Dude, you look so tired. Go back to bed."

"I'm okay," She twiddled her thumbs, "so you're going back to work today."

It isn't a question and she can hear the anxiousness.

"Yeah, Chloe is going to hang with you here while I get some stuff done at the studio."

"Can I come with you?"

Beca turns and looks at Lucy. She notices it again, the smallness, in her stature and in her voice. She can't remember ever being that small.

"No, I'm sorry. It's gonna be a crazy day but I promise I'll bring you over and show you all around as soon as I can, okay?"

Lucy nods but she looks like she's about to cry. Beca is thankful when Chloe ducks her head in.

"Luce, time for breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

Chloe pulls her up by her hand, "I know but you need to try."

Beca finishes getting ready and when she walks into the kitchen it doesn't look like Lucy has taken a single bite. Chloe follows her eye line and shrugs.

"You look great, baby; very professional."

"Well, thank you, I try."

Beca fills her thermos with coffee; cup two of what she is sure will be many today. She kisses Chloe, letting it linger a little longer than normal. All of the tension in her jaw and shoulders dissipates only to come right back as soon as they separate.

"Go make art, Bec"

Beca winks before she bends down in front of Lucy.

"Have a good day with Chlo, alright?"

"When will you be home?"

"I'll be back by seven. Then we can watch a movie or something. Call me if you need anything. I'll have my cell on all day."

She kisses her cheek and walks out the door before one more look at Lucy's pathetic eyes makes her stay home.

The apartment feels odd without Beca in it. It all feels weird to Lucy. She's never lived anywhere so small and colorful and loud before. Well, she'd never lived anywhere but home before. Except, this is her home now. She pushes the oatmeal around her bowl and pulls apart the toast but none of it ends up in her mouth. Chloe leans against the counter, nursing her own cup of coffee and toast, watching Lucy carefully. Once it's abundantly clear that Lucy isn't going to eat she takes the dishes away.

"Go get dressed, we have errands to run."

Lucy lifts an eyebrow, "Errands?"

"We need to go to the grocery store since we are out of, well we're out of everything. We also need to go get all the mail from the post office, you need school supplies and I think we are both in need of a good haircut."

"That's a lot of stuff."

"So we better get going if we want to be done before Beca gets home."

Lucy isn't stupid, she knows exactly what Chloe's doing. She's keeping her distracted, like a baby. She knows that spending the day with her girlfriends' orphaned sister can't be high on her list of things she wants to do today, but she does as she's told anyway. In a weird way, she's thankful for the distraction. By the time they get out of the apartment, it's raining; not a downpour but a steady drizzle that coats Lucy's jeans and sneaks into her shoes.

She walks quietly along behind Chloe. When she looks up around her, she's in awe at how tall the buildings are and how many people and cars are all around her. She didn't notice much of anything last night, she was too tired. Chloe slows her pace when she realizes that Lucy isn't next to her anymore. Lucy has her head tilted all the way back with her eyes squinted against the slight drizzle. Chloe sneaks a picture and sends it to Beca to calm her nerves. She could tell how torn she was about leaving her this morning.

"Luce, you ready to go?"

Lucy nods and takes Chloe's extended hand. By the time they get through everything they need to do, Lucy is exhausted. Chloe's plan worked; they didn't stop for a minute and Lucy wasn't able to even look at the clock. She puts her pajamas on and lays on the couch. Chloe is putting together dinner with the groceries they bought earlier in the day. Lucy's phone chimes and unlocks it to a message from Emily.

"Hi Scout, miss you already!"

She knows it was well meant but it makes her want to cry. She texts Beca because she said she was going to be home twenty minutes ago. When dinner is ready and she still hasn't gotten an answer, she starts to worry. She doesn't eat anything because her whole world is beginning to spin.

"Beca should be home by now, it's almost eight-thirty."

"I'm sure she's just busy. Your sister is good at her job, they've missed her there."

"Can I call her?"

"You can give it a try, but she's probably on her way home; there's almost no reception on the subway."

When Beca walks into work, she can't help but feel a little nervous. She's been talking with Theo and the rest of the guys since she left but she still has butterflies when she taps her card to gain access to the, slightly, audacious building. She steps onto the elevator and adjusts her blazer for the millionth time. She watches the number get bigger as the elevator moves up to the twenty-seventh floor.

She hears the ding and then the doors open. She steps out into the blinding white walls, floors, and furniture. She had never noticed it before, just how bright it is. She waves to the receptionist, she thinks her name is Lauren but honestly she can't remember.

"Mitchell, you're back." She turns her head toward the loud voice, it's one she became very familiar with, very quickly.

"Hey Matt."

"It's good to see you. I really am so sorry about your parents."

"Thank you. But I'm ready to get back to work."

"Happy to hear it. Be in the conference room in fifteen minutes."

Beca nods. She drops her stuff off in her office; the office she still can't believe she has. The ceilings seem to high for a building like this, her desk chair has a tall enough back so that when she turns around it doesn't look like anyone is sitting in it and the walls are covered with art that she doesn't even pretend to understand.

"Beca."

"Theo." Beca says with a lifted eyebrow.

"How are you doing?" He asks, as he shuts the door.

He opts to stand, with his arms crossed over his chest. Beca leans back against her desk.

"I'm alright. It's been a long couple weeks."

"I can't even imagine."

"I don't know why you would want to."

It was meant to be a joke but it comes out too harsh. She shakes her head and looks down at her shoes; they're already starting to give her blisters and she remembers now why they were thrown to the back of her closet it.

"Well, it's good to have you back here. We've all missed you."

"Even Anderson?" Beca asks, already knowing the answer.

"Anderson doesn't miss anyone, except his own reflection when he steps away from the mirror. But I have some stuff that I can't wait for you to get your hands on."

"You could have sent it to me."

"It didn't seem appropriate."

Beca shrugs.

"Music is the only thing getting me through all of this. Well, music and Chloe."

"And your sister? How's she doing?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess. Or not, I honestly don't know."

"Beca, if you need to take more time, I'm sure we can-"

"No," She pushes herself up to stand up straight, "what I need is to be here now. Sitting around at home isn't doing anyone any good anymore. At least here, I don't know, I have some semblance of an idea of what I should be doing."

"Okay, but any days you need off, just let me know."

"Thanks Theo, I appreciate that a lot."

When Beca finally walks into the apartment that night Lucy is curled up on the couch with Chloe. It's pulled out into a bed but all of the lights are still on. Her head is in the crook of her neck and her fist is filled with excess fabric from Chloe's shirt. It's silent but the look on her sister's face tells her something is up. She looks like she may have been crying, or maybe she's just really tired, but that's anyone's guess.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"You said you would be home by seven and you were late and you weren't answering your phone."

"It died and I didn't bother to charge it."

"But you said you would be home and you weren't."

Lucy's breath is quick and her voice is higher than normal. Beca puts up a hand to stop her. She kneels down in front of her on the floor, her other hand resting on Lucy's thigh.

"I'm sorry. You're right, I should have called."

Lucy leans forward and hugs her, tighter than ever.

"I should have called. I'm so so sorry."

Beca looks at Chloe over Lucy's shoulder. She gives her a sympathetic shrug. She has been sitting with Lucy for the better part of an hour trying to keep her calm.

"Let's get you to sleep, alright? It's late."

She manages to get Lucy to lay down and wraps her with the light blanket. Chloe leaves them alone so they can talk and Beca can try to get her to sleep. It takes a while but eventually she's successful.

"She's asleep." Beca says, through a sigh when she walks into her bedroom.

She flings herself onto the bed, completely exhausted from the day. Chloe is changing into her pajamas.

"She was a wreck." Chloe says.

She knows it doesn't help but this is an issue they need to address.

"Sometimes I forget that she was there that night; she talked to them and saw them and had a whole day, a whole week, with them, and they were supposed to come home and then they never showed up."

Chloe holds Beca's hand tightly.

"I can't imagine what that must have felt like. I've tried but her relationship with them was so different than mine. I need to be better at being there for her."

"You need to go easy on yourself." Chloe says, "This isn't your fault. We're all adjusting and she'll get that trust back, eventually."

"I hope so."

Beca forces herself up to change into pajamas.

"How was the rest of the day with her?"

"It was good. Quiet."

Beca nods. Lucy was always bright and bubbly. She always had a joke or a comment, but now she barely speaks. She's anxious. She's a completely different kid.

"Are we doing the right thing?"

"Yes." Chloe says, no hesitation, "She needs us, and as much as you may or realize it or you may not want to admit it, you need her."

Beca leans into Chloe's side and sighs. She feels Chloe's fingers tangle in her hair and her soft lips press against her temple.

"We're a family, Bec. We'll get through it."

Beca looks up into her eyes and actually smiles; it's not her usual cocky smirk, but it's a smile.

"God, I love you."

"I love you more."

"Not possible, babe."

She leans in to give Chloe a proper kiss.

"Tell me about your first day back at work."


	10. Back to Autumn

The next morning, and the few that follow, are all the same; Beca goes to work and Chloe does her best to keep Lucy occupied until she can get home. Beca has taken to texting Lucy and Chloe throughout the day, trying not to get too buried in her work the way she always used to. They fall into a routine and for a minute Beca feels like they're safe. Until she walks into their apartment on Friday night.

"Babe, I'm home. I stopped and grabbed the pizza like you asked. I hate to say it, but I was right. It's way too much."

She kicks the door closed behind her. It's something about the silence in the room that makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She puts the pizza boxes down and walks, quietly down the hall.

"Chloe?"

After she peeks her head into their bedroom, that's when she's hears it. She pushes the door all the way open to the bathroom. Chloe is holding Lucy's hair back as she vomits into the toilet.

"Lou, you okay?"

Beca takes Chloe's place without a second thought. She pulls the hair tie from her wrist and puts Lucy's hair into a bun. She rubs gentle circles on her back and waits until she sits back up.

"What's going on?"

"I don't feel well." Lucy's voice is raspy, like it hurts.

"She started getting sick half an hour ago."

Something about Chloe's voice shakes Beca.

"Something you ate?"

"Right." Chloe says, with a scoff.

"Can you stand up?"

Lucy lets Beca help her up and out onto the couch.

"You okay?"

"Mhm."

Beca watches her. The way she curls herself into the smallest ball her bones will allow. The way her clothes are bigger around her shoulders and hips than they were a few weeks ago. She covers her with the quilt and kisses her head.

"I'll be right back."

She walks into the kitchen and notices Chloe eyeing her. She sighs, she has a feeling a fight is coming.

"Something you want to say, Chlo?"

"Nope."

"Whatever it is, just let me hear it."

Chloe fills the tea kettle and sets it on the stove to boil.

"It's nothing you haven't heard before," She starts. "I think we need to take her to Stacie, or to any doctor. She's sick, Beca."

"I'm not taking her to the doctor. Kids get sick, she'll be over whatever this is in a few days."

"You seriously think this is some virus?"

Beca puts a hand on her hip, "What, the whole not eating thing? That's not what this is."

"I'm sorry, when did you get your PhD in pediatrics?"

"About the same time you got yours in bitchy comments."

Beca knows she's gone too far when she sees Chloe recoil. She lets her hand fall down and she drops her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that."

"No, I know." Chloe says, earnestly. "I know you didn't, but Bec, I'm scared this is something really serious."

"Look, I know my sister, she'll be fine. We're not taking her to the doctor. We'll nurse her back to health the old fashioned way; ginger ale, saltines, cozy blankets, and Netflix. She'll be as good as new in a couple days, you'll see."

Chloe pushes down the gurgling feeling in her stomach. Beca kisses her cheek and goes back out to the living room to check on Lucy.

By Monday Lucy's feeling better, or so she says. Beca is buzzing around the kitchen trying to collect everything she needs for work. Chloe sits at the table with Lucy they're both watching her.

"Bec, don't forget we have the school tour today at four."

"I won't forget."

Chloe looks at her over the frames of her reading glasses with raised eyebrows.

"You better send me a reminder text."

She leans over and gives her a kiss. Beca slings her bag over her shoulder and picks up her thermos of fresh coffee.

"Are you excited to see your new school, Scout?"

Lucy shrugs, she's sitting at the table because Beca told her she can't get up until she takes ten bites.

"You love school and this place, from what I hear, is the best."

"If you don't like it, we can look at some others," Chloe interjects, "but we do need to make a decision soon. School starts next week."

Lucy nods again, they've had this conversation three times in the past three days.

"I'll see you there at five."

"Four." Chloe corrects.

"Four. But I gotta go, I'm already late."

Beca closes the door and the other two are left in silence. Lucy scrapes her fork against her plate, moving the scrambled egg from one side to the other. She bites the inside of her cheek and lets her eyes go blurry over the blue design along the outside edge.

"Lou, how many bites?"

"Four."

Chloe has tried but she can't push aside the fear in her gut. Not taking Lucy to the doctor is the first thing she and Beca have disagreed on when it comes to Lucy. Chloe tried to convince her to go, but Beca is determined to deal with it at home.

"Beca's gone. Can I be done, please?"

Chloe scrutinizes her. She looks at the purple under her eyes. She looks at her nails, bitten down to nothing. Her hair is drying from the shower, sending her curls into a while halo around her face.

"Yeah, you can be done. Put your dishes in the sink and then go get ready."

"We're going to the museum now?"

"Mhm."

Lucy drops her plate into the sink and drinks the last sip of orange juice from her glass before dropping it in too. She gets dressed and pulls her hair back, trying her best to tame the curls with a headband.

When she comes back to the kitchen Chloe is also dressed comfortably in leggings and a tshirt. Her hair, as usual, is down, flowing past her shoulders. She flings her bag over her shoulder.

"Ready to go?"

"I guess." Lucy says with a shrug.

She grips the excess fabric of her sleeves in her fists as she follows Chloe onto the elevator.

"Hey Chloe."

A young man with a kind smile and cool sunglasses greets her as they step on.

"Hi Gardner, how are you?"

"Pretty good. Who's your friend?"

He gestures at Lucy and somehow smiles even brighter.

"This is Lucy, Beca's sister. She's going to be living with us now."

He takes his sunglasses off. His smile falters, only slightly; Lucy only notices because she's mesmerized by it.

"Oh, that's awesome." He extends his hand. "It's nice to meet you, Lucy. I'm Gardner, I'm your upstairs neighbor."

"Hi." She says, shyly.

Chloe wraps one arm around her shoulders and uses the other one to play with her hair. It's maternal and comforting. It makes her feel sick. She grabs the hem of Chloe's shirt and squeezes, looking for anything to ground herself with. She doesn't listen to anything else they say. She watches his smile, the way his eyes light up when Chloe talks and she realizes why she can't stop watching him, why she's so fascinated. It's because it's the same way Beca looks at Chloe, the same eyes, same smile. She pulls on Chloe's shirt a little harder to get her attention.

"Chlo, I don't feel so good."

She holds her arm across her stomach.

"What? What's wrong?" She ducks down so she can hear Lucy, she's speaking in almost a whisper.

"I don't know. I'm dizzy."

"Okay." She turns to Gardner, "I'm sorry but I need to-"

"No, no, do your thing. I'll see you later." He says placing a hand on her shoulder, "Feel better Lucy."

He walks out the glass doors, held open by the doorman.

"Luce, I'm taking you to see Stacie."

Lucy nods. She doesn't have the fight in her anymore. She closes her eyes and listens as Chloe asks the doorman to get their car. She catches a flash of his hunter green tie out of the corner of her eye. She can't remember his name, but she can picture his smile and hear his laugh but it all starts to swirl together in her brain.

"Thank you, Anthony."

Anthony. That's his name. Lucy likes him. He always has a joke for her. He also likes women's soccer; they talked about that for almost an hour yesterday. It was one of the first times since everything that Chloe and Beca have seen her speak with any sort of excitement.

Lucy feels herself swaying. She can't describe the feeling; it's just not good. Chloe keeps her hand on the small of her back to keep her upright.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I think it's passing."

She opens her eyes but Chloe is staring back at her with concerned eyes, her lips barely parted like there's something else she wants to say.

"Chloe, your car is all set."

"Thanks, Anthony."

Chloe tries not to drive in the city. It's usually more trouble than it's worth but she's not taking any risks with Lucy. She's already treading on thin ice. She knows Beca isn't going to be thrilled with her going to Stacie without asking, but she isn't here and Chloe is out of options.

"Okay, Lou, we're here."

Chloe unbuckles herself and grabs her bag. She watches Lucy closely, that's actually all she's been doing for weeks. She feels like she knows Lucy better than anyone else on the planet, but in reality they barely know each other at all.

"Why are we here? Stacie isn't my doctor."

"I know, but your doctor is back in Georgia. We haven't had time to find you a new one yet. I'm sure Stacie will take you on, but if you want another doctor we can find someone else later."

"I feel fine."

"You feel fine for now," She corrects, "but clearly your body is catching up with the fact that you're not eating or sleeping."

Lucy notices now that her hands are shaking. She puts them under her thighs in hopes that Chloe won't notice; but of course she already has. She doesn't want to move; one because she doesn't want to get poked and prodded but also because she feels sick again. It's like her whole world spins around one way, then switches and spins the other; an all too familiar feeling.

"It's nothing bad. Stacie's just going to take a look at you."

Lucy doesn't move and Chloe prepares for a Mitchell style stand off but she catches something in Lucy's eyes; a slight quake or something so she remains wordlessly steadfast. Lucy sighs and unbuckles her seatbelt. It looks like it takes a little too much effort for her to get out of the car. Chloe holds her hand all the way up to Stacie's fourteenth story office.

When they walk in, Stacie is behind the receptionist's desk, leaning on it, talking to the two women who work there. She pushes herself up and Chloe almost wants to laugh at the expression on her face when she notices them.

"Chlo, what's going on? Why are you here?"

She looks between both of them quickly.

"Lucy isn't feeling well and I was hoping you could take a look at her."

"Yeah, of course, I was just about to go on lunch so I can take you now."

She shows them to an exam room and closes the door behind them. She sits on the rolling stool and waits for Lucy to sit on the table.

"So, what's going on?"

Lucy looks at Chloe and when she speaks her voice is shaky.

"I can't eat."

"You can't or won't?" Stacie asks, it's not accusatory like when Beca asks.

"I can't. My stomach hurts all the time."

"Okay and when you do eat, can you keep it down?"

"Sometimes."

"Is anything else bothering you?"

Lucy sighs and looks up at the ceiling.

"I get really bad headaches and my chest hurts a lot."

Chloe's whole body tenses. She hadn't mentioned that to them. Stacie puts her hand on Chloe's knee, sensing her nervousness.

"Okay, can you lay back for me?"

Stacie's smile doesn't leave her face; despite the fact that she almost didn't recognize Lucy when she walked into the office.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to palpate your stomach to feel for anything that isn't supposed to be there."

Chloe nods, with the best smile she can muster to reassure her. Lucy lays back and shivers when Stacie pushes her sweatshirt up. She presses down all over but doesn't get any responses from Lucy.

"Okay, you can sit up."

Stacie pulls out her stethoscope and listens to her heart and lungs. Her face scrunches up into something that Chloe can't figure out.

"I'm going to give you an I.V. You're dehydrated. I also want to grab our portable ultrasound and take a look at your stomach."

Stacie walks out of the room to gather everything she needs.

"Why didn't you tell us any of that?"

Lucy shrugs, "I was dealing with it."

Chloe wants to pull her hair out. It is such a typical Beca answer and she knows where this is going.

"No Luce, you weren't, or have you forgotten where you are?"

"Why are you yelling at me?" Lucy asks, the shakiness returning to her voice.

"I'm not," She shakes her head, "I'm sorry. It's just, we can't help you if we don't know what's going on. And that's what we're here for, to help you through this, all of this."

"I don't know what I'm doing."

"Can I let you in on a secret? None of us do. That's why we need each other. We may be a mess but we can be a mess together."

Lucy scoffs, "Yeah okay."

Stacie comes back and puts in the I.V. and does the ultrasound. She finds nothing.

"Nothing? So what does that mean?" Chloe asks.

"My best guess? This is all part of what you're going through." Stacie's voice is filled with sympathy, "Grief can effect our bodies, just as much as our minds, sometimes more. Right now your brain is so busy thinking about everything that's happened that it isn't telling the rest of your body what to do."

Lucy lets out a sniffle, "I'm so tired."

"I know," Stacie pulls her into a hug, "it will get better, I promise. It's just going to take some time."

"So what do we do in the meantime? Clearly she can't keep going like this."

"What I'm going to do is start a food log. Everything that she eats, and whether it stays down or not, needs to be written down. I'm putting her on nutrition supplements to try to supply her body with the vitamins she's missing. Also, I suggest trying her on melatonin to help her sleep. It's all natural so you don't need to worry about drugging her up."

"Thanks."

Stacie writes it all down and hands the paper to Chloe. Lucy empties two bags of fluids before Stacie lets her go.

"Thank you, seriously, so much. I just didn't know what to do. Beca's at work and pretty much unreachable and I-"

"Don't worry about it. I said I'm here for you guys and I mean that, anything at all."

Chloe wraps her in a hug and squeezes.

"Love you, Chlo."

"Love you too."

"Now move. I have patients to see. People who actually made appointments." She says with a wink. "Bye Lucy, feel better."

"Thank you."

"Chlo?"

"Yeah babe?

"I'm really sorry." Lucy says, from the passenger seat with her forehead pressed against the window.

"What are you sorry about?"

"You're kidding, right?"

Chloe glances quickly at her, not wanting to take her eyes off the road for very long.

"I can't imagine that this is how you pictured things going for you. I mean, raising your girlfriend's baby sister doesn't seem like a dream come true."

"Is that what you think this is? That I was saddled with you?"

"I haven't exactly made life easy for you guys recently."

"And that's allowed. Right now you get to be as upset and sad as you want."

Chloe pulls into the driveway of their building and puts the car into park before turning to Lucy.

"When you love someone, you love everything they are, and you are a gigantic part of Beca. I've loved her for a long time now, but I've loved you almost just as long."

"I love you too." Lucy says, sounding almost embarrassed.

"So all of this," She gives a noncommittal gesture, "helping you with whatever you need is never an imposition. Ever."

"We never made it to the museum."

"We'll go another day."

Lucy climbs out of the car and follows Chloe into the elevator.

"We need to get ready for your school visit."

"Okay."

When they get to the school, Chloe can feel Lucy tense up next to her. The building is much bigger than either of them expected. One of it's many brick walls is completely covered in ivy. The front lawn is bright green and perfectly manicured; it looks like something out of a storybook.

"Wow, it's big, like really big."

"Don't be nervous. You're going to be great."

Lucy let Chloe dress her in navy dress pants and a button up shirt but now they feel itchy and too small.

"Beca's late." Lucy says

"Are you surprised?" Chloe asks with a scoff.

"She said she'd be here, right?"

"She'll be here. I sent her like six reminder texts."

A group of girls walk by them. They are all wearing matching uniforms, carrying equipment and laughing. Lucy watches as they turn the corner around the side of the school. One of the girls stops for just a second to turn and look at her before following her friends.

"Hey Lou, sorry, I got here as fast as I could."

Beca's cheeks are flushed and her clothes are slightly askew, but those are the only signs that she was in any kind of hurry.

"You're fine. I told you four but our meeting isn't until four-thirty."

Beca pulls Lucy into a hug and kisses her cheek. She wraps her arm around her shoulder and looks at Chloe.

"Wait, you what?"

"I know you, babe. You would have been late." Chloe says, with a raised eyebrow.

"I wouldn't have."

"It's almost four-fifteen."

"Maybe I secretly knew what you did so I was late to make a point."

"Is that what happened?" Chloe asks, knowingly.

"No."

"No." They both answer at the same time.

They both laugh and Beca kisses Chloe.

"Thanks for looking out for me, baby."

"Of course. I kinda like you a little bit and want you to stick around."

When the conversation falls flat Beca looks back down at Lucy who has been completely silent.

"You ready for this, Lou?"

"I guess so."

"Are you feeling okay? You look a little weird."

"Gee thanks. I'm fine."

Chloe cringes. She hopes Lucy doesn't say anything about going to see Stacie. She never texted Beca; she isn't sure how she's going to take it and she wants to tell her herself.

"You must be Lucy." An unfamiliar voice breaks them out of their bubble.

An older man in a grey suit and maroon tie is standing a few feet away from them. He has a bright white smile and perfectly styled hair.

"Um, yes, that's me." She says meekly.

He extends his hand, "I'm Dean Weaver. It's nice to meet you." He turns his attention to Chloe and Beca.

"I'm Chloe Beale, we spoke on the phone."

"Yes, it's a pleasure. And you must be Beca."

"Yes." She says, taking his hand into a firm handshake.

"I have to admit I have heard your name. I have a teenaged daughter myself and she is a big fan."

"Oh," Beca blushes slightly, "well tell her thank you. I would love to meet her sometime."

"She's around here somewhere. She's the captain of the girls' lacrosse team." He gestures toward the building, "Shall we?"

They follow him down a large corridor. Beca's footsteps echo from her high heels and somewhere unseen Lucy can hear some boys yelling and laughing.

"School hasn't officially started yet but some of our sports teams and clubs have already started preparing for the year. Are you interested in any clubs or activities, Lucy?"

Behind him she shrugs, but Beca elbows her.

"Um, back home I played softball and I was on the debate team, but I don't know."

"That's perfect, we have both of those here, along with an extensive list of others if you're looking to change it up."

They walk into an office, as beautifully decorated as the rest of the school. It is filled with thick books, lining the walls of shelves. It has heavy wooden furniture with black leather linings.

"Please, have a seat. We'll chat for a bit and then we'll take a tour."

When he sits at his desk he looks more worthy of his title. He adjusts his blazer and gives the same smile as before.

"So, Lucy, Chloe gave me a little bit of information but I'm interested to hear about you, well, from you."

"Oh, uh, okay." Lucy shifts in her seat in between Beca and Chloe.

"Why did you guys move to New York?"

With this question Lucy's entire body runs cold. She looks at Beca, pleading in her eyes. Beca understands, she rests her hand on Lucy's knee and clears her throat.

"We recently lost our parents. Lucy came to live with us after their passing."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Thank you. We all decided New York would be a good change of pace for a little while, right Lou?"

"Mhm."

"Well, I promise you won't find a better school in the district."

It's clear he has no idea what to say.

"Lucy, I must say your test scores and your grades are quite impressive."

"Thank you."

"We would love to welcome you to the Vanderbilt family. That is, if you're interested. What do you say?"

"Yes, please." Lucy says.

To be honest she doesn't care much where she goes to school. She'll just be happy to be somewhere that no one knows her and what happened. Back home she knows if she had gone back to her old school it just would have been a lot of pitying looks and people saying that they'll pray for her; as if that would help anything. Her parents are already dead.


	11. Insecurities

"Are you excited to see your new school, Scout?"

Lucy shrugs, she's sitting at the table because Beca told her she can't get up until she takes ten bites.

"You love school and this place, from what I hear, is the best."

"If you don't like it, we can look at some others," Chloe interjects, "but we do need to make a decision soon. School starts next week."

Lucy nods again, they've had this conversation three times in the past three days.

"I'll see you there at five."

"Four." Chloe corrects.

"Four. But I gotta go to work before I'm late."

Beca slings her bag over her shoulder and shuts the door behind her. She locks it and starts down the hallway. She gets thirteen texts between their door and the elevator. She's scrolling through the text chain from work when the elevator dings and the doors slide open.

"Beca, hey."

She looks up and groans, or at least she wants to.

"Oh, hi Gardner."

She joins him on the elevator even though everything in her body is telling her to run the other way.

"How are you? How's your sister?"

"She's, um, fine. As good as can be expected I guess."

"Oh good."

Beca doesn't make eye contact, not that she could. He's wearing those ridiculous sunglasses of his and he's a solid foot and a half taller than her. She rocks back and forth, from foot to foot. She can't get out of the elevator and out the front doors fast enough.

Work is as chaotic as it ever is when she gets there.

"Beca, hey, I'm glad you're finally here."

"Theo, I'm like fifteen minutes late. You could not have been waiting that long for me."

"About fifteen minutes."

She drops her bag on her desk and sits in her chair.

"I looked over those lyrics you sent me. I assume you have something started to go with them?"

"I do. But I needed to make sure that they were alright before I went further."

"They're incredible, but are you sure you want to do this?"

Beca pauses. She bites her bottom lip and closes her eyes.

"Yeah, I think this is something I have to do."

"Okay, then I'm behind you. We'll get started tomorrow."

He starts out of the room.

"Hey Theo, thank you."

"For one reason or another, it takes a lot for me to doubt you, Mitchell."

He smiles and closes the door behind him. It only takes him a few seconds to turn back around and open the door again.

"I almost forgot. Matt wants you in recording room B in five minutes."

She sighs and picks up her phone. She sends a text message to Chloe.

"In and out of recordings all day. See you at 4."

"Good work today, Bec. I've said it before and I'll say it again," Matt starts, "we've missed you. I've been stuck with Anderson in here, that idiot doesn't know his ass from his elbow."

"You can say that again." Beca scoffs.

"I'm done repeating myself." Matt jokes, "You wanna grab a drink?"

"A drink? Now? What time is it?"

Coming out of the darkened recording studios is always a little disorienting.

"Come on, it's almost happy hour. It's almost four o'clock."

"Shit, I have to go. Rain check."

Beca basically runs down the hallway to grab her things. She tries to call Chloe but she doesn't get an answer. She is half expecting a lecture when she gets to the school. She hears them before she sees them.

"She'll be here. I sent her like six reminder texts."

"Hey Lou, sorry. I got here as fast as I could."

Through the whole meeting she keeps stealing glances at Lucy. She wishes she knew what she was thinking, and feeling. But more than anything she wishes she could take this all for her and let her be a kid again.

Lucy doesn't let go of her hand the whole time Dean Weaver is talking and she feels her periodically squeeze a little tighter. She runs her thumb over her knuckles and every time Lucy looks over at her she does her best to smile.

"We would love to welcome you to the Vanderbilt family. That is, if you're interested. What do you say?"

Beca isn't sure what Lucy is going to say. She knows that this choice isn't completely Lucy's to make; she needs to be a parent at some point. She waits with bated breath until Lucy lets out a small smile of her own.

"Yes, please."

"Fantastic. Well then," he says with a slap on the desk, "let's take a look around."

As they all leave the office Chloe hears Beca's phone chime with a message. She glances at it quickly but pockets her phone. Chloe tries to grab her hand but Beca puts them both in her pockets.

"So our first stop is the science lab."

Dean Weaver leads them down so many hallways that Lucy starts to get dizzy. For the entire tour Beca seems suddenly distant. Chloe tries to catch her eye but it's like she's purposefully avoiding looking at her.

"And last, but not least, the sports fields."

Lucy squints against the bright light when he pushes open the gymnasium doors. The land behind the school seems to extend forever. There's soccer fields, a football field, softball fields, and an outdoor roller hockey rink.

"Woah." Lucy doesn't even realize she's said anything until she hears Beca scoff. "I'm glad this isn't one of those stuffy private schools where the kids are all too shoved into their books to play sports."

Beca pinches her arm but she doesn't retract what she says. Dean Weaver lets out a good humored laugh.

"Quite the contrary actually. We have several nationally ranked athletes and most of our teams competed in their respective championships last season."

Her eye falls on the same group of girls from before. They are running back and forth on the soccer field but on either end are smaller goals set up. She points in their direction.

"What team is that?"

"That's our girls' lacrosse team." His beaming smile returns, "They were undefeated last year and we're expecting them to take the championship this year. We are all about being well rounded here, so we require each student to take part in two extracurriculars, whether that's sports or academic clubs or theater, that's up to you."

Lucy looks at her sister, she seems despondent, like she's barely listening. Chloe steps in.

"We'll take a look at the catalogue you gave me, we'll get some ideas."

"I think that sounds like a great idea." Dean Weaver says, "Sign ups and try outs will be about a week after the start of school."

They follow him back to the front of the school.

"Well ladies, I believe this is where I leave you. Miss Lucy we look forward to having you in our school. I will see you in a week."

"Yes sir, thank you."

She shakes her hand and Chloe can't help but smile at how diplomatic it all seems. He shakes both Chloe and Beca's hands and walks back into the school.

Beca's odd behavior continues through dinner; she barely touches her food and she isn't on Lucy about eating hers like she usually is.

"Goodnight, Lucy."

Chloe kisses her head and Beca watches her walk wordlessly down the hallway from her spot at the sink. Beca finishes up the dishes and joins her sister in the living room.

"Did you like the school, Scout?"

"Yeah, it was good I guess."

Lucy turns her attention back to her book. She's curled up under her quilt and the lamp is barely illuminating the pages. She can tell that Lucy isn't actually reading, she hasn't turned the page since she opened the book. She just needs to keep her hands busy.

"Dean Weaver seems nice. I think you're going to like it."

Beca lifts the blanket up and allows Lucy to scoot down under it.

"Comfy?"

"Mhm."

"We'll get your bed set up this weekend, I promise. I'm sorry it's taken so long."

"Whatever."

Beca climbs into the bed next to her and shuts off the light. It's quiet for a while, other than the cars outside and the hum of the refrigerator.

"Are you mad at Chloe?"

"What? Why would you ask me that?"

"Because you barely looked at her during dinner. Usually you guys are all gooey and gross."

Beca feels Lucy's head lean on her shoulder. A few pieces of her hair tickle her cheek but Beca doesn't bother to brush them away.

"We're fine, don't worry about us. How are you feeling? Are you okay?"

"I guess."

"You're sure? I could get you some water or something else to eat."

"Bec, I'm fine."

Her voice is fading, she's starting to doze, mid conversation, the events of the day finally catching up with her.

"Okay, sorry, go to sleep."

Chloe is already changed and in bed when Beca gets Lucy to sleep. Beca walks over to the dresser and takes off her necklace.

"Bec, did I do something wrong? Because it kind of feels like I'm in trouble."

Chloe watches her back. The way her shoulders move toward her ears and her muscles tense. She switches her button up shirt for an old T-shirt and puts on sweatpants. It's barely nine o'clock but the day has felt much too long.

"Beca."

"Stacie texted me, while we were at the school." She says without turning around. "She asked me if Lucy is on my insurance yet."

"Oh."

"Any idea why she would be asking me that?"

Chloe's throat feels dry. She didn't expect to hide it forever, just for tonight.

"We said we weren't taking her to the doctor and then you just took her anyway."

Beca turns and Chloe hates what she sees. It's not anger, just disappointment and that is always so much worse.

"I never agreed to that and It's not just for you to decide."

"So you just go behind my back? That's not how this works, she's my sister. She's my responsibility."

Chloe pushes herself up to stand on the opposite side of the bed.

"I thought this was something we were in together. But I see now that I don't have any actual say in it."

There's a long pause. Neither of them know what to say. They've never been here before.

"That's not true."

"Right. I'm not her sister so I can't make the big decisions. I'm just good enough to sit around with her all day but not do any of the actual parenting."

"I don't expect you to do any of that."

"I've told you countless times that I'm here for all of it, and yet, you still don't want to hear it."

Beca's breath is heavy, she blinks rapidly, keeping her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

"Beca, I feel like you don't trust me with her, not like you say you do."

"That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

Chloe can hear the shudder in Beca's breath. She shakes her head as several tears drip out of her eyes, falling onto the floor. She bites her lower lip and looks over Chloe's head to a spot on the wall.

"It's not you. I swear it's not you. It's, it's me, and her, and everything."

Chloe wants to go to her, but she's still kind of mad. She watches the way Beca folds and unfolds her arms, the way she doesn't know exactly what to do with her limbs so she fidgets; the way her dad always told her was unprofessional and unladylike. Her eyes move back and forth but never look into Chloe's.

"I feel like, we just got her and she's already sick. I never know what to say to her and now I feel like I'm not around enough and I can't fix any of it. I feel like I'm failing her already."

"Baby, you aren't failing anyone."

"It really feels like I am."

Beca moves toward Chloe and takes one of her hands in both of hers. She squeezes tightly and tries to stop her breath from doing the hiccup-y thing that she hates.

"You're doing the best you can and that's all anyone can ask from you."

"But what if it isn't enough? What if I do my best and she still comes out the other side messed up? What if she never gets over this and she drops out of school, or does drugs, or joins a cult?"

Chloe can't help but let out a little laugh despite the seriousness of the situation. In all honesty, she's been waiting for this moment. She's been waiting for Beca's calm, cool demeanor to dissolve into one mess or another.

"Okay, honey, I think you're over thinking it."

"You can't overthink the most important thing in your life. I think that's kind of the point."

Chloe pulls Beca over to the bed and sits her on the edge. She sits next to her so their thighs are touching.

"The fact that you describe her that way should prove that you can do this. Anyone could take in their sibling, but it takes a big person to make them their priority. The guilt and the fear and the anxiety that you're feeling right now, that's all the proof that you need that everything is going to be okay."

Beca is finally able to pull in a deep breath but the look on her face proves that what Chloe is saying isn't fully sinking in. She didn't expect it to. Chloe pulls her in close and kisses her forehead. She runs her hand up and down Beca's arm and just sits with her.

"I've missed you." Beca says.

"What do you mean?" Chloe asks, again with a slight giggle.

"I just, I missed this, we haven't had any time like this lately."

"We'll start to get this stuff back, it's just going to take some time."

Beca lifts her head up and stares into Chloe's eyes. She leans forward and kisses her; deeper and with more emotion behind it than she feels like she ever has. She pushes her back onto the bed and kisses down her neck.

"Bec, are you sure you want to-"

"Sh, I'm sure."

Chloe doesn't put up any other argument.

In the morning Chloe wakes up first. She trails her fingertips along Beca's spine. The sheet has fallen on her lower back, leaving a plethora of skin exposed to the morning sun. Chloe leans over and kisses her shoulder.

"Beca, baby, wake up."

Beca groans but she doesn't open her eyes or even move.

"Bec."

Beca turns her head toward Chloe. She opens one eye and then the other. A smile breaks out across her face.

"Morning."

"Good morning," Chloe says with a laugh, "are you feeling better today?"

Beca takes in a deep breath, "How could I not be after last night?"

"Shut up."

"Seriously babe, that was," She pauses, looking for the right word, "explosive."

There's a knock on their door and they are suddenly made very aware of their lack of clothing.

"Thank God, I locked that, huh?" Beca whispers, jumping up to find the closest coverage she can find.

"Beca?" Lucy's voice is muffled through the door.

"Hang on, Scout. I'm coming."

When she opens the door she is met with a confused and very tired expression. Beca wraps her arms tightly around her torso and leans against the doorframe. Chloe has disappeared into their walk-in closet to get dressed and hide her blazing red cheeks.

"Why was the door locked?"

"Sorry, I must have done it out of habit last night. What's up, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I wanted to go for a run but I obviously can't go alone. I wanted to ask Chloe to go with me."

Chloe reappears now dressed in leggings and a long robe.

"I don't know that a run is a good idea, not until you're feeling better." Chloe says and she notes the downtrodden look on Lucy's face, "But we could take a walk, we need to go to the pharmacy to pick up the stuff Stacie wants you to take. How does that sound?"

"Alright."

Lucy walks back down the hallway to find her shoes and wait for Chloe to be ready.

"I'm staying home today." Beca says. "I'll go with you guys and then maybe we can do something fun, the three of us."

"Really?"

Chloe catches her arm before she is able to walk away.

"Baby, are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"You don't need to worry about me, babe. I'm a rock."

"That's exactly why I'm worried. You don't need to be a rock for me."

Beca pulls her into a hug and kisses her cheek.

"I thought you liked the strong silent type."

"If that's what you think you are, then we need a new mirror."

Beca shoves her gently but pulls her immediately back to her.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

"If I don't get to be a rock, how about we settle for a tree."

"I could get behind that."


	12. Broken People

Lucy and Chloe had done a little exploring since they've been back in the city but it had been a bit like pulling teeth. Chloe did all of the talking and Lucy trudged along behind her. Then, of course, their museum trip had been derailed by the trip to Stacie. But today, Lucy seems in good spirits.

The weather is perfect, some of the trees already starting to turn to their fall colors and a slight breeze, just enough to keep the sweat off their backs. Lucy walks in between them on their way to the pharmacy. Chloe watches Beca closely; there's still something off, she's too stiff and quiet and just not Beca.

When they get to the pharmacy Chloe goes to the vitamin aisle to pick up the stuff Stacie had written down for her. She walks down the aisle slowly looking back and forth between the list and the items on the shelves to make sure she gets the right stuff.

"Chloe, hey."

She turns at her name and has to look up at the tall figure.

"Gardner, what are you doing here?"

"Just picking up a few things."

She looks at his empty hands and raises an eyebrow.

"Toothpaste." He says, giving his trademark smile. "What about you? Beca leave you a honey-do list?"

"No, just grabbing a few things myself." She says, keeping it vague for the sake of Lucy's privacy.

"Well if you have some free time today, I'd love to take you for a coffee or something."

"Oh, um, actually-"

"Gardner, what a surprise." Beca says, appearing behind Chloe, not sounding surprised in the least.

She puts her arm around Chloe but doesn't take her eyes off of him.

"Hey Beca, no work today?" He asks, one of his hands reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

"I took a personal day."

"Oh, nice. Well, enjoy. I should probably get going."

Beca gives a tightlipped smile and nods, but Chloe gives a friendly wave. Once he's out of earshot Chloe turns to Beca looking less than pleased.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Didn't you find it a little weird that he was here?"

"In this public pharmacy? Not really, no."

"He always just seems to be around; especially lately. I don't like it."

Chloe gets a flash of Beca's face from the night before and she sighs.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm not going anywhere."

"It's not you that I'm worried about."

"Bec, I know you're going through a lot right now."

"This isn't about any of that," Beca says with a bite to her voice that wasn't there before, "this is about this guy needing to know when to back the hell off."

She takes the list from Chloe in an attempt to not make eye contact. Chloe notices that same damn wall go up. She puts her hand on the small of Beca's back and kisses her temple.

"You don't have to worry about him. I promise."

Beca nods but it's pretty clear there's no changing her mind.

Lucy is standing in front of the rack of magazines, reading over all of the covers until her eye falls on a picture of her sister's face. It's one of the trashy tabloids her parents always told her to avoid. The headline reads: Beca Mitchell's Career Crumbles After Tragedy. She takes a few deep breaths before reaching out to pick it up.

"I wouldn't if I were you."

She jumps and pulls her hand back. She turns and Gardner is standing behind her.

"I just mean nothing in there could possibly be true, right?"

She shrugs.

"There's no way your sister sees it like that."

"I guess you're right. What are you doing here? Don't you have to be at work or something?"

"I'm a writer, I work from home. I just came to pick up a prescription."

"Oh, that's cool. What do you write?"

"Fiction mostly. I'll let you take a look sometime, but I should be going."

"Yeah, right. I'll see you later."

"Sure thing, bye Lucy."

She watches him leave before walking further down the aisle to look for a notebook like Chloe asked her to. When she finds one she goes to find Beca and Chloe. They have several bottles in their hands and it seems a little intimidating.

"Hey Lou, you all set?"

"Mhm."

They pay for everything and walk back outside to the beautiful day.

"What are we doing today?" Lucy asks, she knows Beca didn't take a day off just to go to the pharmacy.

"We're going to Central Park. Beca said you've never been and it's way too nice to be inside somewhere."

They walk a few blocks before Lucy sees something familiar.

"Isn't that the Museum of Natural History?"

"Yup."

Lucy has always wanted to go. She's done research on its exhibits and has watched documentaries on some of the artifacts.

"We'll go one day, I promise," Chloe says, "but today, we're going to the zoo."

Lucy laughs a little and Beca does too, but not without an eyeroll or two.

"Don't be like that, Bec. I know you love it."

It's true. The Central Park zoo was one of the first things they did together when they moved to the city. Chloe wanted to see the animals and Beca just wanted to see Chloe smile. It was a day a lot like this one and Beca can't wait to see Chloe's eyes light up and to hear her laugh. It's been too long since they've had a carefree day; so she grips Chloe's hand in one of hers and Lucy's with the other and they walk around the entire zoo.

Watching Lucy at the zoo, walking hand in hand with them, laughing, and smiling, Beca is almost able to forget; forget the loss and the struggle and all of the bullshit that is going to follow them forever and sneak up at times like this. She should be happy, she knows that, but she also knows that the sunshine and cute animals can only mask the darkness for a few hours.

"Beca, look!" Lucy nearly shouts.

She pulls her hand from Chloe's and runs to the fence. Beca follows, much slower, but she can't help but smile when she sees what's inside the exhibit. She wraps an arm around Lucy's shoulders.

"Look at how cute they are."

"I knew you were gonna freak out."

"You knew they were here the whole time and you didn't say anything?"

Lucy's eyes widen.

"I wanted the red pandas to be the last thing we saw, the big finish." Beca says, "Did we deliver or what?"

Lucy has already turned back to look at the animals but Beca feels her nod against her shoulder. They stand there for a while, the sun is starting to go down and the breeze is picking up. Beca turns when she hears slight sniffling next to her.

"Lou, you okay?"

"Can we go home now, please?"

Beca and Chloe make eye contact over her head.

"Sure, let's go."

The walk home is silent, except for Lucy's sniffles and occasional hiccup. When they get home, Lucy plops onto the couch and Beca takes it as a win that she doesn't run right to her room. Beca and Chloe walk into the kitchen to get her some water and talk in private.

"Are we ever going to have a normal day?"

"Today was a good day, Bec."

"For a while, sure. But it wasn't a normal day."

Chloe puts her hand on Beca's lower back and keeps her voice as soft as possible.

"We'll figure out a new normal, eventually. It's only been a month."

"Yeah, well it feels like a lot longer than that."

Beca grabs a glass of water and takes it out to the living room, but Lucy is already sound asleep. Beca pulls the blanket from the top of the couch and covers her. She stops to look at her face, the red circles under her eyes from rubbing the tears away. Beca hesitates, she knows that Lucy can sleep through the night on her own, she's not a baby, but she also doesn't want her to wake up alone and get scared.

"She's fine."

Beca looks up at Chloe and nods.

"Why don't you go lay down too? I'll make you some tea."

The rest of the night echoes their walk home; quiet and tense. Chloe studies, and Beca works on the stuff she missed at work and they wait to see if Lucy wakes up before morning. She sleeps until ten o'clock before she wakes herself up by nearly rolling off the couch. She stretches her arms over her head and groans.

She pushes herself up and walks quietly down the hall. She is about to go get into her bed when she hears the television on in Beca and Chloe's bedroom. The door is cracked and the light from the bedside lamp is glowing into the hallway. She pushes it open and peeks her head in. Beca is staring intently at her laptop and Chloe has a book in her lap.

"Hey sleepyhead." Chloe greets her with a big smile.

She's wearing her reading glasses and Lucy smirks. She always thinks she looks so much different with them on. Chloe opens her arms and waits for Lucy to climb into the bed to wrap her up.

"You okay?" Beca asks.

She closes her laptop and rolls onto her side to look at her sister.

"Mhm, I'm sorry about earlier."

"Don't apologize, okay?" Beca says, pushing a piece of hair out of her face.

"Can we ask what made you so upset?"

Lucy sighs and shakes her head, "That's the thing, I don't know. I just got really sad all of a sudden."

"Alright, and that's okay." Chloe says, "As long as that sadness isn't getting to be too much."

"What do you mean?"

Beca's tense shoulders and scrunched up features don't go unnoticed by Chloe. She reaches her free hand out to intertwine their fingers.

"I mean, as long as it doesn't make you want to hurt yourself or do something that you can't undo."

"No," Lucy says, her eyes widening, "never, I promise."

"Okay," Chloe says, trying to keep Lucy calm, she plants a kiss on her hair and shushes her, "okay. I'm just checking in with you."

"And we're going to keep checking in with you." Beca adds.

Lucy falls asleep again quickly against Chloe's chest.

"Do you want me to move her?" Beca asks.

"No. she's fine. I kind of like having her in here with us. It's one less thing on my mind."

"I know exactly what you mean."

Beca feels tears prick at her eyes and she doesn't want Chloe to see her cry. She gets out of bed and walks into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She leans against the counter and her eye catches the calendar that Chloe keeps posted near their front door. Lucy starts school in three days and she isn't sure how any of them are going to take it.

She takes a few sips of her water before she places the glass in the sink and walks back into the bedroom. Chloe has fallen asleep so she turns the lamp and television off and climbs back into bed. Her chest feels heavy and she feels like she can barely breathe but one look at the two of them, wrapped up together, right there, makes it a little easier.

The next morning she isn't surprised that Chloe isn't in bed. Lucy is still sound asleep next to her. She looks peaceful for once so Beca tries her best not to wake her.

"Good morning, baby." Chloe greets Beca from the stove.

"Morning, something smells good."

Beca walks up behind her and wraps her arms around her waist, sneaking a peek at what she's making.

"Eggs, bacon, and pancakes. I figured something here is going to look good to Lucy."

"Well, it all looks good to me."

"A combo plate coming up." Chloe says with a smirk. "How did you sleep?"

Beca knows that when Chloe asks this time there's more to it than usual morning chit chat. Beca pours herself a cup of coffee and takes a long sip before she answers her. She isn't sure if she wants to answer truthfully or not.

"Fine, I guess.

"Any nightmares?"

"Not really."

"Beca, I think-"

She's cut off by Lucy shuffling out into the kitchen and looking, bleary-eyed, between the two of them.

"Good morning." She greets, her voice is slightly raspy and her face is pale.

"Hey Lou."

"Hi sweet girl. Thanks for being my cuddle buddy last night."

"Any time."

Lucy sits at the table and lets Chloe put a plate of food in front of her. Along with it she puts the bottles of vitamins and her probiotics on the table.

"I know this looks like a lot but you'll get used to it, I promise."

It takes almost an hour and a half for her to eat a quarter of the food on the plate and take all of the pills.

"I'm done." Lucy says, pushing the plate away from her.

Chloe tries her best not to look disappointed, she knows Lucy is trying.

"Okay, we'll write that down, and then we need to get ready to go shopping."

Lucy and Beca both groan.

"Yeah, yeah, I think you'll survive. We need to do it unless you want to start at your new school naked."

Lucy laughs and walks out of the room to get dressed.

"I look like a total nerd." Lucy groans.

"Yeah, but the good news is everyone is going to look just as nerdy as you do." Beca says.

Lucy pulls at the plaid skirt she's trying on and then wraps her arms around her torso, the white button up shirt pulling at her shoulders.

"Beca, leave her alone. I think you look adorable."

Beca and Lucy both roll their eyes.

"She could be wearing a trash bag and you'd think she looks adorable." Beca says.

"Because she would."

"Can I wear pants instead?"

Chloe picks up the school handbook they received during their meeting with Dean Weaver.

"I don't see anything in the rules against it. Would you be more comfortable in pants?"

"Definitely."

"Okay, then pants it is." Beca says.

Lucy walks back into the dressing room to change into her own jeans.

"You think she's doing okay?" Beca asks, scratching at her temple.

"She seems to be." Chloe says, pulling Beca's hand into her own, "I think she's just nervous about fitting in."

Lucy has been tightlipped, as usual, about her new school. She and Chloe have been looking over the catalogue of extracurriculars and making calls to her old school to make sure everything is in place for when she starts in two days.

"You couldn't pay me enough to be a teenager again." Beca says, shuffling the few articles of clothing they've already decided on.

She holds up a shirt they picked out and scrunches up her face.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just so small."

"I know but those supplements and the food journal, well, they're a step in the right direction, right?"

"Mhm." Beca hums, clearly not convinced.

Lucy walks out of the dressing room, now dressed in her own clothes and eyes both of them, suspiciously, when they stop talking and look at her.

"I know you were talking about me. You guys are really bad at hiding stuff, you know that?"

They share a look and Chloe has to turn her head away to keep herself from laughing. Lucy takes the clothes from Beca and slings them over her arm. Beca pushes her lightly which makes her laugh.

"All set, kid?"

"I was all set an hour ago." Lucy says, looking pointedly at Chloe.

"I got excited, sue me."

"I'll have my lawyer call your lawyer."

Lucy leans on Beca when they walk out of the store and start walking back toward their car.

"Is it time to go home yet?"

"One more stop." Beca says.

She's thankful that Lucy doesn't ask any more questions. When they get in the car, Lucy sticks her headphones in her ears and closes her eyes, one of the only ways she can drive comfortably in a car.

After about half an hour, Beca is pretty sure she's fallen asleep. She sneaks a look to the backseat and she is sure of it; Lucy's breathing is even, her mouth is slightly open and her hair has fallen half in front of her face.

"She's so cute when she's sleeping."

"Now who's obsessing over her?" Chloe asks, smugly.

"She's my baby sister, I'm allowed to obsess over her."

"Mhm."

"She's gonna lose her damn mind." Beca says.

The smirk hasn't left her face since they left the store and she can barely contain her excitement herself.

"She needs this."

"I agree."

When they pull up to their destination neither of them wake Lucy. Instead Beca gets out of the car and opens the trunk.

"She's sleeping." She says, slinging the suitcase into the trunk.

"Are you going to wake her?"

"I thought you could do the honors." Beca says, receiving a big hug.

Lucy's door opens, slowly so she doesn't topple out. Her earbuds are gently taken from her ears which is enough to rouse her from her nap. Her eyes blink open and she pushes the hair from her face.

"Hi Scout."

It takes a second, and then another, before she tries to sit forward. The seatbelt locks and she struggles for a couple seconds before she is able to undo it and lunge forward to take Emily into the tightest hug she can manage.

"I missed you so much."

"You're here."

"I am."

When they pull apart Beca can't help but laugh at the confused look on her sister's face.

"Why are you here?"

"I couldn't miss your first day of school." Emily says, climbing into the backseat of the car.

"No way, why are you really here?"

"I have a conference here tomorrow and Sunday but I'm going to stick around for a few days after that. Is that okay?"

"Duh."


	13. Are There Any Survivors(Am I Here Alone)

"Did you check in with Mrs. Reed?" Lucy asks.

"I did and she wouldn't let me leave without these."

Emily pulls a cookie tin out of her bag and Lucy puts her head down and smiles. She takes it and hugs Emily.

"Thank you for doing that."

"Of course."

Lucy looks at Beca, "Can I go call her?"

Beca smiles and nods. She watches her walk out of the room before turning back to Emily and speaking quietly.

"Seriously, thank you for doing that. I know she's been worried about her." Beca pauses, then scoffs, "It's so weird. She had this whole world back in Georgia that I have no idea about. I get little glimpses, you know, when she mentions Mrs. Reed or talks about what you guys would do together, but," She shakes her head, "I don't know. I feel like thinking about anything before all of this just seems wrong."

"Things like this can feel too big to look past."

Beca nods. Her shoulders sag and she leans more heavily against the back of the chair.

"Anyway, how are things with you?"

"Good." Emily tries to stop the smile that creeps onto her face but she can't help it. "I, um, I met someone."

Chloe turns around from her spot at the stove and Beca sits up straighter again.

"Oh yeah?"

"What's he like?" Chloe asks, coming to join them at the table, temporarily forgetting the food.

"His name is Keegan, he's a new professor at Barden."

"That's great, Em." Beca says.

"Yeah, he's great. We've only been seeing each other for a couple weeks, we're taking things really slow, mostly because of Ella."

"Ella? Please tell me that's not an ex-wife." Beca says, with a grimace.

"No, it's his daughter."

Both women are silent for a minute.

"I know what you're going to say. A kid is-"

"I think it's great." Chloe says, cutting her off.

"You do?"

"Totes. I mean, it's a different situation, sure. But having a daughter probably makes him more cautious which isn't a bad thing. It probably means that he's not going to rush into anything with you and that he's thinking of his daughter. Those are all good things."

Emily lets it all sink in. Beca can tell she's letting it all process because she has the same look on her face she used to get when they would learn a new arrangement.

"I just don't want to tell Lucy yet. If that's okay with you guys."

"Hey, legacy, it's your business." Beca says, raising her hands in front of her.

Beca stands to take over the cooking while Chloe and Emily chat more about Keegan and Emily's work for the university.

After dinner Emily puts her plate in the sink and turns to look at Lucy.

"Hey Scout, feel like taking a walk with me?"

"Sure."

When they step outside, Lucy wraps her arms around herself, it's a little cooler than she thought it was and the wind against her bare arms gives her goosebumps.

"Are you getting used to it around here yet?"

Lucy shrugs.

"Yeah, well, it's only been like a week so I get that. What about school, are you excited for that?"

"I don't know."

Emily sighs. It was never this hard getting Lucy to talk to her before, she misses the easy conversation they used to have.

"It's a chance to start over, right? So that's good at least."

Lucy looks up with just her eyes, her head still tilted down toward her feet as she walks.

"I think this is going to be really good for you. It's a new place where no one knew your parents. So you can tell them as much or as little as you want."

"I don't want to tell them at all."

"I don't think that's a great idea. You deserve friends, real friends, that know you. I really hope you don't think this is something to be ashamed of."

Lucy shrugs. She finally looks up when an ambulance flies past them with its sirens blaring.

"This is something you never should have gone through and it's something that is going to make you stronger."

Lucy lets out a heavy sigh that mixes with the night air. When she speaks, it shakes.

"That doesn't really seem fair. That I have to go through all of this just to make me strong."

"You just have to believe that there's a bigger reason for it."

"Whatever reasons the universe has, none of them could ever be good enough for me."

Emily reaches out to take Lucy's hand in her own.

"But I'll try, with the other kids I mean."

"Good." Emily stops in front of a small bodega on the corner. "What do you say we grab some ice cream?"

Lucy smiles and nods, Emily is finally able to take a deep breath. She didn't know what she would be walking into after only a few weeks; she still isn't sure. But in that smile she sees the slightest glimpse of the old Lucy and it gives her hope.

Monday morning comes much too quickly for all of them. Having Emily around has been incredible; it's lightened the mood and given Lucy something to do. But now it's time, once again, to return to reality and they are all dreading it.

Chloe peeks her head into Lucy's bedroom to find her still sound asleep in her bed. She has a light blanket pulled up over her face but one of her feet is sticking out. Chloe walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, pulls the blanket back and kisses Lucy's cheek.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

"No." Lucy groans.

"It's your first day of school, lets get moving."

Lucy opens one eye and then another. She looks up at Chloe like a sad puppy.

"It's gonna be great, Lou."

"You don't know that."

Emily walks into the room, holding a mug of coffee. She leans against the wall and watches the interaction. She's loved watching Chloe and Beca in this new arrangement; of course she wished it didn't happen in the way it did, but she always pictured the two of them with kids. Chloe, outwardly loving and soft spoken, Beca giving tough love, but deep down loving harder than anyone else ever could; they are the perfect match.

Lucy sits up and gives a sleepy smile to Emily. Her hair is pushed up and matted against the left side of her head and it makes Emily laugh.

"Chlo, she doesn't even need to get ready, she looks great as is."

"Shut up." Lucy says, tossing a pillow at her but missing on purpose.

"If you get going I can curl your hair." Chloe says.

Lucy swings her legs over the side of the bed and walks over to her closet. She has several days worth of uniforms put together, hanging side by side. She picks the short sleeve button up, shorts and the white sneakers. She ushers the other two out of the room so she can get dressed and when she walks out into the kitchen Beca is placing a plate of eggs and bacon on the table.

"Hey Lou."

"Hi, aren't you going to be late for work?"

"I told them I was taking the morning to take you to school."

Lucy smiles into her plate and all of them pretend not to notice. She pushes the food around and takes a few bites here and there but she is fighting the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. She drinks her juice and takes all of her vitamins. Chloe, dutifully, writes it all down and closes the book.

Emily appears from the bathroom wearing a dress and a blazer, slipping on her heels as she walks.

"I have to go, I have a seminar at nine but I'll be around tonight for you to tell me all about your first day."

She drops a kiss to Lucy's head, gives a wave to Beca and Chloe and leaves.

"Alright, that's our cue too, or else you're going to be late."

Chloe tries her best to fill the silence on their walk to the school but Lucy tunes her out. She focuses on her breathing, she can hear her blood pumping in her ears and her hands are shaking but she tries her best not to let it show. She doesn't notice either of them stop and she runs right into Beca.

"Sorry."

"That's alright. You ready? Do you have everything you need?"

"I think so." Lucy says, hiking her backpack higher up on her shoulder.

"Do you want me to walk you in or is that totally lame?"

Lucy wants to say yes. She wants Beca to stay with her all day but she knows its better to just rip the bandaid off right now.

"I think I'm good."

"Okay then."

They all stand. None of them want to make the first move. Eventually Beca pulls her into a tight hug and whispers in her ear.

"Be brilliant."

It's something their dad used to say to them. Lucy's breath catches in her throat but it gives a strange feeling of courage, like Beca had cast a spell on her. She nods and moves over to give Chloe a hug.

They both watch her until she disappears into the building. Chloe takes Beca's hand in hers.

"She's gonna be great."

"Yeah, I know." Beca doesn't sound convinced.

Lucy looks at the piece of paper with her locker assignment on it, but it doesn't do much good because she doesn't even see any lockers. She stops in the main lobby of the school and looks around her. There are kids jumping on each other and yelling, others are standing in circles laughing and talking loudly. She grips her backpack strap and takes a deep breath. She starts in the direction that she thinks may lead to her locker.

"You're new."

There's a boy suddenly in front of her. He is about an inch shorter than her but his volume is enough to rival Amy. She takes a step back.

"At least I think you are. I've never seen you before and I've been going here since kindergarten. So, you're either new or very good at hiding."

Lucy doesn't know what to say, or if she should say anything at all. She notices a girl standing a few inches further away but watching the whole thing. She's hoping if she stays quiet they'll think she's weird and leave her alone, but then Emily's words echo in her head, _It's a chance to make a new start._ So she smiles and nods her head.

"I'm new, although I am a nationally ranked hide-and-seeker."

She waits, holding her breath, she's never been known as the funny one. The boy laughs as the girl gives a dramatic sigh.

"Thank God, we've been looking for a fifth for our team."

Lucy doesn't hold back her own laugh.

"I'm Penelope, but everyone calls me Poppy, and this loud mouth here is Matteo."

"I'm Lucy."

"Are you looking for your locker?" Matteo asks, taking the paper from her hand, "Oh, you're right near us. We'll show you."

Lucy follows them in the opposite direction that she had been heading before.

"So, did you just move here or something?" Poppy asks.

"Yeah, from Georgia."

"Ooh, a southern belle." Matteo says, with a horrible drawl that reminds Lucy of her old Spanish teacher.

Poppy elbows him, "Just ignore ninety percent of what he says, that's what we do."

"Hey, your dad said you have to start being nicer to me or he's going to give you detention."

Lucy quirks an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, I might as well tell you now, my dad is the dean."

"For real?"

"Yeah, so I get it if you want to run the other way."

"I tried but she got her talons in me before I could." Matteo says. She hits him again. "See?"

"I think I'll take my chances."

"Cool. You can sit with us at lunch."

Lucy's heart skips. She hadn't expected this, definitely not on the first day. She looks at the paper again and realizes her first class is in the room right near her locker. She walks inside and gets ready. It's English, this makes her feel a little better. She's good at English. She sits at the first open desk she sees. Poppy and Matteo follow her and sit at the desks behind and next to her. She fights the urge to smile, but it disappears quickly as soon as the teacher enters the room. He is a tall man with a slight bald spot, a cleanly pressed suit paired with a tie, and scruff covering the lower half of his face. She swallows around the lump in her throat. She stares at him and blinks away the image of her dad that overlays his own face.

"Good morning, settle down," he says to quiet the murmuring conversations that are still happening, "thank you. Hello everyone, as some of you know, I am Mr. Proctor." His eyes fall onto Lucy, "For those of you who don't, nice to meet you."

He carries on to talk about the syllabus and the first few assignments, just as all of her teachers do, but she can't focus. The day seems long, it feels like she hasn't been to school in years. Normal things feel odd now, like she shouldn't be doing them without her mom and dad.

"Lucy over here." Poppy's voice carries across the noisy cafeteria.

Lucy walks awkwardly across the room, she feels like everyone is watching her. She sits in the empty chair next to Matteo with her bagged lunch that Chloe packed for her this morning.

"Hey, new girl." He greets her, already with jelly all over his face.

"Lucy, this is Alice and Lincoln."

Two more girls give gentle waves. She is starting to get overwhelmed by all the new faces and she can't wait to go home.

"So you're from Georgia? That's so cool." One of the girls, Alice, says.

She's small, just like Lucy. She has hair so light that it's almost white that falls on her shoulders.

"Yeah, it was alright. Really different than here."

"What made your parents wanna move here?" Lincoln asks.

She's tall, with dark hair and beautifully tanned skin. Her hair falls down past her shoulders in perfect curls and she has her button up shirt sleeves rolled up to her elbows; which Lucy knows is a violation of the dress code. Before Lucy can answer her question another boy walks over to their table.

"Hi Poppy, hey Lincoln."

He doesn't acknowledge any of the others at the table, he just stares at Lincoln. She gives him a half smile.

"Hi Weston."

Other than a polite greeting she doesn't give him any more attention. He waits to see if she's going to say anything else, when she doesn't he walks away.

"Weston Dillinger has had the biggest crush on Lincoln since forever." Poppy says.

"You're not interested?" Lucy asks, not really sure why she cares.

Lincoln just shrugs. For the rest of lunch, and for the rest of the day, Lucy is able to fade into the background. By the time the final bell rings she's fully convinced she's never been so tired.

She packs all her new textbooks and supplies into her bag, already saddled with a load of homework. She slings it onto her back and nearly falls over. When she makes it outside Chloe is waiting for her. She's already found a group of moms and she is chatting away happily. Lucy walks up and waits patiently by her side. She's a little embarrassed when she realizes that none of the kids her age have a parent waiting for them and all of the moms she's talking to have little kids. Chloe bids them goodbye and turns her attention to Lucy.

"Hi sweet girl, how was your first day?" She asks.

She takes Lucy's backpack with a small huff.

"It was pretty good."

"Yeah? That's great."

She had half expected her to be completely silent for the rest of the afternoon, but she has seen such a huge difference in her demeanor since Emily came to town.

"You like your classes and your teachers?"

"Mhm."

"Did you make any friends?"

"There were a couple kids I talked to." She says, adding another shrug, trying her best to feign indifference.

When they get back to the apartment, it's the quietest that it's been in days. Lucy flings herself onto the couch and looks around the room.

"Where's Em?"

"She's spending the afternoon with Stacie and Bella. She'll be back later. Are you hungry, do you want a snack?"

"No, I should probably get started on my homework."

She picks up her bag and Chloe wonders how she doesn't just fall over. She closes her bedroom door behind her and almost immediately Chloe can hear classical music playing. She settles at the table to do her own schoolwork that has been sorely disregarded for far too long.

She is still at the table, hunched over her laptop and textbooks, when Beca gets home a few hours later. She drops her stuff by the door and kisses the top of Chloe's head before she takes the seat next to her. Chloe peels her eyes off the seemingly endless text to look at Beca; already staring into Chloe's tired eyes, giving a sparkling smile.

"Hi gorgeous."

"Hi baby, how was work?"

"Eh," Beca flings a hand in front of her, "crazy as usual. Anderson was an idiot, Theo's on my ass about a new project, and our newest artist is a tween with a serious attitude problem."

Chloe can't help but laugh at the last part. She knows dealing with the other artists is Beca's least favorite part of her job. Chloe pushes a piece of hair behind Beca's ear and rests her hand on her thigh.

"Speaking of tweens, where's Lou?"

"In her bedroom, I went in to give her a cup of tea about an hour ago but I haven't seen her since."

"I'm gonna go check on her." Beca leans in and kisses Chloe, a proper kiss this time. "I missed you today."

Chloe smiles and Beca leaves the room. When she knocks on Lucy's bedroom door, she isn't completely surprised when she doesn't get an answer. She pushes the door open and scoffs. Lucy is asleep sitting at her desk, her cheek pressed firmly into the page of her history textbook. Beca won't be surprised if when she sits up she has a paragraph about the Boston Tea Party imprinted on her skin. Her mouth is slightly open, her hair cascading over her shoulders and down her back. She's only changed out of half of her uniform, her button up shirt now matched with a pair of Barden sweatpants. Beca walks over and gently places her hand on Lucy's lower back, not wanting to startle her. She hears Lucy make a nearly inaudible grunt before her eyes flutter open and she almost falls out of her chair. She sits up looking like she is on another planet.

"Good morning, sunshine."

"It's morning already?"

Lucy looks up at her and rubs her eye.

"No, it's 6:15. At night. It's time for dinner. Why don't you finish changing and then come out to the kitchen."

"Mkay."

Beca kisses her head and leaves her to change.

"Was she sleeping?" Chloe asks. Beca nods. "I had a feeling. She looked tired when I picked her up this afternoon."

"It was a big day for her. Did she say anything to you?"

Chloe shrugs, "Not much."

Beca is about to say something but Lucy walks into the room; now fully changed into her pajamas. She walks over to Beca and leans into her side.

"What do you want for dinner?"

"I don't care."

"Leftovers it is, because I don't feel like cooking." Beca quips.

"Seconded." Chloe says, hand raised above her head.

Beca pulls out cold pizza and Chinese take out containers. They all fill a plate and Beca puts more on Lucy's when she isn't looking. Lucy sits down and brings one knee up to her chest. She rests her cheek on it and sighs.

"So Scout, tell me about your day. How was school?"

"It was school, I don't know."

Her tone is suddenly defensive and Beca knows better than to keep asking questions. Unfortunately Chloe doesn't.

"You said you made some friends. Who are they, what are they like?"

"They're just people. I talked to them for like twenty minutes."

"What about your teachers, did you like them?"

"Can we just talk about something else?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, God, just leave me alone."

"Hey," Beca interjects, her voice is stern, "don't be rude. If you don't want to talk that's fine, but you don't talk to Chloe, or me, that way, ever."

Lucy stands up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Sit your butt in that chair."

Emily opens the door but when she hears the tone in Beca's voice she closes it as quietly as possible and stands out of the way.

"I don't feel like it."

"I don't know what your deal is, why all of a sudden you're so angry, but you need to listen to me."

"Why do I have to? You're not my mom, Beca."

"Yeah, well I'm all you have left. So you better get used to it."

Lucy pushes her chair in too hard, it knocks against the table and sends a glass of water toppling over. She storms down the hallway but not before Beca gets a glance at the devastated look on her face. The bedroom door slams closed and Beca drops herself down into her chair. She shakes her head and puts her hand over her mouth.

"Beca."

"I just fucked up, Chlo. I shouldn't have said that."

"We all say things when we're upset."

"What I said was shitty and it was a major overreaction."

Emily clears her throat and they both realize for the first time that she's there.

"Oh, Em, I'm, uh, sorry you had to see that."

Emily shakes her head and takes the seat next to Beca. Chloe starts to pick up the spilled water and dishes.

"You don't have to do that." Emily says.

"Do what?" Beca asks.

"Pretend like you have it all together and like things are going smoothly. It's only been a few weeks."

"She's my sister, I feel like I should be better at comforting her. I feel like I should know her better."

Emily moves over to sit in the chair next to her.

"Some things we need to get through on our own. You can't help her with all of it, no matter how hard you try. And I think there's some healing you need to do before she'll be completely okay."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means you lost them too, Bec. You're focusing all of your attention on her, putting all of the pain on her, because it's easier than admitting that you're feeling the same things she is."

"It's worse for her. She lost both parents. I lost one."

"You're going to sit here and tell me that Sheila wasn't just as much your mom as she was Lucy's? Because I don't think you actually believe that."

Even with her back turned, Chloe can hear the hitch in Beca's breathing and she knows what's coming next.

"How am I supposed to replace them?" Beca says through hiccuping breaths.

"You're not. No one would ever expect you to. Your job is to keep that little girl safe and to raise her to be someone Daniel and Sheila would be proud of; someone like you."

Beca falls into sobs and collapses into Emily's waiting arms. Chloe takes the opportunity to slip out of the room and down the hall. She knocks on Lucy's door but doesn't get an answer. She knocks one more time before opening the door anyway.

"I don't want to talk about it." Lucy says, without turning her back.

She is lying on her side, facing the window. Chloe walks over and sits on the edge of the mattress.

"I don't blame you."

Lucy turns her head, only slightly, when it's Chloe's voice and not Beca's. She expected to get yelled at, to be punished. Instead, Chloe places a gentle hand on her hip and continues in a soft voice.

"We never want to talk about the hard stuff. We talk about books and movies and weird things we see people do on the street because it's easier than talking about what's actually going on, right? But sooner or later we're going to need to talk."

Lucy doesn't say anything but she sits up and criss-crosses her legs. She looks up at Chloe and waits for her to continue.

"You and your sister are a lot alike. I know I've told you that before but right now, those similarities aren't really the good ones. Right now you're bravado and your stubbornness are making this really hard. Not just for yourselves but for each other."

"What do you mean?" Lucy asks, hesitantly.

"I mean, if you two would just talk to each other, really talk about what you're feeling then I think we would be in a better place."

"I don't think talking is going to help us."

"It's worth a shot though, right?"

Lucy's eyes flit around the room, looking for something to focus on, but every time she gets pulled back to Chloe's eyes.

"I didn't like what she just said."

"Then you need to tell her that."

"Fine."

Lucy walks back out to the kitchen and pauses in the doorway when she sees Beca crying. She hasn't really seen her cry during all of this and it makes her stomach hurt. She grips Chloe's hand tighter before she hears her whisper, 'it's okay.' She steps forward and clears her throat.

"Beca, can I talk to you?"

Beca wipes her eyes before she sneaks a look at Emily who nods. Emily follows Chloe out of the room.

"I'm sorry for pushing the chair."

Beca crosses her arms over her chest and looks up at Lucy.

"But what you said hurt my feelings."

"And I'm sorry for that." When Beca speaks, it's slow, "But there's something you need to understand. When I tell you to do something, or not do something, it's for your own good. And I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm gonna mess things up because I'm new to this. Like what I just said, that was a mistake."

"I'm sorry for being so moody."

"You don't need to apologize. Trust me, the moodiness, I get it."

Lucy quirks an eyebrow.

"You do?"

"I do," Beca pushes a piece of hair out of Lucy's face, "I cried in a bathroom stall for twenty minutes yesterday because I was working on a song and a few of the chords vaguely sounded like _Blackbird_."

"Dad loved the Beatles."

"Exactly."

Lucy makes an 'O' shape with her lips.

"I didn't know you cry. Not until, like, right now."

Beca scoffs, "Of course I do. I'm sorry I tried to hide that from you. It wasn't fair for me to make you think you were alone in all of that sadness."

Lucy pulls her sleeves down over her hands, staring at the grey fabric. Beca taps her knee to make her look back up at her.

"We're all sad right now and I wish I could tell you when it was going to go away, but there is one thing I can tell you."

"What is it?"

"All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."

Lucy's lips turn up slightly on the left side and there is a nearly unnoticeable shake of her head.

"Helen Keller."

Beca nods, "They're not gone, Lou. They're just here in a different way. And I think we've both, maybe, been a little afraid to make the other person mad."

"So what do we do?"

"We make a promise. We're honest with each other and the other person needs to listen and whatever the situation may be, we work it out together."

"Okay, that sounds fair."

Beca reaches her pinky out and Lucy smirks before wrapping her own around it.

"So, can I ask you a question now, and you promise not to get mad?"

"Sure."

"How was school?"


	14. Whole World is Moving,I'm Standing Still

The next morning, when her alarm goes off for school, Lucy's stomach doesn't have the same twisted up feeling it did the day before. Now she knows there will be a few friendly faces there. She dresses in nearly the same outfit as yesterday; she definitely could get used to not worrying about what to wear.

"Hey Scout," Beca peeks her head around the door, "I'm going to work but I'm gonna pick you up today."

"You are?"

Beca senses a hint of… something. Lucy pulls her hair up into a ponytail.

"Yeah, I was going to leave work early. I thought we could grab dinner just the two of us."

"Oh, um, okay."

"What?"

Lucy shakes her head.

"Honesty, remember?"

Lucy hesitates but eventually she sighs and says,

"It's just, people know you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're like, famous, and it's kind of easy to forget that because you're just my sister but now that I'm in New York it's more obvious. I just want people to get to know me for me first." She takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Beca says, shaking her head, "that's fair. I didn't really think about it. I'll have Chloe pick you up and we can go to dinner after."

As quickly as she appeared, she's gone and Lucy scrunches up her face to try to get the weird feeling in her gut to go away.

"Lucy, hey!"

Lucy tenses when she hears her name and she is still holding Chloe's hand. She pulls her hand away and turns, instead gripping her backpack strap. She looks around for the face to match the voice. Amongst all the other kids in their navy and white, her eyes land on Poppy.

"Oh, hi Poppy."

Poppy walks over, her smile even whiter than Lucy remembers it being. She pushes a piece of hair behind her ear and Lucy notices her eyes flit between her and Chloe.

"Hi, I'm Poppy."

She, so diplomatically, extends her hand for Chloe to take, which of course she does; offering her own smile. They somehow mirror each other and Lucy feels weird.

"I'm Chloe, it's nice to meet you."

"We should probably go." Lucy interrupts, maybe a little too loudly, "We don't wanna be late for English."

"Yeah, okay." Poppy says, following Lucy closely.

Lucy feels guilty and if she were being honest, she doesn't really know what made her do that. She sends a little wave to Chloe who smiles and blows a kiss to let her know all is forgiven.

"Is that your sister or something?"

Lucy thinks about lying but all of her ideas seem awful. She grips her backpack strap tighter and speaks quietly.

"She's my sister's girlfriend."

It doesn't occur to her that she might not be okay with them both being girls until it leaves her mouth. But Poppy doesn't waver.

"That's nice that she brought you to school today."

"Yeah, they don't want me walking from our house alone."

"That's fair, and hey, it could be worse. You could show up in the same car as the Dean every day."

Lucy waits for more questions but they don't come.

Chloe watches Lucy and Poppy walk together until they disappear through the oversized doorway. She turns to start walking home but stops when she notices Gardner at the newsstand across the street. She furrows her brow and debates whether or not she should talk to him. She knows Beca wouldn't like it but she can't be rude. She crosses the street in front of a bus, and taps him on the shoulder. When he turn his face brightens.

"Chloe, what are you doing here?"

"I'm dropping Lucy off at school," She gestures behind her, "what are you doing here?"

"I had to drop a couple things off at my publisher, a few blocks away, and I just hit a wall. Eight A.M. Is a little earlier than I'm used to."

He grabs his coffee from the man working and hands it to Chloe. He gives the man a gesture and he seems to understand what it means because he starts to make another.

"Lucy goes to Vanderbilt, huh? She must be one smart cookie then."

"You can say that again. She's so much like her mom, it's a little hard to be around her sometimes. I can't even imagine what it's like for Beca."

"I don't want to be rude, but can I ask what happened?"

"It was a car accident. I guess there had been some heavy rain that night and the car skidded off the road and into an embankment."

"That's terrible, I'm so sorry."

"Thanks, and thank you, for the coffee." She says, lifting the cup up.

"No problem. Can I walk you home?"

"Sure."

Beca walks into work and plops herself down into one of the rolling chairs in the conference room.

"What's wrong with you?"

She fights the urge to roll her eyes when her least favorite coworker, Anderson, is the first one of speak to her.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't. You're just really annoying when you're moody."

This time she does actually roll her eyes. She takes a sip of her coffee.

"My sister doesn't want me to pick her up from school today because she doesn't want anyone to recognize me."

"Yeah," Matt chimes in, "that makes sense. You're blowing up, Mitchell. It's bound to happen."

"And it has, I guess. I just never thought about how it would affect her."

"A little selfish if you ask me." Anderson says.

"It's a good thing no one asked you then."

Matt interferes before anything can escalate.

"There must be so much going through your mind. It's impossible for you to think of everything."

"It seems like a pretty big oversight." Beca grumbles.

"You'll figure it out, just like every other celebrity with a kid has."

"Sure, but most of those kids haven't just lost both of their parents."

Anderson puts his mug down on the table with a 'clunk' that's just a little too loud. Beca grits her teeth and braces herself for whatever it is he's going to say.

"Look, I'm going to, reluctantly, give you some advice."

"Oh goodie."

"Trying to keep her away from it is only going to attract it more. Don't make a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Besides, she's not a baby. I'm sure she can take care of herself."

"She's twelve. She shouldn't have to."

Lucy is working on her in-class English assignment when she feels a tap on her shoulder. She tries to ignore it, she's already having a hard enough time focusing without another distraction but she feels another tap so she turns her head, only slightly, she knows Matteo won't stop.

"Who was that gorgeous redhead you were with this morning?"

"What?"

"The one that walked you to school. I was going to come over and say hi, and ask her haircare regimen, but she left too quick."

"Oh, um, that's Chloe."

"Cute name. But who is she?"

Once again the excuses start to filter through her brain. She isn't so sure why she feels the need to lie but she was just never comfortable with people knowing her business. Before she can say anything she hears a deep clearing of the throat and Mr. Proctor speaks.

"Lucy and Matteo this is independent work." They both put their heads down. "Thank you."

"Maybe I should just stick to the producing side of things for a while, you know; keep my face out of the press."

Beca is now sitting in Matt's office. She's been going back and forth with herself all day. Lucy's words don't seem to leave her mind. Even through the music and the meetings, Lucy is still there in the back of her brain,

"And stop performing? No," He shakes his head, "no way. You're way too talented for that. And besides, you're under a contract; if you want to get technical." He gives her a smirk.

He slides a white box across his desk. It's filled with mock-ups for potential album art; for her first full album. She takes a deep breath but waits a few seconds before letting it out slowly. She doesn't want to let any part of this moment go, and yet, she wants nothing to do with it at the same time.

"You've already given up so much for your sister. Don't throw away your whole life, simply for the sake of hers. Because in a few years, she'll be eighteen, out of your house, and you'll be done with that job. Then what will be left?"

"It's just scary. I never know if what I'm doing is actually the right thing."

"The only way to know is to do it then wait and see."

"Patience isn't really my thing."

"So I'm learning, but maybe faith could be."

Beca pulls one of the photos from the box and her breath, once again, sticks in her throat. It's a black and white version of a photo, taken the day Lucy was born. Beca's hand, holding her sister's; so fragile and tiny.

"If not for you, then do it for her, if that's what you need to tell yourself. Because for as much as you think this is going to hurt her, it's going to help her so much more."

"You really, honestly, believe that?" Beca asks, desperately needing some honesty.

"I do."

"Okay then, let's do it."

After English class Lucy nearly runs to her next one to avoid anymore questions but she can't avoid everyone. Lincoln is in her biology class. She feels her slip into the chair next to her at the lab table. She's wearing one of the uniform blazers, but it's oversized, and her shirt is unbuttoned to the third, not the second, another rule violation; Lucy wonders how she gets away with it.

"So, what's your deal?"

Lucy doesn't turn her head, only moves her eyes to look at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. You just kind of showed up like every weird drifter in any book I've ever read."

"Gee, thanks."

"You don't talk about yourself and the second anyone asks you a question, you get all twitchy."

Lucy turns her head and has to tilt her chin up to look her in the eye

"I just don't like talking about myself, that's all."

"Neither do I." She clicks her tongue. "That isn't it. You're hiding something, Peach." She smirks and something about it makes Lucy's stomach twist. "I'm gonna figure out what it is."

Lucy takes a deep breath and tries to do the 6-4 breathing that Stacie suggested, but it doesn't work. The rest of the day, just like the day before, all blurs together and for a brief second she wonders if she'll ever learn anything ever again.

"Hi sweet girl."

"Hey Chlo."

Lucy rushes out of the school and checks over her shoulder a few times for Matteo and Lincoln.

"How was school?"

"It was fine. Can we go?"

Chloe nods and sends a quick wave to the women she was talking to. Lucy recognizes them from yesterday. She walks quickly down the street; Chloe right on her heels.

"Hey, Lou, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just ready to be home."

Lucy evens her pace and takes Chloe's hand when she extends it toward her. Chloe pulls her in close and plants a kiss on her temple.

"I missed you today."

"I missed you too. What did you do?" Lucy asks, loosening up, only slightly.

"I studied, a lot. I have a big test coming up and I just don't feel ready at all."

"I hate that." Lucy says, scrunching up her nose. "I could help you study tonight after dinner if you want."

"Thank you, but I think I'll be alright. Besides, you have your own homework to do."

"Don't remind me." Lucy groans.

"It's kind of my job now, babe."

When they get to the apartment, Beca and Emily are both there.

"Hi guys."

Lucy greets them and it hits Beca's heart. Something about the tone makes her feel nauseous and nostalgic. It's both familiar and foreign.

"Hey Lou, how was school, kid?"

Lucy walks over and sits herself in the same chair as her sister. Beca's hand goes instinctively to her hair and she kisses her head.

"It was alright. Are we still going to dinner?"

"Yes ma'am. Go get changed and start on homework. We're leaving in an hour."

Lucy hops up and goes to her room. Beca catches Chloe's eyes linger on the closed door.

"Baby?"

"Hm?"

"Everything alright?"

Chloe looks back to both Emily and Beca staring at her. She sits down in an empty chair.

"Oh yeah, she just seemed a little weird when I picked her up."

"Weird how?" Emily asks.

She's been trying not to go into full on psychologist mode around all of them but sometimes it's hard.

"Dodgy, I guess. I don't know."

"She's adjusting," Emily says, "Lucy has never been an open kid. So moving to a new city, starting a new school, it's going to make the other kids stare and ask questions. I'm sure she's just having a tough time with that."

"Probably." Beca says, that pit in her stomach becoming more and more like a sinkhole, "So where are you going tonight?" Beca asks, wanting to change the subject.

"I don't know I figured we could go to one of the million restaurants on your street." Emily says.

Beca and Lucy sit at the table and both look through the menu. Beca keeps looking up to see if Lucy is actually looking at it; she seems to be. After a few minutes of silence the waitress comes over and they order. When she walks away they are left in their own silence again. It intermingles with the murmurs of other's conversations and the clinking of glasses to make it a little more bearable. Lucy shifts to sit with her hands under her thighs and Beca taps her nails against her glass of water.

"So you said school was good today?"

"Yeah, it was fine. How was work?"

"It was fine."

Lucy looks around. Her eye catches on another kid around her age and her heart skips. She doesn't know him but it's at that moment she realizes they could run into one of the kids from school anywhere, not just at school. She looks back at her sister, who she notices is strategically placed facing away from all of the windows and has one of her hands near her mouth to cover some of her face. She never in a million years would have ever guessed Beca would be famous or that she would want to be. When the Bellas started getting more recognition, it made a little more sense. It wasn't just her, but now it's all her and she can't tell if she's happy about it.

"Can I ask you something?" Lucy asks.

"Sure."

"How do you deal with it?"

"With what?"

Lucy realizes Beca wasn't in her head just now and is a little embarrassed by the brashness of her question.

"With people knowing who you are and like taking your picture and stuff."

Beca laughs, a little breathy laugh, "I don't, well, not really."

Lucy pulls her eyebrows together and waits for more of an explanation. Beca leans forward in her chair and puts her chin in the palm of her hand.

"It definitely gets to me. You know, people putting cameras in my face and asking personal questions, but the thing that really drives me crazy is when people act like they know me. There are only a handful of people that actually get me; you and Chloe."

"And the Bellas."

"That's right. The thing I learned pretty early on is that when you have something that other people want, they'll pretend to be your friend to benefit from it. You just have to grow a thick skin and an even better judge of character."

Lucy nods along with Beca's words.

"Is that what worries you about these kids at your school?"

"I guess. I don't know why I'm so worried about it now I never needed friends before."

"Everyone needs friends, Lou. Especially in times like this."

"But I have you and Chloe, and Em."

"We're your family. You need people your own age to talk to and joke around with and maybe get into a little trouble with. Don't tell Chloe I said that last part."

Beca makes a grabbing motion and Lucy pulls one of her hand out to put in hers.

"I know you've never needed friends before, but you've never been here before. So many things are different now, so maybe this needs to change too."

"So you're gonna make me find friends?"

Beca chuckles; the grimace and the tone reminds her of herself when she first showed up at Barden.

"I'm not going to show up at your school and hold interviews or anything. All I'm saying is to keep an open mind. I know you didn't have a lot in common with the kids at your old school, but New York is very different than Barden. I think you might be surprised by what you find."

Chloe and Emily are in a restaurant across the street from the apartment, deciding to forego the taxis and subways. It's intimate, or what most people would call cramped with dim lighting and a single waitress for the whole place. They tuck themselves into the two-seater corner booth and wait.

"Are you all set for your flight tomorrow?" Chloe asks.

"Yeah, I think so. We're still doing an early dinner with Stacie?"

"Mhm."

Emily sighs and fiddles with the menu.

"I really wish I didn't have to go."

"Believe me, I wish you didn't either."

"You guys are going to be alright?"

Chloe looks into Emily's face and smiles. It still amazes her how much she has grown up since they met. She's the perfect mix of innocent and knowledgeable, professional and fun, dorky and pulled together, and she has made a huge difference for Beca and Lucy since she's been here, but Chloe knows her whole life is back in Georgia.

"I think we'll be fine. We've managed so far. Besides, you have a man to get back to."

Chloe catches a blush and she lets out a light chuckle.

"Seriously though, we'll be okay. I'm already noticing little things going back to normal, or moving toward whatever our new normal is going to be."

"You're my hero, Chlo."

"What?" Chloe asks, genuinely surprised. "Why me?"

"You've been so graceful through all of this. All I've heard from Beca and Lucy is how you've been so strong and kept them going since the accident. Not that I'm surprised. You've always been one of the most supportive people I know."

"I don't know about that."

"I do. I just want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself too."

"I'm fine." Chloe says, maybe a little too defensively.

"Are you? You don't seem very happy."

"My girlfriends parents just died."

"I know, but I don't think it's related. I could be wrong, it's happened once before but, I think there's something else going on."

Chloe doesn't speak right away. She can't seem to pull her eyes away from Emily's and the longer she stares, the more she feels her resolve crumble. She takes a sip from her water glass and sighs.

"I don't think I want to be a veterinarian anymore."

"Oh. Really?"

"I know I've been saying it's what I want for a long time but I'm just not sure anymore."

"Well, that's okay."

"I haven't told Beca yet. I'm just afraid she's going to think…" Chloe trails off.

Their conversation is put on hold when the waitress finally makes her way over to their table. Once she's gone again Emily looks back at Chloe and says,

"Whatever you're scared about with Beca, don't be. She just wants you to be happy. And if you need more time to figure out what it is that's going to get you there, then she'll be more than willing to wait."

"I hope so."

Emily taps Chloe's knee with her own and they both smile.

"Did I mention that I don't want you to go?"

The next morning, Beca wakes up early to Lucy in her bed and Chloe nowhere to be found. Normally she wouldn't bat an eyelash at waking up after her girlfriend, but at five in the morning, it's a little odd. She rolls out of bed, trying not to jostle her sister. Her first thought is that she's sick so she checks the bathroom but she's not in there. So she walks to the other end of the apartment. Chloe is sitting in the living room on her laptop.

"Hey babe."

Chloe jumps at the sudden intrusion of her voice. She shuts her computer and pushes it off of her lap. Beca finds this a little strange but doesn't say anything. She walks over and stands in front of her.

"What are you doing up? This is early, even for you."

"I don't know. Just couldn't sleep."

"Are you feeling alright?" Beca asks, putting her palm on her forehead.

Chloe smiles, sleep still very present in her bright blue eyes. She couldn't have been awake for very long.

"I'm fine."

Beca wants to push but she knows it's too early and it could lead to an argument. Instead she sits down on the couch and pulls her hair up into a ponytail.

"When did the little one join us?"

"Somewhere around midnight I think."

"Bad dream?"

"She didn't say."

Beca bites her lower lip.

"It's kind of crazy, right?"

"What is?" Chloe asks, she watches Beca's eyes move around the room.

"Our life. I mean, I kind of always figured we would have kids because you're so amazing with them. I just never thought we would start right out with a twelve year old."

"We could, if we adopt one."

"I think we're a ways away from that; especially now."

There's a long pause before Chloe speaks again.

"You always pictured us with kids?"

"Yeah. Didn't you?"

Beca rests her head on Chloe's shoulder, the exhaustion settling back in.

"I think so. I always wanted them. I just wasn't sure it was something you wanted."

"And that's something you were willing to give up for me?"

"I don't know." Chloe answers earnestly. "I think so. But seeing you with Lucy, I know that if that time comes for us you'll be an incredible mom, and that little girl in there will be the best aunt our kids could ask for."

Beca nods, "Do you think she'll feel displaced?"

Chloe kisses Beca's head and pulls her in tighter.

"We have plenty of time to think about it. You haven't even proposed to me yet."

Beca scoffs and turns her head to give Chloe a proper good morning kiss, because it's very clear neither of them are going back to sleep.

Later that morning, while on her way to school, Lucy doesn't hear much of what Chloe is saying. Instead she's thinking about what Beca said the night before.

"Alright Lou, have a good day."

Chloe's words pull her from her thoughts. She realizes she's now standing in front of the school.

"Oh okay, yeah, I will."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Lucy hikes her backpack up higher on her shoulder and starts up the front steps. Matteo is sitting on the railing by the main door. As usual, he has a huge smile on his face, and he is kicking his legs back and forth. Next to him is Alice. She is harder to read but in the moment she looks contented.

"Hey Lucy."

"Hi guys, what's going on?"

"The mystery redhead returns." Matteo says, ignoring her question altogether. "Are you finally going to tell me who she is, or do I need to guess? Is she your mother and this is some kind of Benjamin Button situation?"

The word 'mother' hits Lucy in the gut but she knows it's just a joke.

"Or is she your nanny? Or, oh I know, is she your sugar mama?"

"Dude gross." Lucy says, actually letting a laugh escape. "She's my sister's girlfriend."

"Oh, lesbians. Cool."

Lucy lets out a boisterous laugh this time. This was not the reaction she was expecting.

"Tell your sister, good pull. She's stunning."

"Oh my God." Poppy says, walking up next to Lucy. "Are we still talking about the redhead?"

"Wait, you knew she was the girlfriend this whole time and you didn't tell me who she was?"

"Wasn't for me to tell."

And just like that Lucy feels like she can trust Poppy. She kept this secret, if you can call it that, from her best friend for a person she barely knows.

"You're too altruistic for your own good sometimes, Weaver."

"Yeah, yeah, nice vocab word."

Lincoln walks up just as the first bell rings and they all go their separate ways. Some of them go to their lockers, but Lucy and Poppy go right to their English class.

"So can I ask you something?" Poppy asks.

"Sure."

"You said you live with your sister. Why?"


	15. No Wreckage Too Broken to Rebuild

**Hey guys, sorry this took so long. I hope you enjoy the newest chapter!**

"You said you live with your sister. Why?"

Lucy feels like she's in the moment of a movie, right after an explosion. She's been thrown back and there's a buzzing in her ear. Her mouth is slightly open and she tries to force her eyes to close, just a little.

"If you don't wanna tell me that's fine. I mean, I get that. We barely know each other. I just figured I'd ask."

 _They deserve to know all of you. It's not something you should be afraid of. You deserve friends._

The words all swim together.

"No," She clears her throat that suddenly filled with something, "it's fine. I do live with them. It's, um, I don't know, it's pretty new."

They pause outside of their classroom with a few more minutes before second bell. Poppy grips her books over her chest and leans against the lockers. Lucy grips her backpack straps until her knuckles turn white. She feels like she can trust Poppy. Rather, she wants to feel like she can trust her.

"I moved in with them this summer; after my parents died."

To her credit, Poppy doesn't react right away. She sits with it, with the same quiet patience that seems to radiate from her. Her head hangs for a second and Lucy feels like she's made a mistake. But then Poppy speaks.

"I'm so sorry."

The word 'sorry' leaves the same bitter taste in her mouth that they have since the accident. She knows it's most people's gut reaction to apologize, although she doesn't understand why. Poppy didn't kill them, she didn't even know them.

"Thanks."

The moment quickly turns awkward. Lucy's mouth goes dry and Poppy's eyes float around the emptying hallway. The second bell rings and they both walk into the classroom and take their seats. Through the whole period Lucy can feel Poppy's eyes on the back of her head. She only dares to turn around once but when her eyes lock with Poppy's, she looks down and pretends to be busy writing something in her notebook. Lucy's eyes blink and burn with the tears she's holding back with every ounce of willpower in her body. She can't find a comfortable position and shifts every couple of minutes until the bell rings and she can run out of the room to her next class.

When she gets to biology, Lincoln is there first this time. She walks slowly over and slides down into the chair. It scrapes against the floor and pulls Lincoln's attention away from her textbook. Lucy's eyes flicker down at the desk and she notices Lincoln was trying to finish last night's homework. Lucy pulls hers out and sets it in between them on the lab table. She taps it twice and watches Lincoln's eyes fall down onto the paper before she scribbles down the last couple answers.

"Thanks, Peach. Didn't think you had it in you."

"It's just a homework assignment."

"Yeah, well, you seem kind of like a goody-goody."

"Oh, psh, no."

Lincoln stares her down and Lucy tries, and fails, to keep from squirming under her scrutiny. When their teacher walks into the room their eye contact breaks and they don't look at each other again for the rest of the period.

Lucy does a good job of avoiding Poppy for the entire morning. That is, until lunch time, now it's unavoidable. Unless she wants to eat her chicken sandwich in the bathroom stall.

"Lucy, settle a debate for us." Matteo says, as soon as she's within earshot.

She sits in the chair as far from Poppy as possible and opens her brown paper bag.

"Who's hotter, Beyoncé or Rihanna?"

"I don't know. Aren't they both like a little old?"

"Ouch." Matteo says, throwing a hand over his heart. "They are timeless. Lincoln didn't answer either."

"I don't know," Lincoln starts, "I say give me a girl like Demi Lovato, oh, or that new girl. What's her name, Pop?"

Poppy looks up from her food, making sure not to make eye contact with Lucy.

"She sings that song you're basically obsessed with."

"Beca Mitchell."

"Oh my god, yeah, she's gorgeous."

Matteo says before he turns to look at Lucy.

"Didn't you say your last name is Mitchell? Any relation?"

The others laugh so Lucy does too and she hopes the blush doesn't give her away. She thinks for a split second about telling all of them the truth. She thinks it must be better than living with secrets that make her heart hurt but she can't seem to get her mouth and brain to connect. The conversation moves on and she fades away into the background; her newly formed superpower.

That afternoon Chloe is late picking her up and she is left a sitting duck. She's on the bench in front of the school when Poppy finds her. She sits next to her but keeps her gaze straight ahead.

"I should have said more." She says.

Lucy turns her head but Poppy doesn't move.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you told me your parents died and I didn't say anything."

"You barely know me and you didn't know them. What were you supposed to say?"

Poppy shrugs and lets her shoulders fall as far down as possible.

"My mom used to say, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. Sometimes people just need someone to listen."

Poppy finally turns and her hazel eyes look glassy, like she's about to cry. Lucy wonders what it must be like to be so outwardly empathetic; tiring she guesses.

"I wasn't sure I was going to tell you, if i'm being honest."

"I wouldn't have blamed you."

"There is one more thing I should tell you." She takes a deep breath. "Beca Mitchell is my sister."

Poppy squeezes her eyes shut and when she speaks, it's like she's wincing.

"I have a confession too. I already knew that."

"Oh right, your dad is the Dean."

"No, he didn't tell me. He never tells me anything about the other students. I recognized Chloe from an article about that acapella group they were in."

"The Bellas."

"Yeah, and then you said that she was your sister's girlfriend, and your last name, I kind of pieced it together."

"Didn't know I was going to school with Nancy Drew."

Poppy laughs and Lucy smiles.

"It kind of feels really good to get that off my chest."

"I get if you don't want to tell the others; it's your business. But they won't go blabbing to everyone else if that's what you're worried about. They're good friends."

Chloe walks up and smiles at both of them.

"Hi sweet girl. Hi Poppy, how are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm alright." Chloe says, her smile is a little dimmer than usual.

Dean Weaver walks out of the school, his suit jacket in one hand and his briefcase in the other.

"Ah, Miss Mitchell, how are you doing, settling in?"

"Yes sir." Lucy says, recoiling into Chloe's side.

He hangs his jacket on his arm and shakes Chloe's hand.

"How are you?" He asks.

"I'm good, and you?"

He smiles and it is nearly identical to Poppy's.

"I'm doing just fine. I had a feeling these two would find each other sooner or later."

"Lucy said Poppy has made her feel very welcome here." She switches her attention to Poppy, "Thank you for that."

"Of course. See you tomorrow Lucy."

"Yeah, see you."

They all go their separate ways and once they're far enough away Chloe starts in a sing-song voice.

"You made a friend. You made a friend."

"Shut up." Lucy pushes her away but she can't keep the smile off of her face.

That night Lucy is in her room when she hears the front door slam and the muffled voice of Beca saying something angrily. She walks over to her closed bedroom door and cracks it open so she can hear what's being said.

Beca opens the door and lets it slam behind her. She lets the magazine she's holding slap against the table in front of Chloe, nearly hitting her in the face.

"What the hell is this?"

Chloe looks up at her in startled confusion before looking down at the tabloid. The cover is a picture of Chloe and Gardner from the day before. They're holding coffee cups, Gardner is smiling and Chloe has her mouth open like she's laughing. It looks so perfect that it could be posed. The headline reads 'Beca Mitchell's relationship crumbles after tragedy'. Chloe looks back up to Beca and the fire is gone, replaced by devastation.

"Beca, it's not what you think it is."

"Why were you with him?" Her tone keeps the same anger it held before and Chloe feels every muscle in her body tense.

"I ran into him outside of Lucy's school yesterday."

"He was just outside of her school? You didn't find that weird?"

"It's a public space, Beca. He's allowed to be there. You just find it weird because you've never liked him. I don't get why, he's been nothing but nice to us since we moved here."

"To you. He's been nice to you. Because he wants to get in your pants."

Chloe deflates.

"Right, because that's the only reason someone could be nice to me."

"Now you're twisting my words." Beca says.

"Am I? You clearly don't trust me to have a decent judge of character, and you definitely don't trust me not to cheat on you."

"It's not you, it's-"

"Him. Right. I've heard that before. But cheating goes both ways and I would never do that to you. If you don't know that about me by now, then what are we even doing here?"

"Chlo, I-"

"No." Chloe says. She grabs her coat and keys. "I think I need a little time not seeing your face right now."

She walks out of the apartment, also letting the door slam behind her. It takes everything Beca has not to run out after her. She knows Chloe would never hurt her. It took her a long time to learn that but she knows it and she wants to kick herself for questioning it now.

She walks down the hallway and scoffs when she catches a sliver of Lucy's face through the cracked open door before it shuts quickly. Beca walks over and opens it slowly so she doesn't hit her sister but she's already sitting back at her desk pretending to read her science textbook.

"I know you were listening. I'm sorry you had to hear all of that." Beca says, sitting at the end of the bed.

"Why were you guys even fighting?" Lucy asks, without turning around. "Chloe loves you she would never do anything with that guy."

"Have you noticed him hanging around?"

"I don't know," She shrugs, "a little I guess. But he lives here. He's gonna be around."

"Maybe I'm overreacting." Beca sighs, "I really shouldn't be talking to you about this."

She starts out of the room to let Lucy finish her homework but she stops when Lucy starts talking again; quieter this time.

"You shouldn't listen to the tabloids anyway."

"How did you know?"

"I saw it at the newsstand this morning. Nothing in those things is ever right."

"Getting schooled by my twelve year old sister. This is a new low."

"Don't feel bad, Bec. I'm a genius, after all."

"Yeah, yeah, finish your homework, Einstein. It's almost bedtime."

That night Beca feels arms wrap around her. First she thinks it's Chloe, but they're too small and weak. She rolls onto her back and Lucy curls into her side.

"Chloe isn't home yet."

Beca squints against the light of her phone to read the time, 1:18 AM. Beca must have fallen asleep waiting for her to come home. She's never stayed out this long after a fight; in fact, she's never left the apartment after a fight at all before. Beca's fingers itch with the urge to call her. She tries to go back to sleep but all the thoughts of bad things that could have happened start to flood her mind.

It isn't until around three, when the bedroom door squeaks open all the way and Chloe tiptoes into the room.

"I was worried about you."

Beca's voice makes her jump. She drops her shoes onto the floor of their closet and changes into sweats before climbing into the bed. Lucy shifts instinctively into her and she wraps her up in her arms and drops a kiss onto her head.

"Sorry. I just needed space and air and a little time to think."

"Did you get all those things?"

"Mhm, and a drink or two. I ended up at Stacie's."

"I'm surprised you didn't just stay there."

"I was going to. Then I realized how childish it is to run out after a fight."

"It's something I would do." Beca admits.

"Exactly." Chloe smirks, but the humor is gone immediately. "You have to know that I would never."

"I do. Believe me, baby, I do. It's just, I don't know. We haven't had any time just the two of us lately and I had a rough day at work today. Then I saw that picture on my way home and something inside of me snapped. I just don't get a good feeling from that guy."

"I've told you before, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to him."

"And me asking you to stop talking to him would be…"

"Out of line."

"Right."

There's a long pause. There's a wailing ambulance somewhere in the distance and Lucy's stomach moving with her gentle breathing keeps a steady rhythm against Chloe's ribcage.

"But for you, I guess I could be less cordial."

"You would do that for me?"

"I would do a lot of things for you."

"You already do. I'm sorry I keep asking more of you. It's not fair, I know."

Chloe reaches up to push a piece of hair from Beca's face and looks into her eyes.

"A lot of things aren't fair."

"You can say that again. About a million times."

"And I'm sure I will before the end of our lifetime; because that's how long I intend to spend with you. As long as you trust me enough to get there."

"I'm really sorry I lost my mind."

"You're just lucky I love you, even your crazy side."

"The luckiest."

The next morning things are still pretty tense between Beca and Chloe. Lucy is sitting at the table, poking at her breakfast. She's been doing much better eating but today her stomach feels filled with sludge.

"You okay, Scout?"

She sits across the table with her mug of coffee.

"My stomach hurts."

"Do you have a test or something today?"

"What? No."

Beca leans over and puts her hand on her forehead.

"No fever. Are you going to throw up?"

"No." Lucy answers truthfully.

"Then what's really going on?"

Lucy gets up to put her dishes in the sink. She sits back at the table and Chloe joins them.

"I told Poppy the truth about mom and dad, and you guys, and everything."

"Oh." Beca says. "And you're regretting it?"

"No," She says, too quickly, "yes. I don't know, it just feels weird to have people I barely know, know so much about me."

"Well, that's how friendship works, for a while at least." Chloe says. "You need to open up to allow the other person to feel comfortable to share things with you too."

"I don't like it."

Beca looks at her and realizes, not for the first time, how little she is. She's so young, still navigating friendship, learning how to be a person, and she feels that familiar burning in her gut because she is now the person responsible for guiding her through all of that.

"Neither did I. For a long time. But having friends is so important. How did she react when you told her?"

"She said she was sorry about it. She was nice. Not like what I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?" Chloe asks.

"For her to think I was weird or for her to just ditch me because all of her friends have normal lives."

"Do you know that for sure, or are you just guessing?"

"I'm just assuming."

"That's part of your problem, Lou." Beca says, standing and grabbing her keys, "Everyone has stuff they don't want anyone to know. You were just brave enough to say yours out loud."

Beca kisses Lucy's head and walks over to give Chloe a kiss.

"Hurry up and finish getting ready or you'll be late. I love you both; see you tonight."

When Lucy gets to school, the first face she sees is Poppy. She's kind of getting used to turning and having her just be there. She's met with a smile from across the courtyard. Lucy feels Chloe squeeze her hand and barely registers her quiet goodbye. She walks over and sits on the arm of the bench next to Poppy.

"Hi Lucy."

"Hi guys, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing really." Poppy says quickly, it gives Lucy the feeling they were probably talking about her.

"Did you guys do the reading for English?" Poppy asks.

"Yeah, and can I go on record as saying Huckleberry Finn should be removed from our reading list?"

"Why, did it remind you too much of your childhood?" Lincoln says, with her usual smirk.

"Please, Lincoln, you're more like Huck than any of us. I just think it's overrated. We should be reading things that reflect the times we live in now."

"No thanks. I think we're better off without." Lincoln jokes.

"I like the classics." Lucy says, "I think we can learn a lot from them and if we look close, we're really not all that different than the characters we're reading about. We like to think we've evolved and we're so much better than people in the 1800's but we're really not."

There's a long pause, they all just stare at her and she gets that same feeling she's had since she started school two days ago.

"I haven't heard you talk that much all at once." Lincoln says.

"You are so going to be Mr. Proctor's favorite." Matteo adds.

The bell rings and they all walk to class.

When Chloe walks back into the apartment building, Gardner walks in right behind her.

"Hey Chlo."

"Oh, um, hi Gardner."

"How's it going? Did you just drop Lucy off at school?"

"Yeah, I did, but I have to, um, I'm in a bit of a hurry."

Before she can rush off he catches her arm.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"What, no, why?"

"You just seem," He shakes his head, "I don't know."

"It's just a busy day."

She looks down at his hand on her arm and he lets her go.

"Yeah, sure."

Chloe walks to the elevators and Gardner walks toward the mailroom. She doesn't like the way that felt and part of her wants to be mad at Beca for making her brush him off like that, but she also understands, to an extent, where she's coming from. It's the same way she sometimes feels when Beca talks to Jesse.

Lucy walks outside after the final bell and looks around for Chloe, but she doesn't see her, so she sits on one of the benches near the main entrance. She watches some of the older kids walk by, already dressed for their practices. She's been thinking a lot about what activities she wants to do. She's practically memorized the school's extracurricular catalogue but she can't seem to make up her mind. Poppy and Lincoln walk up to her, also changed into shorts and t-shirts.

"Hey guys, you have practice today?"

"Yeah, getting ready for the fresh meat." Lincoln says, spinning her lacrosse stick in her hand.

"Are you thinking of trying out?" Poppy asks.

"Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided what I want to do yet."

"Well, you have a few more days to think about it."

"I don't know if lacrosse is for you." Lincoln says, with a smirk.

"Why not?"

Lucy already knows whatever she's going to say is going to be a smart ass remark.

"Because peaches bruise easily."

She slings her bag over her shoulder and walks away.

"Why does she call me that?'

Poppy gives a genuine smile, contrasting Lincoln's.

"You're from Georgia, you're a peach."

Lucy quirks an eyebrow.

"It means she likes you. She has a nickname for all of us."

"What's yours?"

"Orville."

"Like the popcorn guy?"

"Now you're catching on."

"Lucy, hey."

They both turn when they hear another voice. Gardner is standing there with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.


	16. The world is just as scary as I thought

"Oh Gardner. What are you doing here?"

"Chloe asked me to come get you. She was in the middle of a couple errands and lost track of time, I guess."

"Oh really? Doesn't seem like Chloe."

"I know, that's what I said. I think she was a little embarrassed that she even had to ask."

"Yeah well, that definitely sounds like her."

Lucy looks back to the confused expression on Poppy's face.

"Poppy, this is my neighbor, Gardner. Gardner this is my friend Poppy."

"Nice to meet you." Poppy says, diplomatic as always.

"Likewise." He turns his attention back to Lucy. "You ready to go?"

"Definitely."

He takes a step back and rocks back and forth on his heels while he waits for her to say goodbye to Poppy. Poppy gives one more wave before walking toward where Lincoln is waiting for her.

He starts to walk,

"Where are you going? Home is that way."

"Yeah it is, but I figured we could go get a smoothie before I bring you back. Unless, of course, you don't like smoothies."

"Who doesn't like smoothies?"

"The fruit I'm assuming."

She laughs at his lame attempt at a joke.

Chloe walks up to the school, almost a half an hour late. She had tried to call Lucy to let her know she was on her way, but she got no answer. She just assumed her phone was still off from the school day. When she gets to where Lucy usually waits, she isn't there and she has no way to get in touch with her. She waits for a few minutes until Poppy catches her eye on the lacrosse field. She walks over and Poppy notices her right away.

"Hi Poppy, I didn't mean to interrupt your practice."

"That's okay. What's going on? Did Lucy forget something?"

"Yeah, to turn her phone back on. Any idea where she is?"

"Oh, uh, she left like twenty minutes ago."

"By herself?"

"No, she was with some guy."

Chloe's heart flips.

"A guy? What guy?"

"She said he was your neighbor. I think his name was-"

"Gardner."

"Yeah."

"Okay," Chloe says, trying to keep her cool, "thank you."

"No problem."

Chloe pulls her phone out and tries Lucy's number three more times; it goes right to voicemail each time. She tries Gardner and he doesn't answer either. She goes back to their building, while every bad thing Beca has ever pointed out about him runs through her head. Unfortunately, she isn't surprised when Lucy isn't home. She runs upstairs and knocks on Gardner's door. No answer.

So she does the one thing she was avoiding doing. She calls Beca.

"So how was school?"

Lucy looks at him, she has a weird feeling about the whole situation but if Chloe asked him to pick her up, she must be really busy. She hikes her backpack higher on her shoulder.

"Oh here, let me carry that. The thing is bigger than you are."

She hesitates but decides to allow it. She hands over her bag and immediately feels relief in her shoulders.

"Geez, what's in here, bricks?"

"Textbooks, so basically the same thing."

"Vanderbilt is legit. You must be pretty smart."

Lucy shrugs, always modest.

"It's definitely harder than my old school."

"Back in Georgia." It isn't a question.

"Mhm, I mean, school was fine, I guess. But most of what I learned came from my mom and dad."

The conversation screeches to a halt. She isn't sure why she's talking to him at all, or if she should be. She knows Beca doesn't like him. But Chloe does. This won't be the last time she's going to pick a side between them.

"They were pretty smart, huh?" Gardner asks.

"The smartest. My dad taught English and comparative literature at Barden. That's the college Beca and Chloe went to. That's where I wanna go too." She says, proudly.

"What about your mom?"

"She taught physics and chemistry."

Gardner nods his head, clearly impressed.

"I'm really sorry you lost them. Chloe told me there was a car accident. That's terrible."

Lucy is a little surprised that Chloe has talked about it with him. He seems genuine enough though and she wonders why Beca hates him so much.

"Thanks."

"You're lucky you weren't in the car too."

Lucy squeezes her eyes shut for just a second. This is a thought she's had about a million times since that night. Gardner isn't the first one to point it out but it's still hard to think about.

"Yeah, but it's probably worse being the one outside." She shakes her head, "Can we talk about something else?"

"Of course, sorry. I'm rambling on like an idiot." His smile returns to his face and Lucy feels a little more at ease. "So are you playing any sports at Vanderbilt?"

"I don't know yet. I played softball and soccer back home, but I'm not so sure I wanna do that anymore."

"Why not?" He asks as he opens the door to the smoothie place and follows her through.

"I don't know. My friends want me to play lacrosse with them."

"That would be fun."

"Yeah, I think so too. I just don't think Beca and Chloe are gonna go for it. It's too rough."

"They're tough on you, huh?"

"No, just protective. Which I get, even if it is a little annoying."

They order their smoothies and sit at the counter.

"Is it fun living with your sister again?"

"I never lived with her before. She would come stay for a while in the summers but most of the time she was with her mom."

"Oh wow. I don't know what I would do if my brother didn't live with me growing up."

"It was fine." Lucy says taking a sip of her drink. "We hung out in the summer, then when she started at Barden I saw her all the time."

"What do you guys do together? She's famous now, right? So do you go to fancy parties and stuff?'

Lucy scrunches up her face, "No, we mostly just stay home and watch movies and play cards and things like that. She doesn't really like me near all of that other stuff. She says people will do all kinds of crazy stuff to get to famous people."

"I don't know if that's true. Although I did read about this guy who changed a bands entire Wikipedia page to get backstage at one of their shows. So maybe your sister is on to something there."

"Yeah, people are crazy."

Beca rushes into the apartment. On her way, she called her sister's cellphone about 30 times, it's still off. She also called everyone she knew, to see if they had heard from her. If she ever thought she knew what scared was, she didn't, not until this moment.

"Beca, I'm so sorry."

"I don't have time for that right now. We need to think. Should we call the police?"

"She's only been gone for an hour." Chloe says, making sure not to say 'missing'.

"So?"

"So, they aren't going to do anything."

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

Chloe looks just as lost as Beca. The moment freezes around them and the early autumn air turns frigid.

"Where were you?"

"What?"

"You were supposed to pick her up. Where the hell were you?"

"I was a few minutes late. I wasn't expecting him to show up and take her."

Chloe lets the tears that have built up from her anxiousness drip down her cheeks.

"I didn't mean for this to happen."

The utter defeat in Chloe's expression breaks Beca's anger and she pulls her girlfriend into her arms.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just… scared."

"Did you try Stacie and Emily?"

"I've tried everyone short of the FBI."

"Okay, um, we should go look for her, right?"

"Yeah, but Chlo, she could be anywhere."

"Then we better start looking."

"I can't believe you've never watched women's soccer." Lucy says, much more at ease now. She's almost completely forgotten that this wasn't the plan for her afternoon.

"Apparently I've been missing out."

"You really have. It's so much better than the guys. They know how to stay on their feet for one thing."

"Cheap shot."

"No way, watch a match and you'll be thanking me. For real."

"Alright, I'll give it a go."

"That's all I ask."

Lucy gets up and tosses their cups in the garbage and starts to grab her bag.

"What are you doing?"

"Aren't we done?"

"I mean, yeah, but if we take a little longer to get back, that's longer until you have to start your homework, right?"

"I like the way you think."

"Right back at you. You're a lot cooler than other kids your age."

"You hang out with a lot of twelve year olds?'

"Not many. Okay, just you."

"Good, otherwise that's weird, dude."

"But I'm right, aren't I?"

"I wouldn't really know. I don't hang out with many twelve year olds either."

"They'll see, one day, what they're missing out on."

"Thanks, Gardner."

Lucy doesn't understand what Beca hates so much about him. His smile and his laugh are always genuine when he talks to her. He talks to her like an adult, and makes her feel like he's really listening. She likes talking to him. She hopes Beca will change her mind about him one day.

Beca is walking. Looking through every storefront and around every corner, while also dialing her sister's phone over and over, hoping she turned it back on. She gets several texts from Emily and Stacie asking if they've found her but she doesn't answer. She walks by a juice bar but backs up when she catches a glimpse of a golden brown ponytail.

Her sister is sitting at the counter next to Gardner and Beca feels her blood begin to boil. She opens the door and walks closer to them. Lucy is laughing about something and Gardner is fiddling with his keys.

"Lucy."

"Beca, hi."

Lucy turns on her stool and greets her sister with a big smile. Right away Beca can tell Lucy doesn't know she isn't supposed to be here. She extends her arms and Lucy walks into them.

"You ready to go home?" Beca asks, glaring at Gardner over Lucy's head.

He keeps the same grin on his face, as if he hadn't done anything wrong at all. It's at that moment that she thinks, maybe he doesn't see anything wrong with what he did; and maybe that's worse. She grits her teeth so hard she wouldn't be surprised if she heard them start to crack.

"Yeah." Lucy turns to Gardner. "Thanks for the smoothie, and for the talk."

"Anytime."

Beca wraps her arm around Lucy even tighter and guides her out of the store. She texts Chloe to meet them at home.

"Is Chloe done with her errands yet?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, that's why she asked Gardner to pick me up, right?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, she's at home."

The whole walk home Beca keeps looking over her shoulder for Gardner but she doesn't see him. When they walk into the apartment Chloe is pacing in the kitchen. Beca locks all three locks and takes a full breath for the first time since Chloe called her.

Lucy looks between them.

"Woah, there's a weird vibe in here. Did you guys have another fight?" She asks, putting her backpack on a kitchen chair. When neither of them say anything she starts to leave the room.

"What did you and Gardner talk about?" Beca asks.

Lucy stops and turns with a shrug, "I don't know. All kinds of stuff; movies, sports, school. I'm kind of glad you asked him to pick me up." Lucy says to Chloe, "I thought it was kind of weird at first but he's pretty cool."

"He said that?"

"What?"

"He said that I asked him to pick you up?" Chloe asks, she looks like she might vomit.

"Yeah because of all your errands."

Chloe goes silent and Beca looks down at her shoe. Lucy's mouth forms a small 'O' and she crosses her arms over her chest.

"You didn't ask him, did you?"

"No, Lou, she didn't."

"I'm so sorry. I never should have gone with him." Lucy's whole face falls and she looks like she's about to cry.

"Hey, you didn't know." Beca reassures her.

"I know that you don't like him. I never should have-"

"Come here."

Beca pulls her over to the couch and sits down next to her. Chloe follows them and sits in front of them on the coffee table.

"Why did he do that?"

"I don't know, but we'll figure it all out. For now, you go nowhere without one of us."

"Okay."

"Go start your homework, okay?"

Lucy grabs her backpack and goes to her bedroom. As soon as the door clicks shut Chloe starts to cry. The guilt has bubbled over and she can't contain it anymore.

"Hey, sh, it's alright."

"He used me to get to her. I never should have been friends with him. You warned me, but I didn't listen."

"None of this is your fault. You didn't know." Beca says in a calming voice.

"But you did."

"I just didn't like him. I never would have guessed he would do something like this."

"So what do we do now? Do we call the police?"

"And tell them what?"

"I don't know, report an attempted kidnapping."

"She went with him willingly." Beca argues, feeling completely defeated.

She wants nothing more than to get him in trouble. But she also knows that if they go to the police they need to be smart about it.

"Because he lied to her."

"We can try it, but I think it would be a dead end."

Chloe moves over to the couch and nestles into Beca's side.

"So what do we do?" She asks..

"I think we need to find a new place to live."

"Really?"

"I mean we were talking about it already, and we're never going to feel comfortable or safe with him right upstairs. I think it's the best option."

"And until then, maybe we could talk to Stacie and see if we could stay there?"

Beca nods and looks back to Lucy's closed door.

"This is the last thing she needed; to be scared of her own home. She just lost her other one. It isn't fair."

That night, they pack up everything they'll need for the weekend and the following week and go to Stacie's.

"Hey guys, come on in." Stacie says, opening the door for them.

She pulls Lucy into a hug as soon as she's inside and waits for Lucy to initiate its ending. She eventually pulls away and walks over to Bella, playing with her toys on the floor in the living room.

"So you guys need help bringing up the rest of your stuff?"

"This is it." Beca says.

"For a week? For three of you?" Beca nods. "We so don't pack the same way."

"We knew that already, Stace."

"You guys will be in the guest room, and sorry Luce, but you'll have to share with Bella. But don't worry she sleeps through the night now."

Lucy just shrugs and sits against Beca's legs as soon as she sits on the couch. Bella brings all of her toys over, one by one, to Lucy and shows her each one individually while Lucy pretends to be amazed.

"Are you guys hungry?"

"Not really." Beca says.

"Lucy?"

"No."

Chloe's silence doesn't go unnoticed and Stacie can tell she's about to come apart at the seams.

"Well, I'm starving and majorly craving some Thai. You up for a walk?" Stacie asks Lucy.

Lucy looks to Beca for approval. She nods and Lucy pops up to help put Bella in her stroller.

"We'll be back in a bit." Stacie says, nodding her head toward Chloe who looks a million miles away.

"Baby?"

Chloe turns to her and her eyes meet Beca's in an eerily vacant stare.

"Are you okay?"

"Today could have been so bad."

"But it wasn't. We don't know what his plan was."

Chloe swallows and grips the fabric of her sweater tightly in her fist.

"I think I know why he did it."

"What? What are you talking about?"

Chloe licks her lips and tries her best not to tear up.

"This morning, I saw Gardner in the lobby and I blew him off. I knew you didn't want me talking to him, and now it's pretty clear why."

"You think he did it to get back at you? You think it's that simple?"

Chloe shrugs as a single tear escapes.

"Chlo, don't put this on yourself. She's fine and we never have to see him again."

"You think he's just going to go away?"

"We'll make him."

"How are we going to do that?"

"With all of the stuff we already said. And if we need to get the police involved, if we need to get a restraining order or whatever, we will. I'm not going to be afraid of him, and neither are you or Lucy."

"So forceful." Chloe says, looking down but cracking a smile, just barely.

"I'm a Mama bear now, hear me roar."

This makes Chloe look back up into Beca's eyes.

"You think of yourself as a Mama?"

"I mean, I kind of am. I know I'll never be her real mom. But we're all she has left, and I'll protect her with everything I have, for as long as I have."

Chloe leans in and kisses her. They pull apart quickly when the front door opens.

"Okay so, the really good Thai place was closed but we got the place next door which is pretty good too." Stacie says while taking Bella out of her stroller.

"Second rate Thai, my favorite." Beca says sarcastically.

Stacie looks between Beca and Chloe. Beca gives her a quick thumbs up before going to grab plates.

Lucy is quiet all through dinner but much to Beca's surprise she doesn't need to be begged to eat. After dinner she goes into Stacie's office to do her homework. Chloe and Stacie sit on the couch, each with a glass of wine, and Beca walks in with a beer.

"You think she's okay in there?" Stacie asks.

"I just checked on her. She's doing algebra homework, so she's doing as well as can be expected."

Chloe smirks and moves over so Beca can sit beside her.

In the middle of the night, the door to the guest room squeaks open. Lucy tiptoes over to the side of the bed and taps Beca's shoulder. Beca blinks a couple of times. Her eyes feel like they're filled with sand. When she's finally able to open them fully she looks at Lucy and she can practically feel the guilt radiating off of her. She lifts the blankets up so Lucy can climb in next to her. Beca kisses her head.

"I really am sorry about today."

"You don't need to apologize. You did nothing wrong. He was wrong."

"Why did he do it?"

When Lucy asks the question, it's clear she's scared. Her parents never shielded her from real world problems. She is well aware that people are capable of doing bad things and the thought that Gardner could be one of those people didn't occur to her until it was much too late.

"I don't know, Scout. I really don't. But you don't need to worry about him now, okay?"

"Okay."

Lucy nestles into Beca's side and sighs. She finally feels safe, even if it's just for the moment.

"Why does all this bad stuff keep happening to us?"

Beca scoffs, "I don't know. I guess somewhere down the line one of us royally pissed off someone up there." Say says, pointing up.

"Like God?" She asks.

Beca immediately regrets saying that. She shakes her head.

"I don't actually know. Sometimes bad stuff just happens."

"To teach us a lesson?" Lucy asks, rolling her eyes even though Beca can't see them.

"No," Beca answers honestly, "just because."

Beca doesn't know if this is the right approach, but she knows Lucy's too smart to be lied to and she needs to know that Beca doesn't have all the answers. They need to depend on each other and in this instance, as far as knowing where to go from here, they're on an equal playing field; starting from scratch and hoping for the best is really their only option.

"And we're just supposed to take all the bad stuff that happens to us?"

"No way. We're women aren't we?" Lucy nods. "So we take charge. We make a change and we make a new life."

"That sounds hard."

"It does, doesn't it? But it's all we've got to go with. So what do you say? You with me?"

It's barely audible, almost not there at all, but Lucy whispers,

"Hell yeah."


	17. Maybe I'm Alone (Maybe Everybody's Lost)

The next day, Chloe and Stacie walk Lucy to school and wait until the second bell to make sure that she's inside and safe before they walk down the block to a small cafe. Once they're sitting, Chloe takes Bella out of her stroller, lifting her above her head and smiling brightly before sitting her on her lap and kissing her head.

"God, you need a baby." Stacie says, and Chloe nearly spits out her coffee. "I'm serious, watching you with her," She shakes her head, "you need a baby."

"Can you imagine? We're barely staying afloat as it is."

"But you've talked about it."

Chloe shrugs, "A little. We're not even married yet."

"Neither am I."

"It's different." Chloe says, shifting Bella as she starts to fuss.

"I guess. So do you think you guys will get married soon?"

"Oh my God, what's with the interrogation?"

"I'm just asking normal questions. You guys have been together forever. We all know it's going to happen."

"I don't know. I don't really know much of anything lately."

"Well, that sounded loaded." Stacie says.

Chloe takes a moment to look around the small space. She's been to this coffeehouse more than a few times but she doesn't remember it being so bright, and she's never seen so many people inside before. She shrugs and plays with her straw.

"Since the accident things have been kind of up in the air."

Stacie notes the sadness and insecurity behind her tone and sobers her own.

"What about school? How's that going?'

"No," Chloe says, shaking her head, and Bella copies her, "I want to talk about you. What's new with you? Any new conquests?"

"Nope, dry as a bone."

"That has never been the case. At least not since I've known you."

"I'm a mother now, Chloe. It changes you. You'll see; hopefully very soon."

Chloe scoffs and looks at Bella, "Your Mama is crazy."

Lucy walks down the hallway and over to her locker. When she closes it Poppy is standing there. She clutches her chest and says,

"You really need to get CPR certified if you're going to keep doing stuff like that."

"Sorry." Poppy says with a soft chuckle. "So what was up yesterday?"

"What do you mean?"

Lucy tenses. She's still not used to people checking up on her; at least people that aren't Beca, Chloe or her parents.

"I don't know." Poppy walks alongside Lucy. "Chloe came to pick you up but you had already left with that guy."

"Oh yeah, it was just, um, a miscommunication. She forgot she asked him to get me." Lucy says, not looking at Poppy.

"Oh, okay." Poppy says, not fully believing her.

They walk into their English class and take their seats. When Mr. Proctor walks in Lucy gets the same familiar feeling in her gut. Every morning she feels like she might throw up. He's the spitting image of her father; even the way he speaks is similar.

"Good morning."

"Good morning." The students reply in various grumblings.

"I trust you all did the reading last night."

He is met with silence, "Good, because we have a chapter quiz."

This spurs more groaning.

"Oh I love the sound of detestation in the morning. But before you all, surely, ace this, I am handing out the guidelines for our first group project. I am allowing you to choose your own groups of four. Please don't make me regret this."

Lucy feels a tap on her shoulder.

"You, me, Poppy, and Lincoln?" Matteo asks. Lucy nods.

Her stomach flips. She feels more and more included everyday and it's a strange feeling; a feeling she never knew she needed.

After class the four of them congregate just outside the door.

"So we should meet up this weekend to get a majority of the project done." Poppy says. "Unfortunately my house is out. My dad is still refinishing the floors."

"How long has it been now, six years?" Lincoln asks sarcastically.

"My house is out too." Matteo says. "My brother's band practices there on the weekends." He grimaces and there is a knowing silence.

"Can't do mine either." Lincoln answers vaguely, but no one questions it.

They all turn to Lucy.

"Oh, uh, well we're staying with a friend but I don't think she'd mind. I'll ask."

"Okay great." Poppy says.

Once everyone else walks away Poppy grabs Lucy's arm to stop her.

"You sure you're okay with this?"

"No time like the present, right?" Lucy says, thinking of the conversation she had with Beca the night before.

"No wonder Stacie let us stay here," Beca says, "it's free babysitting."

"It is a perk." Chloe says, placing Bella in her high chair.

"It's kind of nice not being the youngest for once." Lucy says, she is doing her homework at the table.

Beca is standing over the cutting board chopping vegetables and tossing them into a salad. The whole scene is very domestic. Chloe's mind goes back to the conversation she had with Stacie. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't thought about having kids and having a "normal" life with Beca. Having just this moment, the girl, the kid, and the baby, makes her nostalgic for something she never actually had and Beca can see it on her face.

"Hey, baby, you okay?"

"What? Oh yeah."

Chloe shakes herself out of it and grabs the plates to set the table.

"Alright kid, books away. Lets eat."

Lucy stacks her books and sets them aside. There haven't been many times in the last month and a half that she's been hungry but tonight is one of them and she thinks that's probably a good thing.

"So Scout, how was school?"

"It was alright."

"Learn anything interesting?"

"Yeah actually I learned that dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors."

"You learned that in class?"

"No, Matteo told me."

Beca and Chloe share a look. They are both just relieved that Lucy is finding friends.

"I actually have something to ask."

"Sure." Beca says, plating up some rice.

"We got assigned a group project today for English and I was wondering if we could work on it here."

"We'll have to ask Stacie but I don't think she'll have a problem with that."

"Are you sure you want to do it here?" Beca asks, a little scared to hear her sister's answer.

"Originally I was going to say we couldn't but everybody else's houses were out and I don't think the library would appreciate Matteo screaming about burning books."

Beca quirks an eyebrow.

"It's a long story."

"I just thought you might not want them here if I'm going to be here." Beca says it more like a question.

She didn't want to do anything to make her sister's life at school any harder than it needs to be. Lucy pouts her lips a little before she says.

"We're making changes, right?"

Beca smirks and Chloe just looks a little confused.

"Damn right, kid."

"It would be Saturday around two."

"We'll make it work." Chloe says.

"Thank you."

Beca climbs into the bed where Chloe is already reading on her side. Beca puts her phone on its charger and looks over at Chloe, looking over each one of her features. Something seems different, she just can't quite put her finger on it.

"Can I help you with something?" Chloe asks, with a smirk.

"Where were you earlier when I called?"

"When?"

"This afternoon."

Chloe's heart beats faster. She isn't sure why but she can't seem to find the courage to talk to Beca about all the things she's been thinking about.

"Wherever it was, it was pretty loud."

"Oh, I was at a farmer's market down the street. I took Bella for a walk."

"That sounds nice. Don't you usually have class on Thursdays?"

"Um, yeah, usually, but it was cancelled today. How was work?"

The quick change of subject doesn't go unnoticed. But Beca figures that if it is serious Chloe will talk to her.

"The usual. Anderson was an ass, I mixed some stuff and then just a lot of paperwork."

Beca hasn't mentioned anything to Chloe about her new record yet. She wants it to be a surprise.

"Oh, that's good." Chloe says, still sounding distracted.

Beca feels a bit like a broken record but she still asks, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just tired I think. This two kids thing is no joke."

"You're not kidding."

Chloe chuckles and closes her book to place it on the nightstand. The door clicks when it opens and Lucy appears as if she knew they mentioned her.

"Sorry. Can I sleep in here?"

"Of course, sweet girl."

Lucy crawls in between them and falls asleep faster than either of them have ever seen.

"You think she's doing okay?"

Chloe smiles, running her fingers through Lucy's hair.

"Yeah, I really do. She doesn't seem too rattled by everything that happened yesterday."

"Thank God." Beca sighs. "I think these friends could be a great thing for her; a good distraction."

"Yeah, I met one of them, Poppy. She seems sweet and her father is the Dean."

"That could come in handy. Get her out of detention and stuff."

"Stop it." Chloe says, trying not to laugh and wake Lucy up.

"It will be good to meet them all. Especially if she's going to be spending more time with them. That's what parents do, right?"

"That's what mine did."

"And there's no better model to follow than Mark and Sharon Beale." Beca says, this time with no hint of sarcasm.

Chloe's parents were _the_ parents; the parents Beca wished she had while she was growing up. They went to every school play and soccer game. Mark taught Chloe how to change a tire and file her taxes. Sharon made all of their Halloween costumes and had dinner on the table every night so they could all eat together and talk about their days. It was like an episode of the Donna Reed show or the Brady Bunch; or any one of the old black and white tv shows Beca would watch reruns of while her mom was at job number two.

Beca could see Chloe being the kind of mother Sharon was, but she isn't sure what kind of parent she would be. She thought she was ready to be a mom, but the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes she needs more time. She doesn't have many role models to take after. Her mother was absent at best, and her father wasn't really a father until Lucy came along. She was always jealous of Lucy and the way she got to grow up; that all feels incredibly selfish now.

"Have you thought any more about all of that?" Beca asks.

"All of what?"

"Having kids, getting married. Not in that order, or maybe in that order. I don't know."

"Actually-"

"After you're done with school, obviously."

"Obviously, yeah," Chloe sputters. Beca looks at her expectantly, "actually I haven't really. Things have just been crazy, you know? There hasn't been time."

"Yeah, I get it."

Beca leans over and kisses her, relieved that Chloe hasn't given it much thought. She kisses Lucy's cheek, she crinkles up her nose but she doesn't stir.

When Stacie walks into the apartment, it's nearly one in the morning. Her nights in the ER are not her favorite. She does some amazing work and meets some great people but she misses Bella, and going to bed at a normal time. She hangs her bag up and slips off her shoes. She flips on the hallway light and nearly falls over. Chloe has been sitting alone in the dark for almost an hour, trying to sort out all of her thoughts. It hasn't helped.

"Jesus Chlo, what are you doing out here?"

"Sorry. I just couldn't sleep."

She notices the look on Chloe's face; the same look that's been on her face for days. Her eyes aren't as sparkly as normal and her smile comes across her face less and less.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Stacie sits on the couch.

"You must be exhausted."

"Chloe, I just saw a guys hand wrangled in a t-shirt canon. I'm never closing my eyes again."

Chloe looks at her, hoping she would change her mind. No luck.

"I don't know. I guess there are just a lot of decisions I need to make."

"Like what?"

"Like school."

Chloe sighs and rubs her temple.

"What are you talking about? I thought school was going well."

"It was. Before the accident."

"What changed?"

"Everything." Chloe shrugs. "My priorities. I guess, I just feel like every time I'm studying or going to class I could be doing something more important."

"I get it, I do, but Beca and Lucy can't be your whole life."

"Why not? My mom did it for us. I could be a stay at home mom."

Stacie stills. She's never heard either of them refer to themselves as Lucy's mothers before.

"Is that how you think of yourself?"

"I mean, I know I'm not Lucy's mom, we both know that. But when I think about all the stuff my mom did for me, I could do all that for her; she deserves someone to do that for her."

"I won't disagree. Everyone deserves a good mom, or at least a good stand-in. I would just hate for you to give this up and regret it. You worked really hard to get where you are and you're just going to give it all up?"

"I could always go back to school in a few years if I really want to, right?"

"Sure, as long as you're doing all of this for yourself."

"It's what I want." Chloe says definitively, and it's the most sure she's sounded in days. "I wasn't sure until yesterday."

Chloe seeps deeper into the back of the couch and wraps her arms around her stomach. Her voice is tired and Stacie can see the toll it's taken on her. She knows what it does to her when she's keeping something from Beca. She also knows how hard Chloe can be on herself. She puts her hand on Chloe's knee and waits for her to continue.

"When we didn't know where she was, all I could think about was, if I hadn't lost track of time, if I hadn't been studying, then I would have been there to pick her up."

"So this is about guilt?"

"No," Chloe says definitively, "this is about me not wanting to miss anything, and Beca's peace of mind, and I don't know… I never thought I would be that girl."

"What girl?"

"The domestic kind that lives for her partner and her family. I know a lot of people look down on that."

"You are not subservient and you are allowed to make this choice. To hell with what everybody else thinks."

"Do you really feel that way or are you just saying that to make me feel better?"

Stacie is incredibly proud of her career and the balancing act she does everyday to keep herself and Bella alive. She has also felt the pull to stay home with Bella, to be a stay at home mom, but she wasn't given the luxury of choice.

"Not sure, honestly. But I'm here for you either way."

"Thank you."

"When are you going to tell Beca?"

"I don't know. Soon."

"Don't be nervous. She's with you, no matter what."

"That's what Emily said."

Stacie's mouth drops. She stands up and leans against the back of the couch.

"Oh come on, Legacy knew about this before me?"

Chloe laughs, "We talked about it a little before she went back to Georgia."

"She's a good second choice, I guess."

"Yeah, yeah, you're the best. Whatever."

Stacie stretches.

"I should probably try to sleep. Bella will be up at five whether i'm traumatized or not."

"Don't worry about it. I'll get her in the morning. I'll bring her on my run after I drop Lucy off."

"Chlo, I know you're going to be some kind of domestic goddess now, but you can't steal my baby."

"Fine, you can get up at five then. That gives you four and a half hours of sleep."

"No, no, you can steal her for one more day."

"That's what I thought."

Like clockwork, five rolls around and Bella starts to cry. Chloe walks in and picks her up. She sits in the rocking chair and cuddles her to her chest. She's looking more and more like her mother every day and Chloe can't help but wonder what her own baby would look like. She's seen baby pictures of Beca and she knows that if they ever had a baby with her genes she would be the most beautiful baby on the planet. She gets up and changes the baby, putting her in an outfit warm enough for a run, before going to make breakfast for everyone.

Lucy rolls over and almost slaps her sister in the face. She was never very good at sharing a bed. When she was little her dad snored so she tried not to climb into bed with them. When she got a little older, and she had managed to make some friends, she never made it to the sleepover phase. So it was always just her in her big bed all alone. Now she spends more nights than not in bed with Beca and Chloe, or with one of them in her bed. They are her safe space. They make the nightmares and the insomnia disappear and she is sure she's never been this rested.

Just as she fully opens her eyes, Beca's alarm goes off. She groans and mumbles a few expletives under her breath before she rolls over and turns it off.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Lucy says with a smirk.

"How long have you been awake?"

"A long time."

"Oh yeah?" Beca asks suspiciously.

"Yup, like three or four minutes."

Beca scoffs and pulls the blankets off of her legs, knowing if she doesn't do it now she won't get out of bed at all today. Besides, it's Friday and she fully intends to take an early day.

"You ready to get up?" She asks.

"If I say no will you let me stay here?"

"You're dreaming, kid."

"That's what I thought." Lucy says, hopping out of bed and heading down the hall to get dressed.

Once everyone is dressed, even Stacie has managed to drag herself out of bed to get to work on time, they sit down for breakfast.

"You guys are more than welcome to stay for as long as you want, as long as breakfast is on the table every day." Stacie says.

She's ripping up pieces of waffle and handing them to Bella, who is babbling happily in her high chair.

"I know I'm an amazing cook, but Bec, we really should start looking for a new place as soon as possible."

"There's no rush, really. You guys are welcome here as long as you need."

"Thanks, Stace, we appreciate it, but we should get our own space and let you and Bella get back to your normal routine." Beca says. "We'll start looking this weekend."

"Speaking of this weekend, isn't there something you wanted to ask Stacie?" Chloe prompts Lucy.

Lucy sips her orange juice and puts the glass down.

"Oh yeah, could I have a couple of my friends over tomorrow to work on a group project?"

"Of course you can. While you guys are here, this is your house too. I mean it."

"Thank you."

When Lucy gets to school, Poppy and Matteo are standing together. Matteo is yelling about something and Lucy can see excitement on his face from where she's standing with Chloe and Bella.

"Okay Lou, have a good day. I will be here right at 2:30. I promise."

"Alright." She bends down and tickles the baby. "Ciao Bella. I'll see you later." She kisses her cheek.

Chloe's heart could melt at the interaction.

"See you later, Chlo."

Lucy rushes over to her friends.

"This is huge, Poppy. How am I just hearing about this now?" Matteo asks.

"What's going on?"

"Do you know what Ensemble is?" Matteo asks, getting much closer to her face than needed.

"The TV show? Yeah, why?"

Lucy knows it very well. She's seen every episode, multiple times. Her sister is a producer of it but she does her best to hide her enthusiasm until she hears what Matteo has to say about it.

"They're going to be filming part of it in our auditorium."

He looks like he could jump out of his skin. Lucy looks at Poppy who is clearly amused by their friend's reaction.

"Is that true?" Lucy asks.

"Yeah, my dad told me they were talking about it a few weeks ago. He said I couldn't tell anyone which is why you're finding out about it right now. I guess they finalized everything yesterday and they're going to be filming here at the end of the month."

Lucy wonders why Beca didn't say anything.

"Oh, that's pretty cool."

"Me and Poppy never miss an episode." Matteo says, "You should come over and watch it with us tonight."

"Oh, uh, I'd have to ask, but maybe."

"Lincoln will be there too." Poppy says.

"She doesn't really watch it." Matteo says, "She pretty much just sits on her phone and mocks the rest of us, but she'll be there."

"That can't possibly be fun for her." Lucy says.

"What can't be fun for who?" Lincoln asks, appearing behind Lucy.

"Whom." Matteo corrects.

"Is it whom?" Poppy asks.

"It's the object of the sentence."

"Oh my God, nerds." Lincoln says.

"Bitch." Matteo shoots back and Lincoln shoves him.

Lucy tenses until she realizes they're just messing around. She's still not used to the banter, or at least being a part of it.

"Oh, so what did your friend say? Can we use her place?" Poppy asks, ignoring her friends completely.

"Yeah, she said it's not a problem. She just said we can't throw a kegger and if anything explodes we need to do it in the parking garage."

They all look at her confused.

"I didn't tell her it was just for English."

"I mean who says something can't still explode?" Lincoln says with a shrug.

Matteo gives a frightened expression next to her. This makes Lucy laugh. Poppy leans in while Matteo and Lincoln start play fighting again.

"I'm gonna ask one more time. You sure you're good with this?"

Lucy gives a warm smile.

"Everyone was right about you, you know that?"

"What are you talking about?"

"They all said you're the nicest kid in school."

Poppy visibly blushes and hikes her backpack up higher on her shoulder.

"I mean, you've known me for, what, not even a whole week and you're actually concerned about me." Lucy pauses.

Lincoln and Matteo have started making their way to the main entrance so she feels comfortable saying this,

"Back home I didn't have many friends; none actually."

"This is your home now, and you have us."

The bell rings and Poppy nudges her toward the door.

Beca walks into work and groans, internally, when Anderson is sitting at the conference table, early as usual.

"How is it that I am always here before you?" He asks.

"Because I have a family to take care of, not just a houseplant and a depressingly large collection of dolls."

"They are collectible movie memorabilia. I won't tell you again."

"Promise?"

"It's just that I have to maintain the boxes to keep their mint condition."

Beca smirks. She knows she hit a sore spot.

"Oh I know, you've mentioned it before." Beca says, referring to the one drunken happy hour where he explained, in depth, his maintenance checklist.

"Even with my checklist I still manage to beat you here every day. Don't you only live like six blocks up?"

"Not right now, I don't."

She doesn't know why she said anything at all. She never willingly enters a conversation with Anderson but all of the stress of the past couple days is just getting to her.

"What do you mean? Chloe finally realize she's too good for you and kick you out?"

"No."

"Oh, that's good cause you'd never find anyone else."

"Okay, you jackass, I shouldn't have said anything."

"Come on, I'm kidding. There's always . Why aren't you at your place?"

Beca sips her coffee, contemplating whether or not she actually wants to tell him, but she's already come this far.

"We had an incident with one of the guys in the building and we just didn't feel safe there anymore."

"Did he do something to you?"

Beca isn't sure but she thinks she hears something in his voice resembling anger but his face, if anything, only shows mild interest. She sighs and scratches at her scalp with both hands.

"I mean he's been hovering around Chloe since we moved in but then yesterday he picked Lucy up from school. He said that Chloe sent him. We couldn't find her for over an hour."

"Holy shit. My brother is a lawyer. You want me to give you his number?"

"There's not much he could do. He didn't do anything to her, other than give her a smoothie."

"But you think he's dangerous?"

Beca shrugs, "I can't think of any good reason he would have done what he did."

"Mitchell!" Matt's voice echoes through the offices and he sounds pissed.

He storms into the conference room, Theo right behind him, holding a magazine.

"What the hell?" He asks.

"What did I do this time?" She asks, genuinely concerned because she's never seen his face so scrunched up.

"You gave them an exclusive without my consent?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well you didn't, but you gave permission for one from your sister."

"No, I did not."

"Then how do you explain this?"

He puts the magazine down on the table in front of Beca. It's a two page article and the headline reads, "The Secret Sister: How tragedy turned overnight sensation Beca Mitchell into a family woman". It's a full interview of her sister, detailing the accident and their life in New York.

"I don't know what this is but I definitely never gave permission for this."

"Is it accurate?" Matt asks.

He doesn't need to second guess if Beca is telling the truth. He trusts her. He can also see the anger in her eyes while she skims over the article.

"Yeah it is."

"Okay, so we need to figure out who might have leaked this. Has she been talking to anyone new recently?" Theo asks.

"She just moved to a new city and started at a new school. Everyone is new to her."

"What about that guy you were just talking about? Do you think he did this?" Anderson asks.

Beca speaks through gritted teeth, "I might need your brother's number after all."

"Talk to your sister first," Matt says, "and if anything comes of this it is going through our legal team."

When Lucy walks out of school, Chloe, as promised, is standing there waiting. She looks vigilant. She no doubt is expecting Gardner to appear. None of them know what his intentions are, or what he's capable of. Lucy walks over and hugs her. She's more than surprised at the open display of affection but there's no way she's going to question it.

"Hey Lou, how was school?"

"It was really good."

Chloe takes a deep breath and for the first time since dropping her off, her chest doesn't feel tight. They fall into step with each other and head home. Gardner has been on their minds all day but it isn't until they walk past their street that Lucy is fully reminded that it actually happened. She goes quiet and Chloe doesn't need to ask. She just takes her hand and continues toward Stacie's apartment.

When they walk in, Lucy stops in the doorway. Beca is sitting at the counter with a mug of coffee and a magazine next to it. It's open but Lucy can't see what's on the pages from where she's standing.

"Hi Scout."

From the sound of her voice she can tell something is wrong. She steps a little closer and drops her backpack to the floor.

"Hi," She looks between both Beca and Chloe, "am I in trouble or something?"

"No. Can you come sit with me?"

Lucy climbs onto the stool next to her and can finally see what's in the magazine. It's pictures of her. Her heart starts to beat fast and she feels her cheeks get hot.

"What is that?"

Her voice is gravelly. She can't describe it but suddenly she feels like someone is watching her.

"It's an article, about the accident, and about you."

"Beca, I promise I didn't talk to any reporters. I know you said not to."

"We think it was Gardner."

Lucy's eyebrows pull together for a second before her eyes widen.

"Did you tell him anything about the accident or about us yesterday?" Chloe asks, her voice is soft and level, the way it always is.

"I don't know. I guess I maybe did." Her voice gets higher and her breathing quickens, just enough to be noticed. "I thought he was just being nice."

"I'm not mad. I'm just trying to figure out who did this, okay?" Beca says.

"He asked me about the night of the accident."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know he was going to do this."

Beca leans over and kisses her head.

"I know, and if he's the one that did it, he isn't going to get away with it. Go do your homework, please."

Lucy doesn't say another word. She grabs her bag and slinks into her bedroom. Beca rests her forehead against the cool countertop and groans. Chloe walks over and rubs her back before sitting down next to her.

"So where do we go from here?"

Beca sits up and looks at her. Chloe can see how tired she is; she can see the familiar cracks starting to form again.

"I talk to Matt and we get lawyers involved. I don't want to drag her through all of this."

"I know."

Chloe takes Beca's mug and steals a sip, wishing it was something stronger.

"I thought it was time for us to get something good, you know? Not more lawyers and people who think they can just do whatever the hell they want to us because of my job and our," she pauses, "situation. This is all my fault."

"Don't you dare. This is his fault. It's not on you that this guy has no conscience. If anything this is my fault. You had been warning me for months that there was something off with him. I didn't listen."

"How about we both agree to not blame ourselves and just blame him?"

"Deal."


	18. It's not what I intended

The door to Bella's room clicks open and they both turn to look at Lucy. She's changed out of her uniform into jeans and a slightly oversized sweater.

"I don't know if now is really the right time to ask this, but can I go to Matteo's house tonight?"

"Aren't they coming here tomorrow?" Beca asks.

"Yeah, but they're all going there to watch TV tonight and they asked if I could go. Please?"

Beca and Chloe are both just so glad that she is making friends that neither of them could imagine saying no.

"Of course you can." Chloe says.

"But-"

"Here we go." Lucy groans.

"But," Beca says louder, "one of us needs to bring you and pick you up."

"That's fair." Lucy says, knowing she isn't going anywhere alone for quite a while.

"You need to stay there the whole time and we need to meet his parents."

"Okay, but I can go?"

"Yes, you can go."

Lucy smiles, basically skipping back into the bedroom.

"Thank God for that kid's resiliency." Beca says with a slight scoff.

She turns and gives Chloe a look that she isn't really able to describe but she feels it in her soul. Before it can linger Beca's phone rings and breaks them out of the moment.

"Hello? Oh, hey Matt, yeah I talked to her. Uh-huh, yeah."

Beca walks into the guest room and closes the door to take the call. Chloe's phone chimes with a reminder for a big test she has coming up. She presses the side button to silence it before going over to the refrigerator to get Lucy a snack.

Lucy isn't sure why but on her way to Matteo's she can't seem to stop trembling. She feels like all of her organs are shaking and it's enough to make her sick. But she continues to follow Beca down the street. Today was supposed to be her first time on the subway but her sister decided it was a better idea to wait until all of the article stuff is dealt with and they know where Gardner is before doing that.

They took a car most of the way but the traffic on a Friday night in the city was too much to deal with so they got out to walk the rest of the way. Lucy has the address on her phone, following the GPS. She isn't surprised when they stop in front and it's a nicer building than the one they were living in. If there is anything she's learned in her short time in the city, it's that affluence is definitely not in short supply.

"Jesus, what did you say his parents do?"

"I didn't." She says tipping her head back to look at the top. "I don't know. You think they invented Tindr or something?"

Beca pauses, "Why do you know what Tindr is? You know what, don't answer that."

The doorman rings the apartment and they wait for the elevator. Lucy taps her foot against the tile until Beca puts her hand on her arm to make her stop.

"Don't be nervous. They wouldn't have asked you to come if they didn't want you here."

"I'm not nervous." She says, her false bravado rivaling Beca's.

Matteo's family lives in the penthouse, twenty-five floors up. The elevator ride feels like forever. Lucy looks at herself in the shiny metal reflection and wonders if she should have worn something else. After all, this is the first time any of them will see her in something other than her school uniform. Suddenly worn jeans and sneakers seem inadequate.

The elevator chimes, signaling the last floor and the butterflies in her stomach begin to flutter faster. The doors open and Matteo is already standing right outside.

"You're finally here." He yells, pulling her out of the elevator.

"Am I late or something?"

"No, we've just been excited for you to get here."

Beca watches a beaming smile come across her sister's face and she is so grateful to be here for this moment. Matteo's mother walks into the entryway. Lucy, even if they weren't in their house, would know they are related. He looks exactly like her; the tan skin, dark hair, and golden brown eyes, even their lips are the same. She smiles and that matches too.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you Lucy." She says before turning her attention to Beca, who until this second has gone completely unnoticed. "You must be Lucy's mom." She extends her hand.

Matteo looks over and finally looks at her face. A loud gasp escapes as he slaps a hand over his mouth.

"Oh my God."

His eyes widen and he looks between Lucy and Beca.

"You're Beca Mitchell."

"I know that name." Matteo's mother says.

"She's a singer, mama." Matteo says, clearly embarrassed that she didn't immediately recognize her.

"Why are you with her?" He asks Lucy.

"She's my sister." Lucy says.

She doesn't know what else to say so she just waits for someone else to speak. Thankfully Beca picks up on her awkwardness.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Reyes."

"Please, call me Sara."

It's clear where Matteo gets his warm nature from. She ushers them both toward the kitchen.

"Can I get either of you anything?"

"No, thank you." Lucy says as she's pulled away by Matteo.

"No, thank you." Beca echoes. "I really should get going, before Lucy comes back and kicks me out. I just thought I would come introduce myself."

"And scope the place out to make sure we're not crazy."

"Well that too, yeah." Beca says as they both laugh.

"That's smart." Sara says. "You take care of your sister?"

"I do," Beca says with a nod, "She lives with me."

She isn't sure if she should say this next part, but it falls out of her mouth before she can catch it.

"She moved in after our parents passed, about a month and a half ago."

Sara's sparkling eyes turn sad and she shakes her head.

"That's terrible."

Beca waits for the 'I'm sorry' but it doesn't come. Instead Sara says,

"It's so hard on a child to lose a parent. Matteo's father passed away five years ago."

Beca is stunned.

"It's like they were meant to find each other." Sara's tone has a knowing wisdom that makes Beca's heart ache.

"It does seem that way, huh? I'm sorry for your loss."

"And I, yours."

"It must be hard raising him on your own."

Sara shrugs, "My boys are a Godsend."

"How many children do you have?"

"Four."

Beca almost chokes.

"Wow, you're superwoman."

Sara lets out another soft chuckle and Beca feels somehow connected. She's in complete awe of this woman that she only just met.

"It's amazing what you can do when you love someone. You must know that. You didn't need to take your sister in, but I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way."

"No, I wouldn't."

"Guys, we have a situation." Matteo says, shoving Lucy into the living room and shutting the large sliding door.

Poppy and Lincoln are spread out across the biggest couch that Lucy has ever seen. Poppy looks up from whatever Lincoln is showing her on her phone. She smiles, her usual greeting and Lincoln throws up some kind of hand gesture.

"Hi Lucy."

"Hey Peach."

"Guys, Beca Mitchell is in the kitchen talking to my mom."

Poppy looks at Lucy, surprised to see a smile on her face. Lucy decided that the shock on Matteo's face and the weird pitch of his voice was kind of awesome.

"Who?" Lincoln asks.

"Come on, even you can't be that oblivious." Matteo says, Lincoln looks at Poppy.

"That singer we love."

"Oh. Why can't I ever remember her name?"

"More importantly," Matteo says, turning to Lucy, "why didn't you ever mention that she's your sister?"

"Maybe she didn't want nosy people all up in her business." Lincoln says, already looking back at her phone, quickly losing interest in the conversation.

"Poppy, come on, how are you not freaking out about this? Unless," He gasps again, always one for melodrama, "you already knew. Traitor!"

"Matteo, you know I don't spread other people's stuff around."

"Penelope," He starts seriously, "there are certain instances in which sacrificing your morals is necessary."

"And this is one of those times?"

"This would have been one of those times, exactly." He says, overlapping her words with his.

Poppy stands and walks over in between him and Lucy.

"Lucy is our friend, Teo. I'm not gonna sacrifice her trust before we've even gotten a chance to earn it."

Matteo sighs, he has to respect her unflappable nature. He knows there's no changing her, or else he would have done it by now.

"Fine, but we still need to deal with the fact that she is in my kitchen and I just made a complete idiot of myself."

"Oh please," Lucy finally finds her voice again, "my sister is the biggest idiot I know."

Lincoln laughs but Poppy and Matteo look horrified. It's clear they really look up to Beca.

"You guys wanna meet her or what?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"I guess."

They all answer at the same time. She leads them out into the kitchen. Beca is getting ready to leave.

"I'm out of here, Scout." Beca says, wrapping an arm around her shoulders when she gets close enough.

"Wait, guys, this is my sister, Beca. Bec, you already met Matteo. This is Poppy, and Lincoln.

"Hi guys, it's nice to meet you. I hear you're going to be at our place tomorrow?"

"Uh, yeah, for our project." Poppy answers, a little nervous to actually speak.

Lucy looks at her, it's the first time since she met her that she's seen her anything other than completely poised. Matteo is watching the whole exchange with wide eyes and Lincoln is leaning against the frame of the doorway.

"Alright, cool. I'm going to the store right now. What do you guys like for snacks?"

"Anything's fine." Poppy answers quickly.

"I wouldn't say no to some barbecue chips." Matteo says, his mom slaps the back of his head. "Aye."

"Alright chips it is. I'll be back later to pick you up. Enjoy the episode tonight. It's a good one." She says with a wink before she leaves.

"Oh my God, I can't believe that's actually your sister."

Matteo gushes as they walk back into the living room.

"Dope jacket." Lincoln says.

Lucy isn't sure how she feels. Equal parts relieved and vulnerable. If Gardner did what he did to get to her, what would other people do? She takes a breath and tries to push it away. She wants to believe these kids will be her friends for a long time.

"So what's it like living with a celebrity?" Matteo asks.

Lucy shrugs and sits on the couch next to Poppy. She's a little afraid to answer any more questions or say anything at all about her sister.

"I don't know. She's normal at home. She's just my sister. I never really lived with her before she worked for the record label, since she's so much older."

"Why do you live with her now?"

Lucy catches Poppy turning her head in the corner of her eye, and even Lincoln's eyes lift from her phone when Lucy doesn't answer right away.

"Oh, um," She feels Poppy's hand on her knee and she suddenly feels brave, or maybe she's just comfortable, "my parents were in a car accident over the summer and they, uh, they didn't make it."

Lincoln's eyes go right back down to her phone but Lucy sees her eyebrows scrunch together. The rest of the room is completely still. After what feels like eternity, Matteo scoots closer to her and looks into her eyes.

"My dad died when I was eight. It sucks."

Lucy nods and lets Matteo pull her into a hug.

"These guys really helped me through it. We're going to help you too."

"Why are you guys so nice to me?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Poppy asks.

Beca walks back into the apartment, carrying a couple grocery bags. She drops them on the counter and follows a noise into the back of the apartment. She gently pushes the door to Bella's nursery open. Chloe has her on the changing table, blowing raspberries on her stomach. Bella is squealing and clapping her hands. Beca leans against the doorframe and watches.

"She's never going to let you stop now."

"I know," Chloe says, picking the baby up, she immediately starts to whine, "I don't know why I ever start these things."

"She's a mini Stacie. She's impossible to say no to."

"Oddly enough that's how she got here in the first place."

Beca laughs and follows them back into the living room. She lays on the floor next to Bella and starts playing with her toys.

"How did it go?"

"Good. The kids seem cool and Matteo's mom is great."

"Really? Thank God."

Chloe goes to the kitchen and grabs a beer for Beca and pours herself a glass of wine.

"Matteo's mom said that his dad died a few years ago."

"Poor thing." Chloe says with a shake of her head.

"Yeah, but maybe," She shakes her head, "nevermind."

"What were you going to say?"

Beca hesitates but eventually says,

"Maybe it's a good thing they have that in common. That probably makes me sound like a dick."

"No, honey, it doesn't."

"I'm just so worried she's going to feel like she's pinned with some kind of scarlet letter."

"She'll find her people. We all do eventually. If these kids turn out to be them, then that's great. If not, she'll find someone else."

"Do you think these kids are too good to be true?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying, she spent her whole life in Georgia and never made any friends. She's been here for like a minute and she already has a group of them."

Beca, despite feeling grateful, has been understandably dubious of her sister's newly formed friendships. New York is not necessarily always known for its hospitality.

"Kids can make friends anywhere."

"Not Lucy, and not in middle school. Chlo, you couldn't possibly understand. You were blessed with the social butterfly gene. The Mitchells aren't bred that way."

It's true, Chloe has always had a lot of friends. She still keeps in contact with a few friends from childhood and quite a few from college, other than the Bellas.

"I think we need to give these kids the benefit of the doubt. They are just kids, after all."

"They're teenagers. That's its own species."

"Just take a step back, babe. She'll figure it out. She's tough like you."

"You couldn't pay me enough to go back to middle school."

Chloe chuckles and takes a sip of her wine. Bella starts to fuss and Chloe picks her up and she settles against her chest.

"She's tired today."

"Aren't we all."

Beca sits next to Chloe on the couch and plays with Bella's little wispy curls.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Chloe asks, her voice so quiet Beca almost doesn't hear it.

"Of course."

"I really didn't want her to go tonight. I don't want her out of my sight at all after yesterday."

Beca looks into her eyes and sees genuine concern. Whether its about Lucy or about what Beca is going to say she isn't sure. She puts her hand on Chloe's thigh and sighs.

"I didn't either. But we can't stop her from living her life or else she's going to be scared of everything. We need to show her how to push through the fear."

"How am I supposed to do that when I don't even know how to do it myself?"

"Not sure." Beca answers earnestly. "I guess we'll just keep doing what we've been doing all along; faking it."

"For what it's worth, I think you've been doing an incredible job."

Beca looks like she could cry. That's one major shift that's happened after the accident. Beca has softened immensely. She's been vulnerable and more open with her emotions. There are too many of them and they keep bubbling over, but she's too tired to try to keep them down anyway.

"I love you."

Chloe smiles, tears coming to her own eyes.

"I love you, too. So what do we do now?"

Beca clicks her tongue, "Well lets start with dinner. I'm starving."

"There has to be other kids at our school related to famous people." Lucy says, eating a couple pieces of popcorn.

Every commercial break has consisted of questions about her sister or Matteo just looking at her in awe.

"A couple." Poppy says.

"But they're all dicks." Lincoln adds.

"That can't be true."

"No, it is." Matteo agrees. "You're cool, that's probably why we never expected it."

Lucy fights the blush that tries to creep onto her cheeks. She's thankful when the show comes back on, sucking Matteo and Poppy back in. Lincoln however, keeps her gaze on Lucy, for just a minute more. She doesn't think that Lucy notices but she does. She pulls her sweater up closer to her face to hide her own smirk; Lincoln doesn't bother hiding hers.

The next morning, Lucy is on cloud nine. She rolls over on the small rollaway Stacie set up for her and Bella is sitting up, staring at her from her crib.

"Buongiorno, Bella."

She clears her throat and grabs her phone from its charger. She has three texts, one from Poppy and two from Matteo. The text from Poppy came at eleven o'clock last night and it says,

'Teo's face when your sister showed up… priceless. See you tomorrow.'

Lucy smiles. She still can't really believe she told them. In a weird way she's proud of herself but mostly relieved it all went well. The texts from Matteo both have a lot of punctuation and she can practically hear him saying,

'You're definitely coming next Friday! That episode was crazy!'

'My mom said I need to ask what to bring tomorrow… what do celebrities snack on? We need answers, Mitchell!'

She answers back,

'I'll ask Beca. I'm sure she'll say nothing.'

Lucy climbs out of bed and its the first morning that it truly feels like fall. Since they came back to the city it's been nothing but stale air and humidity. She takes a deep breath in and it hurts in her gut. It's the closest to home she's felt in a while and it hits her like an arrow, right below the ribcage. She sits back down and takes a few more breaths.

Eventually she pulls herself back up and goes to take a shower. The warm water pelts her head and drips down her back and shoulders. She feels comforted by the small space and feels like here she can try to will the happiness she felt when she woke up to come back. She wonders if, for the rest of her life, all it will take to knock her down is a breath.

She thinks of Matteo and can't imagine him ever feeling this way. She wishes that it never happened to him, or at least that she could have been there for him when it did. She hears three loud knocks on the door which means she's been in for too long. She wraps her hair in a towel and its almost too long to be covered. She dresses in jeans and a Barden crew neck.

"Chloe?" Lucy calls out as she walks into the kitchen.

"Good morning." Chloe says, she's sitting feeding Bella.

"Can you braid my hair, please?"

"Sure, but your sister is the real braid expert."

"Oh, okay, where is she?"

"Out on the balcony."

Lucy walks to the sliding glass door off of the living room. The door is open slightly and she can hear her sister's voice on a phone call.

"What did he say exactly? I mean she's a minor who was approached by someone who is practically a complete stranger, and exploited. There needs to be something more he can do." She pauses. "That's bullshit. Yeah, okay, okay, bye."

Lucy waits for a minute. She knows her sister is mad.

"Beca, I'm so sorry."

Beca looks startled when she turns but quickly takes it off her face.

"You heard that?"

"I got the gist, yeah."

"We're working on it. I promise, he won't get away with it."

"I mean, it's not the end of the world, is it? It's just one article. Couldn't we just let it go?"

"It isn't right and it isn't fair. People aren't allowed to treat you like that, not for as long as I'm around."

Lucy bites her bottom lip and leans against the back of one of the chairs. Beca has never been the fierce protector before, mostly because she's never needed to be. Everyone knew she had it in her, but it wasn't until now that it needed to be proven. Beca has a fire in her gut, blazing every word and movement she makes. She's hellbent on getting justice.

"I didn't get you in trouble, did I?"

"Of course not. Is that what you're worried about?"

Lucy shrugs.

"You're my priority, Lou. One thousand percent. I'm here to take care of you, not the other way around."

"No way. This thing goes both ways."

Beca smirks, "Just don't forget to be a kid, okay?"

Lucy nods and Beca notices the brush and hair tie in her hand.

"Lets see what we can do with that hair, huh? Other than chop it all off."

"Never."

Beca and Chloe spent a majority of the night before looking online for apartments. They found a few that could work. They are standing outside of a building that looks a lot like the one Matteo lives in.

"This place is awesome." Lucy says, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

The apartment is on the seventeenth floor, so it takes a few minutes for the elevator. Once the front door opens, Lucy rushes in and does a spin to look around the empty living room. The whole place has an open concept and the living room wall is made up mostly of large picture windows offering an incredible view of Central Park.

"Woah."

"So this place is only slightly more than your current one. Although it pays for itself with that view alone, if you ask me."

Beca decided to go with the same realtor as last time. She's good and most importantly discrete.

"It is pretty amazing," Beca agrees, "and closer to work and Lucy's school."

Chloe nods along with all of the pros of the place. They walk further into the apartment. It's much bigger than they expected. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a walk-in closet in the master bedroom. They all seem to love it right away.

"I mean, we have a couple more places to see, but I think this might be the one." Beca says when they walk out of the building.

"Okay, we'll see what you think of the two tomorrow but I'll mark this one as a potential offer."

"The only downside is its further from school for you, Chlo. Are you okay with that?"

Chloe freezes. With the chaos of the morning she's almost forgotten about school and about the conversation she needs to have with Beca.

"Oh, um, yeah, that's okay."

Beca notices the change in her and makes a mental note to address it later.

"Thanks Sheila, we'll see you tomorrow."

Once they get back home, that weird vibrating feeling that Lucy felt yesterday comes back. Her friends will be coming in about an hour. It's weird to say that, friends, plural; friends that are her age and go to her school. She spends twenty minutes arranging the table with supplies that she got for the project, and enough snacks to feed an army. Chloe and Beca watch her flutter around the kitchen, tripping over herself and humming a flat, broken melody.

"The kid is gonna give herself an ulcer." Beca says under her breath.

Chloe slaps her shoulder, "Stop. It's cute."

Beca smiles and kisses her cheek, thankful that Chloe is always on Lucy's side.

"It's going to be weird having a group of teenagers in the house." Chloe says.

"I haven't been around teenagers since I was one, and even then that was rare."

"This is the beginning of a good change. I can feel it."

Chloe's voice is bright and Beca feels like she's back in a moment from before the accident. It only lasts a few seconds before the front door swings open and shut quickly. Stacie breezes into the room. Her hair is pulled into a tight ponytail and she is wearing scrubs.

"Hey guys, did I miss it? They didn't show up yet, right?"

"It's not a fireworks show." Chloe says.

"Maybe not, but it sure is a spectacle." Beca jokes.

"You two are awful. I thought you were on call tonight."

"I am, I need to head back soon. I just wanted to squeeze my baby and scope out these new friends. Speaking of, where is my child? Did you finally drop her at the fire station?"

"Tried. They didn't want her. They said something about her head being too big." Beca says.

Stacie laughs and gets a glass of water.

"She's in her bouncer." Chloe says, "I'll go get her."

"How was the apartment today?"

"Perfect."

"Yeah? That's great."

Beca nods, "It's closer to work and school for Lou. The only downside is Chloe would have to commute even longer for her classes."

Stacie makes a face that she can't quite decipher.

"There it is."

"What?" Stacie says, feeling caught.

"Chloe made the same face you just did when I brought it up earlier. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You're lying. What did she tell you that she felt she couldn't tell me?"

"Maybe you should talk to Chloe. I don't want to get in the middle of anything here."

"So there is something?"

"Talk to her, Bec."

Stacie walks out of the room. She feels like a traitor on both sides. She doesn't like keeping secrets, but she also doesn't like breaking promises. She was stuck, but now she wishes she had dealt with the situation differently.

The doorbell rings and Lucy walks quickly and unsteadily over to the intercom.

"Hello?"

"Let us up, Mitchell." Matteo's voice crackles through the speaker.

She buzzes them in and waits impatiently by the door. Beca is leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, watching her intently. She never liked talking to people but they never made her as nervous as they make Lucy. A few minutes later there's a knock on the door. Beca watches Lucy adjust her shirt and take a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hey guys, come in." She steps aside for Matteo and Poppy to walk in. "Where's Lincoln?"

"She said something came up and she can't make it." Poppy says. "This happens sometimes. We'll just tell her which part is hers and she'll get it done."

"Oh okay." Lucy says, she isn't sure, but she thinks she's a little disappointed that Lincoln isn't there. "So should we get started?" She gestures toward the table she meticulously arranged.

"Thanks for coming through with the barbecue chips." Matteo says, his usual beaming smile on his face.

Beca smirks, still not having moved from her spot.

"Any time. There's drinks in the fridge, let me know if you need anything, except help with your project, that's all Stacie." Beca says, "Scout, I'll be in the bedroom."

"Okay."

Beca walks into the back of the apartment. She isn't so sure she wants to confront Chloe but she needs to figure all of this out.

Chloe and Stacie are in the nursery. Stacie is sitting in the rocking chair, running her fingers through the baby's hair.

"I'm sorry. I totally blew it," She starts, "Beca mentioned your commute to school and my mind just froze."

"It's fine. I knew I couldn't keep it from her forever. She would notice eventually when I didn't become a vet, right?"

"I just still don't understand why you were trying to keep it from her in the first place."

"I'm not, I wasn't. Not really. I just don't know what I want and I didn't want to mention it until I was sure."

"Do you think part of that unsure feeling is because you haven't talked to Beca? Keeping secrets never agrees with either of you."

"Yeah," Chloe scoffs, "you're one to talk."

"I think you guys are hiding behind all of the changes in your life. It's easier to say you don't have time than it is to say what really needs to be said."

Chloe can't believe she's been so blind; or maybe she was just scared. Either way she feels like a hypocrite.

"I just had this conversation with Lucy."

"So if you don't want to listen to me, listen to yourself." Stacie says with a shrug.

The door is pushed open. Beca pokes her head.

"Chloe, can we talk, please?"

"Yeah, I was going to ask you the same thing."


	19. Flowers grow in the soil of ashes

"So this is your friends apartment?" Poppy asks while taking several things out of her backpack.

"Uh, yeah, she's here somewhere too."

"Why are you guys staying here?" Matteo asks and gets a kick to the shin from Poppy, "Ow. I was just asking."

"We're moving," Lucy says, technically it's not a lie, just an omission, "and we had to get out of our place kind of fast so we're crashing here."

"Cool." Poppy says, before Matteo can ask any more questions and make Lucy uncomfortable.

"Which story should we do?" Lucy asks, "I mean we all know Matteo's feelings toward Huck Finn, so I think it's safe to say that one's out."

"God yes." Matteo groans, shoving five barbecue chips into his mouth at once.

"The Call of the Wild?" Poppy suggest but Lucy scrunches up her nose and Matteo chuckles.

"The Giver?" Matteo says, "Scratch that. It's overdone. We need something original."

"Original? We all had the same reading list, Teo."

"Shush. Lucy what do you think?"

"I don't know. I always kind of liked Where the Red Fern Grows. I know it's kind of sad but-"

"No, that's perfect." Matteo says, "People love tragedy, Have you seen the news lately, or the state of the high fashion industry? That's a straight up dystopian novel right there. Let's do it."

"Yeah, works for me, and I think that's one of the books on our list that Lincoln actually read."

"Cool."

Beca closes the door behind her and stands with her arms crossed over her chest. Chloe takes a deep breath before turning around to look at her. Beca always thinks Chloe looks so small in these moments; during an argument or when she's sad. Despite the several inches she has on her, she wants to scoop her up and cradle her close. She's never too mad not to feel that.

"What's going on, Chlo?"

Chloe takes a sharp inhale before four or five silent tears drip down her cheeks. Beca waits. She grips her shirt to keep her arms crossed. She has no idea what to expect and she can't let her guard down just yet. So she waits.

"I have something to tell you and I don't know how."

"Whatever it is, I-"

"I know." Chloe says, already pulling herself together. "Can we sit, please?"

Beca sits on the edge of the bed, but Chloe doesn't follow. She paces back and forth and stops facing away from Beca, before closing her eyes and saying,

"I don't want to be a vet anymore."

The room falls flat. She doesn't turn around and Beca doesn't say anything.

"Bec?" Chloe asks.

She isn't even sure if Beca is still in the room. She turns slowly but Beca is sitting in the exact same position, like a statue.

"Say something."

"Are you done?" Beca asks and Chloe isn't sure she knows what she's asking.

"What?'

"That's it?" Beca asks, relieved, "You don't want to go to vet school anymore? That's what this was all about?"

"Yeah."

"Thank God. I thought you were going to break up with me or something."

Chloe breathes out fully and finally sits next to Beca.

"I'm sorry."

"Baby, why are you sorry?"

Beca looks into her eyes again. This time she actually does wrap her in her arms and kisses her temple.

"I just feel like since I've known you I've been so indecisive about what I want to do."

"Yeah, well, picking your future can be like that."

"It wasn't for you. You deserve someone who knows themselves, not someone who is going to drag you along on some trail of self-discovery."

"If that's what you think you're doing then you know yourself even less than you think you do. Chlo, I would hate for you to do something you don't absolutely love every day just because you think it's what I want."

"I know."

"I want you to be happy, because when you are that's what makes me happiest. And if you're not, then I'm not. I want you to take as long as you need to figure it out. The rest of your life is way too long to be miserable."

Chloe lifts her head off of Beca's shoulder.

"I think I already have an idea."

Beca isn't surprised. It never takes Chloe long to lift herself back up.

"Oh yeah? What is it?"

Her usual easy smile returns to Beca's face but Chloe still looks nervous. Her shoulders rise and fall with her next breath and her eyes flicker over Beca's shoulder and then back to her face.

"I want to be a mom."

This isn't news to Beca. She's known Chloe wants to be a mom, she just didn't know how badly, not until this moment, seeing the look in her eyes; hearing that it's what she wants to do always.

"I'm going to need some time." Beca says, her smile is gone as quickly as it came and she looks like she is the one who is going to cry now. "I just, I don't know."

Chloe nods, this isn't the response she was hoping for, but unfortunately it's the one she was expecting.

"Take as long as you need. The rest of your life is too long to be miserable."

She stands and walks out of the room. Beca wants to grab her hand or say something to make her stay but nothing comes to mind, except the thought that she's right.

"I can't believe we basically finished it." Lucy says, looking at their poster.

She wipes the dried glue off of her hands onto her pants.

"Oh yeah, dream team." Matteo says.

"All we need is Lincoln's paragraphs on setting and we're good to go." Poppy adds.

Chloe walks out from the hallway. Lucy looks up, ready to show off their work, but stops when she notices the look on her face. She looks like she's been crying, but also looks like maybe she's just tired. Lucy hopes for the second option. Chloe walks over and leans over Lucy's shoulder.

"Wow, this looks amazing."

"Thanks." Poppy says.

"Are you guys hungry?"

"Starving." Matteo groans dramatically.

"Yeah, but you're always hungry." Poppy says, rolling her eyes.

"I'm a growing boy, Penelope."

"Eh, barely."

Matteo smacks her shoulder. He's not overly sensitive about his short stature but he still likes to give it back to her.

"You aren't vegetarians, are you?" Chloe asks, pulling out the chicken breast.

"Nope, proud carnivores." Matteo says.

"Alright, good to hear." Chloe says, with a slight chuckle.

"So you're good to get that to school on Monday?" Poppy asks, as they're about to leave.

"Yeah, no problem."

"Okay, cool."

Matteo lifts his hand up for a high five, which Lucy happily returns.

"We'll see you then." Poppy says as they leave.

Lucy closes the door behind them and turns to Chloe who is cleaning the dishes.

"So that seemed to go well."

Lucy tries to fake a nonchalant attitude but inside she's nearly bursting.

"Yeah, I'm glad we got it all done today."

Lucy picks up a towel and starts drying the plates. Usually she would hand it off to Beca and she would put them away, but she hasn't seen her sister since her friends got there. She knows the look on Chloe's face earlier must have something to do with it. She doesn't ask any questions.

After the dishes are done, she changes into pajamas and settles on the couch to watch a movie. It is one of the first times since the accident that she has spent any significant amount of time alone without asking for it. In those moments she always felt cramped, like she couldn't breathe, but now it feels too open. She wraps the blanket tighter around her shoulders and focuses on the movie.

She must have fallen asleep on the couch because the next thing she knows, she is woken up by the door slamming shut and a muffled, "shit". She sits up and Stacie jumps back when she turns the light on.

"Jesus, what's with people doing that?"

"Sorry."

Lucy rubs her eye and looks at the clock under the television. It's almost two in the morning. Lucy wonders how Stacie is still standing. She asked her once why she doesn't sleep in one of the on-call rooms like they do on all the doctor shows and she said that she doesn't like sleeping somewhere different than Bella. Lucy thought that was a nice idea; loving someone so much that you don't want to miss them any more than you have to, even if you're not awake to feel it.

"You're home late."

"Yeah," Stacie plops down on the couch next to her and slips off her shoes, "there was a massive pileup on the highway. They diverted to three different hospitals."

Lucy tenses at the mention of a car accident and Stacie feels like she could kick herself.

"Did anyone die?"

Stacie is in uncharted territory now. She isn't sure she should be talking about this, especially with all of the other tense weirdness with Beca and Chloe, but she can't see any other way out now. Lucy is too smart to be lied to and just as stubborn as her sister.

"At our hospital, yeah, two people."

"I'm really sorry."

Stacie looks over at her, a little surprised. When she looks at her now she doesn't see a kid. She isn't sure what she sees. It's almost like a shadow; a projection of her presence now, without the light.

"It must be very hard to lose patients."

"It is."

"Do you ever regret becoming a doctor?"

"Never. For as many patients as I might lose, I know I'm helping so many more. There are two sides to everything. When something seems horrible, flip it over and there's a positive somewhere."

"I don't know about that."

"Sometimes it's really hard; harder than anything else. But it's there."

"So what's the positive of those people dying?" Lucy asks, genuinely curious to how Stacie could flip it.

"The woman was an organ donor and her heart went to a mother of three who otherwise probably wouldn't have made it to Christmas. Her kidneys saved a little girl's life, and even if her family has to deal with the loss, they can go on knowing that it wasn't all for nothing."

Lucy lets it sink in. She's a little impressed but she also knows Stacie has had to do a lot of this kind of thinking.

"I don't think I can do that," She admits, "lately it's just kind of felt like the sky is falling."

"I can only imagine."

"Can you flip my life and find the positive?"

Lucy hopes she'll have an answer, but she isn't fully surprised when she takes several minutes to say something.

"Like I said, sometimes it's more hidden. You'll get there. There's always something, otherwise we'd all be miserable all the time."

Stacie tilts her head back against the cushions.

"Are you going to your bed?"

"This is my bed tonight."

Lucy grabs the quilt off the back of the couch and drapes it over her.

"Good night."

She doesn't get a response so she assumes that she's already asleep. She walks down the hallway and notices Chloe asleep in Stacie's bed. Her stomach makes a gurgling sound and she presses down on it to make it stop. She suddenly feels sick. She continues on to the nursery and wraps herself in the comforter. She doesn't fall asleep until she can see the sun peeking out above the building across the street.

Beca wakes up alone. She always hates sleeping alone. She misses Chloe's occasional hums of contentment and her cold feet pressing against her calves. She checks her phone, anxiously awaiting a call from Matt about Gardner, but nothing yet. She thought that Lucy would have climbed into bed with her but she isn't there either.

When she walks out into the main part of the apartment, Chloe is nowhere to be found. Stacie is still asleep on the couch. She walks to the kitchen to start coffee, although if she's being honest, she doesn't know if she can stomach it. The look on Chloe's face is burned into her brain.

"You're up early on a Sunday."

Beca jumps a little at the voice behind her. Stacie looks like she had as rough a night as Beca. Beca sighs and pulls herself up onto the counter. Stacie sits at the island and rests her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Does it count as being up early if you never really went to sleep?"

"It didn't go well with Chloe?"

Stacie is a little surprised when it looks like she's about to cry. She brings her mug up to her lips but doesn't take a sip before putting it back down.

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

Stacie doesn't say anything. She's afraid to even breathe. She doesn't want to spook her and make her shut herself up inside those famous Beca Mitchell walls. The ones that only Chloe's patient, gentle hands can pull down. She knows Chloe must be hurting too, maybe too much to want to pull them down.

"The most perfect woman in the world has, for some reason, chosen to be with me. She told me she wants to have my child and what did I say?"

Once again, Stacie says nothing, needing to know what Beca said.

"I said I need time. I said not yet." She moves over to sit at the table. "I'm the biggest idiot in the world."

"No."

"Then what would you call me? Chloe has been by my side through the absolute worst thing I've ever lived through and I can't do this for her?"

"Beca, you're not talking about adopting a cat. This is a child. This isn't a decision you should jump at or feel guilted into. If you feel like you need more time, there's a reason for it."

"I just feel like I should have seen it coming, you know? This is what we've talked about, it's kind of the usual deal; you date, you get married and you have kids."

"Not always." Stacie says, and Beca kind of feels like an ass.

"Right, sorry. I just, I thought we were on the same page. She was going to finish school, my first album would be released, and then we would have the wedding and the kids and the happy-ever-after or whatever."

"Yeah, well, I think that all took a bit of a detour this summer, don't you?"

Beca scoffs and pushes her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, everything's changed and I don't know where all of the pieces fit anymore."

Stacie feels a tightness in her gut when this next thought pops into her head, but the look on Beca's face tells her she's probably thinking the same thing. It's confirmed when she asks,

"Are you sure they still fit at all?"

and Beca's face doesn't change; save for a single tear on her cheek.

"Did Beca and Chloe have a fight?" Lucy asks while she walks down the street with Stacie. Stacie enlisted her to help with Bella and the grocery shopping. She knows that Chloe made the list and she'll be doing all the cooking, so she finds it strange that they're the ones doing the shopping.

"I don't know, why?" Stacie has decided playing dumb is her best option at this point.

"Because if something wasn't wrong there's no way you would be doing the shopping."

"I resent that. I can be very helpful when I want to be."

"And this is one of those times?"

"Yes."

"Just out of the kindness of your heart?'

"Yes."

"Whatever you say."

When they walk into the grocery store they get through a few aisles, grabbing anything that's on the list. When they turn down the next one there is a rack of magazines. Lucy recognizes the cover of the one with the article about her in it. She spent over an hour last night staring at it. Stacie puts her hand on her back to guide her past it.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"It sucks what he did."

"Beca says they're trying to file a lawsuit, but they keep running into issues, he covered his tracks."

"What a skeezy little creep."

Lucy nods and continues on their errand. She notices a couple people staring at her. She pulls her hood over her head and walks behind Stacie until they leave the store.

When Beca walks back into the apartment after a long walk. Chloe is folding laundry in the living room. Beca leans on the doorframe leading into the kitchen and chews on her lower lip. She has her arms crossed over her chest and she keeps crossing and uncrossing her legs. Chloe continues her task without looking up. It takes all of her willpower to keep her eyes on her hands and not on Beca. She can feel her staring at her. Beca is the first one to speak.

"I just got a call from the lawyer. They're pressing charges against Gardner."

Chloe's eyes flicker up but go right back down.

"And Matt is pretty sure they won't need Lucy to go into the courtroom or deal with any lawyers, maybe just a written statement."

Chloe still doesn't react, despite the relief that washes over her. The silence lingers on long enough for Chloe to finish folding the whole hamper's worth of clothes.

"Are you ever going to talk to me again?"

"What do you want me to say?" Chloe asks, keeping her voice low and her head down. "That I'm hurt or that I feel a little blindsided?" This time Chloe looks up and right into Beca's eyes. "I understand that having a baby is a life changing decision, I do. But if that's not what we've been building up to, then what have we been doing?"

"You told me having kids was something you'd be willing to give up for me."

"I guess I changed my mind." Chloe lets her hand fall down to her sides. "Just like you did because you told me that you always pictured us with kids."

"I never said I didn't want a kid. All I said was that I needed more time."

"But how much? And how can I be sure that at the end of that time you'll want one at all? Having babies for us isn't like it is for other couples. It's going to take a lot of time and money. If you're not one hundred percent sure then…" Chloe trails off.

They are left at a standstill. The air is thick and it feels like it's sticking in their throats, making it nearly impossible to breathe.

"I think I'm going to stay with Aubrey for a little while."

"You're leaving?"

"For a few days. That way we can both work out what it is we want."

"I want you." Beca says, meekly.

"But do you want everything that comes with me?"

Beca, again, is stuck. Chloe walks out of the room and she stays there frozen. She wants to cry and scream and punch something all at the same time. She doesn't do any of those things. She just stands, staring at the wall while her brain tries to catch up to her current situation.

The next morning Lucy wakes up with a big knot in her stomach. They have to make their presentation today. It will be the first time most of her new classmates will hear her voice. She never liked public speaking, especially in a room full of perfect strangers. It's enough to make her sick.

Beca's heart drops when she wakes up and Chloe isn't in the bed. She's leaving for Aubrey's tonight. They haven't told Lucy yet. Beca wants to prolong that for as long as possible but the clock is ticking. She rolls out of bed and goes to take a burning hot shower.

When she gets out she has red splotches on her arms and chest from scrubbing so hard. She gets dressed in one of her pantsuits and leaves her hair to dry itself. Lucy is at the table when she finally makes it to the kitchen. She looks tired, but a normal Monday morning tired instead of the mentally exhausted that they've all gotten used to. Beca's stomach hurts when she thinks that, once again, there's more stress that is going to be added to her little shoulders.

"Good morning."

"Hey Lou, how'd you sleep?"

"Not so good."

"No?" Beca asks, while starting the coffeemaker. "More nightmares?"

Lucy shakes her head, "I know something's wrong. You and Chloe aren't sleeping in the same bed and I've barely seen you together in two days."

Chloe walks out into the kitchen and freezes when she hears the topic of conversation.

"Can you just tell me what's going on?"

Chloe stands next to Beca, they barely look at each other and for the first time that Lucy can remember they don't look like they fit.

"Did you guys have a fight or something?"

"No." Chloe says.

But at the same time Beca says, "Kind of."

Normally they can communicate without a word. Lucy can tell that they are not on the same page; they aren't even in the same book.

"So you fought, so what?" Lucy says, like it's that simple.

If it were any other conversation, any other moment, Beca would smile at her sister's naivety.

"We're just figuring some stuff out." Beca says.

"I'm going away for a couple days." Chloe blurts out.

Lucy turns her head to Chloe, so fast it makes her ponytail swing back and forth.

"You're just leaving? Because of some stupid fight?" Lucy asks, anger starting to tint her voice.

She stands and crosses her arms over her chest.

"It's just a couple days. I'll be back before you know it."

" _We'll be back before you know it, Scout." Daniel says to Lucy._

 _She is sitting at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed on top of her knees._

" _Don't give that look. You wouldn't want to be there anyway." Sheila says, coming to stand beside her husband._

" _Yeah, I don't even want to go and they're my colleagues."_

 _Sheila smacks his arm and he gives a small smirk but Lucy keeps the pout firmly on her face._

" _It's not fair that you get to go out and do things and I have to stay with Mrs. Reed."_

" _You love Mrs. Reed."_

" _So? Doesn't mean I want to spend every Saturday with her. I'm old enough to stay home alone."_

" _Not at night you're not." Sheila says._

 _Lucy lets out a frustrated groan and rolls her eyes._

" _This is so stupid."_

" _That's it, go to your room."_

" _Fine, I don't wanna look at your faces right now anyway." She says, stomping up the stairs._

" _You better cut the attitude before Mrs. Reed gets here, young lady. I mean it."_

" _Whatever." She mutters under her breath before she slams her bedroom door._

"Lou?"

"Don't go, please?"

Chloe joins her at the table, "It's already booked. Six days. Then I'll be back."

"I'm so sick of people leaving." Lucy says before getting up to get dressed for school.

Chloe stays in her spot; keeping her eyes down on the floor. Beca puts a mug of coffee down in front of her.

"She'll be okay."

Chloe nods, she wants to stay. For Lucy. But then Stacie's words come to mind. She needs to start doing things that are good for her. She needs to start taking better care of herself.

"I need to get to work. Are you alright to get her to school?"

"If she'll let me."

Beca scoffs and almost leans in for a kiss before she catches herself.

"I'll, uh, see you after work. I'm still taking you to the airport, right?"

"Yeah, okay."

Lucy walks into school, carrying their poster. Poppy and Lincoln are standing in the main hallway.

"Hey Lucy."

"Hey guys."

She feels lost. She didn't speak to Chloe the whole way to school. She didn't even say goodbye and that thought is starting to make her feel sick, but she is able to swallow it down for now.

"This looks awesome," Lincoln starts, "sorry I didn't show on Saturday. Family stuff."

"No problem." Lucy says, because for some reason the apology feels like it's just for her.

"I brought the paragraph and a glue stick so we can stick it on now."

Lincoln pulls both out of her backpack and they go to work with the poster on the floor.

"Hey slackers." Matteo's voice hovers over them.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but your name is on this too." Poppy says.

"I wouldn't dare correct you, Ms. Weaver."

"All finished." Lincoln says, pulling Lucy to her feet. "Looks good."

"She's a beaut." Matteo agrees.

The first bell rings so they start walking toward Mr. Proctor's room.

"So we'll present in assignment order? That would be me, then Teo, Lincoln, and Lucy you'll go last?"

"Sounds good."

"Sure." Lincoln and Matteo answer at the same time.

"Lucy?"

"What? Oh yeah, that works."

Poppy catches her shoulder before they walk into the classroom.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I don't know. You just seem," Poppy shrugs, "different."

"Just a little nervous about the presentation." Lucy lies, and Poppy seems to buy it.

She's thankful for that because she isn't sure she could take much more of Poppy's scrutinizing gaze before breaking down and telling her everything.

Beca is sitting at her desk, staring at an email that she hasn't retained a single word of in the last twenty minutes. Matt walks in quickly, shutting the door behind him.

"Bec, check it out."

She closes the email and turns her attention to him. He has a rather large box. He puts it down and it makes her jump when it slams against the desk. She looks at him with raised eyebrows.

"Open it." He says, bouncing on his heels.

She waits for a second before opening it. Inside is about a dozen copies of her brand new album, a vinyl copy, and the official track list, all sitting on top of bubble wrap.

"It's here, finally." Matt watches her face, waits for the smile, before saying, "Why don't you look happy?"

Beca clenches every muscle in her body to give it something to do other than cry. She picks one of the CDs up to feel the plastic under her fingers. It's glossy and smooth and feels so much heavier than any other disc she's ever held.

"I am happy. I can't believe it's here. It's done."

"Believe it, Mitchell. You're about to blow up. Tell Chloe she better lock you down quick before people hear this. You're going to be fighting them off with a stick."

He starts out of the room but turns back. He still has a huge smile on his face.

"Congratulations."

"Thank you."

Beca sits back down in her chair, still holding the CD. She wishes Chloe knew about the record. She wishes she had told her months ago when she started on it. She wishes a lot of things; that she had answered Chloe differently, that her parents hadn't died. But most of all,

she wishes Chloe would stay.


	20. No time for doubt (good luck, kid)

Lucy sits at her desk as one of the groups presents their project on The Giver. She can hear Matteo scoff behind her and she can see, without even looking back at him, the roll of his eyes. She takes a deep breath but it does nothing to quiet the fluttery feeling in her stomach and the tremble of her hands. She doesn't want to do this. As the group finishes Mr. Proctor thanks them and stands up to look around the room.

"Alright, who's next?"

Lucy makes the mistake of looking up at his face and catches his eye.

"Lucy, Poppy, Matteo, and Lincoln, how about you?"

"Okay." Matteo says, hopping out of his seat to grab the poster off of Poppy's desk.

Everyone loves Matteo. He's loud and funny and is always making his classmates laugh. She can understand why oral presentations wouldn't be a big deal for him, Poppy too. She is a little surprised by Lincoln's calm demeanor. She knows for a fact she doesn't like talking to people but she supposes it comes down to confidence; something she has been severely lacking lately. She trudges along behind them and stands against Mr. Proctor's desk.

"We did our project on Where the Red Fern Grows." Poppy starts.

"That's a fine choice." Mr. Proctor says, seemingly approvingly.

"It was Lucy's idea." Matteo says.

Lucy can feel everyone's attention shift to her and she wants to disappear. She can feel her face get hot and she knows that means her cheeks are a deep red. She feels her breathing quicken, even as Poppy begins to talk about the story's plot. She doesn't hear much of what any of her friends say. Mr. Proctor keeps looking over at her but she does her best to avoid looking back at him.

"Now Lucy is going to talk about the theme." Lincoln says.

Lucy tries to even her breath and keep her voice strong but it is a pathetic form of what she normally sounds like. She clears her throat.

"Um, the theme, uh, of the story is…" she pauses, trying to calm down but her whole body feels out of control. "The theme is love beyond loyalty."

Mr. Proctor nods his head, as if he's ushering her to continue. She grips her sweater sleeve in her fist and squeezes as tight as she can. She tries to remember every tip her father ever gave her about public speaking. But that just makes her feel sick. Mr. Proctor comes to stand in front of her and his face is replaced with Daniel's.

"Lucy, are you alright?"

She shakes her head, "No. Can I please-"

She doesn't even finish her question before pushing past him and running out of the room. Mr. Proctor gestures for Poppy to come closer to him.

"Can you go find her please? Bring her to your father's office when you do."

"Is she in trouble?"

"No, just make sure she's alright."

Poppy nods and leaves the room.

Beca is sitting at her desk, staring at that box. She has one hand over her mouth, in deep thought. Theo walks into the room and pauses by the doorway. He waits for her to look up at him but when she doesn't move, her clears his throat. Her eyes snap up to look into his but the rest of her body remains completely still.

"I can see you're busy. I'll come back later." Theo says, his usual smirk across his face.

"What do you need, asshole?" Beca says, taking the box down off her desk and sitting up straight.

Theo takes the seat across from her and pulls out his phone.

"They're working on the album launch and they need a guest number from you."

Beca hasn't even given that stupid party a thought. She doesn't want to go. This is the thing she's waited for as long as she can remember and now it feels incredibly trivial.

"Uh, I don't know. Lucy, Stacie…"

"Chloe." He adds.

"Oh, uh, yeah, Chloe."

"And the Bellas, I'll have to see how many of them can make it. And my mom. Just tell Matt that I'll text the final number to him by tomorrow night."

"Alright then."

Theo gets up to leave but turns to look at her over his shoulder.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, why?"

"You just- it just seems like you should be a lot happier right now. You've worked your ass off for this. You're living the dream, Mitchell."

With that, he leaves the room. Beca is back to her own thoughts, in the quiet.

"Living the god damn dream."

Poppy finds Lucy in the girls' bathroom down the hall. She can see her shoes under one of the stall doors.

"Hey Lucy, it's me, can you open the door?"

It takes a minute before she can hear the slide of the lock and the door opens slowly. Lucy is sitting on the closed toilet cover. She isn't crying but she looks more distressed than Poppy has seen anyone look in her whole life.

"Are you okay?"

Lucy doesn't respond.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"I freaked out." Lucy says, she knows that part's obvious but she needs a little more time to gather her thoughts.

"Why?"

Lucy pulls out her phone. She pulls up a picture of her dad from a few months ago and shows it to Poppy.

"That's my dad."

"Woah."

"Yeah, Mr. Proctor reminds me so much of him. Sometimes it's hard to look at him and I just," She shakes her head, "after this morning I just couldn't take it anymore."

"That must be so hard."

It's clear Poppy doesn't know what to say. Why would she? Lucy stands and walks out to stand in front of the sink. She leans against the counter and Poppy does the same next to her.

"Is he mad?"

"No, I think he's just a little worried. He wants you to go to my dad's office."

Lucy closes her eyes and sighs. Poppy waits for her to move. She eventually walks out of the bathroom and follows Poppy to her dad's office. She's only been in school a week and she's already being sent to the Dean; not a promising start.

Poppy knocks on the door and waits until it opens. He gives her a warm smile.

"Hey Pop, why don't you both come in?"

Lucy walks in and takes a seat in one of the leather chairs. Poppy takes the other and they both sit and wait for Dean Weaver to start talking.

"Mr. Proctor called me and said there was an issue in your English class this morning."

It isn't a question but Lucy feels like she should answer.

"I'm sorry. I just got a little overwhelmed and I didn't know what to do."

"I understand, and I know that you are going through a very difficult time right now. But we do not just leave the classroom. So we need to come up with something for you to do when you get overwhelmed."

"Like a code word?" Poppy asks, it makes Lucy laugh, just a little.

"Sure. If that's something that we think would work."

"Actually," Lucy interjects, "is there any way I could maybe switch English classes?"

Dean Weaver seems to think this over.

"We can try, although I'm not sure there will be another class that fits your schedule."

Lucy nods, "I guess a code word could work then."

"Okay, whatever word you come up with will be a signal to Mr. Proctor that you need a break. Then we can get you to the nurse or to my office."

Lucy thinks about it, only for a moment, before one of the most appropriate words pops into her head.

"Nadir."

"Really?" Dean Weaver asks.

Lucy just nods and he nods back.

"Okay then. Nadir."

"You're not going to call my sister about this, are you?"

"No, I don't think we need to bother her with this. As long as we're agreed you are to stay in class from now on."

"Yes sir."

"Okay, I want both of you to go back to class now."

When they're out of the office, Poppy puts her hand on Lucy's shoulder.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I guess so."

They take the long way back to class and their plan works because just before they reach the door, the bell rings. Their classmates rush out of the room to get to their next classes. Most of them stare at Lucy as they walk by. She lets out a sigh and waits for Matteo and Lincoln to walk out; of course they're last.

"Hey, are you okay?" Matteo asks.

Lincoln stays behind him and leans against the lockers. When Lucy makes eye contact with her, she looks away quickly.

"Yeah, just a rough day."

Matteo nods and she knows that he understands.

"But I have to go talk to Mr. Proctor and apologize."

"Apologize?" Lincoln asks, suddenly in the conversation.

"Yeah, I mean, I ran out of his class. That's not really allowed." Lucy says with a shrug.

Lincoln looks like she has more to say; it's a look she has a lot. Her fists are clenched down by her sides and her shoulders are raised closer to her ears.

"I don't think he's looking for an apology." Poppy clarifies. "Just to see that you're okay."

Lucy walks past them and over to her desk to get her stuff. Mr. Proctor is sitting at his desk. He doesn't say anything, much to Lucy''s surprise. He just watches her. She slings her bag over her shoulder and turns slowly to look at him.

"I'm sorry."

He shakes his head and stands to walk around and lean on his desk.

"I shouldn't have left the room and I know that, I just needed a second."

"Public speaking isn't for everyone. I understand."

"What?"

"Oral presentations can be quite intimidating."

Lucy takes a step toward him. She grips her backpack strap and bites her bottom lip.

"You don't know?"

"Don't know what?"

Lucy notices Poppy in the doorway. She gives her a simple nod, but it's enough to urge Lucy to keep going.

"I, um, I'm actually pretty decent at public speaking. I mean, it's definitely not my favorite thing, but I don't usually run out of the room."

"So, what happened today?"

There still isn't a single hint of anger in his voice. He looks curious and Lucy thinks Poppy may have been right because she also picks up on what seems to be concern.

"This might sound a little weird. You look just like my dad."

Lucy scrunches up her nose. She's not sure that was the best start to her explanation. She pulls out her phone and pulls up the same picture as before. Mr. Proctor smiles.

"Wow, he's a handsome guy." He says with a breathy laugh.

"Yeah, he was."

Mr. Proctor sobers at the realization. He looks to Poppy who is now looking down at her shoes.

"He and my mom died this summer and so it's just been," She pauses, looking for the right word but nothing comes to mind so she settles for, "tough."

"How could it be anything but?"

"And I feel like as soon as I get used to the way things are, something else changes and the ground shifts underneath me again. I feel like I keep getting thrown around. So having you as my teacher, looking just like him, sounding just like him, teaching the same subject as him, I don't know. I guess I just keep waiting for it to shift."

Lucy can feel Poppy looking at her. She can practically feel all of the particle in the air against her skin, and she suddenly feels vulnerable standing in the middle of the room. Mr. Proctor moves to just in front of her and places a hand on her shoulder. It feels hot, or maybe very, very cold, but the vibrating feeling under her skin makes it impossible to tell.

"Loss is an indescribable thing because it's different for every person. It can feel like you're all alone because there's no way for anyone else to feel what you're feeling the exact same way as you. But just remember that every time that ground shifts, it means change is happening, and things can't ever get better if they don't change."

"How do I know those changes are good ones?"

"You don't, and they won't all be, but that's why you find people who can make the negative changes feel a little less lonely. People like Poppy and Matteo."

"And you?"

"If you'd like me to be."

Lucy thinks for a second. She doesn't know this man, and he doesn't know her. Not to mention that the last time she trusted a man she didn't know he betrayed that trust and caused problems for everyone. But with Chloe gone she feels the need to have someone else in her corner.

"Yeah, I would like that."

Mr. Proctor smiles; it's gentle and warm, but this time it doesn't make her heart hurt as much.

"Just let me know what I can do to help."

"My dad thought a codeword could be good." Poppy finally interjects, "Like as a way for Lucy to let you know she's overwhelmed."

"That's a good idea. What's the word?"

"Nadir." Lucy says, now a little embarrassed by her choice but Mr. Proctor nods.

"It''s morosely appropriate. I suppose we'll give it a try."

"I would also like to give my part of the presentation, if you're willing to let me. If you have to fail me I get it, but it's not fair that everyone else had to do it and I didn't.

"That's very upstanding of you. I think that can be arranged, just this once. You'll do it tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"Now you two should get to your next class. I'll write you a note."

When Lucy gets out of school she's surprised to see Chloe standing there waiting for her. When she sees her she just wants to cry.

"Hi Luce, how was school?"

"Fine."

She trudges along next to Chloe. She knows that every step closer they get to Stacie's, that's one step closer to Chloe getting on a plane and leaving. She drags her feet and kicks every pebble that she can find.

Beca is already waiting for them when they get to the apartment. She's still in her work clothes and she's pacing the living room with her phone in her hand. Lucy can tell she didn't sleep last night and that Chloe leaving is tearing her up.

"I'm just going to make sure I have everything and then we can go." Chloe says, walking into the guest room.

Lucy drops her backpack and leans on the back of one of the armchairs. Neither of them say anything. They just wait in the heavy moment. Chloe comes back out with a duffel bag and her purse. It looks like way too much stuff for six days but Lucy doesn't even want to entertain the idea of her being away for longer.

Beca pulls the car up to the departures gate and puts it in park. Nobody moves for a full minute. There are people bustling all around, busses and taxis driving past, but they all remain still. Lucy watches her sister and Chloe, desperately hoping one of them will say something, anything. She wants Beca to beg her to stay or for Chloe to say she's changed her mind, but nothing happens.

"You have your boarding pass?" Beca asks.

"Mhm, I should go check my bag."

Beca nods and puts her hands back on the steering wheel. Chloe leans over and places a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"I'll let you know when I land."

"Please." Beca turns her head and they kiss on the lips this time.

Lucy wants to understand. She watches the hurt in both of their eyes and wonders why this is happening. Chloe gets out and grabs her bag from the trunk. She opens the door to the backseat. The second its opened Lucy reaches out for her. She holds her tighter than she ever has.

"Don't go."

"Six days. That's it."

Chloe pulls away and looks into her eyes.

"Six days. I promise."

She kisses Lucy's temple and closes the door. Beca waits for Chloe to walk through the automatic doors before pulling away. Lucy clenches her jaw and blinks her eyes to keep the tears from coming out.

Beca turns up the radio so Lucy can't hear her breathing or her sniffles. Neither of them say a word the entire ride home. When they get back to the apartment, Stacie has dinner on the table. Bella is babbling happily and the normalcy of the moment rocks them both. They had almost forgotten that for everyone else, this is just a normal day.

"Hey guys, I didn't know if you would be hungry."

"Thanks Stace, this looks great."

Lucy starts to walk toward the bedroom but Beca stops her.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not hungry."

"No way, sit down and try to eat something."

Lucy doesn't fight it. She doesn't have it in her. So she sits and lets Stacie put a plate full of food in front of her. She doesn't pick up her fork, instead she just stares at it.

"How was work?" Beca asks Stacie.

It's obvious she doesn't actually care but she's determined to keep the time while Chloe is away as normal as possible. Stacie and Beca chat for a few minutes while Lucy keeps staring down. Until the anger bubbles over and she hits her hand on the table.

"How can you just sit there like nothing happened?"

Beca looks stunned. She puts her fork down, but doesn't say anything.

"Just talking about your day like Chloe didn't just go across the whole country? What's wrong with you?"

"Why are you mad at me?" Beca asks.

"Because whatever you did, it made Chloe leave."

She gets out of her chair as fast as she can. Beca waits for the door to slam closed before she lets her head fall into her hands.

"She's right."

"No," Stacie says, shaking her head, "she's just mad, Bec. And she doesn't understand."

"How could she? I don't even understand."

Beca runs her hands over her face and stands up.

"Are you alright here with her, if I go take a walk?"

"Yeah, do what you gotta do."

Beca grabs her coat and leaves the apartment.

She walks down the street and takes in the biggest breath that her lungs will allow. She wraps her arms around her torso and leans against the fence by the river. The sound of the water running is just enough to make her brain slow down; it gives her something to focus on. No matter how long she stands by the river, it can't force that conversation with Chloe out of her head. Once it gets too cold to just stand around she heads back to the apartment.

She isn't surprised when there isn't a single sound. She takes her shoes off and walks quietly down the hall. She pushes the door to the nursery open and is surprised when Lucy isn't in bed. She walks to the guest room and Lucy is curled up on her side on the bed.

"Hey Lou."

Beca can tell, even though she's turned away from her that she isn't asleep. She changes into her pajamas and climbs into the bed next to her. She turns the light off and settles into the pillows. It's quiet for a while, until Lucy's muffled voice can barely be heard over the hum of the traffic.

"I'm sorry for what I said."

"I know you are."

"I just don't get why you two can't work it out."

Lucy rolls over to look at her sister.

"When you get older you will. Not everything is so black and white all the time."

"Things like what?"

"Lou…" Beca shakes her head.

"If you're not going to tell me, that's fine. Just think about what you'd be giving up."

Beca doesn't give her sister nearly enough credit. She knows she's picked up on everything that's been happening since the accident. She's still a kid, but her brain has been rewired. She's been changed and it's made it much more difficult to hide things from her. Beca thinks, just for a second about telling her everything. But then she catches a glimpse of that look; the same one that was in her eye at the police station, and the funeral, and on her first day of school, and she's reminded that she's still only twelve years old and some of her innocence needs to be protected.

"I know. And I know this all comes back to you now too. Everything I do affects you and I'm trying to figure it out."

"I used to think you had everything under control."

Beca scoffs, "I thought I did too. But then the world handed me the keys and threw all this shit at the windshield."

Lucy's surprised at the use of language but she doesn't say anything.

"That's just kind of how life is. You'll find that out soon enough."

"Kind of already have."

There's another long pause.

"But if you had the chance to wipe some of that crap off of the windshield, why wouldn't you? Why can't you just say you're sorry?"

Beca wishes it was that simple. But she's waited too long. She doesn't know how to explain all of the thoughts running through her brain. Once Lucy is sure she isn't going to get an answer she rolls onto her side and tries to fall asleep. It takes a while but she eventually gets there.

Chloe feels like she's about to fall over by the time she reaches Aubrey's apartment building. She knocks on the door and waits for an answer.

"Bree, before you say it, I really don't need to hear an I told you so."

"I wasn't going to say that."

Chloe tilts her head and gives an incredulous look.

"Okay fine, maybe I was thinking it. But I was never going to actually say it."

She pulls her into the apartment and into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, Chlo."

"Let's not do this right now. I really don't want to cry."

"Okay. Are you hungry or anything?"

"No," Chloe shakes her head, "I think I'm just going to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow?"

Aubrey nods and leads Chloe to the guest room. Chloe's been here twice before but it's completely different than it was the last time. The room is painted a lavender purple with floral prints on the bedspread and curtains. There are candles and small lights around the room and it feels much more Aubrey than it did before.

She climbs into the bed and tosses and turns for nearly an hour before she grabs the extra pillows she'd thrown on the floor and lays them down the length of the bed. It feels cold without Beca and Lucy tangled up around her. She manages to fall asleep for a few hours but it's nothing like the sleep she usually gets at home.

Chloe sighs and looks over at the clock. She's not surprised that she's wide awake at five AM. Her body is telling her it's eight and by that time she's already dropped Lucy off at school and gone for her run. She checks her phone. She knows she asked for space but there is still a small part of her hoping for a good morning text from Beca; there isn't.

She gets out of bed and changes into leggings and a t-shirt. She gets to Aubrey's room and pushes the door open. Just as she does, Aubrey's alarm starts to ring loudly from her bedside table. She sits on the edge of the mattress and bounces a few times. Aubrey groans and swats at her.

"Chlo, why are you awake?"

"Time for a run. Let's go."

Aubrey looks like a sad puppy when she rolls onto her back and looks up at her. One look at Chloe and she knows she needs to get up. She stretches her arms above her head and crawls out of the bed. She throws on her workout clothes and sneakers and goes to the kitchen.

Chloe has her headphones and phone ready to go. Aubrey knows she's hurting, she can see it in her eyes, but she's desperate to know the whole story. Chloe hasn't said much, just that she and Beca needed space for a few days. That could mean a million things but she is a little afraid to ask.

"Okay Lucy, you ready to go?" Stacie asks, she's in charge of getting Lucy to school.

"I don't wanna go."

"If only that were an option. But we really need to go before you're late and your sister kills me."

"If she's that concerned maybe she should take me herself."

"Correct me if I'm wrong but you told her you didn't want her doing that."

Lucy stands with her arms crossed over her chest. Despite, very clearly, not wanting to go she is in her uniform with her book bag on her back.

"Since when does she actually listen to what anyone else wants?"

"Hey, I understand you're upset, but take it easy on your sister, alright?"

Lucy stiffens her jaw and shrugs. She walks out the front door and Stacie follows her, pushing the stroller.

"Chlo, can we slow down, please?" Aubrey gasps, she presses her hand into her side to try and get the cramp to go away.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Chloe says.

She had almost completely forgotten Aubrey was even with her. She falls into step with her as they turn around and start back to the apartment.

"Don't get me wrong," Aubrey starts, "I love having you here, but you know I need to ask. Why are you here?"

"Me and Beca just need a little space from each other right now."

"You said that on the phone. What does that mean exactly?"

Chloe's quiet for a while. Aubrey is almost convinced she's not going to get any more of an answer until she starts speaking again, much quieter this time.

"We got together so young. You know?"

Aubrey doesn't say anything. She doesn't even nod because she doesn't want to spook her.

"And a lot has changed in those eight years. I'm just trying to figure out if they've changed too much."

Chloe doesn't say anything else so Aubrey decides it's finally time to chime in.

"Is this about Lucy? Because no one would blame you if it's too much. Becoming a parent overnight isn't something just anyone could handle and it's not something that everyone wants."

"That's it. I love it." Chloe stops walking. "I feel like since Lucy has been with us, I have an actual purpose. Being her support and helping her has been more rewarding than anything I've done, ever."

"Then what is it?"

"I want more of it and I don't know if Beca does or if she ever will."

"More of what?"

Chloe struggles for the right word. She shrugs before saying,

"Domesticity; more kids, a marriage, all of it."

"Beca said she didn't want all of that?" Aubrey asks, taking Chloe's lead to start walking again.

"She said she needs more time."

"That's not a no."

"But it's not a resounding yes, either."

Aubrey laughs and Chloe's head snaps to look at her so fast she's surprised she couldn't hear it.

"Sorry, but this is Beca Mitchell we're talking about here. Did you really expect her to jump up and down and squeal at the prospect of all of this?"

"No, I'm not an idiot but a little more enthusiasm would have been nice. She isn't sure, Aubrey. What does that say about our relationship, after eight years?"

Aubrey takes a deep breath.

"Don't hate me for playing devil's advocate here but her whole life just changed. She lost her parents, she has this really high profile job that's still pretty new, and then there's Lucy. And we all know feelings and talking things out aren't necessarily Beca's strong suit."

"She's gotten better."

Aubrey nods, "But how is she supposed to keep getting better when you're all the way across the country?"

Chloe wants to be mad. But she's finally clear minded enough to realize that she's right.

"Can we just go home?"

Beca sighs and grits her teeth.

"No we can't. I have a lot of work to do and I'm not leaving you home alone."

"Where's Stacie?"

Beca digs through her bag looking for her ID badge. She can't find it so she drops to her knees and continues to look for it on the floor.

"She's at work. Suck it up for a couple hours, deal?"

"It's not a deal if I don't get anything out of it."

Lucy bends down and unclips the badge from Beca's belt loop and hands it to her.

"That's just you telling me what to do."

"Well, I'm the adult. It's my right."

Lucy scoffs and Beca fights the urge to take her arms and shake her. She isn't sure who this new Lucy is, but she isn't a fan.

"It's two hours. You'll do your homework and I will finish up some stuff then we'll go home for dinner."

"Fine."

"Good. Besides you better get used to this arrangement because this is the way it's gonna be until- for a while."

"Until Chloe comes back."

"Yeah," Beca swallows thickly, "until Chloe comes back."

She opens the door to the label's offices and holds it for Lucy to walk through.

"Well, this is it. What do you think?"

Lucy just shrugs while she looks around the large space. It's bigger and brighter than she thought it would be.

"My office is this way. Come on."

There are people bustling all around. Coming in and out of offices, carrying files and boxes and recording equipment. Beca pushes the door to her office open and lets Lucy in first before closing the door behind them. One whole wall is made up of windows looking over Manhattan from the fourteenth floor. On the opposite wall sits Beca's desk. It's large, made of glass and stacked with files, a desktop computers and at least six pairs of headphones. Beca sits in the chair and it makes her look even smaller than normal but Lucy also notes how important it makes her look.

"You can sit right there."

Beca points at the chair behind her that she hadn't noticed yet. It's a smaller leather one that matches Beca's. Lucy sits and spins around a couple times.

"Lou. Homework, please."

Lucy sighs and pulls out her English workbook. She thinks about telling Beca about what happened yesterday. But one look at the grimace on her face and the crinkle on her forehead as she reads something on her computer and she second guesses that; so she keeps her mouth shut and her head down to focus on her work.

After an hour and a half Lucy finishes her last biology question and slams her book closed. She looks up ready to receive a glare form her sister but Beca doesn't budge. She sighs and puts her head against the back of the chair. She's nearly asleep when the office door opens and lets the hallway noise inside.

"Beca, are you busy?"

A tall skinny man with a well kept beard comes in and leans against the desk. Beca looks up and shakes her head. She gestures behind him and he turns. As soon as he makes eye contact with Lucy a smile crosses his face. It's a lazy smirk but there's something about it that Lucy likes.

"Anderson, this is my sister, Lucy. Lou, this is Anderson Taylor."

"Hi Lucy, it's nice to meet you."

"You too."

"I heard about all the stuff you've been going through lately, just don't let it get you down, alright?"

Lucy nods. Beca is shocked. She half expected him to ignore her but she's never seen this side of him. She's never heard him use this tone of voice or smile at anyone that wasn't his own reflection.

"And if you're anything like your sister, you've gotta be stubborn as hell."

Beca makes a sound but Lucy can't tell if it's one of amusement or annoyance and the look on her face doesn't give much away. Anderson turns back to Beca and does the thing that all adults do that Lucy can't stand. He speaks, just slightly quieter, like she somehow can't hear him.

"Does Matt know she's here?"

"No, why?"

"I don't know, just with everything going on with that guy, he might wanna talk to you guys. My thing can wait, you should go talk to him."

He doesn't say anything else or wait for Beca to reply. He just gives Lucy a little wave and leaves.

"Well, as annoying as he is, he's probably right."

Beca gets out of her chair and bends down in front of Lucy.

"You know, you haven't really asked any questions about Gardner since this whole thing happened."

Lucy bites her bottom lip and forces her eyes to look over into Beca's.

"It's okay to ask. It's okay to still be freaked out about it. Just because we have other stuff going on doesn't mean we forget about this."

"But I want to forget about it."

Beca nods and squeezes Lucy's knee.

"We'll go talk to Matt and then we never have to talk about it again if that's what you want."

Lucy takes Beca's hand and lets herself be led down the hall to a large wooden door. There's a girl who looks to be around Beca's age sitting at a desk just outside it.

"Hey Sara, is Matt available?"

"Sure thing. Who's this?"

"My sister, Lucy."

"Hi sweetie, how are you?"

"Fine, thanks."

Beca pulls Lucy together into her side. She assumes it's a reminder to play nice.

"You guys can go right in."

"Thanks."

Beca knocks twice before opening the door.

"Oh Beca," Matt starts, barely, looking up from his computer screen, "I thought you left already."

"I did, to go pick my sister up."

He looks up and smiles the same way Anderson did. Lucy is starting to feel like a zoo exhibit. She shifts closer to Beca and forces a small smile onto her face.

"Hi there."

He's younger than Lucy thought he'd be, maybe around thirty five. He has a picture on his desk of a dog and several others framed all around of him with celebrities, one of which is her sister.

"You must be Lucy. I've heard a lot about you, but it's nice to finally meet you."

"You too."

"I thought we should maybe talk about everything."

He nods in understanding and gestures to the two chairs sitting in front of his desk. Lucy bites the inside of her cheek and waits for him to speak. She watches Beca out of the corner of her eye and she can see her hands fidgeting in her lap.

"So Lucy, let me start by saying I'm sorry. I wish this didn't happen to you. But the good news is that our legal team is very good at their job and he is not going to get away with it."

"What's going to happen then?"

"He's going to pay a very hefty fine, on top of losing his job at The Introspect. I know a couple of the writers over there. Don't ask. And they told me their editors are blacklisting him all over town. He's never gonna write again."

"Okay." Lucy says.

She isn't sure what she was hoping to hear but she supposes that's good enough.

"And your sister has filed a restraining order."

Lucy pulls her eyebrows together and looks at Beca. She simply nods.

"If he comes any closer than one thousand feet to you, Beca or Chloe he will go to jail."

"That seems a little extreme, doesn't it? He wasn't going to hurt me."

"We don't know that." Beca says, finally finding her voice. "In cases like this it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Do you have any other questions for me?" Matt asks.

Lucy just shrugs and Beca can tell they're losing her. She gives a saddened smile to Matt and says something to him that Lucy doesn't bother to listen to. She doesn't hear another word form her the entire ride home or through dinner.

Beca is washing dishes when Stacie walks into the kitchen after putting Bella down.

"Lucy is out cold."

"Oh okay."

Stacie takes the plate from Beca's hand and starts to dry it with a dish towel.

"Where's your head at?"

Beca shakes her head, "I don't even know. We had to explain the whole Gardner thing to Lucy today and just the look on her face. I just kept thinking how much I wished Chloe was there because she's so good with her and I just felt…"

"Inadequate?"

"Yeah."

"I feel that daily with Bella. You need to prepare yourself, if Chloe doesn't come back, if you can't work this out, you need to be sure that you can still be everything you need to be for Lucy."

Stacie knows it's not the most supportive message in the moment but she also knows first hand how hard it is to be a single parent.

"You think I don't know that? That's all I've thought about since Chloe said she was leaving and if I'm being honest, I don't know if I can. All I know is I don't want to do this without her. Just thinking about it hurts too much."

"Then you need to tell her that."

"I know. I just need to be sure that's going to actually hear it when I do."

"I get it. Just don't want too long. It's not fair to any of you."

"Yeah well, not much about life lately has been very fair, has it?" Beca grumbles and puts the last plate in the drying rack. "I'm going to take a walk and clear my head. That alright?"

"Mhm, I'm in for the night."

"Okay, I'll be back in a little while."

She grabs her keys and her coat and walks into the chilly fall night. It feels good against her hot cheeks and the slight sting gives her something to focus on other than the sickly feeling in her gut that she's had for days.


	21. Both at the same time (It's not lying)

Beca walks down the street with her head down and her hands in her pockets. Stacie has lived in the same apartment for a few years now and she's spent a good amount of time in this neighborhood but she still isn't certain where she's going. She's aimless; which seems like a depressingly apt metaphor for her entire existence in this moment. She nearly trips off of the curb which makes her stop right in front of a bar.

She's seen the sign quite a few times. It's never been a place she's had the strong desire to go into but tonight the idea of being anonymous in a sea of drunken strangers seems a lot better than her alternative. She pushes the door open and takes the closest open stool she can find. She hasn't been in a bar or a club since Lucy became hers. She hasn't felt the need to pass time this way; she's been content to stay at home snuggled up on the couch with Chloe and Lucy and the television or a board game or just each other's company.

"What can I get you?"

The bartender is a beautiful woman. Her hair falls down her back in long dark curls. Beca thinks that it's probably not naturally that dark but her attention is pulled from her hair to the skin on her neck and bare shoulders. It's darker than hers, glowing in the light from the neon beer signs behind her. Her right arm is covered in an elaborate sleeve of roses and some kind of bird that Beca can't name. She realizes she's taken much too long to answer when she looks into her eyes and is met with slight agitation.

"Oh, uh, Jack and Coke. Please."

"You got it."

It's a quiet night. She supposes most people have already left after happy hour and other sane people are getting ready for bed to get up for work tomorrow morning. The thought of getting up in less than eight hours makes her gut clench and she leans heavier against the wooden bar. The bartender slides the glass over to her and lifts her own shot. Beca gets the hint and lifts hers.

"To life."

She throws back her shot that smells like cinnamon and Beca takes a big sip of her drink that leaves a sting in her throat. She closes her eyes for only a second and scoffs. She's expecting to have been left alone when they reopen but the bartender is still standing there.

"I've never seen you here before."

"It's my first time."

"Oh yeah? New to the neighborhood or…?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"I'm Tatum."

"Beca," She puts her drink down and gives a halfhearted smile, "nice to meet you."

"You too."

She notices Tatum's eyes linger on her. Even after someone on the other end of the bar tries to get her attention. Her own gaze falls onto her lips, painted a deep purple that matches her nail polish. She pushes down the feeling in her stomach. The feeling, that up until this moment, she hasn't felt for anyone but Chloe, not in years.

Tatum walks down to the other end of the bar to serve the other costumers before they get pissed off and leave. She sends a few looks over her shoulder to Beca while she pours liquor into glasses and mixes it with various juices and sugary syrups. Just thinking about the fruity mixed drinks makes Beca want to vomit.

"Well, well, if it isn't the great Beca Mitchell. In my bar."

Beca turns slowly on her stool; not sure if she wants to know who is recognizing her in this place.

"Anderson, what the hell?"

"Same sentiment to you. What are you doing here?" He asks, he takes the stool next to her. When he realizes she's not going to answer first he says, "I live a block over."

"And you just came to drink alone on Thursday night?"

"I'm not alone. You're here."

She fights the urge to point out the utter stupidity in that logic. She knows he's bating her so she keeps her mouth shut and finishes her drink. She grabs money out of her wallet and puts it on the bar and gets up to leave.

"You just lectured me on the dangers of drinking alone. You're just gonna leave me like that?"

He has a lazy smile on his face and she can tell he has come from another bar. She can smell the tequila on his breath and his eyes are glazed over, just slightly. She doesn't feel like going home and she definitely doesn't feel like finding another bar so she sits back down.

"Another?" Tatum directs her question at Beca.

"Oh what the hell, four tequila shots." Tatum looks pleased and turns her attention to Anderson, "Boyfriend, what do you want?"

The whole question makes Beca almost snort.

"Coworker," Beca corrects, "will have the same."

"Coming up."

Anderson slams his hands on the counter like a drumroll.

"Beca Mitchell is letting loose tonight. What would Chloe say?"

"She doesn't need to know, does she?"

At the far away look in her eye and the tone of her voice he sobers, as much as he can. He wants to ask, he thinks, he isn't sure. He knows that Beca doesn't like him and he is the only one to blame for that.

"No, I guess she doesn't." He says when Tatum puts the tray of shots down in front of them.

They each take one, salt their hands, and grab a lime. Anderson lifts his and makes her cheers it.

"To drinking alone, together."

They clink their shot glasses and throw back the shots. Beca supposes that if she had to be alone with someone, Anderson isn't the worst option. He's definitely not Chloe, or Stacie, or any of the Bellas, or even Jesse. But he'll do for the night.

After a few more shots, Beca feels like she's swimming through the air, even while she's sitting still.

"Hey, I wanna thank you."

Anderson shakes his head and makes a goofy expression, "For what?"

"For being so cool to my sister today. She's been through hell and she just needs people to be nice for a change."

"Hell yeah, people are dicks. But she's what, eight? She doesn't deserve people to be dicks to her."

"She's twelve."

"I don't know how old kids are."

Beca laughs, a genuine laugh, and she's almost positive that's the first time Anderson has ever been the source of any ounce of her happiness. She takes one more shot and leans her whole body weight against the bar. She looks around the room. It's not as dark as most bars are and it's decorated decently. Other than the neon signs that are still illuminating Tatum's silky skin, but are starting to make her eyes hurt. There's music playing, quietly from speakers tucked in the corners of the room. She hears a familiar melody and it makes her whole body go rigid.

 _You're beautiful,_

 _more than I deserve._

 _So listen close,_

 _to these one, two, three, four words._

She can feel each note in the beats of her heart and every chord pulls her muscles in her back and neck tighter and tighter until they feel like they'll rip apart.

 _So please keep loving me_

' _Cause our hearts speak fluently._

Before she can get up to leave, or move at all, tears start to drip down her cheeks. They're big and hot and she tries her best to wipe them away with her sleeves.

 _Wherever I go, whatever I do,_

 _The map on my heart leads to you._

"Hey, are you alright?"

"I gotta go."

"Let me call you a cab." Anderson says.

"No, I'm gonna walk. I need air."

 _So baby, please keep loving me,_

 _Loving me, loving me, loving me._

Every word of the song makes her heart beat harder and faster. She feels the air leave her lungs and grips the wooden counter to keep herself standing.

"At least let me walk you home."

"Fine, whatever, I just need to go."

"Is she alright?" Tatum asks.

"She'll be fine. I'm gonna get her home." He tosses cash onto the counter and helps Beca into her coat. "Thanks Tatum."

Beca leans everything onto him and lets him guide her.

"Where are we going?"

"Broome Street."

"Got it."

He leads her all the way to Stacie's building and helps her up the stairs. He's patient and careful and Beca can't help but feel sorry for all the times she assumed he was just a one-dimensional douchebag.

"You have keys?"

She grabs them out of her jacket pocket and fumbles with them before the door opens on it's own.

"Beca, what the hell?"

They are met with a stern looking Stacie. One look at Beca's disheveled appearance, the clear look of distress on her face, and she pulls her into her chest. As soon as she's in her arms she lets out a sob that sounds like it came from her soul; it's deep and loud and ends with a cough. She pulls herself away and stumbles over to the couch. Stacie looks at Anderson and doesn't even know where to begin.

"I ran into Beca at a bar a few blocks down. We work together. I just wanted to make sure she got home okay."

"Thanks."

He turns to walk away, his head hung low and hands in his pockets but turns before he even takes a step.

"Whatever is going on with her and Chloe, just let her know that I hope it works itself out."

"Why don't you tell her yourself?"

"I have a feeling without the alcohol in her she's not going to believe me, and after tonight I don't know if she's going to want to hear anything from me anymore."

He walks down the hallway. Stacie doesn't have time to question what he meant by that because she has to deal with the hysterical heap on her sofa. She helps her get her coat off and gets her to drink some water while she sits on the couch.

"Beca, what happened?"

Beca sniffles and wipes her eyes, smearing her makeup across her face.

"I don't know what happened. My whole fucking world fell apart. How the fuck did that happen?" Her voice is loud and rough and not at all how she usually sounds.

"I meant tonight. What happened at the bar?"

"I don't know. We were drinking and laughing and there was this gorgeous bartender."

Beca freezes.

"You didn't."

"No," Beca shakes her head and tries to make the most serious expression she can, "of course not. But I thought about it. Just for a second, you know, but it scared the shit out of me because I don't do that. I don't think about it." More silent tears drip down her cheeks. "But Chloe's gone and my parents are gone and everything is shit. I don't know who I am anymore. That became way too clear tonight and I just," She takes in a deep breath and sways, "I just want this part to be over."

"I know."

Beca takes another sip of water and she feels, for a second, like it might come right back up, but it stays, the cold feeling in her stomach gives her chills and she grips her sleeves tight in her fists.

"Fuck." Beca hisses, like every breath hurts and every word is a prayer to make it all stop, "Why did they have to die?"

Before Stacie can say anything, Beca stands up and runs to the bathroom. Stacie follows behind her and pulls her hair up. She sits behind her and rubs her back. They stay like that for the next couple hours before Stacie is able to get Beca up and into bed.

Aubrey walks onto the back patio where Chloe is sitting, staring at her phone on the table.

"Are you going to call her?"

"And say what exactly?"

Aubrey shrugs, "Anything. It's better than the radio silence."

"I don't want to do it over the phone."

"I'm not saying you have to fix all of your problems. Just call her and tell her you miss her."

Chloe sighs and waits for Aubrey to walk back inside before she picks up the phone and taps Beca's contact. She waits while it rings and wants to end the call when she gets her voicemail but she bites her lip and waits to leave a message.

"Hey Beca, it's me, I guess you're probably sleeping. I keep forgetting about the time difference, it's so weird being on the opposite side of the country. Uh, anyway, I just called to say I miss you and I'll see you in four days."

She hangs up and puts the phone back on the table. She's sleeping; that's what she keeps telling herself. She's sleeping, because if she's not then she's ignoring the call and that option is almost unbearable to think about.

When Beca wakes up the next morning, she feels like she might still be a little drunk, but has somehow also hit full blown hangover.

"Hey there, Champ." Stacie greets her with a smirk.

"I'm so sorry about last night."

"No, don't be, it was fun. I had junior year pledge night flashbacks."

Beca closes her eyes until she has a thought worse than her headache.

"Lucy didn't see anything did she?"

"No, she sleeps like the dead."

"Good. I don't want her to know anything about it."

Stacie raises her hands in front of her.

"She won't hear it from me. But good luck hiding it, you look like shit."

"Yeah, well I feel like it."

Beca pushes herself out of the bed and starts the shower in the adjoining bathroom before ducking her head back into the bedroom.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"I figured I would take the morning. I have to take Bella to my parents. Do you want me to drop Lucy on my way?"

"Do you mind?"

"If I did I wouldn't have offered."

"That would be amazing, thank you. Is she awake yet?"

"She's out eating breakfast."

Beca rubs her eyes and Stacie can tell she's trying to keep herself from climbing back into bed and covering herself in the blankets to avoid life altogether.

When she walks into work, Beca isn't surprised that Anderson is already there. She'll never understand how he can drink himself into a stupor and still wake with the sun. He doesn't even look hungover. He's sitting in the conference room with a cup of coffee laughing at something on his phone with another one of their coworkers.

She pushes her sunglasses on top of her head and winces when the sunlight coming through the large plate glass windows hits her eyes. She pours herself another cup of coffee, her third of the morning before walking in and taking her seat in the conference room. Anderson puts his phone down and waits for the other guy to leave the room before he says anything.

"So, drink any good tequila lately?"

Despite herself, Beca laughs and shakes her head.

"I don't know how you're not messed up today, dude. It hit me hard."

"I don't think that's the only thing messing you up, is it?"

"Are you my therapist now too?"

"No." He shakes his head. "But I'd like to think after last night, I don't know, maybe we're friends or something like that."

Beca nods, slowly. She bites her lower lip and swirls her coffee around in her mug.

"Chloe and I are taking some time apart."

"You broke up?"

"No." Beca says, fiercely, her eyes settle against his. "Just a few days. We're thinking some things through and it's just been hard without her here."

"But she's coming back."

"Sure, but I said some things, or I guess I didn't say some things, and now we're just," She pauses, searching for the right word, "different."

"Different isn't necessarily always a bad thing."

"But I liked what we had before. Just forget it, I don't need to bother you with my bullshit. Besides we should get this presentation ready to go before Matt comes in."

"Fine, but can I say just one more thing before you shut down and become your usually broody self?"

Beca shrugs, pretending not to listen.

"Don't close yourself off to how things could be because you're wishing things could go back to how they used to be."

Beca doesn't look up or make a sound. But those words; a guy she thought only ever cared about himself and his appearance has looked past his own reflection into her mind.

Beca doesn't do much of her actual work. Instead she sits at her desk all day and writes to Chloe. She's always been much better at writing down her thoughts and feelings than ever saying them out loud. She writes letters and poems and lyrics and anything she can think of to convey her sorrow and her uncertainty, her guilt, confusion, and utter sadness.

She starts from the beginning; when they met, she writes about the happiness that Chloe has brought her and the memories she has of their relationship. She writes about her father and Sheila and writes everything she's felt since they died; the things she's said aloud already and the things she's kept inside where even she can barely hear them. She writes about Lucy and how she wants what's best for her; how she worries that she'll never be able to keep her safe and raise her the way her parents would have. But most importantly, she writes about herself. She writes what she didn't want to say to Chloe but may explain everything away. She writes:

 _I don't think I can be a parent. Not in the way that my dad and Sheila were. Not in the way your parents were, and definitely not in the way you will be. I don't think I can be any of that and that was the thought scaring me. That was what was controlling me and telling me that I could never have a child with you. But I realize now that I can't be a parent like my dad or your mom or you because I have to be a parent like me. I will try every day to be the best mother our child, and Lucy, could ever ask for, because that's what they deserve and it's what you deserve. It's what I deserve too._

 _Our family will be the greatest blessing and the most terrifying thing I will ever experience. But I know now that I do want to experience it. I need to. And I need to do it all with you. The only thing I ask is that you let me marry you first. This is not the proposal, but when it happens it's going to blow your mind, Beale. So please forgive my blindness and stupidity and this time where I haven't been able to explain how I've felt. But it's over now and if you'd let me I'd like to spend the rest of my life trying to make these last few days up to you._

 _Love, Beca_

Beca takes a deep breath and for the first time in a while it doesn't make her feel like she's going to throw up. She seals the letter and puts it in her bag. She rubs her eyes and looks at the clock, it's almost time to go pick Lucy up at school. Her door opens and closes quickly and she looks up to find Anderson there with a file folder. He slaps it down on her desk.

"I am happy to say we never need to look at this presentation again."

"They went for it?'

"Hell yeah, we make a good team, you and I."

Beca leans down into the bottom drawer of her desk and pulls out a bottle of whiskey and two tumblers. He takes the seat across from her and she pours. They clink glasses and each take a sip. He makes a face that makes her burst out laughing.

"Not a whiskey guy?"

"Not particularly." He drinks the rest in one sip. "But I'm never one to turn down free booze."

She rolls her eyes and finishes her own. She puts her blazer back on and grabs her bag.

"You're out of here already?"

"Yeah, I have to go get Lucy. I'm taking her shopping for the launch party."

"Okay, well, see you tomorrow then."

"See you later."

Beca stands outside of Lucy's school, across the street so she doesn't draw any attention to herself. She leans against a tree and watches all the students pour out of the building at the final bell. They all look older than Lucy, and taller, and she can't help but wonder if her sister sees it too.

Lucy walks out of the building with Poppy, Lincoln, and Matteo. It gives her comfort to know that they are by her side during the day. She needs her people and she hopes these kids are around for a while. Beca catches Lucy's eye immediately and she says something to her friends and offers a quick wave before she crosses the street.

"Hey Scout."

"Hi."

"How was school?"

Lucy shrugs, "It was fine, I guess. Can we go home?"

"We have an important mission first."

She hears Lucy sigh and she knows that she is going to be even less excited about this than she is herself.

"Well, I haven't told you this yet. I was kind of waiting for Chloe to come back to tell you both at the same time but," She heaves a sigh and looks into her sister's eyes, "my album is done. The release party is next week."

"It's done?"

Beca smiles and shrugs.

"I still kind of can't believe it. But yeah, it's done and there's going to be a big party that we'll get all dressed up for."

"Does Chloe know?"

"Not yet."

"Are you gonna tell her?"

Much to her surprise, Lucy doesn't sound mad; just curious. She holds her sister's gaze until she gets an answer.

"When she comes back I am."

Lucy seems to accept this answer and pulls her backpack up higher on her shoulder.

"Alright then, let's get this over with."

"What about this one, Scout?" Beca asks, holding up a dress with hearts on it.

Lucy scrunches up her nose, "It's kind of baby-ish."

"You think so?"

"Mhm."

"Okay, we can try another store." She says, putting it back on the rack.

This is already the second store they've tried. They both wish Chloe was there. No matter how much they both hate shopping, she always found a may to make it fun, or at least bearable. Not to mention, she could cut the amount of time looking in half with her keen sense of style.

"Can we just go home, please?"

Lucy tries to keep the whine from her voice, especially after Beca just snapped at her for the exact same thing about twenty minutes ago. She knows she's unsuccessful when she sees Beca tense up.

"No, we can't because you have nothing to wear and the party is in a few days."

"Fine."

They leave that store and walk down another block to another small boutique that Beca has shopped at a few times before.

"Why don't we just go to like TJMaxx or something?"

"We're not getting your dress from TJMaxx, alright? We'll find something. You just need to be patient, and maybe actually help me look."

"I didn't ask for you to be a celebrity or to go to this party."

"You don't want to come, that's fine. We'll go home then and you can stay home with Bella and the babysitter that night."

Lucy lets her shoulders slump and she sighs.

"That's not what I meant. I'm sorry."

"I know. Trust me, this isn't my favorite past time either but this is an important night for me and I really need you there with me."

"Okay, can I just have a minute out here?"

Beca nods and walks into the store. She figures they could both take a minute to calm down. Lucy leans against the brick of the building. She takes a few breaths and tries to remind herself that Beca is hurting; worse than she is and she is trying her best to keep them together. She pulls out her phone and texts back in the group chat between her and her friends. It's enough of a distraction that she's calmed down and she is about to go back inside before she hears,

"Lucy!"

It takes a second for her brain to match the voice with the face but when she does her heart nearly falls out of her chest. She looks to either side of her for Beca but she knows she's not there. Gardner is standing over her now. He looks angry and she knows that it would only take him a second to knock her out.

"Do you know how much trouble you got me in? You ruined my life, do you even feel the tiniest bit bad about that?"

Lucy backs up until her head and shoulders hit the brick wall. He puts one hand next to her head and the other is in a fist by his side.

"I have no job, I have to pay a fine and I'm never going to write again. You took all of that from me, and for what?"

He hits the wall next to her and she closes her eyes on instinct. Lucy tries to make herself scream but she can't get any noise to come out. When she opens her eyes again his face is bright red and the vein in his neck is popping out. His eyes are wild and they are barely looking at her.

"Do you even care?" He yells. "Now you're gonna pay for what you did, you little bitch."

Hey guys sorry for how long this took! I hope you enjoyed it.

Shout out to the first person who can say what horror movie I got the name Tatum from (no googling)

Also come follow me on tumblr: . for writing updates and other bonus content (if you wanna call it that?)


	22. Came back down the road for me instead

Lucy backs up until her head and shoulders hit the brick wall. Gardner puts one hand next to her head and the other is in a fist by his side.

"I have no job, I have to pay a fine and I'm never going to write again. You took all of that from me, and for what?"

He hits the wall next to her and she closes her eyes on instinct. Lucy tries to make herself scream but she can't get any noise to come out. When she opens her eyes again his face is bright red and the vein in his neck is popping out. His eyes are wild and they are barely looking at her.

"Do you even care?" He yells. "Now you're gonna pay for what you did, you little bitch."

He grabs her wrist, so hard she's convinced he's trying to snap it with one hand. She tries to think of her options but the only thing that comes to mind is to run. But she can't, not with his vice grip on her. Before she can try to pull away, she hears a muffled voice, like it's coming from a mile away.

"Back the hell off." Beca yells, running out of the store and grabbing his shoulder.

He turns and she's able to duck his first swing. She reaches back and punches him in the face with all of the strength she has. It's not nearly enough to knock him out but he stumbles back and throws out his elbow. It catches her in the temple.

"You dyke bitch. You think you can protect her, or Chloe?"

Beca is doubled over in pain, holding her head. People are starting to gather, pulling their phones out and yelling for help. He looks around, knowing that he's caught. He pushes her down before he runs off down the street.

Lucy hasn't moved away from the wall. She can't fully understand what just happened.

"I've called the police." An older woman, that reminds Beca a lot of Mrs. Reed, says. "Are you alright?"

Beca gets up with the help of a guy that looks to be around her age. She nods and winces, trying to control the pain in her hand and the dizziness that's taken over her whole world. She looks up to Lucy.

Her eyes have glazed over and her entire body feels numb. She isn't sure how long it takes for the police to get there. It feels like only a few seconds; stretched out, like each one is taking it's time to wrap itself around the situation. Everyone seems to move in slow motion. The breeze cools before it stops altogether and Lucy feels her face and chest get hot.

Two police officers get out of their car and walk over to Beca.

"404 to dispatch, we will transport from the scene." The female officer says into her radio.

"Received." A voice crackles back through.

"Can you tell me what happened?" The male officer asks, leaning down to look at Beca.

He's tall, and his gray hair and mustache give away his age. His partner, the woman, seems much younger; not quite a rookie. She has a long brunette ponytail that sways, just slightly, when she walks. She keeps her hand on her radio while she listens for Beca's answer.

"Gardner, um, that's the guy's name. He was our neighbor, there's, uh, a restraining order against him. He came out of nowhere and, ow." Beca's words all run together and she can't seem to focus long enough on one sentence.

"Okay, he attacked you?"

"Not me, my sister."

The officers seem to notice Lucy for the first time. She's still pressed against the cold bricks. She can't make herself move and she's afraid of what will happen if she does. The female officer walks over and tilts her head down to make eye contact with Lucy. She has a kind smile but her eyes make it clear that she has seen some scary stuff. Something about her expression reminds her of Officer Fields from Atlanta. She wonders how he's doing, if he's had any other cases with kids. Before her mind can fall down the rabbit hole, she pushes the thoughts aside and tries her best to focus on the officer's words.

"Hi sweetheart, I'm Officer Hayden, are you okay?"

Lucy doesn't react.

"Can you hear me?"

The only movement she can force from any of her muscles is a shift in her gaze. Her eyes move from left to right, landing on Officer Hayden's for only a second before settling on her name tag.

"Did he hurt you?"

She shakes her head and looks over at Beca.

"Don't worry, we're getting your sister some help. We're going to take you both to the hospital and we'll figure the rest out there."

She lets herself be led to the cop car and sits in the back. As soon as Beca is inside she pulls Lucy to her and kisses her head. Lucy feels all of Beca's weight slump against her and she risks looking up at her face. She has her eyes closed and her hair has fallen half in front of her face and the rest is a mess on the back of her neck. The ride to the hospital is short and silent.

They are brought through a back entrance and straight to an examination room.

"Alright, Beca, why don't you take a seat in the wheelchair," The nurse starts, "we are going straight down to x-rays. Lucy, you're going to go with Gina, to get checked over." She gestures to another nurse.

Lucy shakes her head and grips the back of Beca's shirt in her fist.

"Can't she come with us?" Beca asks.

The nurses share a look, "I'm sorry, she can't. But we won't take too long."

Beca takes Lucy's face in her uninjured hand and speaks softly.

"I'll be back soon. Listen to what the nurses and doctors say, okay?"

Lucy's eyes plead her not to go but it's clear, as the adrenaline wears off, that Beca is starting to feel the effects of her injuries. She's shaking, just barely, but Lucy watches her stiffen before every movement and she knows she needs to let her go. She takes a deep breath and nods her head.

As soon as Beca is out of the room, the nurse takes Lucy's arm in her hand and tries to get her to sit on the bed. Lucy pushes her off and starts to cry. She lets out a sob, and then another, until they all come together to force their way out of her chest and throat. Her entire body shakes and she's no longer in control. She reaches for the exam table but misses and nearly falls over. The nurse, again, takes her arm, but this time Lucy lets her. She lowers her to the chair next to the table and presses the call button for the doctor.

When Beca gets back to the exam room, her wrist is wrapped and the cuts on her elbows and shoulder are bandaged. One look at Lucy, and the dizziness that had almost subsided comes back full force. She pushes herself out of the wheelchair and wraps her sister in a hug. Her entire body is trembling and her breathing is coming in spurts. There's an ice pack that's been tossed aside and this is when Beca notices the large bruise, in the shape of a hand, on her wrist.

"Beca, what the hell happened?" Stacie asks, rushing into the room.

She's still wearing her scrubs, she must have just come out of surgery because Beca called her over an hour ago.

"Gardner." Is Beca's only response.

Stacie drags a chair over next to the bed. She has a brand new cast on her hand and Lucy is asleep in the chair in the corner, with Beca's jacket draped over her.

"He hurt you?"

"I punched him."

"What? Where? When?" All of the questions fall out of Stacie's mouth, seemingly at once.

"He ran up to Lucy on the street. He got in her face and I-" She clears her throat, "he looked like he was about to do something and it was my first reaction. I don't know."

"Did he touch her?" Stacie asks, fire in her eyes.

"She hasn't said a word since it happened, but she has a bruise on her wrist that I know wasn't there before. They gave her a mild sedative, they said that she had a panic attack when they tried to examine her. Afterwards she couldn't stop shaking, they said she's in shock."

Stacie nods and looks over at Lucy. There doesn't seem to be any other sign of injury; well at least none that they can see. She knows her mind must be a flurry of fear and anger right now and that pain is going to take a long time to go away.

"And you?"

She lifts up her arm, wrapped in black plaster, "The wrist. And a minor concussion. He hit me with his elbow."

The bruise on the side of Beca's face is clear. Stacie can also see the slight difference in Beca's pupils and the way her whole body seems heavy when she moves it. Her speech is slightly slurred, which also isn't out of the ordinary for a concussion.

"Anything else?" Stacie asks, afraid to hear the answer.

"No, he ran off once people started to notice something was wrong."

"Did they get him?"

"Not yet. The little asshole is hiding out somewhere."

"When does Chloe's flight get in?"

"What are you talking about?" Beca asks, looking up so quickly it makes her even dizzier than she already is.

"Obviously you called her," Stacie pauses, surely even Beca can't be that stubborn, "you called her, right?"

"No. Why would I do that?"

"Beca, she needs to know about this. Are you kidding me?"

Beca shakes her head.

"She went to Portland to get space. So I'm giving her space."

"You don't think she would want to know about this? That she deserves to know about this? She might be mad at you but it doesn't mean she stopped loving you. She needs to hear about this, and it should really be from you."

"Not right now, not until they get Gardner and I have some news."

"This whole thing is news."

Beca stares at her and Stacie doesn't concede.

"I'm not calling her yet. I need to get Lucy home, are you gonna help me or not?"

"They're not letting you go anywhere yet. They gave you pain meds?" Beca nods. "You aren't leaving until they know if you're going to have a reaction or not."

"Great, so we're stuck here?"

"Afraid so, for at least another hour."

They sit in the quiet. There is chatter in the hallway, coming from the nurses station. Occasionally a patient is wheeled by on a gurney or in a wheelchair. The fluorescent lights are starting to hurt Beca's eyes as the exhaustion begins to set in. She blinks, more and more often, as she fights sleep. Stacie twirls her bracelet around her wrist, looking at the same spot on the floor, until Beca clears her throat and says, almost inaudibly.

"This is going to break her heart."

Stacie isn't sure if Beca means Lucy or Chloe. But she supposes both are true.

Stacie is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of her, untouched. She runs her fingers over the ceramic and stares at the baby monitor. Bella is asleep in her crib, one arm outstretched over her head, the other on her belly, moving gently up and down. As selfish as it may sound, Stacie is thankful that nothing like today has ever touched her baby. She's never known pain or true fear or anything other than the gentle existence she's had so far. It makes her heart hurt to think that eventually she's going to grow up. She's going to feel all of those things and a million others that Stacie can't even begin to imagine. She just hopes that when it happens she can be there for her. The way Beca is there for Lucy.

Keys jingling in the hall take her attention. She made the call about half an hour after they got home. She's been waiting because she doesn't want to be the only one here. She doesn't want this whole thing on her shoulders; she doesn't think she can handle it. She waits for the door to open; she can't make her legs move to open it herself. The door is pushed open and a bag drops on the floor. Stacie gives a saddened smile but keeps her spot.

"Hey Em."

"Hey."

The whole apartment is quieter than Emily thought it would be. She wasn't sure what to expect but this certainly wasn't it. There's no crying or chaos. It's still. It's eerie.

"Can I?" Emily asks, gesturing to the hallway Stacie nods, "She's in the nursery."

Emily doesn't need to hear anything else before her feet are moving her toward the closed bedroom door. She pushes it open and stops when she sees Lucy asleep on the rollaway bed. It's a strange scene. There's no blankets wrapped around her legs or crazy bedhead or movement of any kind.

"She was sedated at the hospital. She won't hear you." Stacie says, suddenly behind her.

Emily walks over and kneels next to the bed, despite what Stacie said, she doesn't want to risk waking her up.

"A couple bruises; a pretty nasty one on her wrist and another on her shoulder, but other than that she's okay." Stacie says.

Emily nods. Lucy's breathing is long and deep. Her fingertips move around the large bruise on her wrist; it's a deep purple with blotches of red inside. She watches her sleep for a few minutes; she notes all the differences in her in only a few weeks. She looks older and Emily can't tell if it's a good or bad thing.

She kisses her head before walking out of the nursery as quietly as possible. They both take a seat on the couch. It's nearly four in the morning but they both know they wouldn't be able to sleep, even if they tried.

"Where's Chloe?"

Stacie looks down at her hands.

"You don't know?"

When she doesn't get an answer she looks back up at Emily's face and she's clearly waiting for elaboration.

"It's been bad, Em."

"What do you mean? Where is she?"

"Portland."

"What, why is she in Portland?"

"Her and Beca have been taking some time apart. It's not really my place to get into it. I'm just surprised that Lucy hasn't said anything to you about it."

"I haven't heard from her much lately. I thought it was weird but I guess it makes sense now."

"She's going to be really happy you're here now."

"I hope so. She could really use some happy."

Emily looks at Stacie and she can tell that she wasn't lying when she said it's been bad. Stacie Conrad has always been, what some would call unflappable, but right now she looks the opposite. She looks tired and scared and incredibly sad. She isn't sure there's any way for her to help but now that she's here she has to try.

"How long has Chloe been gone?"

"About four days."

Emily nods, "I'm sure Beca is really thankful to have you here for her. Lucy too."

Stacie doesn't react to her words and Emily notices the same insecurities she picked up in here almost immediately after they met.

"I mean that. Even if Beca won't say it, she feels it. She has to."

Stacie reaches over and takes Emily's hand in hers. They're all going to need each other to get through these next few days. For better, or worse, the Bellas are family, and they will do whatever it takes to get everyone through this.

When Beca wakes, she takes an extra minute to open her eyes. She isn't ready for everything this day is going to bring for her. Yesterday is one big blur, but she knows as soon as she opens her eyes, the picture will clear and she'll have to talk to lawyers, and to Stacie, and to her sister. So she stays still. Just for a minute.

She feels the hardened cast around her wrist and wants to scream. She reaches her other hand over to touch it but her elbow bumps against something which finally forces her eyes to open. When she does, Chloe is there, lying on her side staring down at her.

Beca doesn't move. If this is a dream she doesn't want to risk waking up. She didn't feel it before, but now she knows Chloe has one of her hands flat against her stomach. Her other hand is tangled in her hair. As she begins to become more conscious she starts to gently scratch at her scalp.

The moment hangs in silence. Beca doesn't know what to say. She pushes herself up and kisses her. It's a desperate, deep kiss; it's the only thing she can think to do, to try and show her how much she's missed her. Chloe kisses her back and the tightness in her chest, the fear that maybe she wouldn't, dissipates. Chloe lays Beca back down and pulls back, just barely. Hovering over her to speak gently.

"Hi baby."

Beca's eyes close and she lets her voice warm her insides. She lets out a single sob and Chloe's lips are back on hers. When they separate again, Beca lets the dam break and she starts to cry. She sits herself up so she can pull Chloe as close to her as possible.

"Sh, it's okay. You're okay."

"You're here."

"That's right, I'm here."

Beca leans back and stares, in awe, at Chloe; she can't believe she's here and part of her is still worried that this is a dream. She wipes furiously at her face but the tears continue to fall so she stops trying. She clings back to Chloe and speaks into her shoulder.

"God, I want to be so mad at Stacie for meddling but I'm too happy that you're here."

"It wasn't Stacie."

Beca pulls back and looks at her face.

"What?"

"It was Emily."

Beca tries to make her brain catch up but she can't figure that one out.

"Stacie called Emily, who called Aubrey, who called me. So I guess, retroactively, It was sort of Stacie. Why didn't you call me?"

Her voice doesn't hold any anger. It's still as soft as it was when she first spoke. She feels like she should be mad but she's spent too much of the last week stewing in anger. She rests one of her hands on Beca's thigh and waits for an answer.

Beca reaches down and places her hand on Chloe's, "I didn't know how to tell you this. I've been a mess since my dad died, that's not really a secret. But then you left and I fell apart. I haven't been the person I need to be. I can't be, not without you."

"I know how you feel."

"Maybe, but you didn't cause Lucy to get attacked."

"And you didn't either." This time when she speaks, Chloe's voice has an edge. It's determined and strong and it causes a lump to form in Beca's throat. "The only person responsible for this is Gardner and when they find him, he's going to jail."

Beca takes a deep breath and nods her head. She's trying to understand that, she wants to, it just feels like everything that's happened lately has been caused by her words and her actions.

"I know, I'm just," She pauses and looks directly into Chloe's eyes, "I'm so sorry."

"So am I."

 _Chloe's heart thumps while she rushes through the airport. She goes as fast as her legs can take her, while also pulling along her suitcase. She isn't positive that she got everything into it, but that's the last thing from her mind right now. Emily's voice over the phone keeps replaying in her head on a loop_.

" _Em, what's going on? It's late in Georgia."_

" _Well, actually, I'm not in Georgia."_

" _What do you mean? Where are you?"_

 _There's a long pause before Emily speaks again._

" _I'm at Stacie's."_

" _Listen, Em, I can explain. It's just-"_

" _You need to get here. Now."_

 _She finds her gate and waits impatiently until they board. As the plane takes off she puts her head back and closes her eyes, as tight as she can._

" _You're really scaring me. What's going on?"_

" _It's Beca and Lucy. There was an incident with Gardner."_

 _Chloe gets out of the taxi and stands in front of Stacie's building. Now that she's here she can't seem to make her feet move anymore. She swallows around the lump in her throat and looks up._

" _Beca's hurt. She needs you."_

 _She walks down the hallway and uses her key to get inside the apartment. Stacie and Emily are still on the couch. The television is set to the news, talking about the weather, but the volume is turned almost all the way down._

" _Where are they?"_

 _Stacie stands and looks between Chloe and Emily._

" _They're sleeping. They're okay." Stacie says._

" _That's not what Emily said on the phone."_

 _Chloe doesn't wait for either of them to respond. She opens the nursery door and kneels beside Lucy's bed._

 _Chloe still can't believe she left them. They didn't deserve that, especially Lucy, who has been an innocent bystander through so much. Chloe reaches out and touches her hair; it's pulled tightly into a French braid. She is dressed in one of Beca's old Bellas shirts and wrapped tightly in her quilt. Her skin is paler than usual and even lying down she looks oddly limp._

" _Two bruises. That's all. She was sedated after a panic attack, so she'll be out for a while."_

 _Chloe leans down and kisses her head before walking out of the room._

" _And Beca?"_

" _Why don't you go take a look for yourself?"_

 _Chloe seems to think about it but she doesn't move. Her feet feel weighted down to the floor. The longer she looks at the closed guest room door the heavier they feel, until she feels like they'll break through the floor._

" _I don't want to wake her."_

" _She's medicated too."_

 _There's a tone to Stacie's voice and it puts Chloe on edge. She can't tell if it was a dig or a simple fact but no matter the intention it felt like an attack.._

 _When she finally gets her feet to move, it's in the opposite direction, toward the kitchen. She pours herself a glass of wine, despite the fact that it's only six in the morning, and sits at the table. She doesn't sip it right away; instead she sets her gaze on Beca's blazer. She assumes it's the one she wore to work yesterday, tossed over the back of the couch. Her bag is sitting on the floor below it and her shoes are kicked off right next to it. It's something she's seen a million times. It's the same way she would leave her things at their old apartment and it makes Chloe's stomach churn. It was just a normal day, until it wasn't._

 _The anger she felt when she got the phone call from Stacie returns and she wants to scream or cry or hit something. Instead she sits. And stares. And breathes._

" _Chlo?"_

" _Where do you think he is?"_

" _I wish I knew."_

" _The police are searching his apartment, his computer, everything. They are looking at all the spots he usually hangs out." Emily says. "They'll get him."_

" _They better."_

 _Chloe walks into the bedroom and they don't see her again until much later in the morning._

Beca tries to get out of bed but her head is pounding and she's dizzy.

"What do you need, Bec? I'll get it."

"I have to pee."

"Oh," Chloe scoffs, "then let me help you up."

Chloe helps her walk over to the bathroom and waits outside the door. She bites on her thumbnail and taps her foot against the hardwood. She knows that Beca is hurt and she's vulnerable but she can't help but wonder, when she's healed and things go back to normal, where they will be. She doesn't know what their arrangement is, where there relationship has landed, and it's making her stomach churn.

The bathroom door opens and Beca walks out.

"Anything from Lucy yet?"

"I don't know. She was asleep when I got here."

She watches her walk into the nursery and close the door behind her. She knows they can't go back to how they were. She knows that Beca and Lucy are hurting and they're scared. She knows that she's made mistakes and there's no way to go back and make them right. But she's here now. She's here and she's never leaving again.

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	23. Going up is not a straight line

Lucy rolls onto her back and rubs her eye with the heel of her hand. She lets out a groan, from deep in her chest and it rattles her throat and stomach. She feels like she's been asleep for a year, but she's still exhausted. When she finally manages to get her eyes to open, even her eyelids hurt.

"Hi Scout."

She looks up at Beca, at the bruise next to her left eye and yesterday's events come back in foggy waves; Gardner running at her, hitting the wall and screaming at her, Beca coming to her defense. She shudders and closes her eyes again, but that only makes those images clearer. When they open again Beca is staring into them; concern etched into each one of her features.

"Can you say something so I know you're okay?"

Nothing.

Beca concedes and keeps her voice at the same even-tone and volume, "I have a surprise for you."

She wants to laugh at the sudden intrigue on Lucy's face but she stays stoic. She doesn't want to give anything away.

"But you need to get out of bed to find it."

She watches Lucy contemplate this. It's clear that she had no intention of moving before this. She doesn't blame her. Beca wants nothing more than to hide under the blankets so the world can't get to her. But she's determined not to let the fear win; not this time.

She stands and pulls Lucy up after her. She leads her down the hallway and notices that, as they near the living room, Lucy's feet start moving just a little bit faster. Beca isn't sure where everyone is but she knows they can't have gone far; the best bet is the kitchen.

Lucy stops at the entrance to the living room. There's no one there but the television is still on, there's a blanket on the couch and there are three mugs of coffee; one of which still has steam coming out of the top. She looks at Beca again, her eyebrow twitching like it wants to raise in inquisition but it stays put. Beca grabs her hand and pulls her to the kitchen.

As soon as they reach the doorway Beca nearly gets pulled back when Lucy stops moving. Her feet stick to the floor while her brain catches up to the scene in front of her. Stacie is sitting on top of the counter with her legs crossed. Emily is leaning against the counter next to her, and Chloe is sitting at the table with Bella in her lap. They've fallen into silence, wondering what Lucy will do. It's almost a full minute before Lucy blinks, or breathes, or moves at all. Emily knows what's coming so she moves to take the baby. Chloe is barely standing before Lucy has latched onto her.

"Hi sweet girl."

Muffled into her shirt, Chloe can hear sobs. Even if she couldn't, the way her body is trembling would give it away.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm so sorry."

Chloe's voice is barely a whisper. It rises above the hum of the refrigerator and the heartbeat in Lucy's ears, just enough for her to hear it. Chloe can't be sure that she actually did but she hopes her words pushed their way into her brain somewhere; words she'll say a million times over in the coming days.

"Let me look at you."

Chloe pushes her back to arms length and looks her over. She looks the same; a little more tired. Her eyes scan her whole body a few times but each time they come back to land on the bruise on her arm. Lucy notices and puts her arm behind her back.

She shuffles over and gives Emily a hug. She holds on tight for a minute before letting go when Bella starts to fuss between them. She kisses the baby's cheek and Beca knows her sister is still in there somewhere. She's somewhere amongst the anger and pain and sadness; the emotions that she unwittingly wears across her face.

The whole morning feels like they're in a fish tank. They're swimming circles around one another, careful not to bump into each other or stare too long or say the wrong thing. Lucy is sitting on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest, with her eyes trained on the television. She couldn't tell you what the show is or what it's about but she figures its enough to keep Beca and Chloe from asking her if she's okay for the hundredth time.

Beca is on the couch next to her with her head tilted back. She still feels dizzy when she stands for too long. Her mind is in a fog that she can't shake; all of the details of yesterday are swirling together and now that there are people around her, talking and moving, it just adds to the chaos.

Chloe watches her from the kitchen doorway. She has a mug of tea in her hands, keeping them warm, as she just stares at the two of them. She wonders how much more either of them can take before they shatter. Beca is trying her hardest to pretend that she's fine; whether its for her own sake, Chloe's or Lucy's, she can't be sure. She just knows that the longer she plays it off, the harder it's going to be to actually face it.

Lucy's eyes look heavy, she's blinking more often and longer now. Her head tilts forward and it startles her awake. She does this three or four times before shifting so she can rest her head against the back of the couch. It doesn't take long for her to fall asleep. Chloe drapes a quilt over her and takes a seat next to Beca.

Beca's eyes flutter open, Chloe knew she wasn't asleep, but she didn't want to disturb her rest.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." Beca says, shifting into Chloe's side, and taking a look over at Lucy, now breathing steadily and deeply, "She okay?"

"She's fine. She's sleeping, like you should be."

"Eh." Beca waves her off and sits further up.

Stacie and Emily return with Bella from their walk through Central Park.

"Hey guys." Beca greets them, in a near whisper. "How was your walk."

"It was good. It's warm out today." Emily says.

Stacie takes the baby from her stroller and they all sit on the opposite couch.

"So what did the officer say?" Stacie asks about the phone call Beca received as they were leaving.

"Not a whole lot. She said that once they find him, he'll be arrested. This time it won't just be another restraining order."

"He's definitely going to jail?"

Beca looks over at Lucy, "Yeah, they're charging him with breaking his restraining order and assault. She seems pretty positive that he's going away for a few years. She said that any sane judge would sentence him on the spot. But we'll probably have to go to court."

"Even with the videos and everything?" Emily asks.

Beca shrugs, "She's not sure. I just really don't want that for Lucy."

Beca feels the same anger from the day before bubble up in her gut. This time though, she feels Chloe's hand, strong and steady against her lower back, and it helps. She leans into Chloe's side and lets her wrap her arms around her. She closes her eyes and revels in this feeling; the feeling she's missed so desperately for the past week.

"Baby, you should try to rest." Chloe says, gently into her ear.

"I know. Will you come with me?"

Chloe looks down at Lucy.

"Go," Emily reassures her, "I'll wait for her to wake up."

"You sure?"

"I've got my book, and nothing but time. Go."

Chloe stands and helps Beca, still a little unsteady, to her feet and down the hall. Emily settles into the other end of the couch. She opens her book and rests one hand on Lucy's leg. She tries to focus on the words but every few minutes her attention gets dragged back to Lucy's face, to her too still body, the way she looks pained, even in her sleep.

It's a few hours before there's any sound in the apartment again. Stacie has taken Bella to her parents' house for night and it has been so still for so long that Emily had nearly forgotten where she was. She's looking down at the page of her book when, out of the corner of her eye, she catches movement.

Lucy groans and kicks the blanket off. She rolls onto her side, clearly forgetting she's on the couch, because she just barely catches herself before she rolls off. Her eyes look glassy, but she looks more rested than she did this morning.

"Hi Scout, did you have a good sleep?"

"I guess."

Emily's eyes close on instinct when Lucy speaks. She hasn't heard her voice in weeks, but it feels much closer to months at this point.

"What are you reading?"

"Oh it's just something Keegan suggested." She says casually before she realizes her mistake.

"Who?"

She freezes. It would be so easy to lie. Except, she could never lie to Lucy. She puts her book down and looks at her, avoiding her eyes; instead she settles for her hairline where small curls have framed her face.

"Keegan. He's my, um, well boyfriend sounds so dumb. He's my," She stops, unsure of what to actually call him. She's never had to say it out loud before.

"You're boyfriend?"

Lucy's voice is a mixture of confusion and hurt.

"How long?"

"A little over three months."

Lucy falls silent again. In the thousands of conversations they've had, Emily isn't sure she's ever seen her this quiet. It's a simmering, her thoughts have boiled over and now she's stuck in them while they gently bounce around her mind.

"I wanted to tell you. It's just, I wanted to wait for a little while, and then you're mom and dad. I didn't want to make things worse for you, and it just felt like it would the longer I waited."

"I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

Lucy shakes her head, "He must be a good guy if you chose him."

Emily feels like she could cry but she knows that would only make things worse so she does all that she can to keep it in.

"He is. You'd really like him."

"Maybe I could come to Georgia with you." Lucy starts, like she's feeling the temperature, "And maybe I could stay there for a while."

"Oh, Luce, I don't think-"

"You're right, its dumb." Lucy interjects before Emily can even get her full thought out.

"It's not that I don't want you to, you know that. I just don't think it's what's best for you. You should really be here with Beca and Chloe."

"I don't want to be here."

Emily looks into Lucy's eyes and she can tell this isn't some bout of defiance or angst; she's terrified.

"He can't get you now. You're safe."

"He's still out there. The police don't even know where he is."

Emily looks shocked.

"You guys think I don't hear what's going on." Is Lucy's only explanation.

"They'll find him."

"Eventually. Maybe. Until then, what? I'm going to be locked in the house, afraid of everything? That's not fair."

"You're right. It's not."

Lucy is clearly waiting for elaboration but it's clear she isn't going to get any when Emily sits further back on the couch and goes silent.

"They said moving to New York would be better for everyone, but as far as I can tell it's just made everything even worse."

Lucy stands up and walks down the hallway. Emily hears the door to the nursery close and she sighs.

Beca and Chloe walk out into the living room where Emily and Stacie are drinking wine and watching television. There are more takeout containers than Beca has ever seen spread out across the coffee table, some have been opened, others haven't.

"Jeez, you order enough food for the whole building?" Beca asks, rubbing her eye with the heel of her hand.

"We weren't sure what you guys would feel like and we hoped at least one thing here would appeal to Lucy."

"Where is she?" Chloe asks.

"Nursery. She woke up about an hour ago and went in there." Emily said.

"I just checked on her and she, unsurprisingly, said she wasn't hungry." Stacie adds.

"Okay, I'll go." Beca says, already halfway out of the room.

Chloe sits down and picks up an egg roll. She eats about a third of it before tossing it back down onto her napkin.

"How's Beca doing?" Stacie asks.

Chloe looks at her, thinking over her words before answering.

"She's Beca. She's not saying much but I know it's all going to blow up one way or another."

"Have you guys talked about, you know, everything?" Emily asks.

"When?" Chloe asks earnestly, "We will. We have to. It's just, with Lucy, and the police, and everything right now. We will."

Beca walks into the nursery, bypassing the knock. She sits on the corner of the bed and watches Lucy's laptop screen. She's watching one of Daniel's lectures; this one is on the use of religion in _Uncle Tom's Cabin._ Lucy doesn't take her eyes off of the screen, she barely moves at all but Beca knows her presence is known.

She puts her hand on Lucy's hip and hears her breathing quicken. Before she even knows what's happening she is being grabbed onto. Lucy pulls her into her arms as tightly as she can and doesn't let go. Beca adjusts them so that they are lying down and she can actually breathe. Eventually she feels Lucy's muscles relax and she goes limp against her side. It's starting to get dark outside and Beca feels like she's about to fall asleep too. She hopes this feeling of drowsiness goes away soon because she will have to go back to work in the next couple of days, not to mention she will be dealing with the police and the record release.

She pulls herself out of Lucy's grasp and closes the laptop. She turns the light off and instead turns on the small lamp in the corner, just in case, before leaving the room.

"She's asleep." Beca says, walking into the guest room.

When Beca didn't come back to the living room, she assumed that Beca was trying to get Lucy to sleep. Stacie had given her another, very mild sedative, early this afternoon and the side effects were really taking a toll on her; Chloe had never known her to sleep this much.

"She's still not saying anything? Emily said she talked to her a little bit."

"I couldn't get a word out of her." Beca says, resigned.

Beca shakes her head and climbs into the bed.

"Poor thing." Chloe sighs.

As soon as Beca is laying against her pillow, Chloe has her hand in her hair. She scratches at her scalp and watches as Beca closes her eyes.

"How's your head?"

"S'okay." She slurs. "Hurts."

"I'm sorry, baby."

Chloe observes every feature on Beca's face; the curve of her lips, the outline of her jaw and cheekbones, the flutter of her eyelashes, everything. She's longing for the time before their fight, the time before the accident. She fights the guilt that settles in her stomach because without the accident, they wouldn't have Lucy here with them. But that seems so selfish. To wish so much chaos and pain and confusion just so that they can be together. She doesn't notices Beca's eyes re-open.

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

"What?"

"I can practically hear the gears turning in there." Beca says, reaching up to tap Chloe's forehead.

"It's nothing. I'm just happy to be back."

Beca knows that's not it but she doesn't push it. Everything will come out in time, and she's trying really really hard to be patient.

"What are you thinking about?" Chloe asks, more than happy to turn the focus on Beca.

"I think I should postpone the record release."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. It just doesn't feel right celebrating right now."

"Beca, this is exactly the time we need something to celebrate. We are so desperately in need of something good, and this is it. You've worked so hard for so long, you deserve this."

Beca doesn't feel so sure but one look at the way Chloe is looking at her. The way her features pull together in determination and she thinks, maybe just maybe, she's right.

"Okay yeah."

The next morning Beca walks out into the kitchen. It's nearing 7 AM. She stops short when she sees Lucy sitting at the table, fully dressed in her school uniform. She forgot about school. She forgot about most things in the real world if she's being honest; everything except for work and lawyers and police officers. She gets herself a glass of water and one for Lucy and takes the seat across from her.

It's quiet. The only sound Beca can hear is the tick of the clock hanging over the table. Her eyes flicker up to it and then back at Lucy. She's looking down, tapping against the glass. Beca has noticed the way her hands can't sit still now. How her shoulders sit a little higher and her eyes don't quite meet anyone else's. She misses them.

"Are you sure you want to go to school today?"

Lucy shrugs.

"I'm not going to make you if you don't want to go. I'm not going to work, it wouldn't be fair for me to expect-"

Beca stops talking when Lucy finally looks up. Her eyes have an exhausted look that is indescribable and her skin is not its usual pale, but a much more sickly one. Her hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail so there's no hiding what's in her expression; helplessness.

"I'll see if Chloe can take you."

With that, Beca leaves the room and goes to find her girlfriend. The look on Lucy's face sent a shiver down her spine and a cold sensation has settled at the base of her neck.

It's an exceedingly warm day for late September. Almost 85 degrees in the sun, but Lucy slips on her sweater and pulls it down to grip the sleeves in her fists. She knows there's no sense in hiding it. Everyone at school has probably already seen the video, but she doesn't want to draw anymore attention to herself than she can help.

She slings her backpack over her shoulder and walks out of the apartment behind Chloe. Today there's no gentle idle chatter. there are no jokes or laughing. There's just, nothing. When they get to the school, Lucy gives Chloe a halfhearted hug and trudges up the steps. She makes it to the front door and turns around for one more gentle smile form Chloe before stepping inside.

She looks around but doesn't see any of her friends. Instead she is met with a lot of intrusive stares and whispering. She wants to run and hide but she's made it this far, there's no turning back now.

When Chloe makes it back to the apartment, Beca is sitting on the couch, waiting for her. She has her legs pulled up onto the cushion, criss-crossed. There's a mug of coffee in front of her on the coffee table, untouched.

"Hi baby, you okay?"

Beca nods, "Yeah, I'm fine. But I think it's time."

"Time for what?"

"Chloe, we really need to talk."


	24. Let my love fix you up

"Chloe, we really need to talk."

Chloe always thought everyone was being dramatic when they said those four words struck fear into them; that those four little words made their heart race and their face feel hot and made their entire life flash before their eyes. But now? Now she feels every single thing she ever brushed off as dumb or exaggerated. She feels it all and she knows what she has to do.

"Yes. We do."

She joins Beca on the bed and turns just enough to face her.

"I don't really know where to start."

Neither of them can remember a time where their conversation had ever felt this uncomfortable. Beca looks quickly at Chloe's face but settles her eyes on her necklace. It's the one that she gave her for their fifth anniversary. She almost never takes it off and when she does she feels weird; the same way she feels when she doesn't have Beca with her.

"I read your letter."

This makes Beca lift her eyes and keep them on Chloe's. Beca is finally able to look up, her uncertainty from before is now replaced with honest-to-goodness fear.

"How did you-"

"It fell out of your bag when I was cleaning up earlier. I wasn't going to read it. It felt like an invasion of privacy or something but I just needed to know where your mind was."

"And?"

"I wish I knew about all of those fears."

"I know."

"And I wish I knew a way to make them go away now."

Chloe takes Beca's hand and kisses her knuckles. It's soft and quiet and Beca feels like she could melt.

"It just seemed like this kid thing came out of nowhere, it was so fast and I just, I don't know, I panicked."

"It wasn't fair of me. Your whole world just turned upside down and here I was trying to flip it over again."

Beca shakes her head, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I didn't go about it the right way either."

"Maybe not. But who's to say what's right and wrong here? I, for sure, don't know what the hell I'm doing."

Chloe lets out a soft and breathy laugh and Beca lets herself smile, just slightly.

"But I want to try and figure it out. With you."

Chloe leans and kisses her. It's deep and desperate and Beca wonders how long their kisses will feel this way. It's exciting and confusing and heartbreaking; but she hopes it stays this way for a while, as a reminder of what they've gone through.

"And I promise," Beca continues, "when we have kids, I will try my hardest to be a good mom."

"You're already doing that, with Lucy. You're amazing, Beca. I wish you could see that."

"I'm learning it all from watching you. You're so natural with her and with Bella. You always have been. Our kids are going to be the luckiest damn kids in the world to have you."

"To have us."

Beca smiles and pulls Chloe in again.

"However, and whenever we manage to have a child, you are going to be the best mom that kid could ever ask for."

Beca begins to interject but Chloe lifts a hand up to stop her.

"Because you have your hard-won wisdom and you fight for all the people you love. I see it with Lucy and the Bellas. I know it's not going to be easy but there is no one else in the entire world that I could ever imagine myself doing all of this with. That is, if you really meant all that stuff you wrote."

"Every last word of it. I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize it."

Beca stares at her girlfriend and can't remember why she was so afraid to look into her eyes; her gorgeous, loving, endless eyes. It's where, so many times before, she has found comfort and warmth and home. Now she's beginning to realize maybe that was all part of her problem.

She lets out an almost laugh that lingers in the air between them.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. It's just, I'm an idiot."

Chloe doesn't say anything She just waits for Beca to explain where her mind went.

"I pushed you away when I didn't know what I wanted, but no one has ever known me, or let me be who I am, the way you do. So you're right, no matter what happens we'll be okay together."

"Absolutely."

Chloe stands up and extends her hand to Beca. Beca takes it and stands up, but stops and pulls, lightly, on Chloe's hand to get her to stop too.

"What is it?"

"Thank you."

Chloe isn't sure she'll ever get over the fact that she is one of the only people in the entire world that gets to see Beca in this way. She gets to see her at her most vulnerable and sincere and genuine and she will never know how she got so lucky.

"For what?"

"For coming back to me. To us."

"Always, baby." She looks directly into Beca's eyes before saying, more firmly this time, "Always."

Beca smiles, a smile that takes up her entire face this time. It makes her eyes crinkle and tear. She pulls Chloe's hand, harder this time, and they fall back onto the bed. Chloe lets out a little yelp which makes Beca laugh.

"Be careful of your head." Chloe says.

"I don't care right now."

Chloe rolls off of Beca and lays next to her, resting her head in the palm of her hand. They can go much further than this, not in Beca's condition, but she feels like she could explode from all of the feelings mixed up inside of her. Beca feels the same. Chloe runs her fingertips gently over the side of Beca's head and watches her eyes flutter closed, a content smile still firmly plastered onto her face.

"I missed you so much." Chloe says, quietly.

"Yeah, let's promise not to do that ever again."

"Deal."

"Mitchell, hey!"

Lucy stops in the middle of the hallway when she hears her name being called. She had almost made it to English without having to talk to anyone but leave it to Matteo to track her down. She moves to the side to let a few kids go by her, and they crane their necks to stare at her while they walk. It forces her anger to bubble up in her chest; not at them. It's not their fault, not really, but based on every one else's reactions, she feels like there's no way he can't. When she catches his eyes flicker down to her wrist, he gives himself away.

"You saw the video." It isn't a question.

"Uh, yeah." He says, one hand going to rub the back of his neck, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

And that's all she can get herself to say. She's felt too tired to talk or to think of much of anything. She knows school is a total waste today but she couldn't stomach the thought of being stuck in the apartment all day with Beca, Chloe, Stacie and Emily's eyes following her every move.

She knows things are pretty bad when even Matteo doesn't know what to say. They stand in silence for another minute before she gives up and walks into the classroom.

Beca's hand is running up and down Chloe's back while they lay in bed. Chloe has barely let Beca move, afraid that she will aggravate her concussion; not that Beca minds. She wishes she could stay here, in this quiet moment with her girlfriend for a week, but life is happening and coming at her with fierce abandon. Her mind, despite its injured fatigue and confused fogginess, hasn't let up, not for a second.

"Do you think Lucy is doing okay at school?"

"I was just thinking the same thing." Chloe admits.

Beca rolls onto her back and closes her eyes, the all too familiar headache returning.

"I think she's okay." Chloe continues, "She has her friends there and it's a good distraction."

"There's not distracting her from this, Chlo. Trust me."

"Maybe not. But I think it's better for her to be there, being productive and interacting with people than for her to be here, shut up in that bedroom."

Beca sighs and rubs her left eye with her uninsured hand, "God, I hope you're right."

"I didn't think you'd be here."

Lucy hadn't noticed Lincoln slip into her seat. She had been too busy staring at the scratch in the metal lab table. She blinks slowly as she looks up at her friend. She feels like she hasn't seen her in weeks, like she had almost forgotten what she looked like. She tries to keep herself from staring but she feels like its her default right now; like she's a robot rebooting.

"Lucy?"

Lincoln has never used her real name. Or at least she's pretty sure she's never heard her use it, because right now, coming out of her mouth, it couldn't sound any stranger. She usually uses a snarky nickname or doesn't really address her at all.

"Are you alright?"

She shrugs and looks at the board in the front of the room. She doesn't recall any of the formation that's there so she assumes it's from the last lecture, but she knows the chances are slim of any of it actually making its way into her brain.

"It sucks."

Lincoln says, quiet and quick, like if she doesn't make a big deal about it, it's the same as not saying it at all. Lucy isn't sure why but it makes one side of her mouth lift up in a half smile; the closest thing she's had to a real one in days.

"I don't know, Theo, seriously anything is fine." Beca groans into her phone.

Chloe watches as she paces back and forth across the living room. She's been on the phone with Theo for nearly an hour, talking about the second release party. Chloe knows if this were happening at any other time Beca would be more enthusiastic but she can't bring herself to be excited about it, not yet anyway.

Chloe can tell when the conversation changes focus because Beca stops pacing and turns her head away from Chloe. She sits on the arm of the couch and speaks quietly.

"No, they haven't found anything. They said they would call." She pauses, nodding as she listens to whatever he's saying. "Matt is talking to the lawyer. No, it's the same guy as before. Yeah, I will. Okay, bye."

She hangs up and turns back to Chloe, who quickly pretends to still be reading, although they both know she isn't fooling anyone.

"It's probably not a good sign, right?"

Chloe puts her book down and gives a sad smile.

"I mean, he could be anywhere by now."

"He could be. But he isn't the smartest. He was already found guilty of one crime, he's going to pay for this one too."

"You sound pretty sure about that."

"I am. I gave Officer Hayden a list of all of the places and people that he ever mentioned to me. Sometimes it pays to be friends with criminals."

"Not so sure that's the take away here, baby."

Lucy is waiting outside the main entrance to the school for Chloe because she knows if she waited any closer to the street she and Beca would lose their minds. She would also feel exposed. Lately she hasn't liked the idea of anyone looking at her too long or too much. She feels much better to just fade into the background. Unfortunately the release of that stupid viral video has made it nearly impossible. Earlier, she walked by two kids watching it on their phones and in the cafeteria all she heard was whispering all around her. Just thinking about it now makes her stomach hurt.

Two kids walk out the main doors and stare at her as they pass. She puts her head down until they're a few feet away and she lets her eyes follow them down to the sidewalk. Across the street she can see one of Beca's bodyguards standing. He has sunglasses pushed up on top of his head and he is standing with his arms crossed over his chest. Lucy can't help but smirk at his clearly caught expression. She gives a wave, he waves a small wave back, before pushing his glasses down and crossing his arms again. Lucy noticed him tailing her and Chloe this morning but decided to play dumb and not say anything.

Another couple minutes goes by before she feels a hand on her shoulder which makes her jump. She turns, ready to smack the hand away, but she is met with Poppy's own startled expression.

"Sorry, Lucy, I didn't think."

"No, it's okay, sorry." She tries her best to shake it off but when she talks the anxiousness is still in her voice. "You guys going to practice?"

"Mhm, getting ready for tryouts. They're the day after tomorrow," Poppy says, "should we hold a spot for you?"

"Oh, uh, I don't know."

Lucy looks down and pushes some dirt around on the bricks with her sneaker.

"It would be awesome if you were on the team, right Linc?" She nudges Lincoln who seems to have checked out of the conversation. She snaps out of it and nods.

"What? Oh yeah, seriously you should do it."

"Yeah, I guess I'll think about it. I don't know if Beca and Chloe will let me but it's worth a shot to ask."

"That's the spirit." Poppy says, "We'll see you tomorrow then."

They start down the stairs but Poppy stops on the last one, turns, and says,

"We're all really happy that you're okay."

Lucy gives a saddened smile and another half-hearted wave. She leans further into the cold brick wall and she feels like she's back on the street from the other day. She pushes herself away from it. She shakes her head, actually physically shakes it this time, but it doesn't do much good. She just wishes she were home now.

Once Poppy and Lincoln are out of earshot Poppy speaks more seriously than before.

"It's crazy how much this has changed her."

"How could it not?"

"I guess you would-" She cuts herself off, "maybe you should talk to her."

Lincoln gives her trademark look of unease and discontent.

"Don't give me that. You know I'm right. It could really change things if she hears that she isn't alone in all of this."

"Yeah, and I don't see you jumping in to share."

"If I felt I had anything of substance to share I would."

"Don't you though?" Lincoln says, stopping near the dance, her whole demeanor has changed from disinterest to full on defensive attack. "You're always on us to share and to open up with honesty or whatever but you don't ever do the same."

"Come on, I-"

"No, Poppy, you're a hypocrite. So maybe I'll share my story when you decide to shatter that perfect image you and your dad have made up for everyone else, and share yours."

She grabs her lacrosse stick and twists it in her hand a few times, waiting for Poppy to say something, but she's too stunned to speak. Lincoln walks away and leaves her there to think over what she just said.

Chloe and Beca walk up to the main staircase in front of Lucy's school. She's sitting on the top step with her knees pulled up to her chest. She hadn't bothered to take her backpack off before sitting down so it's pulling her backwards with its weight; making her pay more attention to her posture than she normally would, which she is using as a welcomed distraction.

"Hey kid, hope you don't mind that I tagged along."

Lucy gets up as fast as she can manage and pulls Beca into a tight hug.

"Are you okay?"

Lucy nods and speaks, muffled, into Beca's shoulder.

"Can we just go home, please?'

Beca and Chloe share a look over Lucy's head. This is the first thing they've heard Lucy say since the incident and it isn't exactly reassuring.

"Sure baby, let's go." Chloe says, leading them both away from the school.

Lucy hesitantly lets go of Beca and walks hand-in-hand with her instead. When they make it back to Stacie's apartment. She drops her stuff and goes directly to the nursery. Beca can't help but feel like they maybe missed their chance to get her to talk to them. She's desperate to know what's going on in her brain.

"How was her day?" Emily asks from her spot on the couch.

"No clue." Beca says.

Chloe knows she's slipping into helplessness and she doesn't blame her - not one bit. She sits next to her on the couch and runs her hand up and down her thigh.

"It doesn't seem like it was great." Chloe says, hoping to add something to the conversation, but she doesn't really know what else there is to say.

"She didn't say anything?"

"She just asked to come home."

Emily, despite years of studying psychology, is also at a loss of how to deal with the situation. This isn't a client, this is Lucy; the closest thing she's ever had to a baby sister and watching her in so much pain is skewing her view of all of her practices.

They all sit in silence. The only sound is the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen and Beca wonders how Lucy can stand all the quiet; it seems like it's enough to drive anyone insane. But since no one has anything to say, they just sit and stay in the same maddening silence.

That night, Lucy walks out into the living room after dinner. She didn't eat much but now she's feeling exceptionally thirsty. She stops halfway to the kitchen when she finds everyone on the couches and is met with Chloe's excited voice.

"Oh good, Lucy come here."

Lucy stays in her spot and wraps her arms around herself. She notices boxes of board games on the coffee table.

"We're having a family game night." Emily says.

"And you're part of the family, so sit your cute little butt down and pick a game." Stacie says.

Lucy still doesn't move from her spot. Beca stands up, and Lucy notes how awkward and uneasy she looks. She stands in front of her and grabs her shoulders.

"Come on, Lou. You've gotta loosen up at some point or you'll drive yourself insane."

It's a statement, clearly. But the look on her face makes it seem like a question. After a minute or so Lucy can't take the look anymore and she sighs, letting her shoulders slump down. She follows Beca over to the couch and looks through the boxes. She chooses Clue. She picks her player and takes a minute to go to the kitchen to get herself a drink. She fills a glass with water and leans against the counter to drink it.

She listens to the group in the other room. Stacie says something that she can't quite make out and they all burst out into laughter. It's something that used to make her smile and feels warm, like she was indeed a part of a family. But now she just feels like she'll never be able to laugh or be happy again. She takes another sip of water because that thought makes her mouth go dry and she tries to shake that thought from her mind before going back to join the game.

They play two games of Clue and a game of Life before the laughter and conversation overtakes them completely and they forget all about the game. They are a bottle and a half deep in Chardonnay, well Chloe, Stacie, and Emily are. Meanwhile, Lucy has wrapped herself in a blanket and is laying against Chloe's side while she runs her fingers through her hair. Beca is slumped against the back of the couch, doing her best to stay awake, but they can all tell they are both fading fast.

"Alright, I think I'm gonna call it a night." Emily says, clapping her hands together and standing up.

Emily takes her lead, "Yeah, me too. I'm beat."

Chloe gently shakes Lucy from her light snooze and speaks quietly into her ear.

"You ready for bed, sweet girl?"

She blinks her eyes several times and sits up, rubbing one eye and letting out a small yawn. She waits until Stacie and Emily are out of the room before she speaks, quietly.

"Can I sleep in your room?"

Chloe and Beca look at each other. Before the fight, they had talked about the fact that Lucy probably shouldn't sleep in their bed anymore. But right now, in the midst of everything that's happening, it doesn't feel like the right time to fight that battle.

"Sure you can." Beca says, taking Chloe's hand to help her up.

Lucy walks into the guest room. Chloe waits until she's out of earshot before she says quietly,

"You sure?"

"A few more nights here and there can't hurt. I would stay with her in the nursery, but that rollaway is hell on my back."

"I don't mind, it's just you said-"

"No, I know what I said, and I meant it. I just think right now she needs sleep, and I don't know how much she'll get if she's in that room all by herself."

"I get it." Chloe says, fully understanding, "We all need a good night's sleep."

"Hey Mitchell, so you coming tonight or what?"

Matteo asks, sliding into his seat at the lunch table the next day at school. He's moving so fast, he nearly falls over.

"Yeah, I think so."

"You better be. I don't wanna be stuck with Poppy and Lincoln all by myself."

"Yeah, what's going on with them?"

Lucy had noticed something weird between them during their math class, but she wasn't sure if she was just imagining things or not; her mind hasn't been the most trustworthy of sources lately.

"Who knows," Matteo was with a shrugs, "they're in some kind of fight, but neither of them will admit it. It's annoying."

"That's weird."

"Very. I wasn't expecting much from Lincoln, she never tells me anything. But Poppy always does."

"Whatever it is, it must be pretty big."

"Maybe Lincoln will tell you, she seems to really like you."

Lucy feels her stomach flutter, in the same familiar way it does wherever anyone mentions Lincoln. She presses her hands tightly against her stomach to try to get it to stop.

"Oh, uh, I don't know about that."

"I do."

He doesn't say anything else, just takes a big bite out of his sandwich. Lucy feels in over her head every time she interacts with them; this whole having friends thing is more complicated then it had ever seemed before.

"Hey Scout, it's a pretty fancy school you've got here."

Lucy knows Emily is looking for her to correct her - to tell her she's been here before but she just grabs her backpack and flings it over her shoulder to fall in step with Emily. Lucy looks up at Emily when they make a left where they should have taken a right. Emily looks down at her and smiles.

"We're making a quick stop before we go back to Stacie's. Is that okay?"

Lucy just shrugs and continues to follow her lead. They walk up to a large apartment building and stand in front of it for a minute. There's a sign out front that says, in fancy cursive writing, The Park Suites. Lucy tilts her head back and does her best to block out the sun to try to see the top of the building.

"Come on."

Lucy watches Emily talk to the doorman, but doesn't bother to listen to what they are saying before she follows her onto the elevator. When the doors close she is met with her own reflection in the metal and she looks down as quickly as she can; she doesn't want to look at her ragged appearance and be reminded just how tired she is.

They go up twenty six floors before the elevator dings and the doors open. There is a small hallway and then a door that says, 26 PH, on it in fancy silver characters. Emily opens the door and Lucy is truly beginning to wonder who lives here.

"Hey, you made it."

Lucy is surprised to hear her sister's voice. She looks around but doesn't see her yet. The apartment is completely empty, the walls are painted a pristine white that makes Lucy want to squint. Beca and Chloe walk out together from one of the hallways, into the open concept kitchen and living area.

"What do you think, Scout?"

Lucy looks around, completely confused. She looks back at Beca and Chloe, clearly looking for answers.

"Come on, I want to show you something." Beca says, reaching out for Lucy's hand.

Lucy takes it and follows her down the hallway. They pass a large bedroom, a room that looks like a study, another smaller bedroom, and finally they walk into a third bedroom. It's spacious and has three windows letting in plenty of natural light.

"So, here's what I'm thinking," Beca starts, gesturing to one wall, "we can put your desk over here, under that window so you have a night view while you do your homework. We can get you a better mattress and put your bed on this wall, and look at all these built ins, I think there's enough room for all your books."

Beca looks at her expectantly. She was clearly hoping for more of a reaction but Lucy is still feeling a little shellshocked.

"So? This is our new home, what do you think?"

Lucy doesn't say anything. She tries to think of something to say but she just shakes her head and walks out of the room. She breezes past Emily and Chloe and out into the hallway. They both look to Beca, who looks just as confused as they do.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I showed her room and she just walked out."

Emily lifts a hand up to signal for her to stay where she is.

"I'll take her back to Stacie's, you guys finish things up here."

"Thanks, Em." Beca says and Chloe gives her a gentle smile.

Emily leaves, closing the door behind her.

"I thought this would be exciting for her, you know?"

"She'll get there, Bec. She's just going through a lot."

Beca sighs and walks into Chloe's arms, wrapping her own around her and squeezing.

That night at Matteo's, Lucy is sitting on the end of the couch with Poppy next to her and Matteo sprawled out across the other side.

"If she doesn't show up soon, she's gonna miss the beginning." He groans.

"Like she cares." Poppy grumbles, it's the first time Lucy has seen her anything other than bright and bubbly and she does not like it at all.

"Are you ever going to tell us what the fight was about?" Matteo asks, sitting up, legs criss-crossed, clearly looking for all of the details.

"We didn't fight."

"Oh bullshit. You're really not going to tell us?"

Lucy's stomach is starting to hurt at the look on Poppy's face and she wishes Matteo would stop saying "us".

"Teo, just drop it, please."

He clicks his tongue and shakes his head.

"Fine, it's dropped, but just know if she shows up in the middle of the episode and I miss something. I'm blaming you."

"How will I ever live with the guilt?" She asks, sarcastically.

"Do you think it will ever feel normal to have Lucy out of sight?" Beca asks.

She and Chloe are at the new apartment, unpacking some of the boxes, mostly kitchen stuff, seeing as they don't have any furniture. When she asks the question, it doesn't feel heavy or hopeless like it very easily could have. It just sounds inquisitive and it really makes Chloe think.

She unwraps a few plates from the newspaper and puts them into the cabinet before she answers.

"I hope so. She deserves to go out and do things. She deserves to be a kid."

"Yeah, I don't know if she feels it the way we do. I hope she doesn't. Do you think we'll ever feel normal about her doing these things?"

"I don't know. But I guess it doesn't really matter how we feel about it, does it? We knew there would be sacrifices when we took the gig. It looks like our comfort level is one of them."

Beca scrunches up her nose, "Don't love that."

Lucy walks out of the living room and into the kitchen of Matteo's apartment. She stops short, startled to find Lincoln sitting at the island. She isn't doing anything, just sitting all alone with a glass of water in front of her. Lucy thinks, for just a second, about going to get Matteo instead, but before she knows what she's doing, her feet more forward a few steps until she's sure Lincoln can see her in her peripherals. She clears her throat, which finally makes her turn her head, just barely. She knows Lincoln knows she's there but she still doesn't make eye contact.

"Hey Peach."

"Hi, what are you doing out here?"

"Just taking a minute alone before I go in there."

Her voice sounds different. Lucy can't figure out what it is but she doesn't like it.

"Look, Poppy isn't gonna-"

"This isn't about her."

Lucy stops and shuffles her feet. She puts her hands in her back pockets and then back out before she settles on putting them together in front of her.

"Then what is it about?"

"You."

"What do you mean?"

There's a long pause. She isn't sure Lincoln is going to say anything else. She's about to ask again before Lincoln clears her throat and sniffles. Now Lucy knows what is so different about her voice; it's weak.

"My dad is in jail."

Lucy's cheeks immediately feel hot. She pulls her eyebrows together and shakes her head.

"What?"

"He's in jail. They locked him up two years ago."

"I'm really sorry, but what does that have to do with me?"

"He was arrested for assault."

Lucy's lips form an 'O' as she wraps her arms around her waist. She suddenly feels very vulnerable.

"He beat up on my mom, like a lot, for a long time. Then one day he went after me and she got us the hell out of there."

Lucy feels frozen. She knows it took a lot for her to say all that. She walks over, feels her heart pounding in her chest and has a brief thought of hesitation before pushing it aside and wrapping her arms around Lincoln in a tight hug. She expects her to pull away but she doesn't. Instead she wraps her arms around Lucy's waist and squeezes. It's brief, only a couple seconds, before she does pull away and clears her throat. She adjusts her shirt and slumps a little, for the first time making herself seem smaller than Lucy.

"You know all I'm saying is I know how much it messes with you."

"Yeah."

Lucy realizes now why Lincoln has been so weird with her, since the video was released sure, but since the day they met. She sensed in Lucy what she didn't sense in Lincoln until this very moment; a broken spirit. The same brokenness they have in common.

"So it never goes away." Lucy says, taking the stool next to her.

They both look forward, neither one wanting to be the one to initiate eye contact.

"What doesn't?"

"The gross feeling. Well, all of the gross feelings."

Lincoln bites her lip and shakes her head slowly.

"I don't know. Not as far as I can tell."

"Why did you tell me?"

Again, she isn't sure that Lincoln is going to reply until she hears the tiniest intake of breath.

"Because you deserve to know that you're not alone in all of this."

"You came to that conclusion all on your own, huh?" Lucy asks, a small smirk coming to her face.

"Poppy told you."

"She didn't have to, Lincoln. You're not exactly the most forthcoming person. I knew that you wouldn't have probably said anything if-"

"I wanted to, you know?"

This makes Lucy stop talking and the smirk falls from her face. She turns, slowly, on her stool until her knees bump Lincoln's thigh. Lincoln finally turns her head fully and they make eye contact.

"I wanted to tell you, the second you told us that your parents died. I wanted you to know that I knew how it felt to have someone ripped from you like that, and how it makes this hole in your heart that you think you can fill with other things but it never seems to work. I wanted you to know that I get it."

Lincoln takes in a deep breath and it's clear that it's only there to keep her from crying. Lucy reaches over and grabs Lincoln's hand as tight as she can without hurting her.

"And I want you to know that I get it."

Lincoln fights the urge to pull her gaze away. She keeps her eyes on Lucy's deep, thundering grey ones and nods.

"Thank you." Lucy says, earnestly.

"For what?"

Lucy notices now that Lincoln truly doesn't see what she did for her. She doesn't feel like it's enough when in reality it's more than anyone else has been able to do for her since the accident.

"For sacrificing your privacy, which I know means a lot to you. For showing me who you are when you don't even really know me. I promise I'm not going to take this for granted."

"I know. Thanks, for you know."

"I know."

A little later, Beca and Chloe are walking hand in hand to get Lucy. The air is cool, a slight breeze as they walk down the street. Beca takes a deep breath and for the first time since her concussion, she doesn't feel dizzy when she does. She knows soon enough when they walk outside they're going to need coats so for now she enjoys the air on her bare arms, despite the heavy plaster making her sweat underneath it.

They walk inside and tell the doorman who they are there for and he calls up to Matteo's family's penthouse. They wait a few minutes before they hear the elevator ding across the lobby and Lucy steps out. She walks over, quickly, to them and she wraps Beca in a tight hug.

"Hi Lou, you okay?"

When she pulls back she has a smile on her face. An actual, genuine, smile that makes her eyes twinkle just slightly and makes her dimples show. She gives Chloe a hug too and when she pulls back, she gives a content sigh.

"Yeah, are you?"

"Yeah, we are."

Beca isn't sure what changed in the few hours since she saw her sister last, but she's grateful for whatever it is. She listens to her talk about the episode they just watched and told them about Matteo's family and a bunch of other things as they walk home. Lucy leaves out her conversation with Lincoln but it is still on her mind when she lays down in bed an hour or so later.

"She seemed really good tonight." Chloe says, changing into her pajamas and climbing into bed.

"Yeah, she did. I hope that lasts."

"Me too."

Beca flops down on the bed and winces. She keeps forgetting about her head. She settles on her pillow and lets Chloe lean over her to kiss her.

"So what do we do now?"

Beca shrugs, "I have no clue. We wait and see how she is tomorrow, and go from there."

"Ah, the good old one day at a time strategy."

"One day at a time. Its better than nothing i guess, right?"


	25. I've carried this song in my mind

"Their softball team looks pretty good."

Beca says from the kitchen table the next morning. It's one of the few pieces of large furniture they have in their apartment. Beca and Chloe have been avoiding going back to their old place to pack anything because they're afraid of what it will bring up for all of them.

Lucy leans over her shoulder and watches part of the video she has pulled up. It's a clip from last year's championship game. She doesn't recognize many of the players, she assumes they were probably all eighth graders and are in high school now. She does however recognize their first baseman. Her name is Haley Klein. She doesn't know her personally, but this girl, for whatever reason, seems to have taken a strong disliking to Lucy; sending her dirty looks in the hallway and whispering whenever she walks by. Lucy moves over to sit in the chair across from Beca and clasps her hands together on the table. Beca raises an eyebrow at how serious she looks.

"I don't think I want to play softball anymore."

"What? But you love it."

"I guess I do. I did. But you guys keep saying it's time to start trying new things, right? So maybe I could do a new sport."

"Look, it's up to you. I thought you wanted to keep playing softball, but I don't care what you do as long as you love it."

"Even if it's mathletes and you have to come to our matches?"

"Eh, I'll just make Chloe go to those."

Lucy giggles and Beca tosses a pen at her. She slides the catalogue across the table to Lucy and it's opened to the middle, the girls' athletics page, in the middle of the page is the lacrosse team. Lucy feigns indifference and continues to look through but she's already sure of what she wants. It's just a matter of getting her sister to agree.

Chloe shuffles out into the kitchen. She's still in her pajamas and her eyes are cloaked in sleep.

"Good morning." She says, through a stifled yawn.

Lucy gets up and walks over to give her a hug. Chloe sighs, she isn't sure she'll ever get sick of this. She kisses the top of Lucy's head and holds her for a couple seconds before Lucy pulls away and hops up to sit on the counter.

"Did we find a winner?"

"Not yet, but we're making progress." Beca says, as she stands to give Chloe a kiss.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, these meds still have me a little loopy though. They're giving me the weirdest dreams."

"Yeah, you were talking in your sleep last night." Chloe says, the groggy smile that Beca loves comes across her face.

Chloe runs her fingertips over Beca's uninjured arm. Then she moves them up to just under the bruise on her face.

"I'm sure it was entertaining stuff."

"Definitely."

"If she does it again tonight, record it." Lucy chimes in.

Beca laughs and shakes her head, "Shouldn't you be getting ready for school?"

She's met with a shrug.

"I'm going to shower, I don't think my hair can get any greasier."

"Let me know when you're ready and I'll wrap your cast for you."

"Okay, I will."

Beca walks down the hallway.

"Lou, how is school going?"

She realizes that she hasn't asked about school since she's been back. She isn't worried about the academic part. Lucy is as smart as they come and she knows that if she were struggling in any of her classes the teacher would reach out. But she can't help but wonder about everything else; her friends, the other kids, if they're nice or not, and most importantly, if she's happy.

Lucy takes a sip of her orange juice and shrugs again. When it's clear Chloe won't be satisfied with that, she says,

"It's alright."

"Yeah? Are you learning anything cool?"

"Not really."

Chloe decides that direct attention is only going to be a detriment to the conversation so she starts to get things together for breakfast. She reaches up for a mixing bowl and this is when Lucy looks at her again. Even with her back turned she knows she's silently grumbling about how much higher these cabinets are compared to their old apartment.

"What are we having for breakfast?"

The change in subject does not go unnoticed, she just wishes she knew why she was avoiding the topic.

"I was going to make French toast."

"Okay, do you need any help?"

She knows the offer is futile. Chloe always says no, which is the only reason she ever offers.

"I'm alright. Why don't you go finish getting ready for school?"

Lucy nods and walks out of the room. Chloe hears the click of her door closing and her music mixes together with Beca's to make a strangely pleasant mismatched melody.

Chloe takes a second to look around the empty space. She still can't believe, once again, how fast things have happened. Beca's record release is in two days, they have a new apartment, and they are seeming to find some semblance of the domesticity they had before she left. She sighs, it's content, but she still can't feel completely happy; not with all the unknowns still out there.

"Chlo, I'm ready for you."

"Okay, coming."

Beca walks back into the kitchen, hair still wet from the shower. She's in a new pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt but it's the most awake she's looked in days. Lucy is dressed in her uniform, already eating breakfast. Beca takes the seat across from her but bypasses the food to sip some coffee and look at her sister.

"What?" Lucy asks, mouthful of French toast.

Beca thinks about the time when they couldn't get her to eat a single thing. It's strange to her, all the ways things have changed for them in such a short amount of time. She's thankful for most of it, the progress.

"What?" She asks back.

"You're staring at me."

"Sorry." She notices the school catalogue still out on the table. "So did you pick something? It's kind of do or die at this point."

"I think so."

Beca and Chloe both wait for her to continue but she doesn't say anything else.

"What is it?" Beca asks, a small smile playing at her lips.

"Lacrosse."

"No." Beca says immediately and Chloe's head turns quickly toward her.

Beca didn't mean for it to come out like that. She doesn't know what happened to her brain but it was some kind of knee jerk reaction that happened before she could catch it.

"What?"

"Isn't lacrosse dangerous?"

"Not really. Poppy and Lincoln do it."

Somewhere in Beca's brain she can faintly hear the words, 'if they jumped off a bridge would you do it too?' and she wants to die. She doesn't want to be that parent, but she also doesn't want to see Lucy get hurt.

"Do you even know how to play lacrosse?"

"No, but that's why I want to do it. So I can learn."

Chloe puts her hand on Beca's shoulder because she can see how tense she's getting.

"What happened to softball?" She asks.

Lucy sighs and shakes her head.

"You guys told me to try new things and now that I'm trying to do that, you're telling me not to."

"We're happy that you want to try new things but does it have to be something that will get you hurt?"

Lucy stands and paces the kitchen. She feels anger tingling at the bottom of her sternum. She clenches and unclenches her fists, then says,

"I've already been hurt just doing nothing. At least this time it's a choice. If anything does happen to me, it's because of my decisions."

This makes them both stop. She's right.

"Okay, maybe you have earned a few grown-up points there." Beca says, this makes Lucy's head lift up a little bit.

"So I can do it?"

"I don't think so." Beca says.

Lucy looks absolutely crestfallen.

"But, why not?"

She pushes one of the many boxes further down the counter and hops up to sit. Gladly taking some space from her sister and Chloe.

"I was watching at your school the other day, and every other kid in that place is like a full foot taller than you, and I don't want you to get hurt."

"So I can't do it because you're scared? That's not fair."

Beca thinks back to the conversation she and Chloe had the night before and she sighs. She looks at her sister's discouraged expression. Then at her girlfriend's face, looking to her for an answer.

"This is really what you want to do?"

"Yes."

She chews her lip and pretends to think it over even though she knows the answer that's going to fall out of her mouth, whether she wants it to or not. She lets her shoulders slump and speaks through half-gritted teeth.

"Fine. You can try out."

"I feel a 'but' coming."

"But, if you make the team, there will be conditions."

"Such as?" Lucy asks and Beca is struck with just how much she looks like her mother.

"I haven't gotten that far yet."

"While you think on it, I'm gonna go get my backpack."

She happily skips off toward her bedroom. In the mostly empty apartment, her sneakers against the hardwood echo all the way down the hall until Beca hears the click of her door closing.

"Did I just make a huge mistake?" She asks, letting her chin sit in the palm of her hand.

"I don't know, but you made her very happy."

"Yeah."

Chloe walks over and kisses her head.

"I better get her to school."

Once Chloe and Lucy are gone, Beca sits on one of the stools at the island and looks around the apartment. It's the first quiet moment she's had in a couple days and she closes her eyes to truly feel it. Maybe quiet isn't the right word, more like solitary. But her brain doesn't stop whirring; the conversations, and thoughts, and feelings all swish around inside like a washing machine. It's loud and it feels like they're banging against her skull.

It's felt this way since the moment she got the call about her dad and Sheila, but there are moments where it lessens; she wonders if there will be a time when it does stop, where it disappears and she feels like she did when she was in college, or maybe younger. Is this being an adult? Finding moments, between the moments, to finally recognize your thoughts, only to want to shove them back inside their dark corners of your brain, and tell yourself you'll deal with them later?

A chime from her phone disrupts her reverie and she's secretly thankful for it. She takes everything that has fallen out of place in this moment and puts it back where it belongs in her brain. She tells herself that she'll deal with them when life becomes less hectic. Sure, that sounds good.

It's a text from Theo, telling her that everything is set for the release party. She takes a breath and stands up.

"Breathe, Beca. Just take a fucking breath." She whispers.

She breathes, one deep breath, and grabs her laptop to distract herself.

"Do you even know the rules of lacrosse?" Matteo asks Lucy.

They are at their usual table at the far end of the cafeteria. Matteo, as always, has his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and offers her a chip. She shakes her head and eats a cucumber slice instead.

"Not at all. But I figure I can pick it up pretty quickly. That's what I did with softball and I got pretty good at that. Besides, Lincoln and Poppy will be there to help me."

"Poppy sure, I don't know about Lincoln, she gets pretty competitive."

"Why does that not surprise me at all?" She says, in such a deadpan voice, Matteo barely registers it for a full minute before giving a slight chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Lincoln asks from behind them.

"Your face." Matteo shoots back.

Lincoln scoffs.

"Nice, 1994 called, it wants it's joke back."

She walks around the table and takes a seat across from them.

"Amazing, it could reach you all the way back in 1986?"

She empties her brown paper bag and tosses it at him.

"So Peach, Poppy told me you're trying out for the team."

"Oh, uh yeah, I wore Beca down." She says, with an awkward giggle.

"She said you guys are going to the field after school today for a crash course."

"Yeah, it's probably going to go horribly."

"Why didn't you ask me?"

Lucy and Matteo look up at her in unison. She's not looking at them. Instead, she's focused on picking apart her sandwich.

"Oh, uh, I mean, I just didn't think you would want to."

"I would." She picks her head up and her eyes move quickly between the both of them. Even she is surprised at herself. "I mean, if you want me to. Poppy's good and all, but if you really want to learn, I can teach you."

"I told you." Matteo says, out of the side of his mouth. "Competitive."

"Anderson, hey." Beca says, as she opens the door.

She's surprised, to say the least, to see him. He's standing awkwardly, his arms folded over his chest. He takes one away to rub the back of his neck, head cocked to one side.

He just came from work. Beca scans him up and down. He's wearing what he always wears; navy suit, brown dress shoes, carrying a brown leather bag, but something about him looks different. She steps aside and opens the door a little wider.

"Come on in."

"Thanks."

"What's up?"

He looks at her for a second before visibly shaking himself from whatever thought he was having. It's only now, when he's staring at her, that she thinks this is the most casual he's ever seen her look; and it's only a passing thought that maybe she should be embarrassed. She's still in her sweatpants and an old Barden t-shirt that she's pretty sure she stole from Chloe at some point. Her hair is down because having it up in a ponytail hurts too much; it's already an unbrushed mess, even after her shower this morning.

"Uh, Matt wanted me to drop this by."

He pulls out a couple file folders from his bag and hands them over. She doesn't need to ask what they are.

"Oh, it's just the notes from the past few morning meetings." She says, knowing he probably already peeked inside.

"Oh."

"I just figured he would send Theo. I didn't mean for you to have to come all the way over here."

She knows that it could've easily been sent in an email. She also knows this is Matt's not so subtle way to check on her. She's sure that Anderson has strict orders to call him as soon as he leaves.

"Do you want coffee or something?"

"No, it's cool. I should probably go."

"Are you sure?"

He looks around, it seems like she's home alone. It's quiet and there isn't any sign that anyone is around.

"Did your head get knocked that hard?" He says, with a tepid smile.

"What do you mean?"

"You actually want me to stay?"

She shrugs and leads him over to the table.

"Unless you don't want to."

He follows her and takes the seat across from her. She watches his features. His eyes drift around the space but he doesn't move an inch otherwise.

"Just ask it."

"What?" He asks.

She's impressed with his ability to look genuinely confused; then again he was always really good at playing dumb. She doesn't relent, just keeps her glare.

"Fine. Is Chloe back?"

"She is."

Beca isn't sure but it looks like relief, or something extremely close to it, washes over his face, before he clears his throat and adjusts in his seat.

"That's good. And everything is, like, cool between you two?"

"Yeah, it seems to be."

"Oh good. Good."

"Yeah," She scoffs, "it is. Lucy seems to think so too."

"Where is she?"

"School."

"Right. That's good."

Beca fights the laugh bubbling up in her throat at his clear ineptitude in a family setting.

"Chloe went to go get her. They'll be back soon actually."

He nods. This time bypassing saying anything because clearly that hasn't gone great for him in this conversation.

"Look, I never really apologized for the other night at the bar."

"You don't have to."

"Yeah, I do. You were really cool and I just wanted to say sorry and thank you. You didn't have to take care of me like you did."

"All I did was walk you home."

"Still."

"I know you're going through stuff. There are a lot of people that, if they were in your shoes, they'd be doing much worse than drinking a little too much on a week night. And I won't say anything to Chloe. Not that I think it would make much of a difference if I did. You're solid, Beca. We all can see it."

"Well, thanks."

"and I think maybe-"

He drifts off, afraid that he's said a little too much.

"What is it?"

"I think maybe you need to start giving yourself more credit than you do. And stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault."

"Wow. I wasn't expecting to be called out like that today."

"Sorry."

She purses her lips and shakes her head slowly.

"It's fine. Really. I actually think you're right. It's something I'm working on."

The front door swings open and Lucy walks in, quickly, and drops her bag by the door.

"Bec?" Chloe calls out, right on her heels.

"We're in here." Beca calls from the kitchen.

Chloe ducks her head in and looks between Beca and Anderson.

"Oh. Hi." She says, a smile still on her face, but it's not her normal smile, Beca knows this, it's smug.

"Hey Chloe, how are you?"

"I'm good. And you?"

"I'm alright." He says, standing, "I was just dropping some work off for Beca. I'll get out of your way."

"Why don't you stay?" Beca asks, before she knows what she's doing.

She wonders when her mouth got a mind of its own, it hasn't listened to her at all today.

"What?" Anderson asks, genuinely surprised by this.

"Yeah, stay. We're having dinner soon and you can catch me up on everything at work."

"I don't want to intrude."

"Not at all, right babe?" Beca asks Chloe.

She still has that same smile on her face but she nods and starts grabbing dishes and ingredients to make dinner.

"Um, alright."

Beca has become increasingly aware that she has had a wrong read on Anderson for a while now. But right now, in this moment, there's a smile on his face; and she knows she's right about that.

Beca grabs him a beer and grabs a water for herself, still not able to drink. They both sit back down at the table. Beca notices Lucy walk up to, and linger, in the doorway.

"Scout, come here."

Lucy hesitates but takes a seat next to her sister.

"You remember Anderson, right?"

Lucy nods and leans a littler closer to her sister.

"How was school?"

"It was fine."

"And after school? Did Poppy help you get ready for try outs?"

"Yeah, her and Lincoln did."

"What sport?" Anderson asks, taking a swig of his beer.

Lucy waits for Beca to answer the question but it becomes clear quickly that she isn't going to. So she clears her throat and takes the water that Chloe puts in front of her.

"Lacrosse."

"Oh, no way, that was my sport in high school. Played a little in college too."

Beca notices how Lucy's eyes widen. She isn't sure where the spark for this particular sport came from but she has begrudgingly decided to support it. For now.

"What position are you trying out for?"

"My friends say, because I'm small, I should try out for short stick mid."

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Are you fast?"

"Pretty fast, yeah."

"That's good. They can't hit you if they can't catch you."

Beca winces at this. She doesn't even want to think about it anymore. But with her eyes closed she hears the slightly, breathy laugh come from Lucy and she can't help but smile.

The conversation goes like this for a while. Lucy disappears to start her homework, Chloe adds little things to the conversation from her spot at the counter; after declining several offers from both Beca and Anderson to help her. Beca doesn't know where he came from, but it feels like she's just meeting Anderson for the first time; it's a thought that makes her feel both guilty and extremely lucky at the same time.

"Dinner was delicious, Chloe. Thank you."

"Anytime."

"Probably sooner rather than later if Lucy has her say. She's going to talk your ear off every chance she gets now."

"Tell her any questions she has to let me know. I'm happy to help a fellow LAX lover."

Beca's face scrunches up and he lets out a light chuckle.

"Yeah, that sucked. Sorry." He grabs his bag and starts toward the door. "Well, I'll see you Saturday for the big night."

"Yes, you will." Beca nods and holds the door open.

"See you guys."

"Bye Anderson." Chloe says.

"See ya."

Beca closes the door and turns to face Chloe. The same arrogant smile on her face from before dinner.

"What?" Beca groans.

"What did I tell you months ago?"

"To give him a chance. I know, I know, but I swear he wasn't like this a month ago. I think he feels sorry for us."

"Well, feeling sorry is a form of sympathy. So that proves he isn't a, what did you call him?"

"A sociopathic village idiot. But that was one time, and to be fair, he was really annoying that day."

Chloe laughs and Beca joins in. They both fall down onto the couch, wrapped up in each other's arms.

"Today was a good day." Beca says, once the quiet settles.

"It was, wasn't it?"

"It's about time we got one of those. We haven't had enough of them lately."

"Definitely not."

"But I'm glad you were here to have it with me."

Chloe takes Beca's hand and kisses her knuckles.

"Me too, baby."

The next morning, Lucy feels her whole body thrumming with anticipation. She could barely sleep last night, and for the first time in a while it was out of excitement instead of sadness or dread. She is standing at her locker, staring at her books, barely able to focus on what she should be doing.

"Hey Peach."

She turns to Lincoln in the crowded hallway.

"Hey, what's up?" She asks, opening up her locker to grab her books for her first couple classes.

"I brought you this."

Lincoln lifts up a lacrosse stick. The net looks brand new and there is fresh, black tape on the handle.

"For me?"

"Yeah. Coach has extras for the kids that don't have any yet but I figured you should have your own."

Lucy's mouth starts to feel dry, although she can't place why. She swallows, hard, and smiles.

"Thanks."

"Any time."

The first bell rings.

"I should go. I'll see you in bio."

"See ya."

Lucy closes her locker and Matteo is standing there. Lucy has strangely gotten used to it, all of her friends have a tendency to creep up on her.

"That's weird." He says.

"What is?"

"Lincoln is never here for first bell. Ever."

"She was bringing me her old lacrosse stick."

"Ah, there it is."

"There what is?"

He smirks and starts toward Mr. Proctor's classroom.

"There what is, Matteo?"

But she never gets an answer.

"Bec, you okay?" Chloe asks, peeking her head into their bedroom.

Beca is sitting, curled up, in the desk chair. She's facing away from the door. She doesn't answer, doesn't even move.

"Beca?"

Chloe walks in when she hears her sniffling. She spins the chair around, and sits on the end of the bed. Beca wipes her eyes and lets out a humorless laugh.

"What's going on?"

"I just called my mom, to get her flight info, because last time we talked I told her I would pick her up at the airport."

"Okay." Chloe says, knowing that this can't lead anywhere good.

"She told me that she isn't coming."

"You're kidding."

"You would think, right? I guess her new boyfriend won a cruise or something and they leave tonight."

The worst part of all of this, Chloe thinks, is that Beca doesn't even sound surprised, just incredibly and deeply disappointed.

"I don't know what I was thinking. She's never shown up before. Why would she come now? I'm just mad because if I didn't call her, what? Was she just not going to tell me and hope I didn't notice when she didn't show up?"

"I don't know. I'm so sorry, baby. That isn't fair."

Beca wipes one more stray tear before she takes a deep breath and sits up straighter.

"You know what, it doesn't matter. You and Lucy will be there, and that's all I need."

"I wouldn't miss it for anything."

"I know. I never have to wonder if you want what's best for me and for Lucy. Thank you."

"Always."

Beca leans in for a kiss. With their lips still together, a huge smile comes across her face.

"So, I know you're dying with that to-do list. What do we need to do?"

Chloe's smile broadens to match Beca's.

"Well, first things first, wardrobe."

"Of course that's your number one priority." Beca says, rolling her eyes.

"Duh. My baby needs to look hot for her big night."

Chloe playfully swats at her butt and jogs out of the room before Beca can get her back. She follows her down the hallway while their conversation continues.

"Sorry, but the big brick on my arm is going to majorly diminish any hot factor."

"I don't know, I'm kind of digging the cast now." Chloe says, with a giggle.

"Yeah, B. The black is a nice touch. Classy."

Beca turns slowly at the familiar voice. Cynthia Rose is standing near one of the windows. Beca lets out a strange mixture of a gasp and a yell and moves to give her a hug.

"Dude, you're not here right now." She says in misbelief.

"Coulda fooled me."

"I thought you couldn't make it."

"I moved some things around and was able to get a flight early this morning."

Beca stares at her with a smile so big that her face hurts. With all of her friends scheduled to arrive today, it's starting to sink in. This is her reality, and it is just starting to feel real, amidst all of the other things that have felt like an elaborately awful dream sequence.

"I couldn't miss baby B's big day."

Beca looks down with an embarrassed smirk.

"I'm really happy to see you."

"You too."

They move in for another hug and Chloe moves over and wraps her arms around both of them.

"Chlo." Beca groans.

"Shut up. I felt left out."

Later that day, some of the other Bellas have made it to the city but Beca is at Lucy's school. She is standing as far away from the lacrosse field where she can still see. She's wearing a loose sweater that has sleeves large enough to cover her cast. She also has oversized sunglasses that cover most of the bruise on her face. This is only the second time she's been out since the attack. She still feels like she's being watched and she wishes more than anything, for all their sakes, that they would just find Gardner already.

On the field, there is a mixture of girls; some are in school colors, their practice jerseys. Beca notices Poppy and Lincoln as two of them. Others are in regular t-shirts and workout clothes. She can barely see Lucy, but eventually she spots her in her gray and green softball t-shirt from her school in Georgia. For the first time since everything, she thinks about just how different the school aspect of Lucy's life is now. She's finally surrounded by people that match her intellect and she's being recognized as a peer and making friends instead of simply fazing into the background.

All the girls listen while a woman, Beca assumes is the coach, speaks. At the end of whatever she's saying all the girls smack their sticks together and move to a line painted in the grass. For the next hour they run, throw the ball and hit each other. Beca still doesn't see the appeal, until she sees Lucy standing talking to Lincoln. They're just talking, but she still gets a fluttery feeling in her stomach. Lucy laughs and, although Beca can't hear it, she can tell it's real. Lincoln playfully pushes her shoulder. She watches them for a few minutes until they both go their separate ways.

Beca is worried that Lucy will be mad when she sees her there but to her surprise she is met with a beaming smile. Lucy is dripping in sweat, carrying all of her stuff, and walking like she's already sore; Beca wouldn't be surprised if she was.

"Hey Scout, you looked pretty good out there."

"Would you know if I didn't?"

"Nope. The coach seemed to think you did though."

Lucy shrugs. She doesn't want to get her hopes up. They walk for a few minutes with nothing but the small huffs of breath from Lucy between them. Beca pushes her hair behind her ear and side glances at her sister.

"I have a surprise for you at home."

"What is it?"

"Well, if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Lucy pushes the door to their apartment open. She still isn't used to the idea of living here. She knows it will probably take a while. Chloe is on the couch. She wanted to stop Beca from going, but she knew it was pointless. She also didn't want to embarrass Lucy by going too, so she decided to stay home and wait for them instead. She's been pretending to read a magazine for the past few minutes but she hasn't retained any of it; she has too many thoughts floating around her head.

"Hey, how'd it go?"

"Pretty good." Beca says, happily, and this does wonders to ease Chloe's racing mind.

"Yeah? That's great, Lou."

"We'll see. We're supposed to hear tomorrow night."

"So tomorrow's a big day for both of us."

"I don't think they really compare, Bec."

Lucy takes a seat on one of the wooden stools at the island.

"So what's my surprise?"

"Oh right. I know it's around here somewhere." Beca says, like she's placating a small child. "Maybe go check your room."

Lucy drops her stuff and basically runs to her room. She pushes the door open and stops. She looks around a little, confused, because nothing seems out of place or any different. She steps further inside.

Suddenly, a figure pops out from behind the door and wraps their arms around her waist. She lets out a loud shriek before she is quickly put down.

"Sorry, half pint."

Lucy's heart is pounding out of her chest and parts of her vision disappear in black spots. She gulps a breath and turns slowly to see who it is. At the same time Beca and Chloe rush into the room.

"Dude, you've been in our house five minutes and you've already given Lucy a heart attack." Beca says.

Amy looks at all of them. She has a guilty expression on her face. Lucy moves in between her sister and Chloe.

"That's my bad. Yeah, that's on me." Amy puts her hands up and her voice gets higher.

Lucy always got a kick out of Amy, even if she was totally baffled by her most of the time.

"I thought Jess and Ashley were supposed to be with you." Beca says.

Lucy finally gets her heartbeat back to normal and is able to listen to the conversation.

"They're on their way. Flo too."

"This is so exciting." Chloe says.

"Yeah, I'll finally be able to get that ten bucks Flo owes me."

Chloe and Beca both roll their eyes.

"Aren't you like, rich?" Lucy asks.

"It's not polite to talk about money." Amy says, "Beca, teach this girl some manners."

Amy extends her arms to pull Lucy into a real hug but pulls back immediately.

"Gross, you're all sweaty."

Lucy laughs, out loud, a genuine laugh this time, and forces a hug on her anyway.

Jess, Ashley, Flo, Amy, Cynthia Rose, Emily, and Stacie all come over for dinner. Most of them have to sit on the floor but no one seems to mind. This is the first time they've all been together since the funeral and it's safe to say they are all much happier to see each other in this circumstance.

"It stinks Aubrey doesn't come in until tomorrow morning." Ashley says.

"I know, but she's busy birthing babies." Stacie says, with a shrug.

Since Emily and Stacie walked in, Lucy has barely left their sides. Beca knows Lucy misses Stacie's place; it was a safe haven for her after the whole Gardner incident, but it's important for them to start forming a real life together. Lucy doesn't say much throughout the night but every time Beca and Chloe look over at her she has a look of contentment, and even sometimes amusement, on her face.

The night goes by fast. Too fast. They only get two more of these and tomorrow is going to be taken up by the release party so Beca and Chloe, and all of the Bellas, try to revel in it as long as they can. They all stay until almost one in the morning before going back to their respective hotels, apartments, and Air BnB's, to rest for the night.

Beca wakes up the next morning, much earlier than normal for a Saturday. The feeling hanging in the air is indescribable. It's an odd mixture of anxiousness, excitement, and contentment. Each one is pulling her to its most extreme right out of sleep. For a moment she feels paralyzed, until she notices Chloe standing, leaning against the doorframe to the attached bathroom. She has a bright smile on her face. The anxiousness and excitement fall away and leaves her with nothing but contentment.

"Good morning, been there long?"

Chloe chuckles, "I'd say just long enough to be creepy."

"Mhm." Beca reaches her arms out and Chloe crawls onto the bed, right into them.

"How are you feeling?"

For the first time in a while when Chloe asks this, Beca knows that she's referring to the events of the day, not her injuries.

"Oddly calm."

"Yeah?"

"For the moment. Give me a few minutes that will definitely change."

Chloe lets out a breathy laugh and kisses Beca's shoulder, left bare by her tank top.

"I'm so proud of you." Chloe adjusts herself to look into Beca's eyes. "You've fought so hard for so long to be able to do what you love. And then your whole world changed, but you managed to keep hold of your dream and make it come true. You're incredible."

Beca's cheeks get hot and she fights the urge to hide her face against Chloe, or make a joke, because even she needs to admit that she has fought hard and she is doing everything in her power to convince herself that she deserves this.

"Thank you, baby. I owe a lot of it to you. I couldn't have ever done any of this without you."

"I don't believe you."

"No? Well I do. There's no way I'd be working for Khaled's label without the Bellas, and I have the strangest memory of a redhead with major boundary issues busting into my shower, demanding I audition."

"Yeah, well."

"And I definitely wouldn't be able to take care of Lucy and work full time if you weren't here. So, thank you."

There's a moment of silence before Chloe looks up from her lap and says,

"It never took much convincing to make me believe in you, but thank you for proving me right."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, the record hasn't even come out yet."

"Everyone is going to love it."

Before Beca can say anything else, the door is pushed open. Lucy walks in looking like she was just ripped from sleep.

"Good morning, Scout."

She doesn't say anything. She climbs onto the bed, forcing the two of them apart. She lays her head on Chloe's lap and lets her run her fingers through her hair. It's fallen almost completely out of its ponytail and falls onto her back and shoulders.

"Are you okay?"

"Mhm. Sore."

"Yeah, I don't doubt that." Beca says, "You went hard last night."

Chloe wishes she had been there. She knows it was for the best and has already promised herself that, if Lucy makes the team, she will be at every game.

"I think we have some Icy-Hot somewhere."

Lucy burrows deeper into Chloe and looks like she could go right back to sleep. Chloe revels in these moments. She knows Lucy isn't related to her by blood, or by anything really, but she would do anything for this girl; she supposes that's more related than some biological families feel. She's thankful she gets to be around her, even if the way it happen was horrible.

Beca watches the two of them. She always hated how big days like these make her so sappy, but she stops, for this quiet moment, to wonder how she got so damn lucky. They let Lucy doze on and off for another forty-five minutes. They don't have to be anywhere for a while and they know once the day truly starts it's going to be long and hectic and completely exhausting. They've both had experience with these kinds of things, but Lucy hasn't, and they don't know how it's going to go.

Beca steps out of their bathroom dressed in her outfit for the event that night. Lucy is sitting on the bed, watching the stylist do Chloe's hair and makeup. She doesn't understand why they need some lady to come in and do it when they can just do it themselves, but she seems nice enough, and she is making Chloe look even more beautiful than normal, so she just sits and watches. She lifts her chin from the palm of her hand when the bathroom door opens.

"Baby, you look gorgeous." Chloe says, immediately, almost like a knee jerk reaction but they all know it's genuine.

"Woah, you don't even look like you." Lucy says.

"Gee, thanks."

"No, you know what I mean. You look fancy."

Beca smiles, it's smug but also happier than Lucy can remember her being at any recent point in time. Beca looks down at her deep red dress and back up to Lucy.

"Yeah? And what about you, are you going in your jammies?" She asks, tapping her sister on the nose.

"I'm going, I'm going."

Beca hasn't actually seen the outfit that Chloe picked out for her. After the whole Gardner ordeal, they decided to just order something online and hope for the best.

"Alright, Chloe you're all set." Hilary, Beca's go-to stylist says, holding a hand mirror up to Chloe's face.

She gives a polite smile and thanks her, graciously, before standing and going to change.

"Are you nervous about tonight?" Hilary asks, beginning to pack up her stuff.

"LIke you wouldn't believe."

"You're going to be fantastic."

"Thanks."

"And out of all the people I work on, you're one of my favorites."

Beca scoffs and they both share a laugh.

"I'm serious. It couldn't be happening to a better person. So, just make sure you have some fun tonight."

"I will. Thank you."

Hilary leaves. Beca paces back and forth across the length of their bedroom. She slaps her phone against the heel of her hand, if only to have something to focus on. Lucy comes bounding back into the room, fully dressed now. Beca looks her over and has to hold back her tears. Chloe has gotten her a pantsuit, much like the ones Beca usually wears; although Beca has opted for a dress tonight. Lucy's suit is a velvet maroon jacket with black pants and black Oxford shoes. Hilary did her hair in a high ponytail, her curls cascaded down onto her back. She looks much older than twelve and Beca has to quell the feeling of anxiousness about the future. It's too much for her to think about right now.

"So what do you think?"

"You look great, Scout."

"You don't think I look like a magician?"

Beca laughs and shakes her head. Chloe opens the bathroom door and steps out in a stunning black dress.

"We clean up good, don't we?" She says.

"Hell yeah." Beca replies

"We should go before we're late." Chloe says, looking at the clock.

"Oh, yeah, we're definitely already late." Beca says.

The event is at some banquet hall a few blocks down and the drive takes longer than it probably would have to just walk there, but Beca and Chloe are both in heels. Lucy taps her knee nervously through the entire ride and keeps her gaze out the window. She still doesn't like to be in cars but with all of the traffic they can't pick up any real speed. She's more anxious about the events of the night. She has no idea what to expect.

"You ready for this, baby?" Chloe asks, once they are finally outside the doors of the hall.

"Only one way to find out." Beca replies.

She takes Chloe's hand in one of hers and Lucy's in the other. When they walk in, everyone stops their conversation and claps. Lucy watches Beca. She knows this is not her kind of thing. She can see all of her limbs tense and notices how they start to move differently. Lucy's eyes wander around the room, looking for someone, anyone, that she recognizes. After a few more seconds of scanning she finds the table that must be for the people Beca works with. Matt and Anderson are there, but she doesn't know any of the others.

Beca lets go of her hand so she can shake the hand of some guy that she seems to know, but the interaction is far from informal. As they move further into the room, Lucy finds the table with all of the Bellas. She taps Chloe and points to them, her face clearly asking the question that she won't let her voice say. She's afraid to speak in this space.

"Go ahead, but stay with Emily until we come back, alright?"

She nods and rushes over to them. Emily stands to give her a hug.

"Scout, you look beautiful."

"Thank you, so do you."

There is a steady hum of conversation throughout the room. It's not as loud as Lucy thinks it should be for the amount of people in the room; then again the only thing she has to compare it to is a high school cafeteria. She watches her sister maneuver through the room, making conversation with people, smiling and laughing. She seems to be in her element. Lucy has only ever really thought of Beca as her big sister. She never really seemed like a grown up; she takes care of her, sure, and has a career, someone she loves, but it never clicked until she saw her in a room of some of the most adult looking people she's ever seen and they are looking at Beca as an equal.

"Lucy?"

She looks over at Stacie, who is looking at her expectantly.

"Sorry, what?"

"This is pretty cool, huh?"

She nods. None of the Bellas know how to talk to her. They never had to worry before because when she was little she didn't understand much of what they said anyway, and as she got older, Beca was always right there to guide the conversation. But now, there's a lull and no one knows what to do. Stacie starts telling work stories and they eventually loosen into pleasant conversation.

A little while later, Chloe comes over and taps Lucy on the shoulder.

"You ready to go to our table?"

"We aren't sitting here?"

"No, we're sitting with Beca."

That should have been obvious, but Lucy doesn't want to leave her little bubble of comfort. Chloe pulls her to her feet and leads her over to their table at the front of the room. She sits in between Beca and Chloe and tires to make herself a little smaller. Chloe absentmindedly draws circles on her back while she talks to Matt. Beca has her head turned the other way, talking to someone standing behind her. When she walks away, she turns her head back and whispers into Lucy's ear.

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

Beca pulls her head back and smirks when she sees the half smile on Lucy's face.

"Yeah, I think so. How do I look?"

"Like a natural."

"Thanks for lying."

They are interrupted by a voice on the speakers throughout the room. Matt is up on stage, tapping the microphone, and blinking in the spotlight.

"Hello everyone, tonight it is my honor to welcome a very good friend of mine. Someone who has worked tirelessly for me, someone who has made our label's artists sound incredible, and has made an amazing impact on day-to-day operations. Tonight, it is her turn to be recognized, not only for all of the stuff she's done for us, but for the work she's done for herself. I know none of you have heard this record yet, but I have, many times, and I can honestly say it is one I will never tire of. It holds so much truth and heart. It is a true gift. So please help me welcome Beca Mitchell to the stage."

Beca walks onto the stage and gives Matt a hug. He whispers something to her and she smiles and nods. She takes a deep breath, one that lifts her chest and shoulders, and steps up to the microphone.

"Thank you so much. There are so many thoughts racing through my head right now, but the biggest one is that I probably should have had Matt write my speech for me."

This gets a laugh and she seems to loosen up a little bit.

"I started on this particular record after a USO tour with my college a cappella group. That was only a little over a year ago but it feels so much longer. This year has brought much, much more than I ever could have imagined, and as a result this record is not at all the same as it was when I started on it; barely recognizable actually.

As most of you probably know, I lost my father and step-mother earlier this year. My little sister, Lucy, came to live with my girlfriend and I. That's when I realized something so important; something that I had somehow missed. We don't have the time we think we do. We aren't given as much as we think we deserve, and we surely don't know what's going to happen today, let alone tomorrow. All we can do is fill our present with as much love, feeling, fun, and fullness as we can. That's what this record is about.

This record is a mixture of covers and original songs. These are the words that have gotten me through this year; the lyrics that have encouraged me to be who I am now. It's a reflection of what we've lost and what we're on our way to finding."

She turns her gaze to Lucy and Chloe.

"It's a love letter to our new life."

She moves over to the grand piano set up in the center of the stage.

"I struggled for a while about which song I would sing tonight. The title song seemed the most appropriate, it's also the one that means the most to me, but I was hesitant. It didn't take me very long to write, but it took me a while to add it to the album because I was scared."

Beca says this and watches her sister's reaction. She lifts her eyebrows, lips slightly parted, she looks genuinely surprised.

"I was scared about what releasing these thoughts into the world meant for me. But then I realized that it could mean a lot for someone else. This song is a reminder to myself, and to anyone else that needs it, that when you're faced with a situation that you're convinced you'll never survive, there's always something to hang on for; whether that's a promise you made, or a person, or sometimes they are one in the same. This is my song, Days of Plenty."

The whole room falls eerily silent. Lucy can hear Beca's inhale from her seat. She watches her eyelashes bounce with a couple blinks before her fingers ghost over the keys. One more deep breath and she presses the first chord.

 _This world is big,_

 _A whole lot smaller now._

 _We never expected this,_

 _We'll make it through somehow._

The piano is sad and slow. Beca's voice is the same. It pulls at Lucy's heart and she feels tears prick at her eyes.

 _The words we never heard,_

 _The laughs we never had,_

 _The things we never learned,_

 _We can't get them back now._

 _No, we can't get them back now._

 _But here's my promise,_

 _I'm saying it out loud,_

 _For the first time._

 _I hope I make you proud._

There's a slight quiver in Beca's voice but when she sings the chorus it comes back strong and sturdy.

 _I promise, to say the words_

 _That sound the most like you._

 _I promise, to make her laugh,_

 _Dry her tears like you used to._

 _I promise to fill her days,_

 _all her days of plenty._

 _The things you'll never see,_

 _The things you'll never feel._

 _Who she'll be._

 _I wish this wasn't real._

 _We can't get you back now._

 _No, you're not coming back now._

 _But here's my promise,_

 _I'm saying it out loud,_

 _For the first time._

 _I hope I make you proud._

 _I promise to wake my blind eyes_

 _Try my hardest to follow through._

 _I promise, to rise,_

 _The way you'd want me to._

 _I promise to fill her days,_

 _all her days of plenty_

Before the final verse, Beca's eyes lock with Lucy's that are now dampened underneath. She wipes them with the back of her hand and watches her sister.

 _The world is crazy._

 _A little harder now._

 _We never expected it._

 _We'll make it through, I know that now._

 _We'll live all our days,_

 _our days of plenty._

As soon as the final notes dissipate, the room erupts into applause. Beca sits at the piano for a moment, no doubt her knees are too wobbly to stand. Lucy jumps out of her seat and runs over to Beca as she takes the final step off of the stage. Beca wraps her tightly in her arms and takes a deep breath. She can hear Lucy giggling, a wet, teary giggle.

And just like that, the thing that Beca had been terrified of for over a year is done. It's out in the world and she can breathe a little easier. Because the rest doesn't matter; the record sales, the reviews, public reception, none of it matters. She did this for herself, and for Lucy and Chloe, and they've survived it; and based on recent events, she's learned that's sometimes all you can do.

 **A/N: I can't believe this is chapter 25, that's bananas! I hope you guys enjoyed. Please follow me on my tumblr and instagram, I am Lastchildofkrypton on both! Also, let me know if you caught the (not so) subtle reference to another Kendrick movie in this. And as always, thank you for reading!**


	26. simple ain't worth singing about

Chloe flips the television off and grabs her phone when it rings. She taps the screen to accept the FaceTime call that she's been waiting on all day. Beca's face comes across the screen and she smiles big.

"Hi beautiful." Beca says, quietly.

"Hi baby, how are you?"

"I'm okay. How about you?"

Chloe shrugs and pulls the blanket that's wrapped around her shoulders tighter.

"Alright. I miss you."

"I know, I miss you guys too."

"Long day today? You look tired."

Just hearing Chloe's voice helps Beca relax.

"Yeah, I'm ready to come home."

She doesn't want to admit it, Chloe can tell. But she's glad to hear her say it, because she feels the same way.

"Three weeks is a long time."

"You're not kidding. I have my last two interviews tomorrow and then I'm on a flight tomorrow night. Where's Scout?"

"Sleeping. It's eleven o'clock here, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

Beca scoffs and looks down before looking right back into the camera and scratching her temple.

"You want me to wake her up, don't you?"

"Could you?"

Chloe lets out a little giggle, "Sure. But you owe me big time."

"Oh come on."

"Come on what? You're not the one that has to deal with the grumpiness in the morning."

"Alright that's fair, but this is the last time."

"Yeah, yeah, you're lucky I love you."

"The luckiest."

Chloe gets up and walks down the hall to Lucy's bedroom. The door is slightly ajar, so she pushes it open fully and allows the hallway light to wash into the room, right onto Lucy's face. She doesn't stir. Chloe walks over and flips the bedside table light on and climbs into the bed. She kisses Lucy's head and shakes her gently. Beca's heart aches at the gentle way Chloe deals with her. She wishes she were there, instead of 3,000 miles away.

"Wake up, sweet girl."

She's met with a dramatic groan and a pathetic swat in her direction. Beca laughs and Chloe speaks again, just as quietly as before.

"There's someone that wants to say goodnight."

"She missed it. I'm asleep." Lucy says, muffled into Chloe's shirt.

"Alright, I guess I'll just go to sleep here, all alone, in this hotel room. Alone." Beca says.

"Give me the stupid phone."

Lucy takes the phone and holds it in front of her face, from her spot, now nuzzled into Chloe's side. Her eyes are barely open and she stifles a yawn.

"This is the last time, Lou."

"That's what you said a week ago."

"I know. But I mean it this time. We're not extending the trip anymore. I have a flight tomorrow night, I'll be home by the time you wake up on Wednesday."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

Beca knows she isn't actually mad. It's not her fault the press tour has kept her away longer than expected; and she knows Lucy knows that too.

"I miss you." Beca says.

"Miss you too."

"Alright kid, go back to sleep. I just wanted to hear your voices and say I love you both."

"Love you too, Bec." Chloe says.

"Love you." Lucy says, already almost asleep again.

Chloe takes the phone and blows a kiss at the screen.

"We'll see you soon."

"Yes you will. Goodnight."

"Sleep tight, baby."

Chloe ends the call and lays down further against the pillows, making Lucy adjust and let out one last final sigh before falling asleep again.

The next morning Chloe wakes up with a crick in her neck. Lucy is still sound asleep against her. She's been sleeping a little more than usual, but she figures it's probably just from all the exercise she's getting during lacrosse. She slips out of the room to start some coffee and flip on the news for a little bit before it's time for Lucy to get up and ready for school.

With Beca being away on her press tour, she has been given the full experience of being a parent. She has been left to deal with Lucy's mood swings, help her with homework, and bring her everywhere she needs to go. That's on top of doing all the daily tasks that need to be done at home, including shop for the new apartment; which, much to Chloe's chagrin, is still not fully furnished.

She takes a breath and breathes in the scent of her coffee. A couple minutes later, Lucy comes shuffling out into the kitchen looking bleary eyed and very tired.

"Good morning." Chloe says, with a smirk.

"I love Beca, but if she's gonna call every time she's away, she needs to start calling earlier. She's messing with my REM cycle."

Chloe lets out a laugh this time and she knows Lucy wants to, but she doesn't.

"She's a real pest, isn't she?"

"I can't wait for her to be back." Lucy answers, earnestly, into the refrigerator while searching for the orange juice.

"I know."

* * *

"Beca, good news," Theo starts, walking into the dressing room where she is getting ready for, what feels like, the millionth morning show interview in three weeks, "the label is thrilled with the press the album's been getting and they want to extend the press tour overseas."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

She stands from the chair and adjusts her blazer.

"They want you in London tomorrow night to start a new leg of the tour."

"London? Theo, I can't go to London."

"Beca, come on, you had to have known that this was a possibility." He argues.

"I have to get home."

"What you need to do is promote this album; that is, if there is going to be a second one."

Theo doesn't wait for a response, he walks out of the room and answers his phone that was ringing for nearly their entire conversation. She sighs and looks into the mirror. She promised Chloe and Lucy she would be home tomorrow morning. She wants nothing more than to be with them, sleeping in her own bed, but she also doesn't want to mess any of this up. She wants a second album.

* * *

"Alright, so plans for Saturday night?" Matteo asks, running up to Lucy, Lincoln and Poppy in the hallway.

"What's Saturday night?" Lucy asks.

"You're kidding, right? It's Halloween!" He nearly shouts.

Lucy scoffs and looks to her other two friends but sobers when she realizes they don't look at all bemused.

"Oh, I guess I forgot. I don't know, I was probably going to stay home."

"No way," Poppy starts, "we always do something on Halloween."

"Even you?" Lucy asks Lincoln.

"It's the best holiday of the year."

Needless to say, this shocks Lucy, but she brushes it off quickly when Matteo says,

"We've really been slacking this year though. We don't even know what we're dressing up as."

"I already made my suggestion." Lincoln says, smugly.

"We're not doing that." Matteo says.

"What was it?" Lucy asks.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

Lucy doesn't ask again, because he is most likely right. She shuts her locker and falls in step with them. She hikes the strap of her lacrosse bag up higher on her shoulder.

"Any ideas, Lou?" Poppy asks.

It still feels so odd to have someone other than her family use a nickname in conversation. She shrugs and thinks on it for a second.

"We could be superheroes."

"A little unoriginal, don't you think?" Matteo asks.

Lincoln elbows him and he gives a whispered "Ow".

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"We'll keep brainstorming. But if we don't go now, we're going to be late for practice." Poppy says and pulls Lucy toward the locker room.

Chloe walks up to the field to pick Lucy up after practice. She leans on the chain link fence and watches while she runs up and down the field. She can hear some of the girls yelling and some are laughing and it makes her heart feel a little lighter. She catches glimpses of Lucy being a normal kid here and there; it's becoming a much more common thing but still not as much as it should be.

She gets lost in her thoughts. She's looking in the direction of the field but her eyes have gone kind of blurry while she wonders what other parents think about when they watch their kids play sports or perform in a play. She wonders when she started to think about Lucy as her kid so completely.

"Chloe, coach is putting me in for the first time tomorrow." Lucy says, running up to her after practice.

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, she said since I've been working so hard she's going to try it out."

"That's amazing."

They go home and Lucy starts on her homework while Chloe makes dinner. It's become natural, this quiet coexistence. Every day is very much like the last. Chloe handles things at home while Lucy is at school, she picks her up from practice and they have a calm night in together. As much as Chloe wants Beca back, she doesn't want to disrupt the normalcy they've managed to find amongst the chaos of their lives.

At the dinner table, Lucy sips her water and pushes her food around. It hasn't been much of an issue lately, but some nights, the ones where she's too much in her head, she still has a hard time getting anything in her stomach.

"Matteo, Lincoln, and Poppy were wondering if I could go trick or treating with them on Saturday."

"By yourselves?" Chloe asks, with a raised eyebrow.

"Matteo's older brothers are going to take us. Matteo said they don't really want to but their mom is making them, and that they know the places that give out the best candy."

Chloe scoffs, she remembers the days where her parents would make her older brothers take her and her little brother out on Halloween; some things truly stand the tests of time.

"I'll have to talk to Matteo's mom first, and check with Beca, but I don't have a problem with it."

"Okay, cool."

"What are you dressing up as? We need to find you a costume."

Before Lucy can answer, Chloe's phone rings. Lucy's stomach flutters with excitement but quickly settles when she sees Jessica's name come across the screen. Chloe puts her hand on it,

"I'll call her back later."

"That's alright, take it. I'm done anyway and have a ton of homework to finish."

She picks up her plate and clears it into the garbage before putting it into the sink. She hears Chloe answer the call and immediately start talking a mile a minute, excited about something, before she closes her bedroom door to finish her work.

Chloe is sitting in bed, a little later, when her phone rings. She answers the call, it's a lot earlier than usual which makes her worry a little.

"Hi baby."

"Hey Chlo."

"What's wrong?"

Beca lets out a little chuckle and it makes Chloe's heart skip, "Why do you automatically assume something's wrong?"

"Because you should be on your way to the airport."

"How do you know I'm not?"

"Are you?"

There's a pause.

"No."

"What's wrong?"

Chloe turns the television off and sits back against her pillows.

"They want you to extend again, don't they?" She asks, when Beca doesn't answer right away.

"They want me to go to Europe. For three more weeks."

Now it's Chloe's turn not to answer right away.

"Chlo?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm here. Europe, huh?"

"I know I can't go, it's just-"

"Why can't you go?"

She can hear Beca breathe deep and something move that sounds like a plastic bag or maybe it's just static.

"I need to get back home to you and Lucy."

"We're fine. We can manage for a couple more weeks. If this is important for your record to do well, then we can deal with it."

"Lucy's going to be so mad at me."

"She'll get over it. She might be mad at first, but she's so proud of you, she'll realize what it's all for."

"It's just not fair. You're there with her all alone."

"I knew what I was signing up for, babe. I'm telling you right now, go."

She can still practically hear the apprehension in Beca's thoughts. She knows the look that's on her face; the sympathetic stare, her eyebrows pulled together and her cheeks rosy with held breath.

"I know you want to go."

"Of course I want to go."

"Then you need to go. Because you can deal with Lucy being a little mad at you but I don't think you could ever live with the regret of not doing something that could benefit your career like this."

There's a long pause before she hears Beca say,

"I need to hear it one more time, Chlo."

Chloe knows that she needs to be told something several times before it manages to break through the thoughts of self-doubt and guilt. It's something she's known about her since they first became friends, and something she truly began to understand when they started dating; it's only become more apparent since the accident. She's about to tell her again when her bedroom door is pushed open and Lucy appears just inside the doorway.

"Hi Lou," Chloe says, so that Beca knows she's there.

"Is that Beca?"

Beca can hear her voice, although it's a bit muffled from the distance, it sounds lighter than it usually does. Her heart hurts because she knows she's about to ruin it.

"It is. Come over here for a second." Chloe taps Beca's empty side and Lucy hops up. "Bec, can you switch over to FaceTime?"

"Mhm."

A second later, Beca's face appears on the screen and she is still completely done up from her interviews earlier in the day.

"Hi Scout."

"Hi, guess what." Lucy says before her sister gets the chance to start talking and she isn't able to share her news.

"What?"

Chloe watches Beca chew on her bottom lip and she knows it's killing her.

"Coach is putting me in the game tomorrow. She said because I've been working so hard at practice, and I've shown so much improvement, that I can play."

Beca's face falls and she looks like she's about to cry.

"And it's at four so you'll be able to make it, right? Cause your flight gets in in the morning. Isn't that perfect?"

Chloe is almost certain that she catches a single tear drip down her cheek, but the quality of the video isn't great so she can't be completely sure.

"That's amazing. But listen."

Lucy slumps next to Chloe and she knows what's about to happen.

"You won't be here." It isn't a question.

"They want me in Europe. I have a flight to London that leaves in about two hours."

Lucy, slowly, nods her head. She bites her lower lip, much like Beca had been doing only a few minutes before. She sniffs and stiffens her jaw.

"I'm so sorry, Lou. I know I said I would be home but they need me, you know?"

"Can't do a press tour without the artist. I get it."

"I'm sorry."

"I get it. Have a safe flight and I'll talk to you when you get to London or wherever."

Before Beca can say anything else Lucy basically tosses the phone at Chloe and leaves the room.

"She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you. She's just a little hurt."

"That's worse."

Chloe sighs and looks into Beca's face, wishing she could kiss her right now, run her thumb over her cheek and tell her, to her face, that everything will be okay. Instead, she settles for a gentle reminder.

"You're doing this for a reason. She'll get that at some point."

"Yeah."

"And Beca," She waits until Beca looks back into the camera, "I am so incredibly proud of you."

"Thank you."

This time Chloe knows for sure that a couple tears drip down Beca's cheeks.

"Have a safe flight and let me know when you land."

"I will. And you better tape that entire game."

"Every second."

Beca nods and swallows thickly.

"I love you. So much."

"Love you more."

Chloe kisses her hand twice and blows a kiss before hanging up the call and sitting back into her pillows, letting out a huff.

The next morning, Lucy is at her locker. She is shoving books inside when one falls to the floor with a loud slap. She sighs heavily before bending down to pick it up.

"What's wrong with you?" Lincoln asks, coming over and leaning against the wall.

Lucy looks at her and fights the urge to roll her eyes. She gets the book in her locker and finds the one she needs before slamming her locker closed.

"Seriously, what's going on?"

"Beca was supposed to be coming back today."

"And now she's not?"

"She has to go to Europe for like three weeks."

"That sucks."

Lincoln doesn't sound at all empathetic but Lucy can tell by the twinge of her eyebrow that she is. She nods her head and grits her teeth.

"Yeah, it really does."

"But we've got the best distraction. Halloween."

"What is it with you guys and Halloween?"

"Horror movies, cool costumes, free candy, what isn't to like?"

"Hard to beat that logic." Lucy says, only half serious. "But I don't think I'm gonna go."

"What? Chloe said you couldn't?"

"No, she's fine with it." Lucy says, pushing a piece of hair out of her face. "I just don't feel much like being around a ton of people or-"

"Having fun?"

Lincoln gives a smirk and Lucy hates that she's right. She nods and shrugs one shoulder.

"Well, I think you're wrong. But it's up to you."

Lincoln pushes her shoulder with her own before giving a little wave and continuing down the hallway. Lucy watches her until she disappears behind a group of kids.

* * *

Lucy wipes the sweat from just above her eyes and laughs when Lincoln comes over and hits her on the shoulder. The final whistle just blew and she can't believe she played as well as she did, or that she even played at all. And she especially can't believe they won.

"Good game, Peach. Keep playing like that and you might become a starter."

"Doubtful, but thanks."

"Me and Pop are going to the library to do some homework. Do you wanna come?"

"No thanks, I have dinner with Chloe and Stacie tonight."

"Your sister still isn't back?" Poppy asks, coming over to join the conversation.

"Uh, no, not yet." She answers, simply.

She hadn't had the chance to tell Poppy about the tour extension and she doesn't want to get too deep into the subject and risk breaking down into tears.

She walks over and grabs her bag from the sidelines and walks, head down, over to the bleachers to hopefully find Chloe.

"Nice game, number 9."

Lucy turns slowly at the familiar voice behind her. A few yards away, her sister is standing, with her arms crossed over her chest. Lucy can't move; she's in such shock. But when Beca pushes her sunglasses up on top of her head and smiles, it breaks whatever trance she's in and she drops her stuff before running over to hug her.

"You're here."

"You think I would miss this?"

"I thought you were in London."

"I hear it's overrated."

Lucy squeezes her a little tighter and hears her laugh under her breath. After another minute, Lucy lets go and she pulls back and just stares at her sister's face.

"I can't believe you're home."

"No place I'd rather be, kid."

Before they can walk away, Lucy hears her name being called.

"Lucy, wait up!"

She turns and Poppy is jogging toward them.

"Hey Beca, welcome home."

"Thanks Poppy. Good job out there." She says, gesturing to the field.

"Thanks," She turns her attention back to Lucy, "me and Lincoln are having a sleepover tonight, do you wanna come? You know, after your dinner and everything."

Lucy's eyes widen. It may not be noticeable to the untrained eye but Beca picks up on it right away.

"Oh uh, well my sister just got back and-"

"No, I totally get it." She says, "Maybe another time."

"Definitely."

She walks away, leaving Beca and Lucy alone again.

"You didn't have to say no just because I'm back."

"I didn't."

Beca lifts an eyebrow, "Didn't you?"

"No, I just didn't really wanna go."

"Why not?"

Lucy goes quiet. She watches the ground as she continues to walk.

"I just didn't."

"Have you ever had a sleepover before?"

Another pause.

"Lou?"

"No, okay? I've never been to a sleepover and I don't think I want to."

Beca bites her bottom lip and nods slowly, even though Lucy isn't looking at her.

"It's okay to be nervous about stuff like that."

"No it's not."

"Of course it is. Anything new can be scary."

Lucy hikes her bag up higher and it rustles against her uniform shirt. She grips the strap tighter in her fist and sighs.

"It's not like it's anything hard. Kids have sleepovers when they're like five."

"But you didn't, and that's okay. I'm proud of you."

Lucy scoffs. But when Beca doesn't laugh or make a joke she looks up at her.

"You knew yourself well enough to know that it's not something you're ready for. You didn't push yourself. That was very mature."

"I chickened out."

"That's not how I see it."

Lucy's stomach gurgles. She missed her sister so much. She had almost forgotten over the past few weeks just how special Beca makes her feel. She looks at her like an equal and not just her annoying little sister and having her back makes her feel almost whole again; almost.

When they make it to the fence, Chloe is standing there with Bella in her arms. She's bouncing her back and forth to make her laugh.

"Hi Chlo."

"Hi sweet girl, I'm so proud of you, you did amazing. I think, although if I'm honest, I don't really understand the rules of this game."

She gives her a side hug, careful not to drop the baby. Lucy laughs and follows them both home.

The next couple days go by smoothly. Chloe and Lucy continue on their normal schedule and Beca takes a day at home before going back to work. Thursday night rolls around and Lucy comes home, rushes into her bedroom and starts rummaging through her closet. Beca follows her into the room and watches for a minute in amusement before clearing her throat.

"What are you looking for, Scout?"

"I need a costume for Halloween."

"And you're just realizing this now?"

Lucy picks her head up and looks back at her sister with a glare.

"If you're not going to help, you can leave."

Beca lifts her hands up in surrender and leaves the room. She still has a smirk on her face as she enters the kitchen.

"What's up with her?"

"She's looking for a Halloween costume."

"Oh, so she decided to go with her friends after all? She's been going back and forth about it all week."

"For the moment she seems pretty determined."

Chloe nods and continues to work on dinner.

"You okay?" Beca asks.

"Mhm, just a little tired."

Beca has noticed a change in Chloe's demeanor since she's returned home. She's been quieter than usual but she can't quite figure out what it is. She hasn't brought it up yet because she knows neither of them have the energy for a fight; especially one they don't need to have.

By the time Saturday comes around, Lucy has decided she will be going out with her friends. She has refused help with her costume from both Chloe and her sister. She, Lincoln, Poppy, and Matteo are all in Matteo's bedroom getting ready.

"This was a great idea, Lou." Poppy says.

"Yeah, a spin on a classic." Matteo agrees.

"Alright, are we ready?"

They all nod and leave his room for the kitchen. Matteo's mother is at the counter, on her laptop. Lucy has become much more comfortable at Matteo's house, thanks to the weekly tv sessions.

"Mama, what do you think?" Matteo practically shouts.

"Wow, look at you guys. What are you supposed to be?"

"We're superhero versions of historic figures." Poppy says. "It was Lucy's idea."

"Lincoln is Amelia Earhart. Poppy is Jane Goodall. Lucy is Joan of Arc, and I am John Wayne."

Matteo's mother looks rather impressed and they all take it as a compliment.

"Where are Cash and Felix?" He asks.

"They were finishing getting ready, they should be down any second."

She can barely finish her sentence before Felix, Matteo's oldest brother, jumps out at them and scares them. He's dressed up as Freddy Krueger and Cash, Matteo's second eldest brother, is dressed as Jason Vorhees. Poppy lets out a little yelp and immediately looks embarrassed. Lincoln punches Felix in the arm and he makes a noise very similar to Poppy's which makes them all laugh.

"So, you know the drill, you are to stay within a five block radius and be home by 9 o'clock. If you're going to be late, call me. Don't be late."

They all nod like obedient soldiers before bidding their goodbyes and leaving the building.

"What building should we go to first?" Matteo asks but both of his brothers stop walking right in front of him making them all stop.

"Oh, we're not going trick or treating." Cash says.

"We're not?" Poppy asks, thoroughly confused.

"No way," Felix starts, "we heard about this awesome haunted house. We're going there."

"A couple guys are school told me they went last year and some kid got so scared he actually threw up." Cash adds.

"Cool, where is it?" Lincoln asks.

"Near Washington Square Park."

"Dude, no way." Matteo says, "Mom will kill us if she finds out where we were."

"That's why no one is gonna tell her. Right?"

Lucy's stomach starts to hurt. She's not a good liar. She thinks about bailing when they all start toward the subway but she keeps her mouth shut and follows along because she knows they wouldn't make her do anything that would get her into any actual trouble; at least she doesn't think they would.

* * *

"I can't believe we haven't had one trick or treater." Chloe whines, plopping down on the couch next to Beca.

"Babe, we live in the penthouse. No one can even get up here without a keycard."

"Then why did I buy all this candy?" She asks, gesturing to the overflowing bowl.

"I told you not to."

Chloe sighs, "And it's so quiet without Lucy here."

"You want me to groan and slam some doors or something?"

Beca smirks and looks out of the corner of her eye at Chloe.

"You know, this is the first time we've been alone in the new place."

"What about when we unpacked all of this stuff?"

"Okay, the first time we've been alone in this place with a bed."

Chloe scoffs but when she catches the look in Beca's eye she feels her knees go shaky and her arms nearly go numb. She licks her bottom lip before pulling it back with her teeth. Beca stands and extends one hand out to help her up.

"That big old cast isn't going to, um, inhibit you?"

Beca turns once they're in the bedroom and pushes Chloe back onto the mattress. She climbs on top of her and shakes her head. Her hair flows from side to side and then falls like a curtain around them when Beca leans down to kiss her.

"Nothing can get in your way when you've got the skills that I have."

Chloe lets out a hearty laugh but she also knows, somewhere deep down, that it's true. She pulls Beca into one more deep kiss before rolling them over.

* * *

When they walk up the stairs from the subway, Felix has his phone out tracking one of his friends locations while they rest of the group blindly follows.

"It's this way."

Cash grabs the phone from him and Felix swipes trying to take it back.

"It's that way, idiot."

"What?"

They begin to argue about which direction they need to head in and Lucy looks around. She's never been to this part of the city. In fact she's never been past Canal Street.

"Dude, this shit's in Tribeca."

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't look up the address first?"

They continue to banter back and forth as they continue to walk. Another block or so down and Lucy stops in her tracks. Lincoln who had only been about half a step behind her walks right into her and nearly takes her down.

"What the hell, Peach?"

When she isn't met with a bumbling apology she gets a little concerned. The whole group stops and turns but her gaze stays on the same spot.

"What is it?" Poppy asks.

"It's, um," She clears her throat, "it's Gardner."


End file.
